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Archive 08-19 GR Discussions > Reading Schedule AND Discussion Q's! ~ The Knitting Circle *possible spoilers*

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Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) By Mon 7/7: Prologue through Chapter 5

By Mon 7/14: Chapters 6 through 10

By Mon 7/21: Chapters 11 through 15

By Mon 7/28: Chapters 16 through 20 + the Author's Forward (Author's Fwd only if you have the paperback version!)

Contine discussing in the other thread as many of us have been since May! I'll put specific discussion Q's here next week!

Have a Safe and Happy 4th of July Chicks!!!


message 2: by Leslie (new)

Leslie Hickman (bkread2) | 233 comments Wahooo!! I just got my book from the library this morning! I was on a waitling list for what seemed like forever!!!! I also for a good chuckle and looked up the "Oprah" top list and they all had holds for what looked like ALL OF SUMMER!!! Somehow I do not think that any of them would have double digit holds without that list!


Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) True! It's all too 'follow the leader' for my taste most of the time!


message 4: by Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (last edited Jul 08, 2008 04:51PM) (new)

Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) Questions for Discussion! **Possible Spoilers** (You don't have to answer every question if you don't want to! Answer those you connect to!)


If you are NOT a knitter, based on what you've read here in The Knitting Circle, what is it about the activity that makes it so theraputic?

If you are a knitter, do you feel the act of knitting is theraputic? How so?


Though each women's loss is different in the book and their reactions to their loss are different, what do they hold in common w/one another? How does such different types of loss bring them together?


Can you relate to Mary's reacting to others w/feeling of envy and bitterness at their good fortunes?


Do you feel Mary was too self-indulgent or self centered when it came to going through and emerging from her grief? If, so, why?


Why did it take Mamie so long to open up to Mary about her own loss of her 1st child and her own difficulties w/emerging from grief? Had Mary known, would their relationship have been better over the years, especially during the time after Stella passed away?


Why do Dylan, and eventually Mary, turn to people outside their marriage in the time after Stella's passing? Is Dylan a more unforgiveable character because he actually has a relationship w/someone else while Mary has a brief, mainly physical encounter over a holiday w/someone else? Did you want her marriage to Dylan to end or for them to get back together?


How important to Mary's recovery was learning to knit, the knitting circle and the people who were also a part of the knitting circle?


How do you think Mary would've reacted to Holly's baby in the beginning of the novel versus how she did toward's the end?


Does Mary's finally telling of how Stella passed away signify a full recovery from her loss?


To whom did you connect w/most in the novel and why? Mary, Mamie, Alice, Scarlet, Beth, LuLu, Harriet or Ellen?


message 5: by Meg (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments Can we do one question at a time? I get too overwhelmed when there is so many. Some hit home and we could chat for a year on it!


Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) Answer at your own pace by all means! We've got through 7/31!


message 7: by Cyndi (new)

Cyndi (chill77) OMG! I didn't realize that questions for the entire book would be posted at once (since this is my first book club and discussion)! I just read through the 4th question and now know what is to come! Is there a way to know which questions correspond with the chapters, so I don't do this again?


message 8: by Meg (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments Question 1: If you are NOT a knitter, based on what you've read here in The Knitting Circle, what is it about the activity that makes it so theraputic?

I am not a knitter (although I was years back). I think the idea that you are gettting together once a week with a common goal was part of the therapy. It would be like going to a woman's group (with any theme) being therapeutic. I would love to find a group that I met with once a week, you can't help but be friends. I think the repetition of knitting, and the fact that you can do it anywhere, either alone or with company adds to the allure of knitting. I think the rythm of knitting makes it extremely therapeutic. Also, when you are done you have a product that you are proud of.

Anyone want to move to VT and knit with me?


Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) Sorry about that Cydni! I thought I put *spoliers* in here some where but I guess not! For me personally, there's no way I could try and coordinate the Q's w/the chapters, especially since the Q's are sort of general and not chapter specific.


message 10: by Thressa (new)

Thressa | 43 comments Question 1/2: I was not a knitter until yesterday. I crochet and have wanted to learn knitting because I like the designs, but never took the time to learn. I picked up a book yesterday and learned to knit. I knitted my son a coaster for his drink (his idea). I am now working on a hat. I can see where it would have a theraputic effect with the concentration and, like Meg said, the repetition and especially when mixed with the weekly meetings with the others. After we lost my little brother, his wife and their 3 year old daughter (car accident), my mom began crocheting a lot more. It was as if she needed it to keep her mind busy. She would make pillows and crochet tops of hand towels and give them away to everyone we would see.


Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) In the book, I think knitting is theraputic in the beginning of the process because it's a distraction ~ you need to focus on it to learn & start it. Once you get past that point, I think it's the repitition of the movements that can actually become calming and it's something you can see that's done at the end of each project, unlike a therapy session where you're not always sure if you're seeing results or not.

For me personally, gardening is my therapy though I do enjoy knitting when the weather's cool or too hot & humid (and I'm sutck inside in the ac) or when I'm not well enough to be up and about. Gardening is for me what knitting is for knitters! I do think knitting is a productive distration that can be comforting, though for me it's not always the most comfortable thing to do w/my arthritis in my hands and right arm!

I was pretty proud of myself when I taught myself how to knit the Summer of '06 and more recently when I taught myself how to purl this June! So, in that respect, it's also good for ones self esteem!

I wish there was a great little knitting circle like the one on the book near me with the same types of great people in it! I've heard there's one that meets at the Barnes & Noble a few towns away, not too far from here, but I'm hesitant! There are a lot of not so nice people moving into the area (part of the reason we want to move out of NJ) and I'm unsure of what I'd encounter! We'll see, maybe sometime! (We locals are looked down upon and treated like crap by many of the newbies!)


message 12: by Paige (new)

Paige | 43 comments I used to think of knitting as a mindless activity but this book really brought to light that perhaps I am wrong! I taught myself to knit in college because I craved doing something besides studying and stressing. I would never read for pleasure because I felt guilty that I should be reading a textbook. But if I knit, I could watch TV and accomplish 2 things at once.

So really, knitting is way to bring the focus inward. Get inside yourself as per say. Hear that voice in your head (if you aren't watching TV).

And it is so calming. Something about the repetitive motions of it maybe. I even taught my 11 year old son and 9 year old daughter to knit. They love it.


message 13: by Paige (new)

Paige | 43 comments I want to jump right to the Mamie questions and get your alls opinion on it.

When she finally reveal her story, all I could think is how did Mary never know this? Mamie must have gotten rid of every photograph (pictures, albums, toys, clothes, huge chunk of her life) and hid them, destroyed them or something. We just don't know what that something is.

And certainly other family member would have remnants of that child in their own 'collections'. It just seems unbelievable that you could completely obliterate somebodies existence. I know it could be done, but it almost seems counterintuitive. Most like to keep everything and not let it go.

Jo and Holli- what is your insight on this?


message 14: by Meg (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments If I can jump in on this one. I can understand it, but not agree to it at all. I think Mamie thought if she got rid of everything, and didn't talk about, that she would eventually believe it never happened. If there was nothing around to remind her of the existance of the child she lost then she would eventually not think of it. The problem being when she was alone with nothing to keep her busy that is all that she thought about and thus tried to get rid of her thoughts by being drunk. The fact that Mary knew nothing of the existance of a sibling helped her mother in wiping out the past.

Of course if Mary had known the relationship would have been different, but who is to say better? Many of us have mother issues............


message 15: by Holli (new)

Holli Well........I can only tell you what I did when my daughter died. Keep in mind she was only 8 days old but I did have the usual room FILLED with clothes, and toys, and furniture, and "stuff" you get from your shower or just buy.

About a week after she died I asked my brother and my sister in law to help me "take her room down". They did it no questions asked. The 3 of us sat in silence going through every thing in there and deciding what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to give to my family and friends who were having girls at that same time. At the end of that I had a really small pile of stuff just for me which I put in a tote and never looked at again for 2 years. In there are her cards and keepsakes from the hospital. The 3 pics I have of her. A little bikini my friend bought for her in Hawaii. Stuff like that. I've probably looked at it maybe 6 times in the 7 years she's been dead. I kept 3 totes full of stuff I couldn't bear to give away yet. And the rest I gave away then.

My brother repainted the room he and my ex had just painted a week before and that was that. I did that because I wanted her gone from my memory. Not completely but for awhile. I didn't want to think about it all....I couldn't think about it. I was dying inside and I just wanted that pain to go away. As long as I had nothing to remind me of her i could forget about it all for awhile. And I did. And I drank every day for a year straight too. That makes you forget when you accidentally start to remember anything.

After a year I was more removed from it and i could get her things out and cry over them all and smile about some of it. After 4 years i started giving away the stuff I couldn't bear to give away but didn't need anymore (blankets and clothes) and last year i finally gave the last thing away to one of my best friends. Any of my friends who had a girl got something of Chloe's and they treasured it as much as I would have.

Today i still have my tote of her stuff that's specail to me and its in my closet. I'll never give that away.

So...........after telling you all my story.......my answer to Paige's question is no i couldn't imagine getting rid of everything completely and if I had had another child I would have told them about their sister Chloe. My nephew (who was 4 months old when Chloe was born) knows about his cousin Chloe and he talks to me about her. He always has. We never hid it from him and he likes to think about his cousin who watches him in the sky :)


message 16: by Meg (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments Well I can't say that I agree with Mamie....just that people do things differently.

When my daughter died, I couldn't get rid of anything. Her room is still filled with her stuff. I can't even allow that room to be designated as anything else.

Some of us have easier times at letting go of things. I guess someday I will be able to get rid of things, as I do a few pieces at a time, but I can't imagine having nothing left even though she will always be in my heart.


message 17: by Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (last edited Jul 10, 2008 12:18PM) (new)

Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) I think it's a great example of how different people react differently to similiar situations. I can see how and why Mamie did it and I think out of trying to comfort her, I can see how Mamie's husband and family would go along with it. I think there are many deep, painful 'secrets' our Mother's keep from us at times, regardless of whether or not it would help if we knew. (Most times it would help, I think).

I think it would be harder to act like she'd never exsisted than to deal w/the grief of losing her. I don't think I could've done that. My Husband says even now that once we have children and they're old enough, we'll tell them that they have a sister in Heaven. I didn't have enough time to get things for her, but I know if I had, I wouldn't have been able to get rid of most of it, even now.

I'm sure Mary knew something was different about her Mother and their relationship from a very young age and (obviously) never knew why and that's so incredibly hard on a person. I'm not sure things would've been much different had she known though.

Sigh! Don't even get me started on Mother issues! (My Mom has plenty and therefore, our relationship has many and therefore I have many!)


message 18: by Leslie (new)

Leslie Hickman (bkread2) | 233 comments I am not actually a "ture" knitter. I have had a few lessons before so I can cast-on, knit & purl...but nothing more than that. If I knitted a whole scarf I have no clue without having to ask someone how to get it off the needles. But I do understand that you have something other than what is in your mind you are forced to concentrate on. In high school, college and beyond I have either done cross-stich, gardening or some other type of project/hobby where you create something. Not only does it force you to think and concentrate on something totally different in your mind than your everyday worries and problems you can actually see a physical progress in doing something. My Mom says that is why she likes to sew...she sees something create and feels a sense of accomplishment when nothing else goes right.


message 19: by Leslie (new)

Leslie Hickman (bkread2) | 233 comments SPOILER!!!!!
oops I so cannot spell (that was true up there) and like a character I am a cross of Lulu & Ellen. I fall for idiots like Ellen and was sexually assulted in college (nowhere nearly as bad though) as Lulu. So I can relate in how Lulu does not trust her own self-image and recreates herself to a new persona. I did that myself in a way. I moved completely to the other side of the state and transferred job locations with the company I was with to over 2.5 hours away via the tollroad and changed all my habits to recreate a safe feeling for myself.


message 20: by Sarah (new)

Sarah (slkmcb) | 36 comments knitting is theraputic. You are forced to concentrate on the knits and the purls. You are forced to keep your mind busy and your hands busy. finishing an item gives you a sense of accomplishment and makes you feel good.
Now onto the discussion of Mamie, Mary and "the baby".:

My daughter died almost 10 years ago. She was 2 weeks old. For a year I cried and grieved and shut down. Eventually i found the strength to get out of bed. Then I found the strength to go back to church and hang out with friends.
I cant imagine completely obliterating someones memory, especially your own child. I did end up giving her unused clothing to my best friend who was expecting a girl. I trusted her to get good use out of them and I know they were going to a good home. I distributed the toys to family members with babies.
I did keep a suitcase with a few of her clothes and diapers and hospital stuff. Occasionally I look through it have a good cry.
We have pictures of her throughout the house.
My boys know all about their big sister Jillian and talk about her.
I cannot imagine never seeing her picture, never looking at those little clothes, never talking to my boys about her, never telling my story. I just cant imagine keeping it secret.
maybe Mamies coping strategy was to get rid of every reminder, never talk about the baby etc. And some people grieve differently than others. It's OK. Everyone copes with tragedy and grief differently.
It does get easier as the years pass to think about it without crying or thinking about her without hurting. Maybe she had gotten so desensitized over the years.



message 21: by Holli (new)

Holli Sarah...I had NO idea we had this in common. It will be 7 years ago on the 21st of this month that my daughter died at 8 days old. Finding this group has been SO good for me and my hurts. It really has. Being able to connect with so many women who share my heartaches and understand me has helped me come to terms with alot of things. I've felt so alone for so long now....and now I don't.

And you know what girls.....that sense I have of not having a purpose? Its gone now....I'm thinking that what i really needed was to not feel alone anymore, to connect with others who share my grief about my daughter and my heart, and who can offer me support and help when i need it.

So THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart....all of you!!!


message 22: by Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (last edited Jul 11, 2008 06:40AM) (new)

Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) Leslie and Sarah! My heart goes out to you!

Holli, I feel much the same! (You're making me teary!)

I was attacked 5 years ago this June.

I was sick for 98% of the time I was pregnant with Brianna, not in a good relationship and practically broke, so I didn't have the time or the means to get anything ~ I was too sick and couldn't imagine bringing a child into that relationship. What I do have is my pregnancy test, in a memory box in my closet and a journal I write to her in from time to time.


message 23: by Holli (new)

Holli Jo I am so sorry.........I knew you were attacked but we have never talked in depth about that so if you want to you KNOW I'm here to listen. And that's perfect....what you have for Brianna........its yours and yours alone and that's all you need.


message 24: by Meg (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments OK Leslie, Sarah, Holli and Jo big huge hugs from another mother sharing the loss of a daughter. It is a strange bond, who knew we would find it here.


Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) Yes, it's a rather strange bond and I had no idea we'd find it here but I am glad we have!

Once again, I am SO glad my longtime best friend Gill here on GoodReads (& a recent joiner of Chick on Lit) introduced me to this site this past holiday season!


message 26: by Leslie (new)

Leslie Hickman (bkread2) | 233 comments Besides me does anyone feel like they need to either refine their ability to knit or start learning for the first time? I am almost feel compelled to go buy some yarn or something. Just what I need another project around the house! ha!


message 27: by Andrea (new)

Andrea (andreag) | 74 comments I started to teach myself to knit just before this book was picked for the group read. I'm really enjoying it and I've finished one project (a scarf) and have about 5 other started (2 afghans, 2 scarfs, and a dishcloth.)

Apparently I knit the same way I read - I've always got 3 to 6 books going at once. The variety of yarns and the different difficulty levels lets me pick up what ever is appealing at the time. I'm starting to be more and more convinced I have undiagnosed ADD @;^)


Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) I'm always compelled to buy yarns of all kinds! Just got another skein of nylon type (feels like stockings) in pretty fall colors and I even found some ribbon yarn at the dollar store! (BARGAIN!) I'm not really beyond scarves, dish towels, squares that I eventually want to sew together for a throw, head bands & cell phone covers ~ I just taught myself to purl last month after 1st teaching myself to knit 2 years ago!!! But I do want to learn more so I can make things like gloves and what not!


message 29: by Tera, First Chick (new)

Tera | 2564 comments Mod
The stitch & bitch books are great for knitting and crocheting. I like that the crochet one is called The Happy Hooker. For some reason that just makes me smile


message 30: by Tera, First Chick (last edited Jul 12, 2008 05:01PM) (new)

Tera | 2564 comments Mod
AHHHHH!!!
I just saw this on 2ps and rushed over here to share it

http://www.opgratitude.com/wishlist.php Operation Gratitude has added this as a requested item. Wouldn't it be awesome if those that felt like taking it up because of this book, and those that already know how each made this a goal to do as a group? I thought it was awesome and had to share

* Here's a great craft project for school, scout, social and community groups:
NEW!!! Knit/Crochet Scarves!! Feel free to use your own recipe or contact Sharon Howard at: sharhoward39@gmail.com



Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) The link didn't work! But it sounds like a good idea! Need more info!!!


message 32: by Tera, First Chick (last edited Jul 12, 2008 05:02PM) (new)

Tera | 2564 comments Mod
I think i fixed it. They accept them from Oct -1 to Dec 5 for the holidays. I bet we could each atleast do one in that time?



message 33: by Thressa (new)

Thressa | 43 comments I love the idea. I did notice toward the end of the page it said, "Please use tan, brown, desert camouflage or other neutral colored cotton or material." I guess this goes for the Knit/Crochet Scarves as well.


message 34: by Leslie (new)

Leslie Hickman (bkread2) | 233 comments Now Tera why would we laugh at that title? Actually I have heard of that book. My sister swears its the best book! She also has tons that hve cute ideas for hats. One that she made her daughter makes it look like she's a hershey kiss.


message 35: by Holli (new)

Holli If you are NOT a knitter, based on what you've read here in The Knitting Circle, what is it about the activity that makes it so therapeutic?

I would say the fact that it makes you focus on one task and enables you to sit for a period of time and not think. You are just doing the same repetitive motion over and over and that's helpful when you are sad and mad and needing a break from it all. I think it also helps to accomplish something.....helps the self esteem when you are feeling down

If you are a knitter, do you feel the act of knitting is therapeutic? How so?


Though each women's loss is different in the book and their reactions to their loss are different, what do they hold in common w/one another? How does such different types of loss bring them together?

They have "loss" in common. They have hurt, and fear, and anger in common. That is what brings them together----the common feelings behind their different losses.


Can you relate to Mary's reacting to others w/feeling of envy and bitterness at their good fortunes?

Actually I can't. Even in my darkest hours (and I've had plenty) I still never begrudged my friends their happiness. My cousin had twin girls a month after my daughter died and I was at the hospital that night with her waiting for the girls to come out and then holding them as soon as they did. Over the last 7 years lots of friends and family have had babies had I've always been overjoyed for them and their happy times. The things that happened to me were MY hurts, MY disappointments, MY failures. I would never take away someone else's happiness because of what happened to me. Those were my things to go through and not theirs and they can't help the bad things that have happened to me. I have always managed and wanted to stay happy for everyone else despite what happened to me.


Do you feel Mary was too self-indulgent or self centered when it came to going through and emerging from her grief? If, so, why?

No I don't because everyone goes through grief differently. She reminded me more of my ex in how she dealt with her grief so this book helped me understand what he was going through. I never hated him or was mad at him for shutting me out....even though I didn't understand it. What i was mad at him for was not getting help for his depression....even when I begged him to because it was destroying our marriage. When he wouldn't it made me feel as if I wasn't important enough to try for and that hurt. I stayed with him for 2 years after our daughter died....trying and trying and trying to make things work.....and when there was nothing left of us to try for I left. He came out of his depression about 4 months after that and we thought about seeing if we could make it work but after a couple of months we saw our relationship was nothing but a shell and we needed to move on and begin new lives. We did and both of us are much happier now!


Why did it take Mamie so long to open up to Mary about her own loss of her 1st child and her own difficulties w/emerging from grief? Had Mary known, would their relationship have been better over the years, especially during the time after Stella passed away?

I don't know why. I don't understand that because my family is so open and we have such great conversations about life and hurts and disappointments. I do know that my mom would choose to pretend her life is "perfect" and she does no wrong and so for a LONG time she would just say "I don't remember" if I asked her a question that was hard for her to answer. She never completely denied things though and so that part of the book was a tad bit strange for me. I do believe their relationship would have been MUCH better and Mary would have had emotional help during her loss instead of coping with it by herself.....


Why do Dylan, and eventually Mary, turn to people outside their marriage in the time after Stella's passing? Is Dylan a more unforgivable character because he actually has a relationship w/someone else while Mary has a brief, mainly physical encounter over a holiday w/someone else? Did you want her marriage to Dylan to end or for them to get back together?

Well.........I can certainly relate to this question. I believe you turn to other people because they represent a life without hurt and loss. And you are also missing comfort and attention that your spouse can't give you at the time. I'm not saying its right....just that I can relate. When I was with my ex after Chloe died all I could think about was her. Her death and his hurt. And I just wanted to forget about all of it for awhile. Another person gave me that. I was also dealing with a husband who flat out told me he didn't want me around, didn't want to talk to me, and blamed me for her death because of my health. That hurt me deeply and did NOT help our relationship whatsoever. I do know now that was his depression talking but at the time...........it didn't matter. He was still saying it. And I was dealing with my own blame and depression too. So its a vicious cycle and I could never judge Mary or Dylan for what either of them did. I did want them to stay together if they truly did love each other..........that's what true love is. Staying together through it all. My ex and I didn't have that "true love".


How important to Mary's recovery was learning to knit, the knitting circle and the people who were also a part of the knitting circle?

VERY important. Having friends to lean on that know what you are going through or have gone through is an extremely important part of the grief process. When you don't have that you internalize it all (like I did) and it hurts you. Badly. Some of my friends did try to be there......some didn't at all. they were more comfortable not mentioning her and so i accommodated them. The ones who would talk to me about it did not understand how I felt at all and so even though they tried it wasn't helpful. I've finally found true release of all of these emotions through our talks on here and that's been fantastic for me.


How do you think Mary would've reacted to Holly's baby in the beginning of the novel versus how she did towards the end?

I think it would have been extremely hard for her. It was hard for me to see a baby in the NICU of a hospital (on TV or in person) for along time and newborns made me sad for awhile. But I pushed through it and overcame that so i could share in my friend's lives still. You just have to.................as time goes on you feel better and it doesn't affect you as much.


Does Mary's finally telling of how Stella passed away signify a full recovery from her loss?

I wouldn't say full recovery but I would say on her way to recovering fully. It takes many many years to recover from a loss like that and you never fully recover. I don't think anyway..........what do you all think?


To whom did you connect w/most in the novel and why? Mary, Mamie, Alice, Scarlet, Beth, LuLu, Harriet or Ellen?

I actually honestly connected more with Dylan. Strange to say but I did. I went through the grief process differently than most mothers do i would say and I wouldn't say it was better. I really just wanted to not think about it..................if I could not think about it for awhile then maybe it would become less real and therefore easier to cope with. I tried not to cry....I drank alot.....filled my days up so I never had time to think. That caused alot for problems for me in later years but its what I did. I don't know why. Not the best way to do it but it got me through.




message 36: by Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (last edited Jul 13, 2008 09:05AM) (new)

Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) The link works now! I can definately knit at least one, if not more, in time and in those colors!!! Cotton (listed on site) would probably be a better material because it's easier to take care of when they're out in the field.


message 37: by Thressa (new)

Thressa | 43 comments I agree with Holli, Mary's telling of how Stella passed away signified that she is ready to deal with her loss. Recovery is a process at which you may find peace and be able to accept the loss.


message 38: by Holli (new)

Holli That's exactly what I meant Thressa!!! Thanks :)


message 39: by Jodie (new)

Jodie | 13 comments I just finished the book and I can say that I did learn a lot from it. When I started, I thought I dont want to read this because I found it depressing. I just had my first son and he is three months old and I didn't know if emotionally I was ready to read it. However, after reading the book adn hearing some of your stories I looked at it in a different light. I realized that I need to cherish every moment and every minute with my son because you never know what is going to happen...even those 3am feedings :) I commend you women for talking about your stories and I just want you to know that it gives me a lot of inspiration.


message 40: by Holli (new)

Holli That is exactly why I like to share my story Jodie.....for that reason right there.......cherish every moment.....every little thing good and bad..........if we all lived that way the world would be a different kind of place wouldn't it? I'm glad I inspired you....I love hearing that!!!


message 41: by Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (last edited Jul 14, 2008 09:32AM) (new)

Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) Thank you Jodie!

My reading fears have to do with stories about young widows! I was able to read "Good Grief" by Lolly Winston a couple of years ago, but since then, the idea of being a 30 something widow terrifies me and I can't bring myself to read about it! "PS I Love You" has been sitting on my shelf for who knows how long and I just can't open it! (I also couldn't watch the movie!)

I don't think Mary's telling of how Stella passed is a sign of full recovery ~ certain things I believe you can heal from, but fully recover? Not so much! It was the beginning of Mary's new life and her being ready to move forward with that beginning.


message 42: by Meg (last edited Jul 14, 2008 11:10AM) (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments I am with you Jo, Mary's ability to talk about Stella is just one tiny step towards making sense of her pain. As I was told, grieving is a full time job. Which brings me to the question:

Do you feel Mary was too self-indulgent or self centered when it came to going through and emerging from her grief? If, so, why?

Everyone grieves differently and at different paces. I can't imagine anyone thinking someone is self-indulgent in their grief. What makes it difficult is no one understands it and therefore you are frustrated because you don't know how to help. Men are frustrated because their personna is they want to fix it. Of course you can't fix grief. Women are empathetic but still not knowing how to help.

Personally, I had different people in my life to help with different aspects. Grief stays with you all of your life. You don't get better, you get different (if that makes any sense at all).



message 43: by Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (last edited Jul 14, 2008 04:31PM) (new)

Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) Thanks Meg!

Makes perfect sense to me! You don't necessarily "get over it" ~ you learn how to live with it and eventually move forward (or not, as the case may be).

I think grief in and of itself is a very personal thing and since everyone reacts differently, even in similiar situations, I can see how some might perceive another as being 'selfish' in how she/he handles their grief.


message 44: by Someone (new)

Someone  Youmayknow (momar13) I used to knit OBSESSIVELY but now I work so much I am back to books. Which is a pretty ok trade off by me. I love knitting but I heard some people talking about that book and they said it was only so-so.


Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) Which book? The Knitting Circle? I think it's a 'like it or lump it' kind of read! (I persoanlly liked it a lot!)


message 46: by Jodie (new)

Jodie | 13 comments I agree with you Jo...at first I didn't think I was going to finish it, but I am glad I did.


message 47: by [deleted user] (new)

Just bought the book..going to try and catch up!


message 48: by Tera, First Chick (new)

Tera | 2564 comments Mod
I just picked up the book myself Katie so we can both be behind together. I started reading it last night and so far like it but I'm not that far into it. It did make me think about pulling out my knitting needles but right now I'm working on a crochet project and I am SO bad about not finishing them if I start something else. So one at a time for me with that.


message 49: by Tera, First Chick (new)

Tera | 2564 comments Mod
If you are a knitter, do you feel the act of knitting is theraputic? How so?

(I just finished it tonight answering a few questions in each post.)

I'm not sure I'd call myself a knitter but I did teach myself how to do so a few years ago although I am not an expert. That said, I find anytime I create something to be a form of therapy. Being able to take something like string, paper, seeds so on and have a hand in developing it into something beautiful and meaningful is confidence evoking and what is better therapy than feeling good about yourself. The creative process in general is theraputic for me. I don't see it as a distraction from my life or problems as it seemed to be used in the book but rather an opportunity to do and create something outside of myself.

Though each women's loss is different in the book and their reactions to their loss are different, what do they hold in common w/one another? How does such different types of loss bring them together?
It's not loss that brings them together its the resulting grief from the loss. Grief is isolating. The power of grief is convincing the person that they are alone and no one could possibly feel as much, hurt as deep, understand the agony. Giving into grief is believing those lies. The women (and Roger) found that grief is universal. Recognizing that grief is something we all feel takes away some of its controlling power over you. You dont have to find someone that's gone through what youve gone through because you wont but to recognize someone whos experienced their own grief at the same magnitude as you takes away the isolating grips of grief. That's what they found in common.


message 50: by Tera, First Chick (last edited Jul 22, 2008 12:42AM) (new)

Tera | 2564 comments Mod
Can you relate to Mary's reacting to others w/feeling of envy and bitterness at their good fortunes?
Heck yest. It's not that you don't want them to have joy or fortune. You just wish you didn't have to see it. You wish that you could have it. Who hasn't felt that is a better person than any I have known.


Do you feel Mary was too self-indulgent or self centered when it came to going through and emerging from her grief? If, so, why?
I honestly do. I almost feel like I'm not allowed to say that because I haven't experienced it but from my perspective yeah she was too self indulgent and self consumed. It was as though she was the only one that lost Stella. She couldn't see past her own grief to see others, or if she did she simply didn't care enough to do anything about it. I almost feel as though she got to a point that her grief was her comfort. She took solace in it. Thinking that she hurt more than Dylan or that because she couldnt go forward like he had that meant she loved more or lost more and I dont think thats the case.



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