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Amber wrote: "Hi everyone. I'm feeling depressed about Christmas. Does anyone else feel like their family is too dysfunctional to have a nice Christmas lunch together?"I've amended my previous post. In amendment, I can only say; just try and enjoy the things that you can. :)
Amber wrote: "Hi everyone. I'm feeling depressed about Christmas. Does anyone else feel like their family is too dysfunctional to have a nice Christmas lunch together?"I totally sympathise with you Amber. My family are always so passive aggressive and backstabbingly vicious. This year I am having an operation on the 23rd of Dec so I get to spend Christmas in bed. I am actually very relieved by this :o) But the last two years my husband and I have gone away on our own. Just do what makes YOU feel comfortable and not what others expect. Life is too short.
Amber wrote: "Hi everyone. I'm feeling depressed about Christmas. Does anyone else feel like their family is too dysfunctional to have a nice Christmas lunch together?"If you want a good excuse to get away from your family on Christmas Day, Amber, I know a lot of places put on a Christmas lunch for people who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford one. I know Katrina here in Aussie Readers (I'm not sure if she's following this thread, but I'm sure she'd be happy to tell you about it if you messaged her) has gone to help with something like that before. You could drop in briefly to say hi to the family but say you can't stay because you've got to head off to help with that!!
Thanks for everyone's sympathetic replies and advice. To explain a bit more... My mum's extended family (her mother/my Nanna, her siblings/my aunts and uncles, and everyone's partners and kids) have always done a big Christmas lunch, and each household takes turns to have it at their house. Last year my husband and I put our hand up to host it at our house this year. The problem is, my husband hates my brother, and refuses to let him come. This puts everyone in an awkward position. My mum says that if my brother can't come, she won't come either. So then my Nanna decides to volunteer her house as the venue, thinking that will solve the problem. Her reason that she's giving is that she is getting old and it might be her last Christmas. All my aunts and uncles say this is a great idea, and my mum is happy because my brother can go. But my husband is threatening to start a fight if my brother goes, and when I suggested that maybe he shouldn't come, he said if he doesn't go then "his kids" don't go either. Some of my cousins are saying they still want to come to our house. All my aunts and uncles actually agree with my husband about my brother, but they don't think he should be banning him from Christmas lunch and causing all this friction. Anyway, I thought a good solution would be to go to my Nanna's for a little while, then come back to our house with the cousins and spend the rest of the day with them (we are the only ones in the family that have young kids). But my husband has decided it's all too much, we're skipping the Christmas lunch and going to the zoo instead. He's basically already told the kids without my agreeing to it. I am torn all over the place. My family is getting split in two because of my husband, and people's feelings are getting hurt, especially my dear old Nanna's. I just wanted a nice Christmas lunch at our house! We're not religious in my family, so Christmas is just a time for us all to get together and eat yummy food. What would you do in my position?BTW, My kids are 7 and 4 and were really looking forward to having the family Christmas lunch at our house - we have a little pool and a new treehouse they want to show their cousins.
We gave up on family Christmases years ago - use to travel to newcastle every year only to have my mother go into melt down if I spent more time with my husbands side than ours - I kid you not she use to work out the times!!! At that time my side of the family had no children where the other side had heaps of kids - so we opted to spend Christmas day with them and boxing day with mine. Still my mother wasn't happy. The last year we went my husband stayed at his mothers with one daughter and I stayed at my mothers with the other daughter. I cracked it and said enough and we have never been back for Christmas since.One daughter lives in brisbane - the other is hear in Darwin - they come over for lunch then spend the evening with her in-laws but is not a problem - we invite our close friends over in the evening - so duty at lunch and fun in the evening.
So long story short - you are not alone - Christmas brings out the worst in families as the hype is to be together as one big happy family and this is just not the case.
Next year hubby and I are going to Singapore for Christmas - no family at all - BLISS!!!!!
Families can be so complicated can't they Amber.I think having it on neutral ground would be a good idea. Either at your Nanna's (everyone could bring food so she doesn't have to cook) or maybe have a picnic brunch at a nice park. Then you could always arrange for the cousins you want to see to go back to your place for afternoon tea and everyone can relax.
My sister came up with a good plan she works on a three year cycle - first year spent with her husbands family, second year with our family third year is only for them and they go away. It seems to work quite well.
Carolyn wrote: "Families can be so complicated can't they Amber.I think having it on neutral ground would be a good idea. Either at your Nanna's (everyone could bring food so she doesn't have to cook) or maybe h..."
Good idea Carolyn, I know a few families that meet every year at a big park, and everyone brings food for a communal lunch. It works for them all as the kids get to run around and play together and the adults can mingle where they are comfortable. People can leave at any time they like with little, if any, tidying up to do. Surely in a situation like that, people can put aside their grievances and think of the broader circumstance.
Amber wrote: "Thanks for everyone's sympathetic replies and advice. To explain a bit more... My mum's extended family (her mother/my Nanna, her siblings/my aunts and uncles, and everyone's partners and kids) hav..."Does your husband realise he is indirectly punishing everyone...even the kids, and putting you in an untenable situation, because of his feelings towards your brother? Christmas is a time to rise above that sort of thing and be a good example to the children...and adults alike. Perhaps the two of them should try and sort it out like adults. Preferably before then.
Amber wrote: "Thanks for everyone's sympathetic replies and advice. To explain a bit more... My mum's extended family (her mother/my Nanna, her siblings/my aunts and uncles, and everyone's partners and kids) hav..."Oh dear, Amber - that does sound like you are put in a bad place! It is a shame that your husband can't just grit his teeth and be a polite host to your brother for one day... Sounds like you have a large family - surely he would be able to avoid him if he wanted and hardly even need to talk to him very much... Good luck making your decision! Let us know what you do end up doing!
Aaah families. I am determined not to let my kids get stressed over Christmas. It's just one day a year. They can come see me if they want. If not I'll see them some other time.
I love/hate Christmas lunches....We could never get our whole family together as in my Dad's side and my Mum's side for lunch..Too much drama and then too many people. But we always had C.lunch with my Mum's side.However, my Aunty is...welll....Always causes an issue, one year we didn't have a Christmas lunch with my Mum's side at all and had it with our friends who've with known for forever!
My Aunty being my aunty causes problems and a few Christmases after that she caused an outright stinker that NO-ONE would talk to her in our family anymore...And it's carried on for years.
This is the first year I'll have my partner with me...And my grandparents will have Christmas here with us so they'll meet. My aunty isn't invited (due to all the issues in the past) but I'm waiting to see if she'll kick some fuss up.
So, the reason I tell you all this...Yes,Christmas time really is one of those times we think we're meant to all love and get along but really I think it can bring out the worst in people (and it does w/my aunty).
My folks once year joked about going away for Christmas just to escape the annoyance.
What I actually perfer is Boxing Day...We get together with some friends my folks have known before I was born..Usually their kids are there too and now since we're no longer children (on both sides) we're all adults...So, we all get to sit around as one big group and enjoy Xmas left overs, tell tales of Xmas drama, enjoy the company and make up cocktails...It's usually great fun and we swap house year to year..Never a drama.
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Besides this...I've had a lung infection for about 2 weeks and only just on the mend...Urgh...Not great timing :(
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It's crazy isn't it Brenda. We had ours a couple of hours ago. We have a new very large awning and deck that we watch it from. Indy eats the hail! Hope not much damage up your way Brenda.
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Oh dear, well you most certainly can have ours!
We're seeing a lightning show, hearing some thunder and smelling the rain, but it's just not falling out of the sky, sadly. Hope you're OK down there, Brenda - the radar looks a bit exciting.
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Laura wrote: "I love/hate Christmas lunches....We could never get our whole family together as in my Dad's side and my Mum's side for lunch..Too much drama and then too many people. But we always had C.lunch wit..."Reading your message Laura and now wondering " are you related to me" ?
Sounds EXACTLY like my family.
Hope you're better soon. Be very careful you don't end up with pneumonia.
Hope you have the candles and torches handy, Brenda... And that the Kindle, phone, iPad and laptop are fully charged!
They say that the thunderstorms will be worse in Sydney, tomorrow.Worrying...
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Yes Kathryn, everything is unplugged and charged;)
Brenda wrote: "Here we are right at the moment - http://www.theherald.com.au/story/274...Yes Kathryn, everything is unplugged and charged;)"
That does look intense. Stay safe.
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Ours are becoming an afternoon trend it feels like. Though nothing at all like those pics in the news thread that Brenda posted. Just lots of rain and green green grass. Hope no one is effected too seriously.
Veronica wrote: "Reading your message Laura and now wondering " are you related to me" ?Sounds EXACTLY like my family.
Hope you're better soon. Be very careful you don't end up with pneumonia. "
Thankyou :)
Thankfully pneumonia got ruled out..Had to go for xrays of my lungs this week but everything is normal there.
It's amazing how similar Christmas experiences can be for people,huh? haha Even when not so good.
To everyone who's in that storm at the moment i hope all plays out safe for you guys :)
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Sounds EXACTLY like my family.
Hope you're better soon. Be very careful you don't end up with pneumonia. "
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Thanks Laura, and you look after yourself too..it has certainly lasted a very long time! Hopefully you're on the mend now.
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Lucky you!
Michael wrote: "Dang and here we are in Adelaide with beautiful weather. Sunny and cool breeze for most of the day. What more could you ask for?"Think I'm moving to Adelaide! Just got out of the shower and need another one...sooooo hot and muggy :((
Phrynne wrote: "Most of mine are overseas so I don't have that problem. It's hard to argue properly on Skype:)"Ditto.
Amber wrote: "Hi everyone. I'm feeling depressed about Christmas. Does anyone else feel like their family is too dysfunctional to have a nice Christmas lunch together?"Amber, if you're feeling that stressed about it have you thought about running away for Christmas this year, either with a friend or by yourself? Somewhere where you can relax and escape the dramas. I know that might sound radical on what is supposed to be a family day, but it's better than being depressed. I don't have family to worry about, but we have friends who spend one Christmas with his family, the next with hers, and the following one of their own.
And the birds are chirping loudly from the bushes n trees yet it's raining outside again. Wonder if we're in for another day of rain?
Also raining quite steadily here so no walking this morning and I have a very unhappy dog right beside me.
Walking in the rain is lovely. I'm sure Gypsy wouldn't mind getting wet. :)
Yes I'm sure she wouldn't, Vicki. And if it was lighter rain we would go so hopefully it eases soon :)
Good weather for reading Sharon ;)
Sharon wrote: "Also raining quite steadily here so no walking this morning and I have a very unhappy dog right beside me."My dog has given up sitting at my feet and is now sulking on her bean bag. I agree good reading weather though I have been trying to write a Christmas letter
(yes, I am one of those people!) to go out with cards. Running late this year. Test of memory to write about 2014 though, which is why I am here instead.Called putting it off.
Dale wrote: "Sharon wrote: "Also raining quite steadily here so no walking this morning and I have a very unhappy dog right beside me."My dog has given up sitting at my feet and is now sulking on her bean bag..."
I managed to take my dog out in between the showers, but it was only for 10 minutes, but she's happy now. Fast asleep and snoring on her bed. I think it's great you write a Christmas letter to go in your cards. Speaking of Christmas letter I'm reading Hello from the Gillespies by Monica McInerney which is about a Christmas letters that is sent out to friends and family each year. I think you'd like his one, Dale :)
I'm sure I would Sharon. I love her books. No walks here. It is pelting down. Had to even close the back down as it was coming in despite the patio.
It's cleared here but an annoying crow is making itself known...soooooooo loud!!
It finally rained here for a couple of hours last night. A little bit of heavy rain, but only a total of about ten millilitres. Our farmers and all of the people on tank water want some more :)Hope you're all in one piece in Newcastle Brenda!
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A little bit of damage Leonie, but nothing worth worrying about, as there are others much worse:) We had 49ml which is great! So glad you finally had some rain too - it rained pretty much all night with thunder growling in the distance for a few hours! Much to Chloe's chagrin!!
I've been out to meet friends for coffee this morning. Not raining but it's very muggy with more bad storms forecast for Sydney and the coast later today.
We finally got sunshine this afternoon so our dog got her 45 minute walk.now she is curled up asleep, happy.
No rain here (yet) and I hope to get a load of washing dry. I finished my Christmas letter last week and have just written some cards, but it's getting to be fewer each year, and many people will get their letter via email, a la Hello From the Gillespies, (but carefully checked ;)). We send a few Aussie calendars overseas to close friends, but that will cost $7.40 plus the price of the calendar!! Just a greeting card, now $2.55, is it any wonder we are all switching to email?
Love these afternoon storms. As long as I'm not out on the road.
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Most of all go easy on yourself, letting it get you down is just adding salt.