Q&A (and brownies) with J.J. Murray discussion
The Venting Soapbox
Jo you asked: Are we going to read aspects of your mom in your stories? She is classic!! LOL, as for my own "Momita," Jo, along with my grandmother and three crazy aunts, and extended family...yes. They are all up and through my stories and poetry. They know it and I know it. I do change details but I use their mannerisms, their Haitian-style sarcasm, their flow. We always see archtypes of Latinos or Southerners or even Jamaicans. I want folks to see my mom's culture. My dad is Guyanese but their cultural influence was so over-the-top, Pop's culture was overwhelmed in my life. But I will leave that up to you Jo, my Guyanese sistah.
Anyway, Momita has always been crazy. In a good way but still certifiable. I used to resent her toughness, her strictness, her lay-down-the-law-ness. I used to envy my friends with the younger, "cool" moms who were only friends or sisters to their daughters. I used to cry about how my mom was so oldschool and how my friends' moms were so "hip." But looking at folks at I grew up with--no careers, education, horrible situations, three, four, five kids with different dads (no offense to single parents)--I realize now at 32 that her craziness kept me sane. Heading into my "Jesus Year" next month when I will turn 33, I realize that I was one rebellious so-and-so. I tried to fight against the machine every chance I got. I felt oppressed so I pushed and pushed and they, God love them, pushed me back--right down a flight of stairs if needed. I know now that I may not always have agreed with how they did it, but the end result is that they did save my life, praise God. So yeah, she don't always like what I write or how I use parts of her, the other women in the family, our culture to say something, but tough. It's my life and I can write it if I want to. She'll be all smiles if I make a bestseller list one day like my Haitian writer mentor, Edwidge Danticat. Knowing Momita, and all my Taties (aunts) they will complain now but later brag that they made me famous. LOLOL.
I honestly thought he knocked her with a brick. That is lethal favoritism in extreme. My older brother mentioned below used to be a young hoodlum, he told my mom if he died before 20 yrs, don't cry about him being innocent b/c he is mostly likely guilty.
My mom spoils my younger brother, meaning she will only cook the food he likes when she visits ATL or he comes to NYC. Her next fave is my dad and it is complicated. I have an older brother and my mom's relationship with him is complicated jr.
For some strange reason all my characters are united states citizens. I don't go further back than one or two generations, ie. my character, her parents and her grandparent. I don't know why, it could be because I am half TNT 'til I die. I know in my situation if it hadn't been for my family. I had my daughter when I was 19. I don't know where I would be. I wasn't rebellious, I had an older brother and sister driving my parents up the wall. I observed with my younger brother and we did things and covered our tracts as best we could. I didn't fight with my parents like my peers did, however I was a real introverted nerdy kid.
I was nerdy too, Jo. A cool extroverted nerd but still LOL. Good student, did my chores, adhered to curfews (when I got them, since I couldn't really go anywhere). I had the kind of mom and aunts that grabbed anything and smashed you with it. NO, I never felt abused, but if I went by NYS guidelines, they would be arrested and I'd end up in a support group somewhere. But I knew they loved me and broke their backs raising us all. My main issue of rebellion was the way my mother was raised and how she was raising my younger brother and I differently. I was 4 years older than my brother. YET, as the first-born granddaughter and daughter, I had to do everything. My brother, a boy, didn't do much but take out the garbage, rake leaves in the fall, and shovel in the winter. I, a GIRL, had to learn to cook, clean, wash dishes, etc by age 8, then by age 12, I was making dinner when mom worked 12 hour shifts as a nurse, helping with homework, all the laundry, food shopping, cleaning--whatever I was told to do. By age 16, I got my driver's license and a part time job. Freedom, right? NAWWWW man!
She was lending me out to the relatives to babysit! I had a part time job, was involved in activities after school, had school itself, had chores, then I'd be told, "you're staying home this weekend to watch your brother and cousins while me and your aunts go out." All six of them because I was the oldest grandchild. I would be enraged. My grand mother would say my mother was raising me to be a young lady "that has all of her five fingers." Haitian saying that means a woman must be 1)God-fearing and educated 2)well put together (looks/how she carries herself) 3) a good cook 4) a good housekeeper/money manager 5) good with child rearing. So while I was "in training", my brother did nothing but chill. My parents were divorced so I would run to my father for help. He would say, "Do what your mother tells you." Then pops would stay out of it. I was soooo mad for years. I was so mad and I would keep trying to fight for my rights.
But my mother (and aunts and grandma) always won. LOL
When they needed to, they brought reinforcements--
POPS. When my mother called POPS to tell him I disrespected her (usually by asking a question like "but why" or throwing a "It's not fair" tantrum"). Once Momita got tired she would say, "C'est fini! (it's finished, it's a wrap) and POPS would show up with his huge 6'2 frame. He would sit and ask in his quiet, but very deep voice "Did you disobey your mother, Vacirca?" and I'd be shaking in my boots. He didn't hit us much but I never forgot that he had this amazing back hand, and I am not talking tennis either. One pop and you came to your senses QUICK.
Of course, the extended family that got involved too--great aunts, mom's first cousins (additional "aunts" and "uncles") and folks that were family by marriage. That's when I started writing. It was the time I could be myself and vent without a painful consequence.
But as I said in previous post, I know they loved us all and busted their behinds for us. They didn't let us go anywhere or do anything we wanted to go, but they did take us everywhere we needed to go. They protect us, like she did when she took on my boyfriend Josh who was twice her size with a knife cause he hit me. My mother's position was that seeing what was going on with some people I grew up with, she wanted to keep me busy. She said once, "You see, when a young girl has too much free time, the devil weaks havoc in her life. Don't believe me, you watch what will happen to your friends who "cool" mothers let them do everything they want with their time." She, unfortunately, was very, very right.
But at the end of the day, parents aren't perfect and if you are doing your best, God honors that. Most parents do the best they can, and you are doing your best, Jo. That's all that matters. I didn't see it as a teenager but I do see it now. You may not be as strict and tough as the way I've described my own pint-size drill seargeant with the hysterical voice, but you can't be too lax as the client's mom I described above. Only thing I will be mindful of, which old school parents are not, is to be sure to say I love you to the kids I have one day. I know old school parents like to do their love, but kids need to hear it too.
I believe you have to have balance--love, a firm hand, and understanding, integrity (do what you say you are going to do) and in my beliefs, putting God first, and the kids turn out just fine.
I was the last daughter for my mom. By the time my mom got to me and younger brother, she had eased up (or so I have been told by the older siblings. We didn't believe). The older siblings always had it tough. Vee, you were taken advantage of. I know what it felt like b/c, I became an aunt at 12 and then the official babysitter for the next generation ie my nieces and second cousins. It is actually forced labor, babysitters get cash. I don't doubt that my parents loved me. I am not even mad about how I was treated. Because I know myself, remember my past antics, I know my response would have been to spank myself now. I have no idea when I changed sides. I think it was when my daughter turned 4 yrs old and almost killed herself.
WHOA WHOA WHOA! What? Jo, what? How do you make a statement like:I think it was when my daughter turned 4 yrs old and almost killed herself."
And you just leave it at that? *blinking* You know what? Maybe you mean by accident. I flipped a little because I work with folks who "almost kill themselves" a lot. My mind quickly forgot to register that you said your daughter was four at the time.
Okay, well, yes, I am assuming having kids will change your perspective on everything, at least it should.
Jo, As far as being taken advantage of, LOL, yeah well, I used to feel that way but as an adult, I feel differently. Prayer changes perception too.
I used to try to tell the grown folks that I felt taken advantage of being the oldest granddaughter/ daughter/niece/cousin etc. But then they talk about their lives and how they made sacrifices and suffered and what they've been through in their native land, and how they walked 36 miles to school, and how they went to bed at 2:30 am each night after taking care of the farm, only to rise again at 4:30 am to milk the cows and kill the chickens, after gathering their eggs and doing the laundry in the creek that was 15 miles south by beating the hand-stitched clothing on rocks, and drying them by blowing on the them until having asthma attacks, only to have to travel 49 miles to work so that they can buy fresh food, that they cooked after doing their studies and going to confession with Father So-and-So and doing their penance, and doing this daily until they day they have to travel to a foreign land in a matchbox on the Atlantic Ocean, just to escape the oppressive government and the threat of being robbed, beaten, and raped by the Ton Ton Macoute (Haitian crazy police), only to have to realize that everything they have ever thought to be true about this country really wasn't, and having to learn that the only way to survive, and possibly, get ahead in America to is to spend years suffering and sacrificing again for your ungrateful children that do not appreciate their parents, just so that their ungrateful, spoiled children may have a future one day and make their backbreaking existence all worth it somehow.
So by the time you hear all that, you wish you weren't so angry with the unfairness of it all, only to learn to volunteer anyway in order to overcome your overwhelming guilt and the self-awareness of horrific selfishness that thrives within you.
Those lectures were worse than discipline if you ask me.
Wow. Our parents really suffered a lot too. Honestly, you can't get angry. You just have to appreciate your family for their strengths and allow them their mistakes. *shrug* We really have it easy. Shoot I am getting old 'cause I am looking at the teens in my family and give them my own version of how rough I had it when I was their age LOL.
I guess that's why I am inspired by my family and the stories that have been passed down to me. Some of it is sad stuff. But on the flip side it can show triumphs. It can be therapeutic too, but mostly it can be used as a tribute in a away...
If I can get them published.
I also meant to add something else to that statement. I thought I did. I forgot it now, my bad. That incident went down like this, in the year 2000. I don't remember why I had them, I had bought a wire cutters for some reason. Usually I would have taken them from my Dad. But he and Mom had moved to Queens and we, my daughter and I were in Brooklyn.
Our apartment was arranged differently from the other two bedroom apartments in the building. My living/kitchenette was between our rooms. I think the wire cutters were on a desk in the living room. Instead of going to sleep in her bed, My daughter decided to take the wire cutters and cut the first wire she saw, which was the extension cord attached to our fridge. I remember hearing a very loud zap. I run out and the culprit drops the weapons and said "I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it!"
I am sure every parent knows what happened next. I take the fifth.
We can also say, that I completely understood why my mother whip my butt and little brothers for actions that would have gotten us killed and her arrested for negligence. We were reckless kids and completely belligerent on what we thought was unfair licks.
For some odd reason, my Dad doesn't reminisce about his boyhood or young man days in Tobago. My mom and her sisters do that kind of stuff, so I hear about their struggles and the hardships of others who are still living in Guyana. This sounds so selfish but it makes me so glad I am United States citizen.
Yeah, living in the US has its perks...when you can afford to get them. Hey Jo, thank God she was okay. I remember doing something similar, around that age...maybe a little older. I had taken scissors (the old metal ones with black handles) off my pop's desk and tried to stick them into a socket. He only left me alone for a second. What's with kids just grabbing stuff and putting their little selves in danger? That's why it's so sad when accidents happen and society blames the parents.
Mod
My son's AAU basketball team had a two-day tournament in Tennessee, five games in two days. (And they won the tournament! But I digress).
The morning of day two, I went to the hotel's laundry room with my quarters and his stank uniform. Inside the washer were two T-shirts and two pairs of socks. The light wasn't on, so I knew they were done. A sign told me "Wash Cycle 30 minutes."
Hmm. I am pressed for time, I thought. I only need to wash the boy's uniform and have it air dry on a hanger. The top of the dryer looks clean ... decisions, decisions ...
I waited a few minutes. The owner of the T-shirts and socks will show up soon, I thought. Nope. Hmm. He/she isn't obviously timing his/her load. But what if they've gone out to breakfast or brunch? I can't have my boy play stank ...
I went to the front desk to let them know my dilemma. I know it's rude to touch other people's clothes, but I was in a bind. The front desk was no help. "We don't have a policy for that, sir."
I returned to the laundry room, waited a full five minutes, then wiped off the top of the dryer (it was already very clean), carefully folded the T-shirts and laid the socks beside them, and proceeded to wash the stank uniform. I went about packing the van and checked on the boy's clothes about ten minutes later.
The uniform was lying on the floor in front of me. A Post-It note greeted me as well:
"It's rude to touch other people's clean clothes. The dryer wasn't done. Enjoy your soggy half washed floor clothes, A**hat. And learn to wait you turn."
A**hat? Who's the a**hat? And if you're going to curse someone, learn to spell.
I put the boy's uniform back in the washer, really no worse for wear. While the rinse cycle finished, I took the note to the front desk to warn them in case someone irate over having someone touching their clothes came to call and lodge a complaint. I even wrote a Post-It of my own to put on the dryer:
"I do apologize. I did bathe this morning, and I wiped off the top of the dryer. I, however, put your clothes in a "safe," clean place. I did not put your clean clothes on the floor. :)"
Before I could "post" my apology, however, the "you-can't-touch-my-clothes-you-a**hat" had sneaked into the laundry room and rescued his/her clothes from further attack from inconsiderate me.
I looked at the dryer. The light was on. It still has time, I thought. I will turn this lemon into lemonade. My boy's clothes were clean, and I doubted they'd air dry in time for the first game of the day. I dried them (on permapress, yo) ... and saved myself a dollar ... and had a clean, dry uniform.
I returned to the front desk. The attendant--and her manager--wanted to make copies of both notes for fits and giggles. I kept them. Incidents like these make for great drama in books.
NOW ... should I have waited my turn no matter how much of an emergency I had? I suppose if I had waited my turn, none of the ugliness would have followed.
HOWEVER (and this is my point), I had no malice aforethought in any of this.
I am also Canadian. (Where's he going with this?)
In Barry's Bay at the only laundromat in forty miles in any direction, you have to guard your clothes or the old Polish women (with names like Yakabuski and Yantha) will toss your wet (or dry) clothes out the second they are done and shove in their quilts. It's a Canadian thing.
Hmm. Maybe I should have guarded my son's uniform ... but then I would have been face-to-face with someone who can't spell a**hole.
The episode thoroughly discombobulated the rest of my day. What kind of person gets so pissed to see his/her clothes lying folded on top of a clean dryer that he/she has to toss an obvious child's uniform on the dirty floor--and then write a "Miss Manners"-type note (including misspelled profanity) to go along with it?
I have returned to laundromats and seen my clothes piled up, and instead of going off, I turn to the nearest "washer" and apologize. "Sorry. Lost track of the time."
Perhaps you can explain all this to me. I meant no harm.
And got called an "a**hat."
Wow! Really? You had the decency to fold the clothes nicely and they have nerve to throw yours to the floor and be a jerk about it? They are lucky it wasn't me, because I probably would have been the one to put their clothes on the floor...maybe a year or two ago. I try to control my temper with things like that now, lol.But I believe that in this situation, you were absolutely right! In every sense of the situation, from nicely folding the clothes, cleaning the spot you put them in, right up to the note you were going to respond with.
When you're going to use a public washer or dryer, you need to be considerate of the time lengths, because of the fact that others want to use them. That person definitely had no consideration. You even waited until someone would show up. So I think instead of being a complete jerk towards you, they should have had the decency to apologize for hogging the washer, and THANK you for FOLDING the clothes and placing them at the top. I can't stand inconsiderate people... especially inconsiderate people that can't spell! lol
Mod
But when I saw there was still time on the dryer, I smiled. I saved a buck.
Another laundromat story:
When I was a bachelor half a million years ago, I camped up in Canada at the Murray family homestead, the vacation setting in Too Much of a Good Thing and the training setting in The Real Thing.
I had a week's worth of laundry, loaded it into my canoe, canoed four miles, drove 25 miles to town, found an open washer (a miracle)at the only laundromat, started my load, went down the street to get some hot food, came back maybe 40 minutes later, and there were my clothes on the laundry room floor, people walking around and through them.
I made no fuss. I wasn't there to change out my load on time. It was my fault. However, every dryer was in use, it was getting dark, it's no fun to canoe a lake four miles in the dark ... so I put all my wet clothes in a clean garbage bag, drove 25 miles back to the lake, canoed four miles to my campsite, and hung my clothes to dry in the pine trees.
It would rain steadily for the next four days.
I took wet clothes back to Virginia.
I have never been "late" to my washer again.
Wow. You are a good person because, I wouldn't have folded their clothes. Anybody can tell you if you don't come and get your clothes out of the washer and dryer on time you are a**out.
Goodness, I don't understand what it is about people that make them think it's ok to put someone's clothes on the floor of a dirty laundromat. Whether you were late or not, I'd never put the clothes on the floor. I put them in one of those little baskets or something. I'm lucky to have never had to experience anyone getting into my clothes and moving them, even if I am behind a little. I'm usually the one that had to do the moving.
Mod
This isn't a guy thing. I've been trying to determine the kind of person who would toss a child's clothes on the floor, and I think it was a mom. What makes me think this:
1) The Post-It was lined and written in red pen. This was a "fancy" Post-It, one maybe used in making a grocery list.
2) The writing was legible.
3) Only a mom would do a "full" load of whites with only two pairs of socks and two T-shirts.
4) I believe mothers in general are more OCD than fathers are.
5) If the writer was truly angry and a father filled with testosterone and "laundry rage," he would have waited around to confront me in person.
Just a few observations. I have often been wrong.
You know, you could very well be right. Just the fact that they got angry enough to put clothes on the floor...would lean me towards that thought myself, lol. Like I mentioned, it would have been me not long ago. Then the legible writing and fancy pen and paper give it away also. So I can understand your thoughts. :)
Listen you AHAT! *ROTFSeriously,
JJ you know I am one of your biggest NY fans...love your novels like cooked food...and yes that person was wrong for tossing your child's clothing on the floor, and yes, it is also wrong not to time yourself at the public laundromat, and yes you were kind enough to fold the person's laundry and placed them gently in a neat place but...
'round here, folks'll cut ya for laying a finger on their clothes.
Heck, back in the day, I might cut someone for touching my clothes.
Thank goodness many places around here have a sign saying that staff will remove clothes from washers or dryers if clothes are left for more than 10 or 15 minutes.
Back in college, at the good ol' NYU dorm, I was ten minutes away from the washer being finished. Had to use the ladies room. I dash upstairs (laundryroom bathroom stank like weed, beer, and only God knows what other fluids). I come back, and this chick and her boyfriend have removed my clothes and placed them on top of the filthy broken washing machine, which was covered with detergent residue, caked up soap power, etc. All of it leaving a layer of crust on my freshly-washed wet clothes.
I raised cain.
Let's just say that the young man and woman, poor things, ended up having to remove their clothes, and pay to rewash my clothes. Crazy? Maybe. But guess what? The thought of a stranger handling my clothing...my unmentionables?
It's cause for chaos.
Just sayin'.
But you got it the worse. Folks tossing your clothes on the floor and folks were stomping all up and through your garments? Man, the mounties would have had to come and get me.
But seriously, if someone had removed my clothes, I may get offended but I would never toss their stuff on the ground. That's just plum foolishness.
Mod
I would be too embarrassed to touch them.
Stay away from Barry's Bay, Ontario, Canada, Vacirca. You may wish to cut them, but those old Polish ladies are packing and will shoot you. :)
LOL I don't doubt it. Who'dathunkit? The real 'hood is in Barry's Bay, Ontario, Canada? I'll be sure to watch my back, for sure. Besides, after my last birthday, I officially became "old folks" so rest assured, I'm a lot softer now in my old, church-going age.
My friend, who is annoyingly reading over my shoulder, wants to say that she feels that you were perfectly within your rights and that she may not have bothered being polite enough to fold the person't clothes, not if she was in a hurry to wash her son's uniform before his big game. She said life is about priorities and your son was definitely a priority. Besides-she wants to know--who takes up a washing machine for a sock and a tee shirt anyway?
But can I revisit an earlier topic? The issue of your new books, JJ. For a while, I've been kind of anti-e reader, having re-gifted the few I've received. Now, I want to read all of those other novels you mentioned putting out.So you've mentioned Kindle editions for these novels. Can they be purchased for a Nook? I was two shakes away from actually purchasing one...but then the sales guy at B&N stated that the Kindle and Nook download on two different formats and blah blah blah...I zoned out when he got into his speech. So if I get the Nook, can I buy your novels? And are they available on B&N.com as well?
Mod
I also zone out anytime someone tries to sell me something using tech-speak. I'll bet he used a whole bunch of acronyms to amaze you, mainly at his knowledge of acronyms.
That other guy? *sigh*Okay so I gotta get a kindle to read HIM...fine. Shucks, the Nook was on sale too.
Yeah the tech guy may have been feeling himself a little but not like the Best Buy guys do. After all, he's just the cashier at B&N who was manning the big Nook counter on that day. He wasn't all that; he was wearing a pink stripped shirt and a blue polka dot tie and a corny mohawk. Did I mention the suspenders and Rockports? I zoned out because I was assessing his look more than paying attention to his tech speech. Poor thing.
So listen, man, help me out, please. I am not feeling the Kindle too much. You say a long list of devices. Which ones? Blackberry? (screen is kind of small--ever try to use one during church to read a scripture?). I don't have a smart phone. My new "old folks" phone is real dumb. So since I was going to upgrade (at the demands of friends and family), which type of phone does that other guy *wink-wink* sell his works on? HTC? Sidekick? I Phone? *sigh* this makes me nostalgic for my first cell phone at 17. It was the size of a cordless phone and had a six-inch antenna.
Mod
"Kindle devices and Kindle apps for iPad, iPhone, iPod touch, PC, Mac, Blackberry, and Android-based devices."
The OG's books are selling steadily. Just sold one yesterday in the UK.
okay...thanks JJ...tell "OG" that's what's up...he's gone international lol. IPAD>..yes! now that makes sense. I'm gonna get the IPAD. I dislike those fancy phones that email, write papers, do laundry, cook meals. . I don't like feeling obligated to do work when I'm on the field from a phone...just because it can be done. My boss will call when I am making home visits--"can you email me the updated files on ___" and I'm like "I'm on the field right now and will do it when I am in the office." What's the response? "Do it from your cell." Why? Because people have forgotten how to wait.
See, then I am obligated and required. Standing on a corner, trying to navigate attaching files to an email with my phone.
So I got a dumb phone. Real old school. Turned off web and text just so I don't have to do things from my phone like writing client treatment plans.
But IPad makes sense though. Larger screen and maybe easier to do work on the road then a phone... if it's urgent. Tell OG I am looking forward to the story about the drug addict.
Oh and thanks for helping me crawl into this century with the technology upgrade. MY brother will burst into tears like he did when I replaced my tube with a flat screen. It was a perfectly good tv but he had a seizure every time he saw it.
So long story. Anyway, I am assuming we can go on amazon.com for downloads, correct? My book group wants to know as well. I'll let them know.
God bless OG on his new endeavors.
Yes, they have a section on Amazon.com for Kindle purchases/downloads. I actually have the Nook myself and I am so in love with it! As of right now, I have "Can't Get Enough of Your Love" by you JJ, and a few others, just because of my print collection in my little office. So I purchased the nook mainly for travel, so I don't have to carry a huge print book around the entire time with me, and turn pages constantly on the plane. (That sounds really lazy)
Anyway, my point is, I love e-readers! :)
Mod
I shall vent ...
Here's the comment: "I will not buy another book by this author ever again."
99.9% of the time, the reader uses this comment after reading only one book by an author. Thus, the reader is judging an author, who may have many books, by only one representation of the author's work.
This, then, is a heads-up to any would-be authors out there: Make your first book count! You may only get one shot to make someone a lifelong fan.
Hello all! I been away for a while, it seemed like technology did not want to be my friend. Glad to see everyone is still posting.
I have stated that comment before. I have never posted it anywhere. I try to be fair to published authors. I understand their preferences can be completely different from mine.
J.J. you are advising us(unpublished authors) to "make our first book count", I have a question, how far backward to we have to bend to please the audience?
We have stated before that everyone can't be pleased. I guess what I really mean to ask is, whose opinion really matters, yours, your editor or readers?
Mod
I shortened Renee and Jay, my first novel, from 120,000 to 75,000 words on the advice of my agent. That streamlined version caught the eye of an editor who had me boost the count to 90,000+ with his excellent suggestions. Did I feel "bent over backwards"? No. I wanted my first novel to be as good as it could be.
If you prefer to self-publish (and there are many ways to do this these days) and you want immediately to sell a ton of books, you have to bend over backwards for the reader. And what does the average reader want these days? Too much! (Just kidding). It depends on your genre. Romance readers want romance. Horror readers want to be horrified. (You get the idea). How you do it will make you successful or not.
If you are writing, simply writing, "to thine own self be true." I wrote the H. M. Mann books for the Kindle out of the joy of writing and saying what I want to say the way I want to say it. Are they selling? Here and there. I suppose they are books in search of an audience, and that's okay with me. I've only bent over backwards for myself.
But my original point is still valid: No matter how you get that first book out there, do everything in your power to make that book sing. First impressions are lasting impressions.
Hi people.Working two jobs now so I haven't been the blabbermouth I used to be on here, well not as often anyway. Decided to add Real Estate to Clinical Social Work again...so I can save up enough to take a sabbatical from my "make a living career" to give this writing thing, my dream career, a serious shot. Time's a wastin'.
Been a year since I finished my first draft and still tinkering away at it to "make it sing"...hopefully many will like and appreciate the song. It is my goal to send out the "demo" to agents by August...still praying through this process though.
So as I sift through feedback and critiques from writers who were kind enough to read my stuff for me, I realize trying to please everyone will drive you crazy. Even now, I am looking at two copies of the same page and one comment is "make them speak, let us hear the conversation" and the other comment for the same scene is "we get the gist of it we don't need to hear everything they are saying...let this character have her thoughts." What to do, what to do?
I guess my goal is to write for myself first, but in a way that will speak to readers anywhere. Since I want to write Christian fiction, I can't compromise on certain things anyway. One comment I received is that a character was acting too "carnal" to be a pastor who is a dating someone and that I should cut out all scenes with passionate kisses, meanwhile someone else said, "I like how you show that even a pastor can struggle with lust while trying to have a Godly courtship with someone he loves." What to do, what to do?
I guess at the end of the day there are always going to be folks who don't understand why you wrote it that way, or what you meant by it, or why you did it. If you stick to your original purpose, no matter what it is, I'm guessing you've won, even if everyone doesn't think so.
Stay strong, JJ...oh and tell your homie H.M. too. No matter how much a piece of art sings, there are always going to be a few folks that don't like the music. Besides, that person who wrote that comment to you probably said that to be provocative, so she could shine for two seconds on Amazon's feedback section.
I just wish the Good Lord would lead you to write a coupla sequels to my favorites. So like, what's up with SOMETHING REAL, 2? TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING, the sequel? Those were some classic jams.
I wonder what is the matter with people who believe that Pastors are not people too. While doing research that had nothing to do with CF, I read that Solomon, the wisest man on Earth, Did all kinds of evil in the sight of the Lord. Why do people expect Pastors and to some extent politician to be better than us?
Yeah. But regardless, I have to figure out how to write it well but in my own way. I think all writers need feedback in all stages of the novel, but at the end of the day, it's our name on the work and I believe we have to write for ourselves first and hopefully everyone will love it.
In that case, I wanted to show struggles in the characters. I can appreciate the feedback because Christians have to live by example...but again, I was trying to show something in the characters. Trying to show the pastor's own struggles with faith, patience, and yeah, his own issue with waiting for marriage. Maybe I wrote it in a way that was offensive, but I still know what I was trying to do with the characters. Solomon is a great example...so is David, Moses, Peter, Paul. I like that the Bible shows the struggles people faced. It makes the victory in their stories that much better. That's why I don't like stories with perfect characters...especially if i am gonna write CF...I want to somehow show growth in the characters because we have struggles as Christians. Period. But my point is, you can't please everyone. No way. No how.
As a reader, I agree with you. I don't think kindly of stories CF or otherwise if the characters don't have some kind of struggle some kind transformation for the better or worse. As writers we have to make our stories matter to the reader; I don't mean cater to their every whim either. I mean have the reader think while reading, I would do that if I was there or would I have the courage to do that.
Hi family!Joooooo. Long time, sista.
It has been quiet. Perfect opportunity to vent.
I went to the doctor recently. For no reason at all, without doing anything different, I suddenly gained five pounds. Still, I was thinking I was going to get a glowing report. See once upon a time I had to work hard to lose weight. Lost a lot. 70lbs in fact. Ate healthier and tried to exercise regularly. No fast food, really. Shucks, I even cut down Caribbean food-- hardly indulge in fried pork and plantains (mom's side) or curry beef and roti (dad's side) for me. Hardly ever eat fried chicken, cheesy mac & cheese and collards seasoned in fat back (soul side), when my southern-raised friends' "MAMA'NEM" start to cooking. If I break down and indulge in something more fattening for a meal (like pizza for lunch), I make sure to eat something very light for the next meal--just to balance it out.
Did I mention I love pork? My favorite meat. And I cut it practically out of my life.
I dropped about 10 dress sizes, but I did not compromise on my sweets though...figured if I ate salads and lean proteins, I can get away with ice cream and malted milk balls. So now since I am old, at 33, I guess that does not cut it.
So my blood pressure is high, StILL, after all the cardio and Zumba I do. I have to cut out sweets because according to the doctor, at 33, my body cannot process sweets the way it used too. So I got to give up sweets.
I said I have to give up sweets.
Because I am old now, at 33, I also have to work on losing about 10-20 lbs too, cause I am at risk for heart disease and diabetes. And I tell her, "What? Don't you read ESSENCE Magazine? Do you need a diversity workshop? Black women don't want to look like Calista Flockhart. It's okay for us to have hips sometimes. And from the looks of things, you've got yourself more of a coke bottle figure than I ever will! You could give Beyonce a run for her millions, doc." She laughs at me, tells me I'm one of her more hilarious patients, that she always looks forward to our "talks."
So I ask the doctor, why is this such an issue if I eat healthy meals and exercise? After all, take my meal from yesterday: if I had fruit for breakfast, turkey on 7-grain bread with salad for lunch, and steamed veggies and barbeque chicken for dinner, with snacks like trail mix or cashews in between, why was it a problem for me to have a small bowl of ice cream for dessert? WHAT Is the big deal?" I shriek, (practically in tears 'cause all I hear her saying is that I am going to die if I eat one more cupcake).
But get this, I am not at risk because of the sweets, per se. But because I don't eat organically. See, the doctor explained to me that even though I eat what seems to be a healthy diet with a lot of fruits and vegetables, it is the fruits and vegetables that are causing us all to be sick...because they are being poisoned by the government. The regular food is what is causing all of these health issues in our generation at younger and younger ages. So because I eat fruits and vegetables and certain meat, I am introducing chemicals into my system which are making it more difficult to keep my weight down and will not allow for treats like a handful of M&Ms once a week. Since I have not been eating organically, all of my other efforts are becoming more and more futile. Doc says to me, "Vacirca, do you have any idea how many chemicals can be found in a bowl of salad, if you're not careful to eat organically? You ever wonder how these farmers are creating these jumbo-sized fruit that allow them to charge more for a pack of strawberries? Those, chemicals, hormones and pesticides they use in our food are in part a huge reason why people who try to lose weight or keep weight off, can't. It's why you probably are experiencing a higher blood pressure when it doesn't make sense for you." She hands me a copy of Clean Eating magazine and tells me to increase my exercise schedule to 1 hour a day. Oh and yes, cut off the sweets.
What kind of world denies someone her ice cream because they decided they needed to help God create something He did just fine creating on His own? Who told America to add chemicals to our fruits, to add hormornes to our chicken?
And the cost! My food shopping bill at Whole Foods was like an extra $45 than normal. Now, I have to spend an extra $50-75 bi monthly to pay for organic products when organic is how it should be for all of us anyway. Wasn't it organic before the chemicals and hormones? Don't these fools realize what they are doing?
And to top it all off...no more malted milk balls. I didn't think I would have to give those up until 40 at least.
Fudge!
Mod
It's on the weekends when I'm home that I put on the weight.
One more thing: Do y'all think the extra chemicals in our food today is "advancing" our youngins? Some of the 12-year-old girls in my young son's life look MUCH older than I remember 12-year-olds looking when I was a kid. What's going on?
Worse than that, this stuff is affecting our general health. Okay so I wear size 8. Big deal. So I may go to size 10. Fine, whatever. Life goes on man, whether you wear an 8 or a 12. Just be healthy, right? Wrong! What kills me is the fact that doc said younger and younger people (people who are not even technically overweight by much) are having blood pressure issues, or other issues like issues with fertility or are going bald earlier--even going gray-haired earlier and needing reading glasses earlier! Later, I read that magazine she gave me and went on to get online to read other articles. One article was about a study that supported the idea that the non-organic eating was causing men to fail to grow to their full height. Men in America are actually getting shorter and fatter because of these chemicals; they showed several grandfather/
father/ and son comparison pics that could support that men's growth is being stunted by the food (one pic showed that the grandpa and dad were 6'2 with tall wives and siblings on both sides and the son (he was 27 had only reached a height of 5'7 1/2. There were several pics like that. Women are getting trouble with fibroids and other issues that cause infertility more often. Doc showed me a pamphlet said she believes it's causing things like higher rates of developmental problems like autism in babies for Pete's sake!
I don't like having to gain weight or hold on to it if I actually make the effort but I am more concerned with the idea of people thinking they are doing their part to be healthy only to find out that the food is what is destroying the body little by little. Too much commerce in food. Like someone please explain why people needed to do something to water? It was made by God for free. Now we got Smart Water, Skinny Water, Vitamin Water, Body Water, and Nu Water. Come on. Really? New Water?
Sorry I was still venting about food. I didn't see your last comment.But JJ? What you said about these young people looking grown? Yes.
I have a few cousins who are quite young and have been approached by grown men that were checking them out...I have one who is 11, actually just turned 12 at the end of June. She has the figure at age 11 that my aunt developed in her thirties, after her second baby! My baby cuz has literally stopped traffic. One 22-year-old who approached her said he thought she was at least 18. Said she had a body shaped like the number 8 and that she should be kept locked up for the next 10 years--for her safety and for the freedom of other men.
All my little cousins under the age of 16 look like billboards for rap videos...and are starting to feel themselves a bit too much because of it. They get so much attention and try to get away with dressing to accentuate their bodies so much. These girls are growing up and growing out and they are showing out too.
I am not on a tangent. I am saying this to point out that these girls are overdeveloped for their young age, and developing the attitude of using their bodies to get ahead because these older men are approaching their behinds (literally) left and right. They have the bodies but still have the minds of 11 and 12 year old girls. Impressionable, fragile, baby girls.
Whether you wear a size 38 D undergarment at aged 12 or not, we are all ready to help these girls remember their ages in our family when need be. They know that our moms and aunts are getting older and softer after their third, fourth or fifth child. They can't keep up so much with the techie stuff to monitor them as much. But they have US (our generation of older sisters, brothers, and cousins). If they don't see that any one of us will snatch them in a heartbeat, they are going to write grown-woman checks that their baby girl minds and bodies can't cash.
Hi Vee and everyone. It has been a long time. Vee your rant/vent is completely understandable. Our country is dying b/c of obesity and other bad health habits. However our politicians and others refuse to make an actual difference. We are getting less and paying for more all the time.
As for the early developers, I am not sure if it is the chicken or milk. Our gov't allows a lot of things to be injected to our food supply. It is a toss up.
I was an early-developer but I was also short so inappropriate advances were 50/50 in the days of my youth. Now I have to walk with ID all the time to prove I am over 30. Ironic?
When I was young I had a fear of my mother, so I didn't stray to far. Unfortunately a number a young ppl don't have that fear or decent guidance and sometimes they do and they choose to do what they want.
Mod
On another vent ...
Some trifling person egged and keyed my son's car and my wife's car ... and my son's friend's car. There must be 100+ cars in our neighborhood, but only these three cars were damaged.
Seems personal, huh? And us with huge deductibles so fixing the scratches will cost us a bundle.
My question: Who would do these things? It wasn't random. I think it involves a young lady who one or both of the boys snubbed. Is keying a car a female thing?
Trifling!
I don't want to be a snitch on my gender, but I do think a girl might be involved. I don't see why your wife's car was keyed, unless your wife and the girl had words, or a weird look. I sorry that happened, in this economy the cost repairs and a paint job could be a drag unless you have a hook up.
It is not only trifling it is also stupid.
And Jo...yes, I ranted because this stuff is, like you said, killing us all. It's cruel. Just saying. After having a fibroid removed in 2008, that was the size of a small cantaloupe, that may give me trouble when I want to have kids finally, it burns me with anger.Anyway, after I vented last week, it gave me an idea for a new story...wrote a chapter on a story called THE MAKEOVER about a woman whose man leaves her because she is struggling with weight. I tied it into the chapters I wrote when JJ told us to go the mall and people watch and I had seen a couple arguing about Xmas gifts. I had written that scene but didn't know what it would belong to. Several months later, that scene is useful.
I put it aside for now, though, cause I am still working on my first book. Who knew it would take a year to hack away over 150,000 words? I am hacking the amount of words that people write for their own novels...deleting a novel-length amount of words LOL.
Yes, keying a car is definitely a girl thing. Sorry about your vehicles. Whether your son and his friend "snubbed" or dissed/dismissed her, aren't they like in their late teens? Girls in his age group are already doing the fatal attraction/revenge thing? And who told her grown behind, if it was her, to involve your wife's vehicle? That is so disrespectful. I bet if it was that gal, she grew up in an environment where women conduct themselves that way. Or she saw it on that MTV show "Skins."
Sounds like the person did a lot of damage. It happened to me once as well...a gang in Harlem went through an intiation night and keyed several cars in my old neighborhood between 2-3 am....carving their "tag names" and symbols into the doors. It was a total apocalypse when folks came out in the morning to move their cars or leave for work. An old woman had been up and saw them doing it in the middle of the night but said she was afraid to call the cops because of gang violence. Later we learned that they had damaged cars on three blocks that night.
I wish I could tell you all to come up to the Bronx...might save y'all a bundle on Bruckner Blvd or Jerome Ave. I hope you find out somehow who did this so you can take them to court. Hope this isn't farfetched, but can't the police check the satellite photos like they did when my cousin's car was stolen?
That is so 1984, I don't want to know if the police can do that or not. Also I don't think they are that stupid, regular police work would supply the culprit. Usually when a dissed girl does something like that, if she was bold enough to move to action; she would be bold enough to talk about it maybe sing ... channel Jazmine Sullivan, you know. Glad to read that you are finding a place for that scene you told us about. It had so many possibilities.
I have been wanting to share this embarrassing story because it torments me, every time I think about it, and especially since I saw the man who reminds me about it.I went to a meeting a few days ago. A very sick client from our program was about to be released from one of our NYC psych wards. He is a real piece of work--a violent, drug-addicted, pedophile who has a history of rape, violence, and suicide attempts. He had been hospitalized in mid-July after threatening to kill himself when he got arrested for beating up a teenaged girl. He got sent to the psych ER because he claimed voices were tellling him to sacrifice his sould to Satan by committing suicide. Personally, after working with this man for a few months, I don't think he's ill. I think he knows how to act ill to beat the system as he often does. He'll say, "the voices told me to..." and bam! He's out of jail and on his way to a hospital. Anyway, After two weeks the hospital was going to release him. They were supposed to hold him until a bed became available in one of the NY State hospitals for long-term hospitalization. However, due to an issue with the client's medicaid, the hospital was allllll set to turn him aloose!
But I am used to this foolishness in my line of work so I am not venting about that. I went to the meeting where it would be the goal to petition the psychiatric staff to keep him hospitalized until they could transfer him to the state hospital. When I arrived, I found out that the "meeting" was more of a hearing where I had to present my clinical assessment to the hospital staff, the client's attorney, and an Admin. Law Judge. I did. Following the meeting, during the "recess" I went into the hall where I ended up having a nice, flirtatious conversation with the attorney for the client. He was cute. We chit chatted and had a fun talk. I went into the rest room to...use it. That day I was wearing a dress because it was fairly warm. I used the facilities, smoothed down my knee-length summer dress, washed up, and left. I went back into the hallway and continue my conversation with the attorney and then the Inpatient Social Worker calls us back in to resume the meeting. As he let me pass him, the attorney says, "Oh God!" and pulls me back out into the hallway. He whispers, "As much as I like the show, I think you'd better pull your dress down."
I turned around and find that my dress was stuck in the back and I was flashing the guy! All a**ed-out and everything. So thinking I was going to pass out from dread, I pulled down my dress and went back in. I thought I was going to hurl from embarrassment.
Following the meeting/hearing, I ran out of there mortified.
Today, I go to another hearing for another client. Guess who's back? The lawyer who'd seen my drawers. He grins at me and says, "Hey, I've already seen your panties so you might as well have dinner with me."
I almost puked on his shoes.
Oh horror. So that is my embarrassing story that I wanted to vent about.
I guess I've never learned how to stop showing my a**.
I sympathize it happen to me during my awkwar tween years. I file it under mis-spent youth. It holds a different meaning as grown person.There are two upsides
1. What doesn't kill ... After that nothing should make you blush with that guy.
2. In two years you can so work it in a story.
LOL...blush? Who me? I was embarrassed yes but in our last two phone conversations, we've been joking about it a lot. Lots of corny jokes like earlier, he said, "Can you hold on a second? I have to put the panties...uh, I mean, the phone down while I get the door." Stuff like that.When things like that happen, I do get embarrassed, but I am so clumsy anyway that I get over it quickly. I am always making a fool of myself. But it's important not to take oneself too seriously all the time or you might develop a complex.
My work friends fell out laughing cause I thought I was so cute in my dress and all that day, they said. Anyway, I am having dinner with him this week. I just hope he will focus on getting to know me and not my drawers... cause the next person who sees those should be my husband...
But it's not the first time I flashed an audience. Once I was in the Macy's on W. 34th St, and I was running up the escalator to catch up with someone, I fell...my skirt got jumbled up around my waist then too.
Am I the only one who has these embarrassing stories? Or am I the only one keen on sharing them?
You are not the only one. I have been in embarrassing situations, it is true time heals b/c, I really can't bring one to mind. Okay here is one, this happened just this week, I got on the bus to run an errand for my mom. I was wearing a tank top and usually I carry a sweater with me b/c the bus or train is always colder than I can take. It was standing room only on this bus, one of those wide new ones. I walked in and found a spot not to far from the driver. While putting on my sweater, the bus stopped abruptly I missed the bar to hold on too and almost hit the change booth or whatever you call that thing the takes the money and metrocards. It was like an impossible slide and I couldn't stop myself. I was embarrassed, no one laughed and I was grateful.
Is it is writer's trait to be clumsy, I mean now that I am thinking about it I have had my share embarrassment - falling off a barstool sober; wearing a white bra under a light material black shirt and standing in the blue light in a club, it reflected the whole flower pattern. What are we cursed?
Worked on me.
Just kidding...sort of.
Seriously, I am not a parent yet (God willing soon) or a teacher, but I am a therapist by trade and I know behavior. Some of these kids just need love, consistency, and at least one strong parental figure to lay down the law and stop making excuses for their behavior. Sometimes loving someone means telling them the truth and forcing them to reap the consequences of their actions. Even when we have young folks coming in--usually through court orders from NYC Juvenile Criminal Justice--we have their parents trying to justify their actions. I see a lot of this with moms and their sons.
One parent told me that her son bashed a kid in the head with a brick because the other kid had no right refusing to help him with a project. She said, "Why that boy gotta be so selfish towards my son who needed his help?" It turns out, after careful probing that my client didn't want help with the project. He wanted the boy, whom he had been bullying to do the project for him. The boy said he couldn't do the work and bam! Sent to the hospital. When I brought this to mom's attention, she gave me a finger-snapping, spanglish curse-out when I told her behind that she is reinforcing the idea that her son has a right to "wild out" every time someone tells him no. I asked her why her son is not required to do chores, get a part time job, help out with his four younger siblings? I asked when was the last time she told his self-involved, entitled behind "no" for something? Instead of answering the question, she cursed me out even louder. Then she wonders why her son, who just turned 18, has a record, is court-ordered for anger management, and has been labeled as having an "Intermittent Explosive Personality Disorder."
How does a kid end up with a personality disorder when he ain't even lived yet? Ain't had a job, hasn't finished school, ain't even really been through anything traumatic like some kids have, but he has time for a personality disorder? Please. It's his mama. And his father, I gathered, is the type that works, comes home and leaves the entire household and kid duties to the mama. She gets stressed out. Dad has not shown up to ONE, not ONE, appt yet, keeps telling me to "talk to [his] wife." Probably doesn't believe in therapy for his kid for that matter. But still, it's too late now. The boy has already made a mess. The way he talks to his mother is unreal. Once, I watched him tell her to "shut the____ up, I'm talking." I told him, quite unprofessionally, laughing my about to lose control laugh, "Boy, God knew what He was doing when You ended up with her. If you had ended up with me, your teeth would have flown clear across this room. STOP DISRESPECTING YOUR MOTHER RIGHT NOW!!!" My voice rang out across the office like I was singing the Black National Anthem. Boy was like a little lamb for the rest of the meeting. Humph. I tell you. His mama, poor thing, was stunned. I apologized to her later but she gained a little respect for my street style of handing out therapy.
And yes, with two advanced degrees, I can say my diagnosis for him is "Straight-up Spoiled Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified." At the very least, "Trying to Get Dad's Attention Personality Disorder." Treatment plan: Stop all the medication. Make him take responsibility for himself. Get Dad to get involved by:
1) knocking some sense into him first
2) talk to son and teach him what being a man means--not throwing your weight around to get what you want.
3) Get mom to stop acting like her son is the King of the Castle and remember he ain't nothing but a prince in training. If dad is emotionally absent, then do what you have to do as a mom until dad realizes his role.
There. All cured.