How do you react to death?

[Brittomart]

My mom just called and said a church member just died. I was expecting this call because she's been in the hospital for awhile, just not this soon. I knew the woman (she was young, 39), and I even went with her and her family (her parents are the sweetest people in the entire world) to one of her doctor's appointments because the hospital is on my campus, and since I knew the directions, I went with them.. Jesus, now to think about it, that was her birthday. Shit, her last birthday.

I'm so sad. Like, really really sad, but I was more sad when I found out that my brother's fiancee had a miscarriage. When I get news like this, at first I feel literally, like, nothing, but then it'll hit me out of nowhere, and then I'll feel it.

[Jammies]

That's the shock, Britt. I go numb at first too, then grieve later. And like LG, I do everything in my power to cry only in private.

[RandomAnthony]

I'm sorry to hear of this, Britt.

I haven't dealt with much death, believe it or not. I've only been to two funerals in my entire life.

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

Yep, the shock. It usually takes anywhere from a few days to a couple weeks for grieving to kick in.

[Natalie]

I think it depends on the circumstances . If you know the deceased or have some similarities it might have a bigger impact. Also whether it was a long illness or unexpected .

[Aynge]

When I was a kid I used to be terrified of dying in my sleep for some reason. I got over that. I mean, the older you get the more you realize that death is just another stage of life.

But I still can't do funerals. I cannot be around a dead body.

[Félix]

And yet a hundred years ago in rural areas it was still common for families to take care of preparation and burial, with funerals/wakes being held in the "parlor."

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

I got used to going to funerals at a young age. Open caskets, closed caskets. I've never been to a young person's/child's funeral. That would be hard.

[Sally, la reina]

This freaks me out because I just kind of went through a family member's death. My cousin - younger than Sweeter's parents.

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

Larry wrote: "And yet a hundred years ago in rural areas it was still common for families to take care of preparation and burial, with funerals/wakes being held in the "parlor.""

Right. I think that was mentally and emotionally healthier because it helped people transition. I remember reading an article a few years ago about a woman whose young daughter died and she insisted that her daughter's body be allowed to lie in her living room for several days. She had those few extra days to be with her daughter before burying her forever and she said it helped her a lot.

[Félix]

The first one I attended was for a guy in my home town when I was 17. He died in a high speed slam against a big tree car accident. I was in the car that was following his, and saw all of the aftermath. They brought his father to scene, which I'll never understand. It was all pretty gut wrenching, to say the least.

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

I guess some parents need to know how it happened and need to see the scene. Not knowing might be worse.

[Félix]

Maybe -- I just will never forget seeing his reaction to seeing what he saw that night. The car hit the tree broadside, and actually split into two pieces. I couldn't imagine wanting to see my son that way.

[Phil]

The first funeral I attended was for a great-grandparent. I didn't go to the viewing.

In high school I went to the funeral of a friend from the band. He had been washing his car and decided to use an electric buffer on it. Note to others: Don't stand barefoot in a puddle while operating electric equipment.

For his (Tracy Davis, trombone/baritone) funeral, I joined the viewing line. He looked very peaceful. I just about "lost it" when one of his family members leaned into the casket and kissed him.

[Janice]

I react in different ways to death depending on my relationship with that person, and the cause of death. Some are definitely more traumatic than others.

I've experienced death quite a bit. My best friend died when we were 10 years old. My parents weren't going to let me go to the funeral, but Karen's parents requested that I be there. I sat in the second pew from the front, right behind my father who was a pallbearer. I didn't dare cry at the funeral. I walked home (a block) alone and cried all the way there.

The other death that had a huge impact was when my husband's best friend committed suicide. When my husband got off the phone and told me what had happened, I had no reaction. He might have told me what the weather was like. I was numb for several days before I could grasp what had happened. Then, the pain was unbearable.

[janine]

Larry wrote: "And yet a hundred years ago in rural areas it was still common for families to take care of preparation and burial, with funerals/wakes being held in the "parlor.""

when my neighbour died there was a wake in their barn. i didn't go, because i didn't feel like taking the bus specifically to go there, but i hear it was a nice place to be, and with nice music too. as a kid my parents wouldn't allow me to go to funerals, which i later told them was one of the reasons i was screwed up as a teenager. i guess i need closure (even though i really dislike that word), and a moment to cry.

[Scout]

I'm with you, Barb. I want to be cremated. No services except for whatever someone wants to say before pouring my ashes into the Apalachicola River. Drinks, dinner, and hotel rooms are on me. Hope everyone has a good time.