The first chapter in the book your writing

[Writersblock55]

LOLZ

[Jordan, The Picture Magician (aka Probie)]

Emily, Zepikness Saviour of the Muffins wrote: "Too... many... stories....

*runs out of the room screaming in peril*"

EMILY! COME BACK! YOU NEED TO READ THEM!

[Pia]

Just an idea that came to my head, and I thought it was funny.


Sunlight: A Twilight Parody


Preface/Prologue/Whatever

I’d never given much thought to where I would dye my hair. The local salon, that usually did my hair, seemed like a good choice. But I would never imagine it end up like this.
I stared numbed around the salon, and looked into the eyes of the guilty-looking girl, who had done my hair. I wanted it honey-blond, only a shade darker than my natural color, but I ended as a brunette.
I couldn’t make myself regret the decision to have chosen the salon. ‘Cause as I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I saw how hot I was with dark hair.


Twilight © Stephenie Meyer


Sorry if it's bad written. I will use the excuse to say I'm from Denmark :b

[Skye]

this is the first chapter in "lucy's diary a flip back to 1775"


dear diary
today the war has begun. i hope my dady and my eldest brother,thomas,survives (tears).pray for them diary,please,for me. especially thomas. he is only 20.well, at least willy did not go. he is 17.lets just hope that he wont go in later. for now,though,willy and mama are in charge.
pray for me and my family,
lucy

i know. it is very short. but thats just the first chapter!

[[deleted user]]

Pia wrote: "Just an idea that came to my head, and I thought it was funny.


Sunlight: A Twilight Parody


Preface/Prologue/Whatever

I’d never given much thought, to where I would dye my hair. The l..."

That made me lol. You just had some extra commas in the first two sentences that you don't need.

[Isaac]

Jordan, the Picture Magician (aka Probie) wrote: "Emily, Zepikness Saviour of the Muffins wrote: "Too... many... stories....

*runs out of the room screaming in peril*"

EMILY! COME BACK! YOU NEED TO READ THEM!"

Oh. So now you show up.

(Long story. XD)

[Jordan, The Picture Magician (aka Probie)]

Sorry, I was on vacation.

[Pia]

Cara wrote: "Pia wrote: "Just an idea that came to my head, and I thought it was funny.


Sunlight: A Twilight Parody


Preface/Prologue/Whatever

I’d never given much thought, to where I would dye my hair. T..."


OK thanks :D

[[deleted user]]

This is Chapter 1 of my story Angelfall- Autumn of the God. My profile is open so you can check all of my writting.
P.S. Anyone steals my ideas, I will skin him/her. (Though I doubt anyone would). Consider yourself warned.

It is already half past four. Where the heaven is he?
Normally, he wouldn't be addressed as a he. None of us would be addressed with a gender. Because we don't have a gender. Or at least, that's the way things used o be. Before the Apocalypse. Something very wrong happened then.
Blasted humans. Without them, the Apocalypse would never have happened. But oh, no, they had to stop believing in him. Stray out of the road too much. Science is all well, yet another religion in a way. But it is not spiritual. And once the spirit is corrupted the soul shatters and the being returnes back to what it was. Dirt and water. What do they say in funerals?
Ashes to ashes.
"Penny for your thoughts?" The voice startled me. I turned to find Gabriel watching. He had a tired smile, his hair were a tumbled mess and there were dark circles under his eyes. His was no longer exhaustion-proof. Something had to be done. His condition - our condition - was making him too human, too vulnerable.
And just so we straight things out, yes, it is the Gabriel. As in Archangel Gabriel.
"Nothing sir," I replied quickly. "But I would like to point out that we are no longer in Britain. So I believe it would be more accurate to say a euro for your thoughts or perhaps a drahma, because of the history of the place."
He looked around. "Yes, indeed. You are quite right I believe. This is Greece not Britain, though we both know that it doesn't make much of a difference anymore. They all look the same."
Destroyed.
He looked away. "And, while we are at it, stop calling me sir. I - I am no longer part of the court and have... lost my right to command," he looked back at me, "We are all equal here."
"I apologise... er-"
"Gabriel," he finished for me.
"Right. It's a habit, I guess," I said as an apology.
"The change it," he said. command was deep in his voice. I blinked. As if startled by the way he spoke himself, he run his hand through his hair. An automatic move, showing he feels perplexed. I frowned. Why is that?
"Whatever," I said at last, "you're still higher than me."
He looked upwards and rolled his eyes. "There is no hierarchy anymore, you and I are both the same."
I shook my head in disagreement. "In any case, that is not the point."
"What is?"
"What are we going to do? We used to be ethereal beings and now we're trapped in flesh. We were undying. And humans-" I broke off. We lived among humans and humans died among us. Now that everything is changed, what do we do? "And the Lord-" I added helplessly.
Big Guy has disappeared. And then all Hell did break loose. Hmph. For all our talk, angels are as greedy as humans. We now resemble those priests accross the world where they used people's faith to get rich. Not all of them are like this but well, most of them are.
As for the Awesome Threesome (come to think of it it does sound bad - Mental note to never mention it in public) I believe they were too hurt by the corruption in both Heaven and Earth. As his creation, we were made to be like him, eyes open and caring but what was made with love has now turned sour. Were I them, I suppose I would react the same way.
After they disappeared the most powerful of angels formed a counsil and now they rule over us all. Those who were opposed were either shown the door or they left on their own free will. The counsil is supposed to be trying to figure things out and try to find Big Guy but... Arrogant bastards. Like hell are they trying to find him.
Things there are foul. It's why I left. And after a while I run into Gabrile. Rumor had it he had left but I hadn't believed it to be true. Heaven radio fm (yes, we do have a radio station) did not mention the ones who had turned their back to the counsil. But from what I had gathered, a mere Throne told him off, saying his notions were too archaic and that it was time new roads were opened.
I would have answered but they say all Gabriel did was turn his back and leave. As many of us did. We no longer believed. Archangel Michael is still there but for how long no one knows. There have been bets of course. But for now we are left to wander.
But still, who am I to talk? Given my rank, my thought are not even to be said aloud. The only thing I can do is stand back and watch from the sidelines as the misguided leaders of our race tear up each other and fall to a level lower than that of the Fallen One's.
Gabriel leaned in closer to my face breaking the train of my gloomy thoughts. He cocked his head on one side. "A euro for your thoughts?"
Instictevely, I threw back my head and laughed. Moments like this were keeping my anger and bitterness at bay. I was glad.
"The past," I said in the end. I don't like talking about and probably won't for some time.
Gabriel didn't answer, he didn't even blink and I could help wondering whether he was nostalgic. "Can I ask you something?"
He lifted a blond eyebrow. "Sure."
"I can't help connecting God to the past. We were his creations. He felt pain. Is there any... ground for us to speak of the mortality of God? I can't help feeling that he is dead."
Up went another brow. "You do realise you sound like the most blasphemous angel ever known?" I gulped. Audibly. "Can I now ask you something?"
NO! You didn't answer! But I just nodded.
"Do you believe in me?" I jerked, surprised that my loyalties were questioned. I nodded.
"So you will follow me? No matter what?"
"Yes." I answered carefully.
"Even if that meant you had to go against the morals you had up until recently?"
I sighed. "I believe in you. I trust and respect you. Not because I was taught to do that but because you have earned it. We may have left the Gardens of Eden but my work there was to deliver the sould and it was a gruesome task. But I got know about you and I now know you. I also know that if you ask me to do something I will do it because I am sure have thought well of it. My loyalties lie with yours."
Gabriel nodded, pleased. I could tell he was bitting his lower lip to keep himself from laughing with my formal little speech but that was ok. Laughing was so rare these days it was precious no matter the reason.
"Follow me please," he said abruptly. "I want you to meet someone."
I did as I was aked. We walked from the ruins of the Syntagma square down the Ermou street and turned in a smaller road. I was curious then.
"Come out," Gabriel said to the darkness.
And to my surprise, the darkness replied by taking shape in a pair of green eyes, wicked grin, black longish hair, tall, lean body.
"Is that a female angel?" the person said. "That might be yet another interesting reason for me to help you angel.
Gabriel remained expressionless. "Mario, this Joan. Joan this is Mario. He's a-"
"Demon," I said hoarsely.

[[deleted user]]

My chapter is kinda longish but any feedback would be deeply appreciated (it's why I joined this group). Feedback feedback feedback.

[Maria [the clockwork creeps on useless lives], Butts butts]

I will read it... But I have this gigantic list of 'Goodreads friends to read stories' so it might take a while.

Oh, and about stealing the ideas, you didn't even have to bring it up. We wouldn't think of it. Goodreads even sort of 'copyrights' the work you put in, it explains it on your writing profile thingy.

[KittyKitty Fompledump (Courtney)]

Alkyoni ~ an artie!! wrote: "My chapter is kinda longish but any feedback would be deeply appreciated (it's why I joined this group). Feedback feedback feedback."

I like it, Alkyoni!
We really really need to give you a nickname :)

[Maria [the clockwork creeps on useless lives], Butts butts]

No, I love her name!

[KittyKitty Fompledump (Courtney)]

Yeah but it's too long for me to remember :P

[KittyKitty Fompledump (Courtney)]

Oh well..

[[deleted user]]

Since my name was brought up: http://www.behindthename.com/name/alc...

In Greek there is a bird with my name as the link says (there's a whole ancient myth) which in English it is called Kingfisher. So I guess you could call me that if you want.
Here's a pic of the bird
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_2WLVq4i--2c...

[Maria [the clockwork creeps on useless lives], Butts butts]

Yeah, I get what you mean about people confusing your name. :) My first name is Maria but my middle name people are like WHAT? Never heard that. Except for with a flower, it's part of it.

[KittyKitty Fompledump (Courtney)]

Alkyoni ~ an artie!! wrote: "Since my name was brought up: http://www.behindthename.com/name/alc...

In Greek there is a bird with my name as the link says (there's a whole ancient myth) which in English it is called Kingfi..."

Coolio! :)

[[deleted user]]

@Courtney: thanks *blush* (come to think of, I blush a lot)
@Maria: What's your middle name? (I may have lost something since I am new). At least you don't get what I do whenever I introduce myself to someone from Greece (usually older) which is "Ooooh, Alkyoni, huh? Do you know the myth about alkyoni?" And i say yes and yet in they go and I am there all "mmmmhmmmmmmm, I already knew that but I have to be polite, no need to be harsh with people".... :)

[Maria [the clockwork creeps on useless lives], Butts butts]

Haha yeah... I understand your pain. I'm not actually from Greece, I'm the second generation born here, but we keep the tradition alive. But my grandparents and great grandparents wouldn't speak Greek in America, in fear that they'd have an accent and that it would be harder to get a job, so therefore I don't speak Greek. I'm trying to learn.

It's popular in Greece: Chrysanthe.

[[deleted user]]

Ooooooh nice! Hmph, of course they wouldn't know it. And I sympathise with your grandparents. I've read that in NY they used to hang signs outside of restaurants saying "no dogs, no Greeks". You know, American people (of that time) were really stuoid (donot mean to insult anyone, it's a fact). They treated African people badly as if they had wanted to go to America and hadn't been dragged there by dorce and-
Oh let's not begin this conversation. Gets me worked up almost everytime....

[Amy]

In the beginning were the words.

Words were a beautiful yet fickle thing. The right combination could fly you to heaven; the wrong, send you to hell. However, he had spent a long time perfecting these ones, and he was sure they were right. They had to be.

His name, too, had been chosen with care. His remaining friends still called him Paul, but to the rest of the world he had adopted a more memorable name. One that could be whispered with reverence all over the country, Percival Perez stood at his pulpit, watching the faces of the members of the congregation. It was the largest church that in the city, and still, there were so many people it was almost a fire hazard. Word had traveled. He took note of who was skeptical, who had been dragged here by friends, and who already believed. Eventually they would all fall into the last category. They always did. Every atheist, politician or civilian.

“Welcome,” he said, the microphones amplifying his voice so that people in the back could hear it. “Welcome to my humble church.” Many people laughed, though softly, as if they weren’t sure if it was allowed. His church was anything but humble. Tall, arched ceilings covered the nave, and stained glass windows lined the walls, the east ones glowing in the soft morning light. The church had a certain beauty about it— it wasn’t just the ornate architecture, the intricate windows. It was something more, something that he couldn’t put a finger on.
Then again, the place where you reach your dreams is always beautiful.

Nevertheless, the shiny pews and marble statues didn’t hurt. They quieted the doubts of the visitors, and told them that they need look no further for the answers to their problems.

“I deliberated whether I should be here today. I do not want to take up this mantle—I accept my bloodline with wonder. Of course, I had heard that there would be a Second Coming. When I was young, and things looked bad, when I doubted the rest of humanity… I could clutch at this lifeline.” He had a soothing voice, one that made everyone trust him. The kind you associated with your grandfather. “But then last night, as I was deliberating whether I should be here this morn, God himself came in my sleep. He said unto me; ‘My dearest son, why do you hesitate to take up your job again? In your last life, you died at a cross. But if the people of America do not follow you, they might be subject to an even worse, more drawn out death.’” Percival looked around. “Our Father said we had disappointed Him. But he still loves Americans over all, and he showed me a way out of our predicament. If we have faith, we can do it. If we have faith, we can survive this. The Pan Asian Democratic Union will crumble, if only we have faith!” Here his voice was rising passionately.

All below, people were nodding. It made sense, after all. Why hadn’t they thought of it before? It was what they had always dreamed of—an easy way out. And, if nothing else, someone to blame if things went wrong.

“If you accept me for who I truly am, then God will know the American people are again holy, and then the American people will again rise to the top. No longer will we cower in fear from an unseen enemy, for our Father will be protecting us.” The words were well rehearsed, but to each person it seemed as if here speaking to him and only them.

Something had changed in the room. People were looking at each other. Some people were crying, though from joy or sadness he could not tell. A few insisted on looked doubtful, but there was another force growing in the room.

Hope.

He had given them hope.

Their families might not taste radiation. Their houses might not be bombed.

For Jesus had risen again. And he was there only for them.

-
Prologue to CG.
And no, I'm not a religious nut. Trust me.

[[deleted user]]

Oh wow. Just wow. I am going to stay posted (one of my writtings is about God too but I am not overly religious either. :)

[Amy]

Yeah, I'm not... well, not really religious at all. It's actually done but I'm only now posting it on GR.

and thanks!

[Isaac]

Hmm, I am religious (not like so religious that I kill you with a marshmellow for saying you weren't), but I've had this idea I've been wanting to use for a Christian story, but it's already been done. =(

[[deleted user]]

A marsmellow? You'd really kill with a marshmellow? Interesting choice if u ask me.
:)

[Amy]

yeah.... I don't know if mine's been done or not. I've never seen one like it, so, whatever. XD

[Jordan, The Picture Magician (aka Probie)]

Here's the test of how religious you are. If you're a Catholic, read The DaVinci Code and see how pissed off you get. I got seriously pissed off reading that book.

[[deleted user]]

Iam not a Catholic but an Orthodox. I don't mean to start an arguement but I can understand (up yo a point) TDC. What I don't like about Catholism is the issue with the Pope. I still believe that it is all about politics in the Vatican BUT I do not believe that priests here are much better on that matter. Of course there are priests who do not seek power and it would be wrong not to aknowledge that.
As for the matter of Christ, personally I am not interested whether he really did have a relationship with Maria. If he is the way we know him to be then frankly I really don't care. His teachings show what kind of person he was and I still feel inspired when I read of what he taught.
That doesn't mean that I agree with TDC all in all. The whole thing is WAY too far fetched. I seriously donot believe that the Vatican would hunt down Christ's children (if we suppose there were any) and kill them. I mean come on. I don't think they would worry, because people who would stop believing in what Jeasus said simply because he had children (again if we suppose he had - and I believe there MIGHT be a slight possibility because he was part human) would not really be true Christians. Being human doesn't change who we are only part of what we are. Personally, I would still believe he was God's son. No matter what.
Anyway, personally, I do believe in God but not in church because over the years they have disappointed me. As for TDC for me it is fiction and not the best one at that.
Hope my little speech didn't piss you off Jordan. :) I am only stating my opinion.

[Jordan, The Picture Magician (aka Probie)]

nope, you didnt piss me off. But jesus is completely human AND completely divine, not part human and part divine. Sorry, thats just a big belief for me.

[[deleted user]]

oh sorry that's what I remember from school... but yeah, that's what i mean.
sorry? for what? I completely agree. plus, even if I didn't I'd still be ok with it.

[Isaac]

Jordan, the Picture Magician (aka Probie) wrote: "Here's the test of how religious you are. If you're a Catholic, read The DaVinci Code and see how pissed off you get. I got seriously pissed off reading that book."

What's that about, anyways? I'm Nazarene, not Catholic, but my parents and my grandpa (who's a preacher) got seriously ticked off too.

[Amy]

I didn't like the da Vinci Code because I thought the writing was terrible, so I never made it through.

That being said, I'm Atheist, so I doubt it would bug me.

What did you guys think of the Golden Compass?

[Ilana]

I liked the Da Vinci Code. Hi, this is me. Popping in unexpectedly. Woot. Liked the Golden Compass too. I didn't care at all about the relgious aspects, though. I just thought of them as fiction, because they are. (Pst, I am not an atheist like Amy. Nope. I don't have a label.)

[Isaac]

My family have a problem with the Da Vinici Code and the Golden Compass. But we're religious.

[Ilana]

*shrug* I dunno why I am in this topic. Amy just mentioned it. Paha.

[Elliott]

My NaNo is going to be very, very Christian.

[micah]

Here is just a part of my sci-fi 1st chapter: please comment

The IT

An experiment, that’s what they called me, a failed experiment. I was kept in isolation for most of my life. Scientist, Genetic Engineers’ came and looked at me. They looked at me through the glass of my cell watching, taking notes on my behavior, my actions, everything. Sometimes I’d play their Game. Sometimes I just sit there and stare back at them, like, what are you doing in my domain. . I was the leader. I fed my ego by doing thing the scientist had never seen, like when they stared at me with that priceless look of amazement. But one day, they brought another one. It wasn’t one of those people who come and watch me, make me play their silly games, but a real creature. Something I’d never seen. It wasn’t some animal. My genetic engineering allowed me to process and interprit things 70% faster than most people. I also had a photographic memory. The people who created me gave me a stack of encyclopedias dictionaries, textbooks, They gave me fearlessness… I was the best. I was the leader, always. Nobody had ever challenged me. I guess that’s why when that thing came towards me I looked at it. It was smaller than me. Like a toy , just how I like them, fearful, scared, doing anything to get out of the prison. But this one was different; it looked at me with a superior, fearless look. I didn’t like that. Anything that thought it was bigger, better than me, would have to be dealt with. I hoped this one wasn’t engineered freaks who had been engineered with the 30% muscle. The last one they put in here with me had some sort of gel skin. When you hurt it, it would grow back. Kind of like an amoeba, grouping together then again and again. Then the thing came at me. It stood on its hind legs looking down at me like an adult to a kid and said “I the leader.” Then it came down in one huge forceful punch, and everything went black. People say that people aren’t afraid of the dark but simply afraid that there will never be light. Well, that’s what I felt like. I wonder what happened to it. It looks terrible. What the heck is it? When I woke up, I was in a room with white walls, sterile smell and a clean look. It was all too perfect. There was a monitor next to me that kept beeping and it had these strange lines on it that looked like some sort of line graph I had seen in one of the encyclopedias They had given me. There were people hovering around me with a curious look. Something disturbed me, the fact that I had been in a room with some Thing, I saw black, and then I was here. Something was wrong about this situation. A doctor and one of the They’s came to me. They started explaining. “You were in a room, remember?” They asked me. I just stared back, pretending to be stupid so I’d get the whole story, so I wouldn’t have to rely on the fragments of memory I had. “The Aoi came into the room that you were in. Remember now? You had a look on your face like this is mine then the Aoi came and stood up on its legs and watched you. Correct doctor m?” said one of the They’s. “Um I believe that is correct. One of the observers told me the whole story.” stated the doctor, still looking at me with a curious look. “So, Aoi hit you and you suffered a terrible concussion. You slipped in and out of consciousness.” said the They. So that’s what those voices where. The They started again, “You went into a coma. And now you’re here. That’s all you need to know.” said the They.
All I could think was that the They’s and doctors were lying to me. Trying to deceive me. Pretend I was like the others. But they were wrong. They didn’t know me.

[Elliott]

It was interesting. But just a tip? Show not tell. (I tell that to everybody, and I know I need to do it too, but it could make a really good story like what you have, great!)

[Annemarie, hi]

Ilana wrote: "I liked the Da Vinci Code. Hi, this is me. Popping in unexpectedly. Woot. Liked the Golden Compass too. I didn't care at all about the relgious aspects, though. I just thought of them as fiction, b..."

Hi Ilana!
I agrees. :) I thought the concept of both books were very cool. And also about the no label thing, psh, who needs religion?

[micah]

Micki wrote: "Here is just a part of my sci-fi 1st chapter: please comment

The IT

An experiment, that’s what they called me, a failed experiment. I was kept in isolation for most of my life. Scientist, Geneti..."

what do you mean by show not tell?

[Elliott]

Actually, going back and re-reading it, you actually did a good job of that. (Showing not telling.) Excuse my random blathering.

[Annemarie, hi]

Micki wrote: "Here is just a part of my sci-fi 1st chapter: please comment

The IT

An experiment, that’s what they called me, a failed experiment. I was kept in isolation for most of my life. Scientist, Geneti..."

Make paragraphs. So its not just a big clump of words.

[micah]

Juliet wrote: "Micki wrote: "Here is just a part of my sci-fi 1st chapter: please comment

The IT

An experiment, that’s what they called me, a failed experiment. I was kept in isolation for most of my life. Sci..."

It wasn't clumped until I copied it on here. :(

[Annemarie, hi]

Oh, I sees.

[micah]

Ya, sad story :(

[RedPath]

It was a red. Bright red. With brass design.

I’ve been down this corridor a thousand times and lived in this palace all my life, but I’d never seen before. It burned my eyes with its brilliance and it seemed to radiate an aura of mystery and something more.

I sat down my laundry load; the princess and her maidens would have to wait. Reaching for the brass knob, which was carved to look like a lotus, I grasped it and began to turn, when I heard someone screech my name “Rosalia, you wench! I absolutely NEED my gowns! Get them here before I turn ninety-six, if you don’t mind!” It was the princess herself. “Coming Princess Azida,” I called back.

I quickly picked up the load of freshly cleaned garments and started heading back, desperately hoping the door would be there again.

I cursed under my breath. Couldn't the princess dress herself for once? She was my age, and didn't do anything on her own. I often wondered how she would survive without her servants. Ah, too bad; it’s all just wishful thinking.

But now, I'm getting off track.

I closed my eyes; the door's image was burned behind my eyelids. I will find out what's behind that door.