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General Fuckery > At Key West Beach, Wondering Who’s a Vagrant (Daniel witholds his s.Fla poo stories)

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message 1: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/31/us/...

It seems the more things change, the more they stay the same. Put this one in the "been there, done that" category for me.

Anyone else ever been a vagrant in a lovely place like Key West? C'mon. Spill it.




message 2: by Dr. Detroit (new)

Dr. Detroit | 6030 comments And people wonder why I don't want to retire in Florida.


message 3: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Worried you'll get nabbed, Clark?

They don't mess around with vagrants around here. They put them up at a hotel overnight then drop them off at social services...we don't get a ton, though. You'd have to walk pretty far to get here.


message 4: by Dr. Detroit (new)

Dr. Detroit | 6030 comments RandomAnthony wrote: "Worried you'll get nabbed, Clark?

They don't mess around with vagrants around here. They put them up at a hotel overnight then drop them off at social services...we don't get a ton, though. You'..."



I spent a night in jail in Daytona Beach in 1980 for public intoxication. That's as close as I'll ever get.


message 5: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen Honestly, it's been quite a while since I've been to Key West, and I live pretty close. Right now I'm stuck grading papers. What I wouldn't do for just a bit of free time actually.


message 6: by Youndyc (new)

Youndyc | 1255 comments I don't really like Key West - too touristy. Besides, I like the Gulf Coast beaches. Although it really is lovely in the Keys.

As for the specific question: Since they only have about 2 cold days a year in KW, and it's very expensive to live there, I'm not surprised that there would be a community of vagrants. Given that the KW dress code consists of ratty shorts and a holey t-shirt, I'm not surprised that it is difficult to distinguish the vagrants from the rest of the crowd.

Perhaps I'm generalizing a bit. But I think my point is made.


message 7: by Mary (new)

Mary (madamefifi) That's one of my retirement plan options, actually. Just me and my shopping cart, livin' large on a beach somewhere.


message 8: by Youndyc (new)

Youndyc | 1255 comments :-)
Sounds good, Mary!


message 9: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) I have good and bad memories of Key West. The beaches aren't all that great.

When I was there it was touristy -- but not nearly as crowded as now. These days they get cruise lines in there that dump 3 thousand people on the street at a time. Yuck.

There used to be some really colorful people there who were actually from there -- or Cuba. The Southern Cross Hotel (still there) was quite a place then.


message 10: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen Youndyc wrote: "I don't really like Key West - too touristy. Besides, I like the Gulf Coast beaches. Although it really is lovely in the Keys.

As for the specific question: Since they only have about 2 cold ..."


I have a question about Gulf Coast beaches. Is the water as clear? Are there any reefs to see while snorkeling?


message 11: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen Larry wrote: "I have good and bad memories of Key West. The beaches aren't all that great.

When I was there it was touristy -- but not nearly as crowded as now. These days they get cruise lines in there t..."


When I think of Key West, I'm reminded of Hemingway's To Have and Have Not. I guess those were different times. You have to go way off the beaten path to find that kind of old Florida. Some places up north still kind of remind me of old Florida. Lake Worth street art festival was something that reminded me of old Florida.


message 12: by Youndyc (new)

Youndyc | 1255 comments Daniel, that's true. The old Florida version of the Keys is what I like. As well as my memories of the Tiki Bar on Islamorada. But that's a different story.


message 13: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen Youndyc wrote: "Daniel, that's true. The old Florida version of the Keys is what I like. As well as my memories of the Tiki Bar on Islamorada. But that's a different story."

The last time I was at a Tiki bar was in high school. I want on a family trip (where my sister let me get a little wasted), and the one thing I remember most is that we had to switch hotels because when we went into our first hotel room, we found poo smeared along the walls. When we asked the hotel manager for another room, he insisted that he would have that one cleaned in about an hour. So we switched hotels.

Funny thing, that's not my last South Florida poo story.


message 14: by Youndyc (new)

Youndyc | 1255 comments South Florida is an interesting place. And not always interesting in a good way. Sometimes interesting in a disgusting and/or frightening way.


message 15: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen Youndyc wrote: "South Florida is an interesting place. And not always interesting in a good way. Sometimes interesting in a disgusting and/or frightening way."

I would agree...but at the end of the day cuban coffee makes it all okay...or just extends your waking hours. In any case, I'm going to try get to the beach more often this summer.


message 16: by Phil (new)

Phil | 11667 comments Daniel, where are the rest of the poo stories?   Will Tigger or Piglet be in any of them?


message 17: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17337 comments Mod
I love poo stories!


message 18: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Piglet.


message 19: by [deleted user] (new)

Tigger!


message 20: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17337 comments Mod
eyeore.


message 21: by [deleted user] (new)

Roo


message 22: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen Phil wrote: "Daniel, where are the rest of the poo stories?   Will Tigger or Piglet be in any of them?"

Okay, so here is another South Florida Poo story.

It's my first time in South Beach. I'm going to my aunt's apartment for the first time. On our way to the beach she warns me that I might see a lot of stuff not appropriate or barely appropriate for a 12 year old. Sure enough I see my fair share of naked breasts, men giving other men pats on the butt, and hispanic men with waxed legs and bathing suits that are way too tight. When we get back from the beach we're riding the elevator and I look down and there is a nice big brown piece of poo on the elevator floor. My aunt can't even look me in the eye. We get off the elevator and she informs me that the owner of the hotel's brother lives on the top floor and he has a very unusual relationship with feces. Sure enough a day later on the way down to the beach I see another piece of poo in the lobby.

That is the first time I learn the word fecophiliac.


message 23: by Phil (new)

Phil | 11667 comments Daniel wrote: "
That is the first time I learn the word fecophiliac."


The really scary part is that this implies there is a second time.


message 24: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) That is scary.


message 25: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments or it means there's another story waiting for us.


message 26: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Another poo story, Janny.


message 27: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments 8 votes say poop is important.


message 28: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) I think it's all crap, myself.


message 29: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments you voted for the nipples? i have a nipple story, but it's painful and weird and not my story.


message 30: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Tell it please. Yes, that was my vote.


message 31: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments this is a story one of my teachers told in class. he taught philosophy, german, latin and greek and i secretly had a crush on him. more on his brains than anything else, because he is older than my father, always wears beige and i used to play with his son #1 when i was three. when he told stories about his kids he always numbered them, son #1 through to #5 i think, and one daughter.

this story takes place when he was on vacation. he went to one of the dutch islands and one afternoon decided to go rollerblading wearing only a short, which was probably a beige zip-off pant. he wore those a lot. so he was happy rollerblading in the sun, on an island, when he fell. in his fall the chafed one of his nipples on the asphalt and there was blood. he sat there by the bicycle path bleeding from his nipple when son #3 passed by. son #3 licked the blood and took his father home.

i know that sounds a little creepy and that was exactly our reaction, but he was not a creep at all, just a little unconventional.


message 32: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Not what I expected -- but then I really didn't know what to expect. On first consideration ... yes, creepy.

Thanks for sharing.


message 33: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17337 comments Mod
Ew. Nipples + asphalt + rollerblades = nothing good.

Good for nipple son #2.


message 34: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) You mean #3, right?


message 35: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17337 comments Mod
She said son 3 passed by and son 3 licked the blood and took him home. I was assuming she meant 2.


message 36: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Sally wrote: "She said son 3 passed by and son 3 licked the blood and took him home. I was assuming she meant 2."

Oh.


message 37: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments i meant son #3 licked the blood.


message 38: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17337 comments Mod
So, yeah, I see. It was all son three. Sorry to infer.


message 39: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Daniel, that is a great f--king story.


message 40: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17337 comments Mod
Daniel's story reminds me of the time I pooped in the elevator of the Disneyland Hotel.


message 41: by Heidi (new)

Heidi (heidihooo) | 10825 comments My brother had a serious poop incident in the bathroom at Bubba's Barbeque. He was just a potty training toddler at the time, but still... I've never been back there - too embarrassing.


message 42: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Sally wrote: "Daniel's story reminds me of the time I pooped in the elevator of the Disneyland Hotel."

Get out!


message 43: by Phil (new)

Phil | 11667 comments Two people in an elevator. One of them farts (poops?).

Everyone knows who did it.


message 44: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) But add a turd ... I mean a third ....


message 45: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen Phil wrote: "Daniel wrote: "
That is the first time I learn the word fecophiliac."

The really scary part is that this implies there is a second time."


It also implies that I have to relearn things constantly--which either means that I'm slow or that I have chronic memory lapses with things that involve feces.


message 46: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) That's just shit, Daniel.


message 47: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments My middle son once pooped on the sidewalk in front of our house. He didn't want people around when he was pooping (who does?) and we were in the backyard so he ran around front and pooped on the sidewalk. He was pretty young at the time, but I'm still confused as to why he didn't just go inside and go to the bathroomm.

Sally, who was in the elevator with you?

I also love how Heidi won't return to her brother's scene of the crime, many years later, as if they might recognize her still. "Hey! You're the lady with the brother who pooped here!"


message 48: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen You know when there are other things that you can associate Key West with besides shit. Like Hemingway festivals....


message 49: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Also the Robert Frost festival.


message 50: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen Larry wrote: "Also the Robert Frost festival."

See, a very literary place. I'm liking it more already.


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