Terminalcoffee discussion
Rants / Debates (Serious)
>
When Should We Talk With Kids about Evil, and How Should We Do it?
date
newest »
newest »
I say the earlier the better. Why try to pretend such things don't exist?
I found the body count provided on the evening newscasts of any of Detroit's major networks to be an easy point of ingress. But my wife drew a line in the sand when it came to the "Investigative Reports" show on John Wayne Gacy.
I found the body count provided on the evening newscasts of any of Detroit's major networks to be an easy point of ingress. But my wife drew a line in the sand when it came to the "Investigative Reports" show on John Wayne Gacy.
My kids' interest in military history and shows on the history channel spurred some conversations on evil...true...Fact: I grew up within, oh, three or four miles of Gacy's house, and I was a kid at the time that all emerged, so I guess I learned about evil in part through Gacy.
I'm not sure at what age it should be brought up. It probably would depend on the child's own maturity and what they see around them.As to the concept of "evil" as it applies to people, that would depend on the belief system of the parents. I, myself, shy away from labeling people as "evil" (yes, even Hitler) because it seems to strip a way a little of our own humanity when we deny somebody else theirs, even when they have done horrible things. It's easy to say somebody is evil since, when we do so, we no longer have to ask ourselves how this person came to be them. I mean, they're just "evil", right? No need to contemplate it. It's very black and white. But we are messy individuals who get screwed up easily by the things that happen in our lives. Think of the child molester who was molested as a child. At what point does the individual cease to be a traumatized, unprotected victim whose brain was twisted by another and become an "evil" adult? Of course, we should still be held responsible for our actions, and society should be protected from those who do harm, but we are still human beings.
Is that too complicated of a concept to teach a child? I don't know. I hope not.
RandomAnthony wrote: "My kids' interest in military history and shows on the history channel spurred some conversations on evil...true...
Fact: I grew up within, oh, three or four miles of Gacy's house, and I was a k..."
You live in the same state that Dahmer and Gein lived in. Lots of possibilities.
Fact: I grew up within, oh, three or four miles of Gacy's house, and I was a k..."
You live in the same state that Dahmer and Gein lived in. Lots of possibilities.
I think you talk to your kids when they ask, and you answer at their level of understanding. Yes, people do bad things.People may not be evil, even Hitler, but they certainly can DO evil.
Mod
I say that children are never to young to know. I had one abusive parent and one loving parent. The loving parent, as is often the case, couldn't see the forest through the trees; therefore, I thought the eggshells that I walked on as a child were "normal". So when the guidance counciler came into class to talk about abusive families, I never thought to speak out. I don't have children, but having personal experience with "evil" will make me talk to them from the very beginning and hopefully in a way that will make them understand.
My daughter has somehow been aware of 'good guys' and 'bad guys' from a very young age. I don't know if it's mostly due to Disney movies and their evil characters or what, but we've been discussing this for a long time now. Yesterday, Jessi asked me how she was supposed to love her enemies because that is what Martin Luther King Jr. said. We talked about this for a bit, and the conclusion I came to was - you love everyone as much as you can. As a few have already said here, I don't believe people are evil innately, and I've tried to teach her that there is a little bit of good in everyone just as there is a little bit of bad in everyone. It's our choices that lead us down a certain path. And, I believe, it's our attempt to understand others thoughts & beliefs to see why they make their choices that lends compassion as well as justice.
Knarik, I also think that kids know more about what is going on in the world than we give them credit for. We should protect our kids from unnecessary images of violence, but we also need to teach them how to be strong in their character, aware of themselves and their surroundings, as well as compassionate in their lives. The old rules of good vs. evil aren't so clear-cut any longer, and I hope that is because we are growing as a society. I think it would be a marvelous thing to teach this new generation how to find compassion for everyone while staying strong in their own ideas of what is right, and that violence isn't always the solution. After all, one man's hero may be another's villan. It all depends on your perspective. The more we are able to see from other's perspectives the better we can make these kinds of judgements.
Cosmic Sher wrote: "My daughter has somehow been aware of 'good guys' and 'bad guys' from a very young age. I don't know if it's mostly due to Disney movies and their evil characters or what, but we've been discussing..."You bring up excellent points! I agree, that we all have good and bad in us and I believe your following sentence is a line from Harry Potter. Silly as it may sound, I think that series provides and excellent reference/example to explain to young children the various forms of good and evil and how tendencies are within us all.
Fairy tales are good cautionary tales for children. I used to tell my kids that most people you meet are good, but a few are bad. So be friendly but be careful - and then added the usual list of mom cautions. I think you can overdo the stranger-danger talk, though. I smile and say hello to nearly every kid I see. Most smile back, but a few act terrified - and invaribly that mother will glare at me and rush the child away. Give me a break.
I so agree with Rannie! There's just so much fear these days already, I think we're harming our kids so much. And "don't talk to strangers" well I talk to strangers all the time. That's exactly how I brought up Jake, that most people were good, but you never can tell who isn't - when he was quite young thought that evil people would look evil, and so he'd be able to tell. I taught him the rules, ie don't get into cars, don't fall for the "I lost my dog can you help me find him?", you can take candy from people only if Mom and Dad it's OK, etc.It's all in the fairytales, which also are being yanked by parents because they are "too scary."
I learned at a very early age because I was Jewish and had relatives who were in concentration camps. I do think it terrified me because I remember that at a very young age I would think about where could I run and hide? I don't think my parents handled it very well, no one talked about it which made it much more scary.
There is a balance that parents have to weigh between winnowing out things that are too scary for their age and exposing them to truths that they need to know to be safe. It's a hard one to know sometimes. What I do believe is that talking to them, encouraging their questions (which are at times incredibly hard to answer), and being as honest as you can (with good editing - I've had to learn that one) is what will help them figure out things for themselves. They need to know fear to be safe, but too much fear can paralyze and make them hide instead. I like the 'most people are good, a few are bad' attitude. It's better than 'don't trust anyone!' which seems so prevalent now.
Heather, I loved the HP books for that very reason. It shows all sides of Good, Bad and somewhere in between. That's exactly what the good fairytales are all about. :)
I'm just going to steal the author's questions:
But how about you? When do you think we ought to begin discussing the reality of "unnatural" deaths with our children? And are there certain topics that ought to remain taboo?