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Writers N-T > Shay's Writing

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message 1: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) Hi! I'm ShayA-Hi!
You can call me Shay.
I have a Story.
It's called: Birds don't need wings.
I'll post the link later.


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

Okee, I will wait.


message 3: by Carina (new)

Carina Ooh! I can't wait :D


message 4: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) Okay. Here it is.

http://www.goodreads.com/story/list/1...


Here are ALL my writing for now. I shall write more later.

If that link don't work...

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/6...
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...

They are both writings serperate.


message 5: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) I'll wait for feedback


message 6: by Carina (new)

Carina Is there one in particular that you'd like the most feedback on?


message 7: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) No. Just both. There are two chapters for the Birdie ne.


Isobel *The Goddess of Annoyance* (goddess_of_annoyance) oh hey shay! arent you the one whoo was writing that book where the jesse person got hit by a horse?


message 9: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) uh yeah


message 10: by Carina (new)

Carina Ok hold on. I'm about to read them.


message 11: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) Okay.


message 12: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) Have you read it yet?


message 13: by Carina (new)

Carina Sorry this took so long. I was kinda busy >.< Anyways, here's my review of Chapter 1 :) I really liked it by the way :D

"The sensation filled me again as I flopped to the ground and slid half way down the hill."- 'half way' should have a hyphen between them. ex: HALF-WAY

"Robins, jays, cadinals, and every bird in between flew- no soared over head and hilltop."- I absolutely LOVED this sentence. I can totally see it in my minds eye and the 'over head and hilltop part' was an amazing use of words :D

"Your odd, little one."- 'Your' should be YOU'RE

"Something sharp in my back. Help!, I wailed in thought."- Really great cliffhanger! Makes me want to read more :D


message 14: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) Thanks! I kinda need to fix it up a bit anyway. Did you read Chapter 2? It's a bit shorter...

I also wrote a poem. It has some typos but other than that...I like my Poem.


message 15: by Carina (new)

Carina I'm about to read chapter 2 and then I'll read the poem :)


message 16: by Carina (last edited Sep 21, 2010 02:26PM) (new)

Carina Ok. Chapter 2 Review!

"A sharp pain went through my back and something peirced my feathers."- Ok, 2 things. First I'm not sure if you meant to say 'and something' or 'as something' but both work. Second, 'Peirced' is spelled pierced. You just have to switch the 'i' and the 'e'.

"Her claws were splashes with scarlet and had lightly painted sunny feathers clingy to her feet, only a few though."- I love the detail in this sentence! You are really great at descriptions. I think 'clingy' though is meant to be 'clinging'.

"She stopped a few limbs from her nest. In front of her was a enormous gap in the tree trunk that was big enough for a cat."- There's nothing wrong with this part. It just makes me wonder if you're foreshadowing to something here, like maybe a cat will climb up the tree and tries to hurt the birds. Really interesting :)


Again, I loved it! I'm really impressed with the descriptions that you write. Please continue to work on this :D


message 17: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) Thanks you! That really means alot. I will post more work later on. Thanks!


message 18: by Carina (new)

Carina I'm glad to help :D


message 19: by [deleted user] (new)

You get around quick. ;)


message 20: by Carina (new)

Carina who me? yes...yes i do ;D


message 21: by [deleted user] (new)

;)
me is hungry, tired, and boreeeeeeeeeeedddddddddddddd.


message 22: by [deleted user] (new)

doing math, care to help?


message 23: by Carina (new)

Carina Well that depends what kind of math you're doing XD I'll probably make you fail with all my suckish math skillZZZZ XD


message 24: by [deleted user] (new)

nevermind then.


message 25: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) hi!


message 26: by [deleted user] (new)

HEY!


message 27: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) HOLA!


message 28: by [deleted user] (new)

Hello thar


message 29: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) FREGE! UR ON!


message 30: by [deleted user] (new)

Yeshiva. But igtf


message 31: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) gtf?


message 32: by [deleted user] (new)

I'm guessing that was gtg


message 33: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) Oh...okay


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