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Eoin Colfer
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"If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written."— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)
"If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away."— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)
"I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared."— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl Boxed Set)
"Foaly: Anyone see you come in here?Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB.
Foaly: The EIB?
Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl 1-3.)
"Knock yourself out...or rather don't"~Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl
"It's amazing how much noise people ignoring each other can make" ~Eoin Colfer
"You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-shirt that read 'I'm a clue'."~Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl
"Artemis felt like he was six again and caught hacking the school computers trying to make the test questions harder."~Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl
Man I don't even know that much.You have talent!!!!!
"Jon Spiro had not hired Pex and Chips for their debating skills. In the job interview, they had only been set one task. A hundred applicants were handed a walnut and asked to smash it however they could. Only two succeeded. Pex had shouted at the walnut for a few minutes, then flattened it between his giant palms. Chips had opted for a more controversial method. He placed the walnut on the table, grabbed his interviewer by the ponytail, and used the man's forehead to smash the nut. Both men were hired on the spot." ~Eoin Colfer, Artemis Fowl
"Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist and that I am not a gibbering moron."— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)
I am so sorry I have not had any quotes from him
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)