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message 1: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
Put feedback here, with the story name above it with the person that wrote it. Please don't write on people's writing topics.


message 2: by Briaq (new)

Briaq  (Briaq) World's Fate by Aviva
I really like your story.


message 3: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
:::)


message 4: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
Navy by Eh
I like it! I didn't know you were a poet, E!


message 5: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
…kay. why aren't you supposed to like it?


message 6: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
hmm. I guess…


☁ ℳisty ℳoonlit ℳemories ☾ (dreamsnitemarecrisis) | 79 comments Desperation - Eh

Cool! Very good, very fast. Makes me want to read more about why, who and what.


message 8: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
Caitlyn's twisted writing.
I love it all. Very…I don't know. very wonderful


message 10: by [deleted user] (new)

Eh wrote: "Then the Rain Comes

Really does have an Indian feel. But... there is one thing that irks me mythology-wise: Buddha is a separate religion from the Hindu."


i realize this. i just pulled a load of gods out of my arse. i hadn't realized... are krishna and shiva both hindu?


message 11: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
yes. we just studied that in social studies.


message 12: by [deleted user] (new)

Aviva (Dra•ja) wrote: "Caitlyn's twisted writing.
I love it all. Very…I don't know. very wonderful"


Thanks! It's very... out of it. it's inspired mostly by Geroge Harrison and my bestest friend ever Cullen (Cullen's got these eyes, they are sooo beautiful, they look exactly like george harrisons!) I love all of Eh's stuff, it's MARVELOUS, doll!


message 13: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
GH! wut about John Lennon? AND RINGO!!!
but would anyone give feedback on this?
for my story I have a prologue that was just: I saw it coming. The blackness creeping into my vision, the ice coming up to meet me. I tried to fight it, I did.

I lost.

But now I'm thinking about adding stuff so it'd be this: I saw it coming. The blackness creeping into my vision, the ice coming up to meet me. I tried to fight it, I did.

I lost.


“Whoa.”
“Amazing.”
“How is she alive?”
“Maybe the same way we are.”
“Let’s get her back.”
Four bodies walk through an air barrier and pick up another before hurrying back the way they came.


“Now why did you come?” a young male voice asks. “All of you?”
Another male answers. “The war for me. Practically everyone that I knew there is dead. This was the only place I could go.”
Now a female. “The Service.” Those two words were all that needed to be said.


A querl gets off a ship on Kyfi and quickly gets out, telling the pilot to wait. He scampers along an overgrown path to a small hut and steps inside. He stops right in the opening before scuttling back to the ship. “Vlavo,” he says.

anyone?


message 14: by [deleted user] (new)

EXCELLENCE! and ringo's eyes r beautiful 2, but i loove georges brown ones!


☁ ℳisty ℳoonlit ℳemories ☾ (dreamsnitemarecrisis) | 79 comments Aviva (Dra•ja) wrote: "GH! wut about John Lennon? AND RINGO!!!
but would anyone give feedback on this?
for my story I have a prologue that was just: I saw it coming. The blackness creeping into my vision, the ice coming..."


That sound great!


message 16: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
Sister Grimm wrote: "Aviva (Dra•ja) wrote: "GH! wut about John Lennon? AND RINGO!!!
but would anyone give feedback on this?
for my story I have a prologue that was just: I saw it coming. The blackness creeping into my..."


thnx! then you like the longer one?


message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

Yes, definately!


message 18: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
BOOYA


message 19: by [deleted user] (new)

Yays for Aviva's amazing prologue!


message 20: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
*grin*


message 21: by [deleted user] (new)

*happy dancing time!*


message 22: by [deleted user] (new)

You know the dance George Harrison does in the video for 'Blow Away'?


message 23: by [deleted user] (new)

It starts at about 0:57. We should do that dance.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddnRtF...


message 24: by [deleted user] (new)

we should do it as a happy dance!


message 25: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
…lol


message 26: by [deleted user] (new)

hehe


message 27: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
that would be funny


message 28: by Keamy (new)

Keamy Loken (keamymayloken) | 35 comments Love your poetry EH:)


message 29: by Keamy (new)

Keamy Loken (keamymayloken) | 35 comments Eh wrote: "Keany's Fanfic
I can't be a fair judge because I read some of the EU."


Is that talking to me? I'm sorry because I don't understand what EU means.:/


message 30: by [deleted user] (new)

Eh, I love the poem that is last right now... It may be Desperation, it's the one that goes shaa-shaa.


message 31: by [deleted user] (new)

Welcomes ;) It's rather abstract, I like it!


message 32: by Keamy (new)

Keamy Loken (keamymayloken) | 35 comments Thanks:)
I have my own whole alt reality:P
I wanted to make it books about it actully:D


message 33: by Keamy (new)

Keamy Loken (keamymayloken) | 35 comments Catlyn I love your poems, "Eyes" and "I love her"
There very good to me:)


message 34: by Keamy (new)

Keamy Loken (keamymayloken) | 35 comments Aviva your poem "If Only" keeps running threw my head...it was rally good.


message 35: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
thnx!


message 36: by Keamy (new)

Keamy Loken (keamymayloken) | 35 comments Not trying to be pushy but could someone when they have time read some of my work and tell me what they think?


message 37: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
Rain by Eh
lovely. very good.


message 38: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
sorry keamy thought i did.i was pretty sure i did. weird
the star wars thing by keamy-sarah
odd but cool. i never really wanted to read after the movies, but its good


message 39: by [deleted user] (new)

Your stuff is alright, Keamy, but it's rather juvenile... Don't take that the wrong way, because it could be amazing, but you need A.) More original ideas, and B.) Work on the smoothness of it all. It's chinky, and sounds a bit young-ish.


message 40: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
wow. just wow. and ac is one of the fun classes.


message 41: by Keamy (new)

Keamy Loken (keamymayloken) | 35 comments Aviva (the second Beatlemaniac) wrote: "sorry keamy thought i did.i was pretty sure i did. weird
the star wars thing by keamy-sarah
odd but cool. i never really wanted to read after the movies, but its good"


lol I have a whole book series idea but that was just for kicks:)


message 42: by Keamy (new)

Keamy Loken (keamymayloken) | 35 comments Incurable Beatlemaniac wrote: "Your stuff is alright, Keamy, but it's rather juvenile... Don't take that the wrong way, because it could be amazing, but you need A.) More original ideas, and B.) Work on the smoothness of it all...."
Don't feel bad:) I'm still new in writeing and some of it was writen about 3 or 4 years ago:)
I need honest people thanks:D


message 43: by [deleted user] (new)

Keamy-Sarah wrote: "Incurable Beatlemaniac wrote: "Your stuff is alright, Keamy, but it's rather juvenile... Don't take that the wrong way, because it could be amazing, but you need A.) More original ideas, and B.) Wo..."

now i dont feel quite so mean ;)


message 44: by Keamy (new)

Keamy Loken (keamymayloken) | 35 comments Incurable Beatlemaniac wrote: "Keamy-Sarah wrote: "Incurable Beatlemaniac wrote: "Your stuff is alright, Keamy, but it's rather juvenile... Don't take that the wrong way, because it could be amazing, but you need A.) More origin..."

You aren't:)
But another thing unrelated is that I've learned on my own is it has to hurt and is supposed to hurt not a lot but a little so you learn and do better:D


message 45: by [deleted user] (new)

Oh, good. Everyone nowadays is so sensitive, you can't hardly say a thing without ofending somebody!


message 46: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
People Watching 1-IB
Awesome. it sounds sort of like a poem, but not.


message 47: by [deleted user] (new)

Thxx!


message 48: by Aviva, avpm/avps :) (new)

Aviva (newtimelord) | 754 comments Mod
:D


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