How do I get over losing a friend?

[Viola]

Hey!
So a couple of weeks ago a friend of mine just suddenly blocked me. We were a really close group of 4 friends, I have known this friend for like 10 years at least. So like I said, one evening she just blocks me everywhere, leaves every single groupchat we had with our friend group and doesn't even explain all of this. So me and the rest of my friend group start to think about why she did this and then the other 2 friends of the group realise that the friend who blocked me hasn't blocked them. So they ho talk with her on a video call and after hours of begging, this friend agrees to go on a video call with me and the other friends so with the whole group. I thought that I'd just let her explain herself and she does that for a couple of minutes, and she says some very hurtful things to me. She tells me that she feels like I'm being mean to her all the time and that I'm just like my mom (my mom has been really abusive towards me especially verbally for my whole life) which honestly is a pretty hurtful thing to hear. After telling this she starts to question why I'm so silent, and after that I try to tell her how I feel, and while I'm explaining she just starts to laugh and she removes herself from the video call. I haven't heard from her since and I feel terrible but I also don't know what to do. I also don't understand her because I can't think about anything that I would have said to her that would have been mean to her ever, at least not intentionally. I can't even reach her anymore because she lives quite far from me and she has blocked me everywhere like I told. If you guys have any tips about what I should do about this, I would be really grateful :)

[Viola]

Also, I'm sorry for any possible typos, English is my 3rd language :)) And sorry if the story isn't easy to follow 🙈

[claire! [school semi-hiatus]]

i would tell yourself that there are other people in the world to be friends with and others don’t appreciate your friendship but there are always others <3
(sorry if that makes absolutely no sense)

[Viola]

Thank you for the advice! I know that I should probably just try to get over it but I kind of keep thinking, that am I actually somehow a horrible person and I can't just see it myself? Because what kind of a friend that I have known for 10+ years would do that to me? And while she knows how much her words hurt me after all I've gone through with my mom? I'm just confused

[Shi]

I'm sorry this is happening to you
To me it seems like she wasn't the right friend out there for you. Sometimes making a new friend will help

[Splendhør]

Sorry, this happened to you but darling you need to more on from her, she made her choice to leave you without a good explanation, it not the end of the world, you would find better people along the way, I know this friendship of yours is like 10 years old but if you could just look at it as a chapter in your life, flip that page, something better is going to happen. I know it's hard but it's possible

[C.M.]

Viola, I meant to answer you yesterday and I got distracted. I just want to give you a big hug. I am not sure of your age, and it only matters in that the longer you live the more your relationships will change you. I have had this happen a few times in the past 3 years. I had one friend in particular that blocked me as well. Unexplainably. I have only ever been generous to her. Thoughtful. Hosted her in my home and entertained her. Helped her in a small way expand her business. You get the idea. And then all of a sudden she blocked me on social media. Not her phone though. So when I asked her why, she deflected and said no everything is fine. A few more bizarre things happened as well. She had a really tough life. She is very independent and is having an affair with a married man. Just sexual. She doesn't want any more than that. Whatever. It really bothered me that she blocked on social - cut me off essentially. So I understand. But I was in a place in my life where I was elevating. Wanting more of myself in business, goals, life, etc. I think God, the universe whatever you believe intervened. Slowly but surely a hand full of people I was spending time with that their values/lifestyles did not align with my vision for my own life were leaving. Either I found out something about them that revealed it wasn't safe for me to have them in my life, or I found out about how they betrayed my confidence, or they were displaying very visible signs of jealousy so something would happen- like a fight (and I had never had fights with friends before in my life) and it would be eye opening. It's hard to lose people that you have had in your life. Fun memories, shared experiences, etc. I am more and more convinced however that rejection is often times protection. It doesn't mean that it doesn't sting, really bad because it does. But take solace in the memories... they are still yours. What you learned, enjoyed, experienced with this person added something to your life- even it was just a lesson. Write her a note of what you would like to say, fold it, and put it away. We don't have a say of whether people stay in our lives or not. Just like you have the freedom to walk away when you need and want to, no explanation required. Even though it sounds like you aren't that kind of person. I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sure you feel left out since she still talks to your other friends. That stings. And it does suck. And maybe that was her intent. She doesn't sound emotionally healthy. No one is mean on purpose (laughing at you) unless they have some kind of emotional damage. Go and write that note or send the text she won't get because she has blocked you and then go do something indulgent for yourself. You now have room in your life for a new person to enter - and oh what fun memories you can make. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever which is a shocking realization the more life your live. Hope this helps. It also makes you cherish the friends in your life that continually show up for you - give those relationships you time and energy.

[The Book Thief]

Wow, personally I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who tells me I’m like someone who’s abusive. Especially if that person is a family member or close friend. You should feel able to stick up for yourself and supported by your friends. I’m sorry that you’re going through this.

[Benji]

Yeah, people come and go,
Not everyone is meant to stick with you forever.
We don't really lose friends, time jus' reveals who they really were.
Sometimes it's not that we're hurtful or mean, it's simply that they wanna alter the view that others have of us.

Although in life I have gained more friends than I have lost knowingly . . . I've come to realize never follow the herd, the herd always leaves. When you're hurt, really watch who cares if you bleed.

Sometimes it's the people you were kind to, that you rarely speak to that truly care about your well~being. Than to those whom you spend time with daily.

My advice, let it go. Hold the ones you love close. & understand we are not meant to be liked by everyone. . .
(~(~(~Have a this is their lost attitude.~)~)~)

[Bella]

I’m really sorry you’re going through this — it sounds incredibly painful, especially given how close you all were and how long you’ve known each other. Being suddenly cut off like that, without clear reasons, and then hearing something so hurtful from someone you care about can leave you feeling confused and hurt.

Here are some thoughts on what you might do next:

Give her some space for now.
It might feel impossible to wait, but she seems to need distance. Sometimes people pull away when they’re overwhelmed or dealing with their own struggles, even if it’s hard to understand why.

Focus on your own healing.
What she said—comparing you to your mom—was really cruel and unfair. Remember that her words reflect her feelings and maybe her own issues, not your worth. Try to surround yourself with people who support and uplift you, and do things that help you feel grounded and cared for.

Talk it out with your other friends.
Since the other two friends are still in contact with her, maybe you can share your feelings with them and get some perspective. They might have insight about what’s going on, or at least help you feel less alone.

Consider writing a letter for yourself (even if you don’t send it).
Sometimes putting your feelings into words — what hurt, what you wish could’ve been different — can help process your emotions, even if she’s not ready or willing to hear it.

Accept that you can’t control her actions.
As painful as it is, sometimes people make choices we can’t explain or fix. Right now, your focus needs to be on your own well-being, not on trying to force a reconciliation.

If and when she reaches out, decide what you want.
If she comes back, you can decide if and how you want to engage. It’s okay to set boundaries to protect yourself from further hurt.

How are you holding up with all this?

[Jude of Hearts (school hiatus)]

I'm so sorry she treated you like this... I don't think this is your fault at all but if it makes you feel better and not question yourself anymore you could ask the others in your friendgroup if they've ever heard you say anything mean and you didn't notice. Losing a 10 year old friendship isn't easy at all but try to spend time with others, not necessarily the same friendgroup, maybe meet new people, try different things to spend your free time doing, anything that takes your mind off of it and helps you grow.

[Viola]

C. M. Brewster - you have no idea how much your comment helped me, it's nice to know that this has happened to others too and I'm just not an awful friend (even though I'm really sorry you've had to go through this multiple times). I'm 17 so this was the first time anything like this happened to me but I just realized that this taught me much about friendships so it's not entirely a bad thing 🙃 I know that she had been struggling too, and you made me realize that maybe she was kind of jealous about me because I shared everything I was struggling with with my friends and she could never really open up about the things she struggled with. So thank you so much for your comment, it really made me feel better!! <33

[Viola]

Bella - thank you for the wise words and tips! And thanks for asking, I'm kind of doing better now. Now that I've had some time to think about this I kind of think that this was for the best, even though she could've maybe handled this a bit better than she did 🙃 Even though we were super close I kind of had to always make sure that I didn't tell my opinions if they were very different from hers and if I accidentally said or did something she didn't like I was just supposed to know that she needed an apology from me even though she didn't communicate her feelings at all. So in the end, I think this could've been an important lesson about friendships for me.

[Viola]

The book thief - thank you for the kind words <3

[Viola]

Benji - thank you for the advice!

[Benji]

Viola wrote: "Benji - thank you for the advice!"

I appreciate your gratitude.