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So I have a friend (and yes it really is a friend and not just me trying to disguise my problems, lol) and she’s really having a rough time right now. She calls me for advice but I really don’t know what to say because I really suck at giving advice. So let me just give you a back ground of her family so you guys can understand the situation a bit better.She’s 17 (and a senior in high school) and has 4 other siblings all younger than her (5 kids in total) and her mom and dad were together up until a few days ago. Her parents are immigrants from Haiti and they have no education. Her dad is the only one in the family who has a job and he works minimum wage (and supports all 7 of them!). About a week ago my friend’s dad left the family because I guess the stress was too much for him (personally I think he’s a douche bag). So now my friend is saying that she might not even go to college at all because she has to get a job to support her family.
I told her that she HAS to go to college and I understand that she’s the oldest child in her family but she’s only 17 and it’s not fair that she has to give up her future just to get a job. I told her that she should encourage her mom to get a job and support her family. I don’t know if my advice to her was wrong or selfish.
What should I do to help my friend? What other advice can I give to help her?
Sashana wrote: "So I have a friend (and yes it really is a friend and not just me trying to disguise my problems, lol) and she’s really having a rough time right now. She calls me for advice but I really don’t kno..."I think that you are doing the right thing in encouraging your friend to get an education. If it's possible, it may be wise for her mother to go back to school as well. Maybe take a bank loan and pay school off when the family is ready.
You are doing the right thing. Just keep telling your friend that things are going to work out and everything will end up ok.
An education is always important but sometimes it has to be postponed till a later date. To many people have loans and especially student ones they never get paid off. I think first they need to re-group and the mom needs to get a job. Perhaps your friend can work part time and go to school part time at a community college. Sometimes you can even find jobs at the colleges. They need to have an income. What about extended family? Can they help out? Their church, community etc. Right now it is all new to them and probably very scary. Give her your shoulder to cry on but you don't always have to have the answers to be a good friend. Sometimes just listening is really good therapy for the person.
Thanks Katherine and Lauren.Lauren, her mom doesn’t speak English that well and she never ever went to school so it would be really difficult for her to go back this late in life (but not impossible).
Katherine, I don’t think they have extended family here, I think all of their family lives in Haiti which is another thing. They have to send money to their family members who were affected by the earthquake. They do go to church though and we have a great community college in Miami. I’ll try to listen to her and be a shoulder for her to cry on. It’s hard to watch someone’s life fall apart- especially when it’s someone you love.
Things like this are never easy, but you shouldn't let someone else's problems really effect you in a negative way. Make sure you are healthy (mentally and physically) in dealing with this.
So, I’ve been thinking really bad thoughts lately. Like…I don’t want to go to college, I’m really starting to hate school- it’s like torture. Someone beat some sense into me.
I went down that path. I went straight into a full time job after high school (and I had been working part time since I was 16). I'm only just now making decent money and all I want to do is get me a Time Turner and go back to get a real education. I went to night school for my A.S. in Paralegal studies but it's not enough. I did that for my job, not because it's what I wanted to learn.I kept saying, "I'll just work a year or two, then go back and get my degree." Never happened. I'm still trying to make it happen. I've got all my limbs crossed that I can afford to put myself through school now.
Want to talk about awkward? I'm going to be 30 or older by the time I start college. Everyone around me will be at least 10 years younger. Hells bells, I'm sure I'll be older than some of the teachers. It's terrifying and I can only hope and wish on a star that I'm making the right choice. At this point in my life I'm looking at giving something up. Security or my dreams. Both are terrifying to lose. What will you be giving up?
But maybe you'll be better than I've been. I hope you take the time to really look at all of your options and try to look ahead at what's waiting for you. You have some amazing opportunities right now, but what really matters is what's going to make you happy.
I certainly hope you choose to go to school. But if it's going to truly make you miserable, you need to look at all of your options.
Also, don't forget that high school and college are VERY different environments. What you hate about high school will likely not even be a consideration at college.
Thanks, Sans. I was going through a moment of temporary insanity yesterday. But I feel much more level headed today. I'll go to college and pray that it's not as horrible/soul sucking as HS. And even if I do hate it it's just for four years right? Versus the rest of my life in a career that I hate.Thanks Sans! You really really did help me. I think I found a career for you: psychologist!
I'm very glad I could help! I'm already know as the office shrink and mediator, so maybe I should look into that career instead of history and literature. ^o^And you're absolutely right. A few years compared to decades really isn't so bad.
Ha! Good point. I suppose psychology / psychiatry is better than being fluent in Gaelic...
Job wise, I'm guessing so. I'm guessing one of the few things you could do with Gaelic is teach it.
Sorry to butt in,Sashana, don't worry college WAY different than high school. I am a freshman at a university now. I HATED high school. College is a way different atmosphere, and they are so many people and opportunities. It's all about finding the school that will be a good fit for you
Dear Members,I need your Help!
Okay, so I have a small problem. Well, it's not a bad problem, but I thought I'd post it here to get your input. I've been in discussions with some people who work with a NYT Bestselling author who just happens to not be a Goodreads author, YET. Well, it appears after several different conversations with 2 different individuals the author has agreed to do a Q&A session with us. It will NOT be a live interactive Q&A, but we'll be submitting the question 3 days prior to the author answering them. So here is my dilemma. The publisher has agreed to let us giveaway 25 copies to our members in honor of her book being released on October 26th:
That's right, you heard me, Lisa Kleypas is going to do a Q&A session with us and we get to giveaway copies of her book to members!!!!!!!!! Thank you Lisa Kleypas and St. Martin's Press.
Okay, so I lied it's not just my problem, but Sashana's, Lauren's, & my problem. I thought I'd throw you off by claiming the problem was all mine. So, how do we decide who gets them? Suggestions anyone? It should be noted only those of you residing in the US or Canada can participate in the giveaway. Sorry all of you who reside outside that zone. :(
Oh, and I guess I should tell you you may need to trust me with your address in order to get the book shipped from the publisher. I'm not sure they'd want to giveaway their information. Is that okay with everyone? I'm double checking on that.
Now, isn't this a nice problem to have? lol
Sincerely,
Lisarenee
Lisa, that is AMAZING!!!I'd suggest maybe getting a list of everyone who wants at copy (and is willing to submit a question!) and, if you have more than 25, draw names for them. Old fashioned, but it's about the most fair way I can think of.
Lisarenee, this is a hard one because sadly we can’t give all of members a book. I think we should have a sign up for everyone who’s interested in winning a copy. We can enter their names into random.org which is a program that (you guessed it) selects names at random. This will keep things fair. However I do think that members who participate frequently in our group should have a bit of an edge. So maybe we can enter their names twice instead of once.
Samantha wrote: "Sorry to butt in,Sashana, don't worry college WAY different than high school. I am a freshman at a university now. I HATED high school. College is a way different atmosphere, and they are so ma..."
Samantha, so glad to hear. Thanks for the advice :). Do you go to a big university or a small one?
If we have more than 25 people wishing for a copy I vote we resort to fun contests.
I would love to win a copy, but I understand can't everybody get one. If I don't win, no big deal. I won't pout. (much) LOL
Lol Lisa, does this mean that you'll be signing up for the giveaway? :)
Sure, I've never read her before. Just let me know when and I'm there girl!
If you like romance you should lover her.
Not really, but I'll try anything once.
Sashana, I go to a very large university. 30,000+ undergrads and 10,000+ grads. Very much a college town
I'm undecided right now, because I change my mind every 10 seconds haha. But right now I am thinking Sociology, Creative writing, or english :)What are you thinking?
Double in English and Education, but I'm not a 100% yet.
That would be cool, would you teach high school?
Yup, but teaching is my back up, I'd really like to be a publisher (tough business to get into though). What do you want to be?
In a perfect world I would love to be an author.I've considered publishing though, also maybe something with Criminal Justice. I want to work in prision libraries and help with rehabilitation.
Oh man, that’s quite a mix! Are you going to double major? What would you write if you became an author? Aren’t you scared of the idea of working in a prison? (He-he, can you tell that I’m very curious?)
I haven't decided if I'm going to double major yet, but at the very least I will get a major and a minor. I write mainly poetry and short stories, I am trying to write a novel, but haven't been able to yet haha.I'm not too worried about working in a prison, I think I'm going to grad school for criminology. The criminal justice system in America is so curupt! It keeps criminals criminals, and doesn't help to eliminate crime at all. So I hope to work with rehabilitation so once prisioners are released they are able to get jobs and strive, rather than winding up back in prison. I'm sure we all here know the power of reading, so I hope to share that with them. :)
Rachel wrote: "Just the thread I was looking for. WARNING: Some strong language might be used below. I don't know if this will make me more mad and confused or have the opposite effect: calming and theraputic. So..."Rachel,
I am so sorry that all these are not only happening, but simultaniously happening. No one deserves that kind of stress.
About your mom, if you've talked to her about your distaste for her boyfriend before and she was unreceptive, then it is unlikely that your dissaproval now would have any affect other than putting a strain (or further strain) on your relationship with her. As irritating as it is, no one wants to even consider giving up what they think is a good thing. I don't know your mom, but generally people are looking for some sort of comfort or stability (especially if they're not used to being alone- I don't know if that applies). Basically, you can't stop her doing what she wants to do. If you feel that he is an asshole borderline abusive, then I
would try to just offer her some comfort and make sure that you don't burn bridges with her. Don't shut her down or judge her now, because then she is less likey to reach out to you in the future should she need some help. (I hope that in this situation that won't be necessary.)
As for your boyfriend, you haven't said anything about him per-say; i.e. personality defects, incompatablity, etc. Your irritation is stemmed from this woman. One, while jealousy is unavoidable and some would argue, healthy, if you're having an issue trusting him, maybe you shouldn't be with him. You can't truly love someone or feel happy or safe with them if you cannot first trust them (I say that like it's easy and that I can do it myself- it's not and I can't). Two, maybe your looking for a reason to back away from him? Like I said, you didn't mention his flaws, only that you were jealous. But you also said (indirectly) that she poses no true threat. He seems to tell you the details of their friendship, so honestly, I would think about if you have a true reason not to trust him (besides your own insecurities) and if you can really continue your relationship knowing that you don't trust him. Don't make a decision based on jealousy or fear. Don't factor in other people when determining the future of relationship.
I hope at least a small speck of that was actually helpful and that everything works out for you.
"Do you need advice on anything, anything at all? If you do just ask! I'm sure I'll be able to help you."
All of us have had some tricky times in our lives when we just aren't sure what to do. This is a spot where you can come if you need advice, an opinion, or you just need to get something off your chest. By coming to this blog and reading it you are making a promise not to discuss someone else's situation outside of the post - be courteous and polite! So don't be shy, we've got your back.
Sincerely,
Lauren