Keepers of the Elements

[J.]

You could start by opening your profile, like everyone else. Next, get a copy of 'The Elements of Style', by Strunk and White. Read it, and if you still can't figure it out, then you can ask what you did wrong. The best answered questions are the ones we answer ourselves.
Here's a freebie: your first line is the oldest cliche opening in literature. it's the standard Snoopy (the dog in Peanuts cartoon?) opener. "It was a dark and stormy night..." It'll get you a form rejection letter EVERY TIME w/o exception.

[Sue]

Italics for thoughts are fine if you aren't already using them for something else. I'm using them to indicate telepathic communication, so I don't use them when a character is just thinking to himself.