The Official Mortal Instruments Roleplay discussion
RANDOM CHAT!
message 52:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
Oh, and I've gotten used to my split being irritating and rude, so I can't even yell at her anymore....................................excuse me, while I go yell at her..............

I suppose I can be happy.
But then I'll go home and cry my eyes out from stress. And anger. Irritation at being insulted.
Then I'll go write about it.
And then usually it all starts to ebb away a bit.
The outgoing part kinda depends on my mood.
Sometimes, I don't give a crap who I meet or who meets me.
Other times, well, yeah. I'll meet someone new.
But you are really, really timid Cissi. Why, by the way?
And I don't know where you got the cool part from. I'm an uber nerd who happens to have friends because Lena has friends. Lol.
The people on my soccer team hate my guts.
But hey, go easy on yourself, you're not always depressed!
You've just been a little depressed recently, that's all.
I've seen you genuinely laughing! You can be happy and smiley and energetic and hyper just as much as you can't be depressed and irritated.
You're like... Half and half.
And dude, don't even try. EVERYBODY LOVES YOU! You know everybody loves you! Except for Mrs. Glare. But she hates me too, so it's okay.
:)
...I just read that over. Are we really that strange?
message 56:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
Yes, we are really that strange...and more so, sometimes. :)
And Yeah, I'm super timid. And shy. And you're way cool to me, so there! Lena is the only reason I have friends, as well, except for you, and I'm always depressed. I plaster smiles that look so incredibly genuine. That's why I'm a good actress. And there are, admittedly, rare times when I genuinely laugh, but it hurts to cry until the most ungodly hours of the morning, even when you can't sleep regardless, then wake up, wash your face, and carry on. But that's what happens, every day.
The worst part isn't even that. The very worst part is that I have no clue, nor a single reason, to be depressed. I have no hint as to why I feel so horrible, all the time. And part may be that I'm tired, but it's as if I always feel this uneasy sense, a tug of dread that threatens to split me in half. It keeps pulling, pulling, never stops, and eventually it'll have to give. Sometimes, when the pain is too much, the depression spills over, and my facade, brilliantly planned and executed, fall under, but then, in a moment, I'm back on my feet, striving for achievement once again.
And I hate it. It makes me feel even more depressed. Everyone around me thinks I'm nice, happy, calm, smart, but I'm really just scared, scarred, hurting, dumb, numb. I hate it. I hate myself sometimes, when I'm crying, as I tell myself to pull it together, to be strong, but then I realize my feelings towards even myself, and then I'm disgusted, going full around the circle and coming back to hating myself for feeling so of me.
It's so confusing, and irritating, and irrational, but there's nothing I can do about it.
Do you know how it feels, to be in the worst kind of pain, every day, and have to pretend that you are alright, that there's nothing wrong. Do you know what it's like when people get mad at you, when they don't even know half of what you're going through? To not know why you feel that way?
I do. And you really, and trust me on this one at least, don't want to.
And Yeah, I'm super timid. And shy. And you're way cool to me, so there! Lena is the only reason I have friends, as well, except for you, and I'm always depressed. I plaster smiles that look so incredibly genuine. That's why I'm a good actress. And there are, admittedly, rare times when I genuinely laugh, but it hurts to cry until the most ungodly hours of the morning, even when you can't sleep regardless, then wake up, wash your face, and carry on. But that's what happens, every day.
The worst part isn't even that. The very worst part is that I have no clue, nor a single reason, to be depressed. I have no hint as to why I feel so horrible, all the time. And part may be that I'm tired, but it's as if I always feel this uneasy sense, a tug of dread that threatens to split me in half. It keeps pulling, pulling, never stops, and eventually it'll have to give. Sometimes, when the pain is too much, the depression spills over, and my facade, brilliantly planned and executed, fall under, but then, in a moment, I'm back on my feet, striving for achievement once again.
And I hate it. It makes me feel even more depressed. Everyone around me thinks I'm nice, happy, calm, smart, but I'm really just scared, scarred, hurting, dumb, numb. I hate it. I hate myself sometimes, when I'm crying, as I tell myself to pull it together, to be strong, but then I realize my feelings towards even myself, and then I'm disgusted, going full around the circle and coming back to hating myself for feeling so of me.
It's so confusing, and irritating, and irrational, but there's nothing I can do about it.
Do you know how it feels, to be in the worst kind of pain, every day, and have to pretend that you are alright, that there's nothing wrong. Do you know what it's like when people get mad at you, when they don't even know half of what you're going through? To not know why you feel that way?
I do. And you really, and trust me on this one at least, don't want to.
message 57:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
message 59:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
message 61:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)

And Yeah, I'm super timid. And shy. And you're way cool to me, so there! Lena is the only reason I have friends, as well, except for you..."
well, have you considered therapy? or have you heard of clinical depression? Although, i think reading about it will make you more depressed to the point that you start thinking you have it..:D
but i guess if you can talk to some doc about it..maybe you need help :D
just saying...
message 64:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
:) Thanks...I don't want therapy...it makes me feel weak....I'll get over it eventually...I hope....Especially when I have good friends.......

But Cissi can handle it herself, I know she can. She's kinda... Different.
In other words, help from someone saying "Okay, darling, so have you been on a drug addiction? Alcohol? Did you recently have a break-up?" would only make her scream. Loud.
message 67:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
*Snorts*
Yeah. And punch the sexist b****** in the face before sitting gently back down and smoothing out my blue jeans, telling him calmly to proceed as his nose bleeds viciously and his eye turns a delightful black and blue.
....
See, that makes me feel better, too. Just the mental image....imagine how good the act would feel!
....
Alright, Imma stop while I'm ahead, now I just sound insane.
;)
Yeah. And punch the sexist b****** in the face before sitting gently back down and smoothing out my blue jeans, telling him calmly to proceed as his nose bleeds viciously and his eye turns a delightful black and blue.
....
See, that makes me feel better, too. Just the mental image....imagine how good the act would feel!
....
Alright, Imma stop while I'm ahead, now I just sound insane.
;)

The consequence? A strait jacket.
I've always wanted to wear a strait jacket.
EVERYBODY WINS!
message 69:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)

(Jango: delightfully, harmlessly insane.)
I'm half-Jango because, well, what's your definition of harmless?
message 71:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(last edited Feb 10, 2011 05:41AM)
(new)
Haha, me, too.
...
But then again, after a while, anything that either says about ourselves has become implied as what the other means as well..
...
Did that make sense?
...
But then again, after a while, anything that either says about ourselves has become implied as what the other means as well..
...
Did that make sense?
message 73:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
message 75:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
No, lol, I changed it...that time....but there was only one, in my defense!
Oh, and Campbell, in case you didn't see it on the roleplay, call me, please.
Oh, and Campbell, in case you didn't see it on the roleplay, call me, please.

I look up at the clock, and what does it say?
1017.
message 77:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
message 80:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)

message 82:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
message 84:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
message 86:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)

But I just posted, so... :D
message 89:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
message 91:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
Hi! Haven't talked to you in forever!
It's going alright. Big poetry reading/coffee house/ book shop that me and Campbell organized/ are in tomorrow night, so we're workin on that a lot.
How're you?
It's going alright. Big poetry reading/coffee house/ book shop that me and Campbell organized/ are in tomorrow night, so we're workin on that a lot.
How're you?

message 95:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
message 97:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
message 99:
by
Cissi "Invisible but Invincible", I am a dancing, singing, acting, writing ninja.
(new)
.....
OH, right, the same person. We just mean that Campbell and I are exactly the same in mind and dignity, and anything awesome like that that you can think of. :)