Chapter 12: Discussion and Questions

[Scott]

Be curious. Be generous.

[Shiran]

This chapter is, for me, the most zen in the whole book (and why I have a special affinity to the original title of the book). The chapter busts the myth that leaders are born, and gives guidance on how to build and nurture trust, starting with oneself. I was thrust from hard core software development into management and it has been — it is — a long journey to come to see myself, an introverted geek, as someone who can lead others, perhaps even effectively. The chapter is also a reminder that this process is evolutionary and that earning trust means constantly working on team relationships.

[Scott]

It's quite a mystery why trust is so rare. It seems so obvious and it's easy to talk about, but yet most teams and workers struggle to build and maintain it.

I like the notion that trust builds up resistance to adversity - I'd forgotten about this. That although trust is expensive, it takes time and effort to build, the reward is countless situations where things go far smoother in difficult times that they could possibly without trust.

[Ravi]

Trust is rare and it takes time to build - I only trust three people in my life. This chapter will still be applicable 100 years from now. I kept on thinking about this quote from Gandhi while reading about trust.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world"

It's hard to change others, but, you can only change yourself and hope you inspire other people to do the same.

I'm surprised that as a culture we don't spend more time talking about building and nurturing trust. I was an excellent individual contributor early on in my career and then suddenly, I was granted the title "team leader". But, I lacked the emotional maturity, core values, and self-reliance to be a good leader. So, I seeked out leaders in my organization that did a good job and noticed a pattern of behavior that Scott outlined in his book. "Why do we still think that a great individual contributor will be a great leader?"

I've made many mistakes leading teams and didn't earn trust until I went through a period of self-discovery and understood my core values. I think for you to grow as a leader and continue to build trust, you need to write down your core values. I completely agree with Scott that you need to go through a period of self-discovery.

Why should you write your values down?

1. Your values identifies what matters most to you.
2. You can use your values to guide you to be the person you want to be.
3. Each day we can make small choices to move in the direction of our values.
4. Value gives us purpose and meaning in life.
5. The key is to remember your values are yours.
6. Our values aren’t for other people.


I noticed in my career that stress and pressure situations really tested my values. Stress will act on our minds by impacting our thoughts and feelings which can cause us to do things that conflict with our values. When we get caught up in stress, we forget to do the things that matter most. This can lead to trust and other issues.

By reviewing and modifying my core values over time, I think it has helped me become a better leader, earn trust, and live the life I want to live and be the person who I want to be.

My Values (listed in prioritized order)
1. I value both my mental and physical health more than anything else
2. I value being a supportive and caring person to my friends and family
3. I value being a dependable and supportive person to my colleagues at work
4. I value spending time outdoors, in nature
5. I value knowledge and lifelong learning
6. I value taking time to relax and be playful
7. I value giving back to my community
8. I value traveling and exploring other cultures

Why is this my most important value - “I value both my mental and physical health more than anything else”? Taking care of my health is most important because I can only fulfill my other commitments if I am healthy physically and mentally.

Today is my 41st birthday and I probably shared a bit too much about myself in this post. But, I wont' hit the delete button.

[Oyster]

Thank you for your birthday gift, Ravi. Today happens to be my birthday.

While I haven't been participating in the discussion or, honestly, re-reading the book, I've been peeking in at what others have to say and appreciating the comments. What I valued most about Scott's book was his wisdom about relationships and how to function within workplace power dynamics--including his insights on where power really lies.