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Budding poets....
message 251:
by
Rahul Nath
(new)
Dec 18, 2012 03:00AM
And Hindi is the only language where every object-living and non living has a gender I guess. I still make mistakes in ka and ki :D
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Akanksha aKa Axe wrote: "Trapped!I bang on the iron bars, Let me out!
I’m not made for this cage,
Give me my freedom, I shout.
But there is no one to hear me for miles,
I’m all alone…trapped and bound.
My frantic gaze loo..."
nice one!!
@Rathiyanka- that was very good!@Aakruti- Don't remind me, I still remember my dreadful "saprasang vyakhyas" I wrote in my exams :D Terrible!!
@Akanksha aKa Axethe "Trapped" poem is no doubt very good, i mean the structure and inner meaning of the poem, but i think in some places better words could have been used. i think you should improve upon this poem and try 2 get it published in some poetry magazine or you could later, when you have written enough poems of this caliber, you can try 2 get it published by a reputed publisher. All the best.
@Bodhisatta Thanks for the review....will definitely look into it although I usually don't change my poems after I've written them. I write when I feel like writing and then when it's done, it just is. All my poems are on my blog and I'd love to get your take on them. Please do let me know what you thinkthebibliophilewrites.blogspot.in
Aakruti wrote: "@Rahul - And I remember my terrible marks :D"You're not alone :D
@Akanksha aKa AxeAkanksha, having rigid ideas doesn't help always. sometimes you ought to be a bit flexible. there is always a scope for improvement and you can still make your poem more beautiful and effectual. But then, this is my personal opinion. at the end of the day, you are the master of your own work, so what you want to do with it, solely rests in your hands. yes, i will surely read your other poems and give my comments. take care.
@Bodhisatta see it's not about not being flexible..it's just that I write only when inspirations strikes and deliberately making changes even if that makes the poem beautiful seems as if I'm spoiling the underlying emotion..but I guess it's high time I started thinking about improving :)Thanks a tonne :)
LifelessAlone – I’ve never been so alone,
And yet I don’t wish to see another human being again.
Lost inside myself, I can’t see the path,
But I don’t even wish to go back – not ever.
It’s dark - frighteningly so,
But after what I’ve endured the dark is the least of the horrors.
I’ve embraced the dark coz light holds just pain,
Continuous and never-ending, an endless torrent.
I feel the groping hands, but I push the memory away,
No – I do not wish to think,
The memory – I wish it would go away,
The leering faces, those bumbling hands,
Block it out, it’s worse than the pain,
The pain I can bear – the broken body too,
But what do I do about my soul,
That is ravaged beyond description,
There is no healing, no hope,
I’m not myself, they took away my identity,
I just watched helplessly,
From somewhere inside me,
I watched as they abused a body again and again,
Kicked, scratched and made it bleed,
But the body lay lifeless,
Coz of course, that was me and I was not in there anymore,
That was me and yet not me,
Who am I? I’ve lost my identity.
I’m lost and I can’t see,
But I don’t want to see ever again,
That scene plays in my mind endlessly,
I wait for the release, but death does not come,
Why oh why? Am I to be tormented so?
Kill me, do not keep me alive – because I’m already dead,
And it would be a mercy.
I may be completely wrong here but is this connected to the Delhi case in any way? Just got a similar vibe from it.Disturbing and leaves an impression, which means it is great :)
kind of...I heard of it and wrote this...
Yeah I kind of got the same feeling reading this as Aakruti.
Thanks...:) there's another one I wrote on the same theme..I'll just post it. Actually a friend of mine says that I always tend to write things that are not very optimistic so I tried to write an optimistic poem on the same theme.
Resilient!Pain – worse than any I’ve experienced before,
Hurt – Not just the body but the soul,
And yet I’m not going to give in,
I know they can’t win as long as I hold on,
I won’t let them have the satisfaction they seek.
They can break my body and use it as they will,
But my soul? They’ll never be able to break it.
I won’t let them have the pleasure of hearing me scream,
I’ll hold on – right till the end,
And then when they think they’ve won,
I’ll be there – my unbroken spirit,
A blatant reminder of their defeat.
At school, Barbaric is just a nameWhen children play the guise game;
Acts of fighting & killing was a disguise,
What was to come of age to brutalise;
Who was at 'fault' is the question,
I fail to answer and have no suggestion;
Either to change myself or the world,
The world of men who fail to herald
The change within, will always lurk behind,
Fearful of this Hippocratic Society;
In the name of that invisible almighty,
Here, we slaughter the woman's modesty
Men, barter their fragile and weak soul
To all the known vices of devil;
Smeared with Animal instincts for lust,
They grade their own hearts to the dust;
I Pray...!
Sathya
Akanksha aKa Axe wrote: "Trapped!I bang on the iron bars, Let me out!
I’m not made for this cage,
Give me my freedom, I shout.
But there is no one to hear me for miles,
I’m all alone…trapped and bound.
My frantic gaze loo..."
Very thoughtful writing Akanksha..good work!
Sathya wrote: "At school, Barbaric is just a nameWhen children play the guise game;
Acts of fighting & killing was a disguise,
What was to come of age to brutalise;
Who was at 'fault' is the question,
I fail to ..."
Great poem...makes you think who actually is at fault..
कितना प्यारा वो सपना था , साथ हमेशा वो अपना था ,खुश थे थोड़ी कमी में भी , चुभ सके वो इतनी बड़ी न थी,
हिम्मत थी विश्वास था और आस आम से आगे की ,
हासिल करने अपने सपने चुपचाप वो निकल पड़ी थी।।
क्या चोट तुम्हारे ऊपर की जो तुम ऐसे भड़क गए,
इंसान की दहशत के बदतर प्रतिमान क्यों ऐसे ऐसे गढ़ गए,
'मौत' से बढ़कर मार दिया , चीरा नहीं सिर्फ 'चीर' को ,
नोंच ड़ाला उस चीर में ढके हुए ज़मीर को ........
घोल कर पी गए तुम मेरी पवित्रता की तस्वीर को ,
छोड़ा नहीं तोड़ डाला हैवानिअत की हर ज़ंजीर को .......
नपुंसक पुरुष के पुरुषार्थ का पुरस्कार आज तुम ले जाओ,
मेरे नंगे बदन की खोरोंचो से आत्मा अपनी खोज लाओ ,
कर ज़र्जर नश्वर शरीर , यह सोचने की भूल न करना ,
अस्तित्व असीमित है मेरा ,उससे विशाल मेरी अस्मिता ....
न तुम्हारी पहुँच से , सोच से भी कोसों दूर ,
तुम्हारे दुस्साहस को देखो चिढ़ा रहा मेरा गुरुर!!!!
सिर्फ सुहावना इतिहास नहीं ,उज्जवल मेरा भविष्य भी है,
'नर ' कहलाने की चेतनता तनिक भी तुममे 'दृश्य ' न है ,
क्षमा भूल दंड के भी नाकाबिल मैंने माना ,
प्रथम प्रयास नहीं यह , दुहराव प्रयसों का सदियों पुराना .......
अस्वीकार आज अधिपत्य किया नर नरपति दोनों का,
हर बंधन संकीर्ण हुआ , में अब अपनी भाग्य विधाता !!!
लो त्याग दिया तुमसे निर्मित हर ऒछि देहेली को,
मानव से भरी धरा में मानवता जहाँ पहेली हो ..........
hindi!!! i donno how many people here can read it but i felt like writing this poem in hindi ws more apt
Excellent Divya. Very well written and conveyed indeed. Your command on Hindi is brilliant :)I think they have finally nabbed all 6 culprits now.
thanks Rahul :)I belong to the hindi belt so no surprise :)
untill unless they aren't punished it is of no use.
@Divya That was brilliant...I think Hindi is a language in which conveying deep rooted sentiments become much easier..my mom writes in Hindi,,,n I love her writing! Your's is very inspiring...
Believe in SpooksI,
Will die.
With me shall,
You be faded dull.
The blood in your river,
Or the bile in your liver
Will cease to enter the book,
Of life, of the great One, so look.
No matter how you are
You're attire is fetched far
What our eyes see is you
In white, yet not black and blue.
You seem to hover about
One look builds a screaming shout
The muffled squeak of fright
Is enough to give goosebumps alright,
So, mr. Bones,
Please wear some flesh,
Our fear is reaching the cones
You scare us to the mesh
I can hear the lub and dub
If all my alls the pump
Even a lion looks better than a cub
We believe in spooks; make it go away, the lump
Now I know what fear is
What it feels to be scared.
It's none that I ever want 'tis
None that leaves crater seen over scars
But deep down leaves a mark
Leaves the proof of belief
That somewhere, somewhere you and yours lark
But for now you're just a dried leaf...
"""Alone – I’ve never been so alone,
And yet I don’t wish to see another human being again.
Lost inside myself, I can’t see the path,
But I don’t even wish to go back – not ever.
It’s dark - frighteningly so,
But after what I’ve endured the dark is the least of the horrors.
I’ve embraced the dark coz light holds just pain,
Continuous and never-ending, an endless torrent.
I feel the groping hands, but I push the memory away,
No – I do not wish to think,
The memory – I wish it would go away,
The leering faces, those bumbling hands,
Block it out, it’s worse than the pain,
The pain I can bear – the broken body too,
But what do I do about my soul,
That is ravaged beyond description,
There is no healing, no hope,
I’m not myself, they took away my identity,
I just watched helplessly,
From somewhere inside me,
I watched as they abused a body again and again,
Kicked, scratched and made it bleed,
But the body lay lifeless,
Coz of course, that was me and I was not in there anymore,
That was me and yet not me,
Who am I? I’ve lost my identity.
I’m lost and I can’t see,
But I don’t want to see ever again,
That scene plays in my mind endlessly,
I wait for the release, but death does not come,
Why oh why? Am I to be tormented so?
Kill me, do not keep me alive – because I’m already dead,
And it would be a mercy.
"""""
This is good and passionate may be you should also attempt to bringing out the softer side in you through ur words..,
Akanksha, I am blown away with your peoms especially the ones with the theme as violation. They are really expressive and meaningful. Keep up the good work!
I wonder how come I never saw this thread. Anyway, here's one of mine.
TOGETHER WE STANDTime when turned bleak
Oaths sworn to upkeep
Greater good prevailed over
Ending tyranny forever
The Three Musketeers rose
Hand in hand, unopposed
Each on horseback
Rode to battle unafraid.
Will to fight back
Earned them respect
Separated, they were small
Together they stood tall
'All for One' whispered
No mortal they feared
Doomed, the knights reared!
For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of poetry, this particular format is called an ACROSTIC. In an acrostic poetry, each and every alphabet in the poem TITLE becomes the first alphabet of the succeeding line. For eg. in this poem titled TOGETHER WE STAND, the first line of the poem will start with T, the second line with O, the third with G and so on.
i'm a retired poet but if i still were one, i would have been happy to avoid the three Ds in my works- the direct, the dulcet and the didactic.
I know what acrostic is and it's the easiest was to begin and write a poem...
Nightmares!Waking up in middle of night,
breathless, thoughtless,
have I been dead for long?
chills running up and down the spine,
my heart racing beyond imagination,
what did i do?
opening my eyes.. i look around,
notice reality and see nothing wrong,
yet something has happened to me,
and I am afraid to fall asleep again,
scared of the nightmares,
that render me helpless,
also fearing the sleepless nights,
crying out for peace,
or a slice of happiness,
to cure me of my inability to speak,
and express my thoughts and feelings,
stuck inside,
the tears flow,
invisible to all,
and I am afraid to sleep again,
and yet fearing the sleepless nights.
Aakruti wrote: "Thanks :) here it is:ZINDAGI
Anjane se safar pe
Nikal padi hai zindagi
Puchna chaha bohot kuch
Par sab raaz rakhe hai zindagi
Aazad jo udna chahu kabhi
Toh baandh leti zindagi
Aur band kr liya ..."
This was too beautiful aakruti!!
Keep writing and posting.
cheers :)
Hi everyone, i am a beginner too like many others here.This is one of my poems.
Hope u all like it. Constructive criticism welcome.
First Kiss
T'was a beautiful sunkissed evening,
Embraced by the rain.
A distant view of the rainbow,
Through the hazy window pane.
There she was in front of me,
Dressed to perfection.
She killed me with those eyes,
But her smile was my resurrection.
She looked like an angel,
As she sat next to me.
Lost for words, I was,
Coz she was all I could see.
She looked into my eyes,
With a shy yet delirious gaze.
A passion in her eyes,
coupled with a fiery blaze.
Slowly our hands met,
And formed an unbreakable link,
Our heartbeats were pounding,
Perfectly in sync.
As we inched closer,
The world drifted away.
Time came to a standstill,
On that mesmerizing day.
As our lips became one,
I felt everything around me swirl.
Even with my closed eyes,
I could see her beauty unfurl.
I'm left with no words,
To express my feelings that eve.
My first kiss that possessed my soul,
And will take an eternity to leave.
Oh my hands quiver as I type,Something quite polemical, am I about to write?
Uncertain, unsure, nervous and anxious,
Should I not stop before I commit this travesty, this horrendous crime?!
I tread cautiously over each noun I write,
And check my adjectives – are they not too derogatory, should I take out the bite?
I fumble over my verbs and settle for the most banal and trite,
Oh yes, my hands quiver as I type.
Is thee watching my each step,
With thy bloodshot eyes and accusatory fingers?
Would I be locked, burnt or just taunted with vicious jibes?
Oh this uncertainty, it makes my hands quiver as I type.
Can’t they not handle a frank bird’s twitter?
Or read a face that mirrors an honest book?
Is it really blasphemy, when all we do is to add 2 and 2 to get 4?
Yes, my hands do quiver as I type.
What is art if not free?
Would you shackle the painter and break his brush?
All I know is to play with words, should I give that up too?
As I commit this sordid crime, my hands quiver as I type.
Sixty-five cycles of winters ago,
A nation fought, it was a summer of discontent.
For this very freedom, in the monsoon’s thunderous might,
But still today, my hands quiver as I type.
But why live in fear, why just not shut the shop?
Why walk in the line of fire, when you can bundle yourself up in a cocoon?
Vismay, between a rock and a hard place you are stuck,
Give up, or for eternity your hands will quiver as you type…
when i cried, you wiped my tears,when i smiled, you smiled with me,
when i fell, you held me near,
O my mother, you were world to me.
You understood my deepest fear,
when you slept at night with me,
O my mother you were world to me.
You were there to make me learn,
When I would walk and I would eat,
You would sit watching me,
When I would cry in the sleep ,
O my mother you were world to me,
now i lay awake at night,
holding your quilt to me so tight,
come and wipe my tears now,
hold me, kiss me, tell me,
'my dear, everythings gonna be alright'
i miss your touch, i miss your hug,
i miss everything you did with me,
O my mother, you were world to me.
@Augusti, Wow.. nice one... Don't we have a like button for posts :(
Thxxx ... Its a dedication to my mom :)
Vivin wrote: "Hi everyone, i am a beginner too like many others here.This is one of my poems.
Hope u all like it. Constructive criticism welcome.
First Kiss
T'was a beautiful sunkissed evening,
Embraced by t..."
Beautiful expression vivin ! post your other works too
Augusti wrote: "when i cried, you wiped my tears,when i smiled, you smiled with me,
when i fell, you held me near,
O my mother, you were world to me.
You understood my deepest fear,
when you slept at night with ..."
Very sentimental and expressive of your mother...nicely written Augusti.
Akanksha aKa Axe wrote: "Okay i had nothing to do today(bunked college yet again) and i was sitting in the park when this one just came to me.THE DOVE
The soaring sky beheld a sight,
Far above any mortal's might.
In the b..."
The Dove emerges from the burning lane,
You would not have thought it has happened again,
Some of her feathers have a little dust,
But this time she won't give up her thirst.
Here am I here back again,With the chilling breezes of loving brain,
I am sure this time I won't let you down,
Some freaking people have jumping ground,
They will jump until they know the truth,
I am no one to give the Ruth.
Vinay wrote: "Akanksha aKa Axe wrote: "Okay i had nothing to do today(bunked college yet again) and i was sitting in the park when this one just came to me.THE DOVE
The soaring sky beheld a sight,
Far above any..."
Awesome! I and a friend of mine used to play this game where we would take turns writing the next four lines of a poem....it was fun!
Akanksha aKa Axe wrote: "Vinay wrote: "Akanksha aKa Axe wrote: "Okay i had nothing to do today(bunked college yet again) and i was sitting in the park when this one just came to me.THE DOVE
The soaring sky beheld a sight,..."
Ya your poem is really interesting and these lines somehow came into my mind and I type them. It's was my pleasure.
Augusti wrote: "when i cried, you wiped my tears,when i smiled, you smiled with me,
when i fell, you held me near,
O my mother, you were world to me.
You understood my deepest fear,
when you slept at night with ..."
Beautiful and touching Augusti. Totally loved it!!
To my MotherHey Ma,
I know it has been a while,
That I kept you waiting.
But you still haven't lost that smile.
I've been a very bad son,
Haven't I?
But you still see me,
As the only star in the sky.
Remember when you said,
"Son, Never look behind"?
I took it to my heart ma,
It possessed my mind.
All the thoughts of you,
were shadowed by money and fame,
So today I stand in front of you,
Eyes filled with shame.
Holding my finger, you showed me the path,
never leaving me alone.
But I went so far away ma,
That this life seems forlorn.
I kept running after success,
Forgetting the one who taught me to walk,
Now in this slaughtering world,
I am one in the flock.
I achieved all the riches,
But I'm sick of living this lie.
Branded as a sinner,
Maybe I deserve to die.
All the dreams you dreamt of me,
Had I been able to save,
I would've been sleeping on your lap ma,
And not weeping by your grave.
Vismay wrote: "Oh my hands quiver as I type,Something quite polemical, am I about to write?
Uncertain, unsure, nervous and anxious,
Should I not stop before I commit this travesty, this horrendous crime?!
I ..."
Hats off to you brother!!
This was truly an amazing way to express the loss of our freedom of speech and expression.
Once again, Brilliant!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,I don't know Humpty Dumpty at all,
All I know is that 'I love you',
Love that should be true,
True from the heart and true from the soul,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
Couldn't put together Humpty Dumpty again,
Same condition is with my heart my dear,
You can play with it, put you can't put it together,
Together when it breaks with your deeds,
I am not Humpty Dumpty instead.
The kid,on his way home,found a kite, a kite that is torn and rendered white, He took it home with him and showed his mother, it was his proud possession,something he can flutter, He glued it back and colored it blue, the color of his eyes and happy hue, He asked his father to teach him how, and running the kite is all he does now, The kite is humbled,it flew just for his smile, it likes flying,but not too far from his aisle, He liked tugging the string a little hard, he knew,no matter what,it's home is downward, The kite shuddered every time the wind blew faster, held a little tighter,afraid of losing his new master, The time passed with ease,and going back to school is a bummer, now the kite waits,in vain,for the next summer.
@ vivin thx "hey Ma,
I know it has been a while,
That I kept you waiting.
But you still haven't lost that smile.
I've been a very bad son,
Haven't I?......."
Truly emotional piece it is. :)
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