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I need feedback, please.
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Not sure if wanna read Twilight/paranormal porn, but really like the idea of one of our members crazy enough to change his name.:) Just finish the whole book then rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, and then rewrite again. You won't get anywhere looking over your shoulder for approval.
I wish I knew there was an art to rewriting when I self published my first novel. Also, no need to curse, it's obvious what they are doing from your description.
It's not Twilight. It's backlash towards the Twilight crap, but yes It's going to be hyper-sexual. It will have tons of strippers, prostitutes, porn-stars, rapists, and necrophiliacs. haha.Blame Clive Barker for the cursing, that dude inspires the hell out of me.
Good luck with your work then. And also getting used to being called Lorenzo.
IMHO, I don't enjoy the way you use certain words in places where they don't belong.Possibly you like the sound of the word, but don't know what it really means.
I don't have a problem with cursing but I've been known to have the mouth of a sailor, so...I agree with Stephanie that some of the words don't seem to fit quite right (eclectic and pilfer are a couple).
Nitpicky: There are way too many commas. As an example, you wrote:
insatiably tingling every nerve of their pale, cool, bodies.
The comma after 'cool' is not needed.
More showing & less telling to help the scene come alive.
oh yeah, well those are just simple editing marks, I'm more worried about just getting the story down and out of my head, and then I'll worry about the small shit later. should I keep writing on it or just scrap it? thanks for reading though.
and by Eclectic, I meant that there is an assortment of feelings during the sex that makes the two lovers feel free.by Pilfer, I meant that Arius could steal enough luck to kill Erloch. For he is not a very lucky person, I'll be getting to that part of the story much later.
I think you should keep writing it. Especially if it's backlash against that Twilight...stuff.I knew what you meant with those two words, I'm just not sure they fit in the story. They seem a little out of place. But that's just my opinion. Take it or leave it :-P
Lorenzo,Have you read books by Joey Hill? I've read a lot of erotica. In erotica, you have to have a certain sensualness in how you make your description. Joey Hill's erotica has a lot of BDSM in it. In particular, try her Vampire Queen series. It's really good. I know you're trying to make Gothrotica, but I don't feel the erotica in it. Another author you can look up is Kate Douglas' Wolf series. That is very erotic and edgy in terms of sex.
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...