Vent #3

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

After reading the Vent Rules, vent or rant about anything you need here <3

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

TW: suicidal thoughts/actions and self harm

What counts as a suicide attempt? I tried to cut my arm last night in the hopes I'd bleed out but it was half-hearted (3/4-hearted?) and I didn't go nearly deep enough. Idk if that counts and idrc but just wondering what I would call that

[ophelia ⋆˚࿔]

I honestly think that if that was your intention it counts, no matter if it worked or anything. I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling like that, ik I don’t know you as well as some people but you’re such a nice person, if you ever need to talk you can pm me anytime <3

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Ava ˚࿔ wrote: "I honestly think that if that was your intention it counts, no matter if it worked or anything. I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling like that, ik I don’t know you as well as some people but you’re suc..."

Thank you <3

[AVA (INACTIVE!)]

I've been thinking about it. I have written the letters and left notes. Sometimes I just stare at the pill bottle. I want to take it but I can't. I also know that "If there are letters to write there are reasons to stay" but the "reasons" are why I want to leave

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

୨ৎ ανα σƒ тнє нσℓℓσω ୨ৎ wrote: "I've been thinking about it. I have written the letters and left notes. Sometimes I just stare at the pill bottle. I want to take it but I can't. I also know that "If there are letters to write the..."

Yeah exactly. The letters I write are apologies for stuff and they're exactly why I have to go.

[Sage]

TW: suicide/depression

I don't know what counts as an attempt, Barnette, but I want you in this world because it is so so much better with you no matter what you may think. I love you so much and you are an amazing person.

A while back I wore press-on nails. I was in the act of peeling one off when a girl sitting next to me said "I love your nails [insert my given name]" and I couldn't peel it off any longer. There was one person who liked them, and all of a sudden I didn't want it gone. That's how it feels with suicide. Every time I think of doing it, someone's nice to me, or says they like me, or gives me some reason to stay. idk if that helps you, it's just an analogy I thought of that helps me. anyway.

[Sage]

I love you so much Barnette please don't hurt yourself

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Sage wrote: "TW: suicide/depression

I don't know what counts as an attempt, Barnette, but I want you in this world because it is so so much better with you no matter what you may think. I love you so much and ..."

Thank you. Thank you so much. That means a lot 😭 😭 🫂 ❤️

[Achelois (Ash)]

i would say that counts as an attempt. but i'm so so glad you didn't cut deep enough. i've only been on gr one day but i can tell how nice and genuine you are. please pm me if u need to vent and are comfortable. if we were irl id be giving you a big hug rn

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Achelois (Ash) wrote: "i would say that counts as an attempt. but i'm so so glad you didn't cut deep enough. i've only been on gr one day but i can tell how nice and genuine you are. please pm me if u need to vent and ar..."

Thank you 😭

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

You guys are amazing you have no idea how much that helped. Thank you

[nidhi (matching with my sisss)]

I think it is self harm. I’m so sorry you feel that way Barnette, for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been nothing but a sweet, kindhearted and friendly person. You’re amazing. I guess sometimes it may not feel that way but there are so many people who care about you!

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Nidhi ;) wrote: "I think it is self harm. I’m so sorry you feel that way Barnette, for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been nothing but a sweet, kindhearted and friendly person. You’re amazing. I guess sometimes ..."

Thanks 🫂

[Ｎｏｅｌ]

@Barnette Yeah man, you're super cool! Seriously. Please try looking at the better side of life.
Life is hard, I know that, Everyone knows that. But life is good at points as well, really, no matter how hard it is now, good days await.

[⋆｡°✩ Sol {Hiatus}]

Barnette ⋆˙⟡ wrote: "TW: suicidal thoughts/actions and self harm

What counts as a suicide attempt? I tried to cut my arm last night in the hopes I'd bleed out but it was half-hearted (3/4-hearted?) and I didn't go nea..."

Even if it wasn't fully hearted there was still intent, so at the very least it is SH for more than just- feeling pain yknow? And i'm sorry everything is like this- and I know sometimes you just can't take it anymore, but I'm glad you're still here Barnie <3

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Sol *ੈ✩‧₊˚ wrote: "Barnette ⋆˙⟡ wrote: "TW: suicidal thoughts/actions and self harm

What counts as a suicide attempt? I tried to cut my arm last night in the hopes I'd bleed out but it was half-hearted (3/4-hearted?..."

Thank you <3

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Ｎｏｅｌ ◇There Must Be Some Kind Of Way Outta Here, Said The Joker To The Thief◇ wrote: "@Barnette Yeah man, you're super cool! Seriously. Please try looking at the better side of life.
Life is hard, I know that, Everyone knows that. But life is good at points as well, really, no matte..."

Yeah. Tyy

[༻gemma༺{hiatus-not accepting frq} ఌ· ° .]

Barnette and ava, I'm so sorry you've both been going through these things. I want to tell you that you ARE worth it. I know it may not seem that way, but these thoughts won't last forever. Please don't cut your life short. ily both sm and u can pm me anytime <3

[Sai.‧ ⊹°‧ &#x1319d; &#x1319f; &#x1319e; ·｡⊹]

Barnette ⋆˙⟡ wrote: "TW: suicidal thoughts/actions and self harm

What counts as a suicide attempt? I tried to cut my arm last night in the hopes I'd bleed out but it was half-hearted (3/4-hearted?) and I didn't go nea..."

i just joined this group and barnette i want you to know that i literally love you, please don't hurt yourself. i kind of get that feeling, where you're doing something terrible and you know it but only a small part of you is against it, and i genuinely hope you never have a second attempt. you are absolutely amazing and very, very much needed in this world. you've literally made my life so much better, even though you literally live on the other side of the country. pm me if you ever need anything, i might not respond immediately but i'm always here for you <3 don't ever listen to the haters, you are genuinely amazing and genuinely loved and genuinely needed. every time your mind strays to anything negative, please remember this, you are one of the most wonderful people i've met, that i bet a lot of people have met, and please don't forget that, even when your thoughts really want you to <3

[Sai.‧ ⊹°‧ &#x1319d; &#x1319f; &#x1319e; ·｡⊹]

Bre🀨 wrote: "TW: ED

Every time I eat I feel like I’m going to be sick. I want to make myself throw up every time I eat. I’ve tried to before but it just hurts too much, so instead I starve myself. I’ve been de..."

that's terrible. i relate so much with that feeling of disgust, like sometimes i look at myself in the mirror and i cringe at how i look, or i stare at my face and feel like i'm an entity trapped inside that needs to break free. that i don't look pretty, that i don't look like myself, though the facts are this is me. and same with you, i get it, but trust me you are much, much prettier than your thoughts make you out to be. you are absolutely gorgeous. <3

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Bre🀨 wrote: "TW: ED

Every time I eat I feel like I’m going to be sick. I want to make myself throw up every time I eat. I’ve tried to before but it just hurts too much, so instead I starve myself. I’ve been de..."

Oh my gosh, that's awful, I'm so sorry. I have disordered eating (not quite an ED but similar) and I relate a lot, I get extremely nauseous and feel disgusting whenever I eat and used to weigh myself all the time. But I have a therapist and thanks to her I've been a lot better.

Do you have an adult you can reach out to in your life to help? A parent, aunt/uncle, parents' friend, or counselor at school? Therapy genuinely could help if you can find a good and affordable one. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I know it really sucks and you don't deserve it.

I have one tip that may or may not help. I don't know if you journal already, but one thing that's really helped me is keeping a food journal (or whatever you want to call it.) Each day, you can write down what you had for breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, dessert, etc. No bias, and no calorie count, just what you ate. Then at the end of the page, write how you feel about how much you ate, and how you feel physically. This way you can keep track of actually how much you ate (since our brains can blow up or shrink the amount we eat based on our feelings) and maybe that's more or less than you wanted but the clarity could help. Then somewhere on the page or in the book, write yourself an affirmation. Food is a necessity and does not make me disgusting. I'm loved no matter how much I weigh. I am beautiful. I deserve to be healthy. You can also decorate the journal with stickers, pretty handwriting, and more affirmations and quotes.

This might not help but I really hope it does. Best wishes <3

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Sai :) wrote: "Barnette ⋆˙⟡ wrote: "TW: suicidal thoughts/actions and self harm

What counts as a suicide attempt? I tried to cut my arm last night in the hopes I'd bleed out but it was half-hearted (3/4-hearted?..."

I'm not kidding yall are literally making me (happy) cry, thank you so so much 😭 😭 🫂

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Sai :) wrote: "Bre🀨 wrote: "TW: ED

Every time I eat I feel like I’m going to be sick. I want to make myself throw up every time I eat. I’ve tried to before but it just hurts too much, so instead I starve myself...."

Sai you are gorgeous, I promise <3 there's always going to be some people that disagree but your body is there for you to love and be happy in and it's not there for others to judge.

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

༻gemma༺(jacks’s version) ఌ· ° . wrote: "Barnette and ava, I'm so sorry you've both been going through these things. I want to tell you that you ARE worth it. I know it may not seem that way, but these thoughts won't last forever. Please ..."

Thank you Gemma <3

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Bre☾𖤓 wrote: "imsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimspdoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodoneimsodone"

I get that I'm so sorry. Do you want to talk about specifically what's pushing you over the edge? It's not going to last forever. and you're strong. Don't give up.

[AVA (INACTIVE!)]

༻emma༺(eldest daughter version) ఌ· ° . wrote: "Barnette and ava, I'm so sorry you've both been going through these things. I want to tell you that you ARE worth it. I know it may not seem that way, but these thoughts won't last forever. Please ..."

Thank you SM Emma! That means a lot from someone I met on Goodreads like 6-7 days ago, when someone I've known for 3 years and knows I have suicidal thoughts doesn't say, talk, or do anything about it!

[Savannah ♡ (hiatus)]

I don’t even know where to start. Everything feels like it’s collapsing at once, and I can’t breathe half the time. My anxiety’s been awful lately — like my chest is on fire and my thoughts won’t stop racing. My family has so many problems, and I’m trying to hold myself together in the middle of it all, but I’m honestly falling apart inside.

I found out something I was never supposed to know — something that makes me sick just thinking about it. My dad’s cheating on my mom, and it’s not just anyone. It’s my academic team coach. Someone I have to see every single day, smile at, pretend like nothing’s wrong. Every time I look at them, my stomach twists and I just want to scream.

My mom’s been through so much already — she had a ruptured brain aneurysm, and I’m terrified that if she ever found out, it would completely destroy her. So I’m keeping it all inside, because I can’t risk her health. But the weight of it is breaking me. I’m scared all the time. I cry at night because I don’t know what to do.

I feel so lost — like I’m drowning in secrets, anxiety, and guilt that I don’t even deserve to feel. I just wish someone could tell me what to do, or hold me long enough for my hands to stop shaking. I don’t know how to be strong anymore, but I’m trying. I’m really, really trying.

[⋆｡°✩ Sol {Hiatus}]

Savannah ♡ (Taylor's version) wrote: "I don’t even know where to start. Everything feels like it’s collapsing at once, and I can’t breathe half the time. My anxiety’s been awful lately — like my chest is on fire and my thoughts won’t s..."

First of all im so sorry you have to handle this all alone, but second of all you are doing so so well love (platonically). This situation has just been forced upon you when its not your job to have to handle all that pressure and you deserve better. Does your father know that you know?
But, i also want to say that you are not alone. You need someone you can trust to talk to, just let out your anxiety, a shoulder to cry on, someone to hold you up when you fall apart yknow? and i would suggest a trusted friend, if you have one- or if not it could be a complete stranger on GR (that you obviously are somewhat friends with on here), just to check up on you occasionally to not judge you

[Sai.‧ ⊹°‧ &#x1319d; &#x1319f; &#x1319e; ·｡⊹]

agreed. you shouldn't have to carry that around all day, alone, and have it always run through your mind when you see him when you can't even tell anyone. that actually sounds horrible, and i'm so sorry <3 but trust me, you can do this, you're already so strong. like sol said, maybe you can find someone to lean on, or just someone who makes you feel better when you're at your lowest. just keep on hanging on even if you can't, you are not alone, and you can do it <3

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Tw: suicidal ideation and sh

It's funny I don't think there's been a moment this week when I didn't want to die. Even if I'm in a good mood I'm just...tired. Everything triggers me into thinking about it. When I think about it it sounds nice even if it's been an okay day. I'm just tired. Really really tired. Only thing keeping me distracted at night from cutting is sneaking my computer and talking to my friends or on Goodreads. But I want to. Really bad. I'm trying to focus on things keeping me going, my friends and taking care of them, my music. I know I need to hold on until after the holidays because the holidays really stress out my parents and I'm not going to give them more of that rn. Maybe 2026 will be better. But I'm tired now.

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

TW: a lot, self hate, SH, suicide, stuff with parents and anger issues

I just hate myself and I'm tired of being in my head. I'm awkward and annoying and every time I vent or say something I feel attention seeking. I know I'm not faking all this but sometimes I worry I talk about it too much or somehow dramatize it to make people worry about me. I don't know. All I ever want to do is listen to music or watch my show or be on Goodreads and my mom hates that and says I'm wasting my life. But I can't do anything else I just have no energy and I break down when I try to force myself to do work or extra school. Which makes me feel stupid and weak. And mom likes to point out all of my faults and what I'm doing wrong and make me feel like shit. When I have a breakdown she starts screaming because she gets impatient and frustrated with me not picking up my slack and doing exactly what she wants me to do. Which makes me want to cut and triggers memories of her that I really really don't want to remember. Which makes me remember other things. Like one week ago I was on the floor of my room with everything flooding back at me after one of Mom's explosions of anger and I was on the floor crying and I felt trapped and the day and the week and this whole year had been too much and I was about to give up. And I slammed the door and went over to the window and was about to throw it open and started screaming I was going to jump off the roof because the window goes right out to the roof and then I started screaming "I should be in a fucking mental hospital" over and over and I don't remember much but that was one of the worst nights of my life and looking back it feels kinda stupid but I was so close to just giving up because everything gets too much and then that happens. I'm suicidal almost constantly for the past several months. Idk sorry I just needed to say this somewhere idk where this is going

[Emrys]

:( I'm really sorry you're going through all that...it's definitely hard. and I get what you mean that you feel like you make things dramatic for sympathy or to make people feel bad for you- every time I vent I feel like I do that too. but I believe that you're not and that this is all raw and true, because it's definitely possible and I don't think you would lie about how you feel. sometimes at night I bring a flashlight and sneak a book past my dad and read at night. that might help distract you, too, not only during the day. if the light is too bright I use my blanket to cover it and dim it a bit or use your hand to make a smaller beam.
if you go to an in-person school, counselors might be available as somebody to talk to away from your parents and in-person.
I'm also not here to "fix" you, I would just like to offer those suggestions is they might help. your feelings are valid and I hope that you get better soon, because this is an awful time in your life it sounds like, and you don't deserve that <3

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

RJ wrote: ":( I'm really sorry you're going through all that...it's definitely hard. and I get what you mean that you feel like you make things dramatic for sympathy or to make people feel bad for you- every ..."

Thank you so much, that means a lot 🫂 😭

I'm homeschooled, but I'm in therapy. It's not helping all that much but idk I know I'm lucky to have it

[Sage]

Barnette ⋆˙⟡ wrote: "TW: a lot, self hate, SH, suicide, stuff with parents and anger issues

I just hate myself and I'm tired of being in my head. I'm awkward and annoying and every time I vent or say something I feel..."

I'm sorry Barnette. But just know that none of us think you're attention-seeking or anything like that. You aren't awkward and annoying, you're not attention seeking, you're not wasting your life, and there's nothing wrong with you. You're amazing and beautiful and my life has been better with you in it. And so have a lot of people's lives. You're needed in the world, because if you leave, there'll never be another you. There'll never be another loving, caring, funny, kind, chicken-loving, smart, (and a million other things), beautiful Barnette.

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Sage wrote: "Barnette ⋆˙⟡ wrote: "TW: a lot, self hate, SH, suicide, stuff with parents and anger issues

I just hate myself and I'm tired of being in my head. I'm awkward and annoying and every time I vent or..."

Thank you Sage thank you so much 😭 😭 🫂 ❤️

[Savannah ♡ (hiatus)]

⋆｡°✩ Sol {My Gf's Version} wrote: "Savannah ♡ (Taylor's version) wrote: "I don’t even know where to start. Everything feels like it’s collapsing at once, and I can’t breathe half the time. My anxiety’s been awful lately — like my ch..."

tysm that means so much, and no, he doesn't know.

[Sai.‧ ⊹°‧ &#x1319d; &#x1319f; &#x1319e; ·｡⊹]

Barnette ⋆˙⟡ wrote: "TW: a lot, self hate, SH, suicide, stuff with parents and anger issues

I just hate myself and I'm tired of being in my head. I'm awkward and annoying and every time I vent or say something I feel..."

barnette, that sounds awful and i'm actually so sorry you've been going through that. but i just want you to know that you're your own biggest critic, the flaws you're worried about people noticing don't actually exist. i kind of get it bc i feel the same way a lot, and my dad is literally exactly like your mom, but i want you to know that you are amazing. you're so good at everything you do, you're actually really pretty, you're smart and kind-hearted and who knows what else. negative comments hurt, they really do, but don't let them get to you, because they aren't true. they really aren't. every time you're reminded of something awful, try thinking about something else, because dwelling never helps. your feelings are valid, but for your own sake i hope things get better <3 and no matter what please never harm yourself, you deserve to be in this world.

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Sai :) wrote: "Barnette ⋆˙⟡ wrote: "TW: a lot, self hate, SH, suicide, stuff with parents and anger issues

I just hate myself and I'm tired of being in my head. I'm awkward and annoying and every time I vent or..."

Thank you so much 🫂 😭 ❤️

[Tessie]

My sister: please play soccer with me
Me: no my knee is hurting and I don’t want to play soccer
My sister: I hate you you’re the worst sister ever you’re a loser AND you’re lazy *throws boot at me*
Me: that was uncalled for
My sister: you’re uncalled for
Me: well then

Actual event that just happened

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Tessie wrote: "My sister: please play soccer with me
Me: no my knee is hurting and I don’t want to play soccer
My sister: I hate you you’re the worst sister ever you’re a loser AND you’re lazy *throws boot at me*..."

That's awful 😭😭

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Khadijah wrote: "Barnette ⋆˙⟡ wrote: "TW: a lot, self hate, SH, suicide, stuff with parents and anger issues

I just hate myself and I'm tired of being in my head. I'm awkward and annoying and every time I vent or..."

Thank you 🫂

[Sai.‧ ⊹°‧ &#x1319d; &#x1319f; &#x1319e; ·｡⊹]

Tessie wrote: "My sister: please play soccer with me
Me: no my knee is hurting and I don’t want to play soccer
My sister: I hate you you’re the worst sister ever you’re a loser AND you’re lazy *throws boot at me*..."

wow that's actually awful. i'm sorry you have to deal with that bro <3

[Syd (gojo’s ver.)]

I've been really down lately. Idk I just feel really depressed. Anybody else just get the feeling of wanting to cry for no apparent reason? Well that's how I feel right now. I'm shaking and crying, its 10:00 and I can't sleep. I feel like I'm having a breakdown. I'm not suicidal but I just want things to end. I don't think I want to kill myself but its like if I died then I wouldn't really mind yknow?

[༻gemma༺{hiatus-not accepting frq} ఌ· ° .]

Sydney wrote: "I've been really down lately. Idk I just feel really depressed. Anybody else just get the feeling of wanting to cry for no apparent reason? Well that's how I feel right now. I'm shaking and crying,..."

I'm so sorry. I know that we were just arguing in a comment section, but I don't want anyone to feel like this. I hope you feel better <3

[Sai.‧ ⊹°‧ &#x1319d; &#x1319f; &#x1319e; ·｡⊹]

Sydney wrote: "I've been really down lately. Idk I just feel really depressed. Anybody else just get the feeling of wanting to cry for no apparent reason? Well that's how I feel right now. I'm shaking and crying,..."

i'm actually so sorry syd, that sucks 🫂🫂🫂 and yeah i get that sometimes, like one bad thing happens and suddenly my mind blows it up and i go down a spiral. it's probably not the same for you but i hope you're ok, you deserve to be happy <3

[Syd (gojo’s ver.)]

༻gemma༺{semi hiatus} (not accepting frq) ఌ· ° . wrote: "Sydney wrote: "I've been really down lately. Idk I just feel really depressed. Anybody else just get the feeling of wanting to cry for no apparent reason? Well that's how I feel right now. I'm shak..."

Thank you ❤ And I would call it debate lol because arguing makes it sound like I don't like you and that's not true

[Barnette ⋆˙⟡ [my girlfriend's version]]

Sydney wrote: "I've been really down lately. Idk I just feel really depressed. Anybody else just get the feeling of wanting to cry for no apparent reason? Well that's how I feel right now. I'm shaking and crying,..."

Yeah I understand that I'm so sorry 🫂 crying is okay, you should let it out. And that "lately" isn't going to last forever and the weight will lift

[Syd (gojo’s ver.)]

Khadijah wrote: "I'm so sorry you're going through that. 🫂🫂🫂"

thanks, I'm still crying and shaking but talking to people helps keep my mind off of things so thank you

[༻gemma༺{hiatus-not accepting frq} ఌ· ° .]

Sydney wrote: "༻gemma༺{semi hiatus} (not accepting frq) ఌ· ° . wrote: "Sydney wrote: "I've been really down lately. Idk I just feel really depressed. Anybody else just get the feeling of wanting to cry for no app..."

yes ofc! and yea that does make more sense lol