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Shay's Writing
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Okay. Here it is.http://www.goodreads.com/story/list/1...
Here are ALL my writing for now. I shall write more later.
If that link don't work...
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/6...
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...
They are both writings serperate.
Is there one in particular that you'd like the most feedback on?
No. Just both. There are two chapters for the Birdie ne.
oh hey shay! arent you the one whoo was writing that book where the jesse person got hit by a horse?
Sorry this took so long. I was kinda busy >.< Anyways, here's my review of Chapter 1 :) I really liked it by the way :D"The sensation filled me again as I flopped to the ground and slid half way down the hill."- 'half way' should have a hyphen between them. ex: HALF-WAY
"Robins, jays, cadinals, and every bird in between flew- no soared over head and hilltop."- I absolutely LOVED this sentence. I can totally see it in my minds eye and the 'over head and hilltop part' was an amazing use of words :D
"Your odd, little one."- 'Your' should be YOU'RE
"Something sharp in my back. Help!, I wailed in thought."- Really great cliffhanger! Makes me want to read more :D
Thanks! I kinda need to fix it up a bit anyway. Did you read Chapter 2? It's a bit shorter...I also wrote a poem. It has some typos but other than that...I like my Poem.
I'm about to read chapter 2 and then I'll read the poem :)
Ok. Chapter 2 Review!"A sharp pain went through my back and something peirced my feathers."- Ok, 2 things. First I'm not sure if you meant to say 'and something' or 'as something' but both work. Second, 'Peirced' is spelled pierced. You just have to switch the 'i' and the 'e'.
"Her claws were splashes with scarlet and had lightly painted sunny feathers clingy to her feet, only a few though."- I love the detail in this sentence! You are really great at descriptions. I think 'clingy' though is meant to be 'clinging'.
"She stopped a few limbs from her nest. In front of her was a enormous gap in the tree trunk that was big enough for a cat."- There's nothing wrong with this part. It just makes me wonder if you're foreshadowing to something here, like maybe a cat will climb up the tree and tries to hurt the birds. Really interesting :)
Again, I loved it! I'm really impressed with the descriptions that you write. Please continue to work on this :D
Thanks you! That really means alot. I will post more work later on. Thanks!
;)
me is hungry, tired, and boreeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddd.
me is hungry, tired, and boreeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddd.
Well that depends what kind of math you're doing XD I'll probably make you fail with all my suckish math skillZZZZ XD
You can call me Shay.
I have a Story.
It's called: Birds don't need wings.
I'll post the link later.