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Jun 22, 2025 02:39PM
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Another day the same routine it’s crazy how nothing changes but everything does, will it ever be “normal” again? When will life feel more then just a dream, I hate labels but everything has a name right? Why do I put myself through it again and again when the outcome never changes, it’s almost like I like pain, like I like being alone, but i crave that feeling that I always give.
Given enough by nessa barrett is how I’ve been feeling lately don’t know how to express to someone you feel drained cause all you do is try to make sure they are happy and make all your decisions based on how it would make them feel even if you feel terrible afterwards
How do you know when to let go like how can someone you love so much for the past 2 years be the same person who has drained you more then anyone ever has
derealization Is werid cause it feels like no time has past yet everything has changed yet I bearly remember any of it
It’s weird how happiness works cause some days I’m just so filled with joy everything great and the next day I’m just filled with freed
Life is funny how it works cause in the end nothing really matters what you do or don’t do dosent change the way the world spins but yet to one person it could mean a life difference
I never talk about it but can’t stand to look in the mirror anymore whenever I eat I feel sick I would rather be sick and skinny then healthy and be how I am now, it makes me wanna cry some nights thinking of the scars and how I will never look the same, will anyone still love me when I don’t look the same as Lana del ray said will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful. Like why can’t i be effortlessly beautiful like the girls around me I try and try and never feel like enough and as the years go on I feel like I’m constantly down glowing instead of a glow up I see the way people look at me differently then they once did why can’t I just go back to then be her again
The mistakes I made before I matured still haunt me
I think a lot about ppl I’ve hurt without knowing or knowingly, I have no excuses but my mind was never on right til I got out, being on your own by yourself having to deal with your own self and issues really makes you think and changes your mind and thinking and I sit back and wish I could have handled or done things different but you can’t change the past you can only move forward so I try and I try my best to be intentional about what I do cause it really does hurt me to hurt ppl idk how ppl can not feel anything sometimes I wonder if I’m too intuned cause I feel too much but at the same time nothing I feel for other ppl but hard to feel sad for myself it’s like I know what’s going on but I don’t I realize all this stuff is happening but don’t accept it
I hope people can learn to forgive me cause I’m not the same girl I was
Things arnt always perfect you have good and bad days you have fights things can be hard but it’s all worth it cause I’ll always love you, two years you’ve been here for me from not knowing what was gonna happen next to living together, most ppl my age I can’t relate to, I’ve been paying my own bills and living on my own since 18 and you were there for me through so much of it and is still here I can’t be more grateful cause I can’t even imagine not having you in my life waking up seeing you every morning, you have healed me in so many ways
One thing I do miss about the past is going out every night but the people only wanted to be around me cause I was the “party girl” but I will say I always had fun
I hate that all the things I try to forget all the trauma and abuse comes back at night in my dreams it’s the only time I have to relive it I’m so good at that pretending it never happened til it comes to night
Thank you and I definitely agree it gets better over time as I work through it
Everyday is a step towards a better day
It’s been a few days but why is money always the end goal like it sucks you can’t live without it cause you need it for basic necessities and at the same time it’s so damn addictive to get, I practically live at work working multiple jobs cause it feels so good to have the money but what about life what about living is any of it worth it in the end
It’s funny how friends work cause it won’t seem like you got any and then people hit you up out of nowhere
I think I might be a hypochondriac, for some reason I keep having this feeling anytime something is slightly off with myself that I’m dying or have cancer, I never used to have this like what!? Like I’m not the mostly healthy I intake way too much toxics and grass but maybe that’s why I always think I’m dying
Life is a lot of thinking and decisions and I don’t like thinking, I like distractions, it’s werid how you begin to not feel as much when you don’t spend so much time thinking
Sometimes the person you love the most can also make you the most frustrated but at the end of the day it comes down to how you feel about each other
I use to hate my curly hair until I learned how to actually style it and take care of it now I love it so much and I can do so much with it
I have the worst headache today, at first I thought it was cause I was drinking last night but when I drink I drink the whole bottle almost but I have a high tolerance so it only gets me a good buzz so I ruled that out so just looks like I’m gonna be resting thankfully today is my day off, I really hate my current part time job all my coworkers are up tight goody ppl and it’s so annoying I don’t see myself staying here very long hoping Starbucks gets back with me soon so I can change to that as my part time job with my full time job. I really can’t wait to get my degree and start the career I actually want to do, I’m so tired of these jobs that have no purpose don’t lead anywhere and just do the same thing everyday with the same lame boring people
Also another thing why are girls gotta be so werid, like I feel like it’s very rare to meet a girl who’s not jealous of other girls or fake or switch up and stuff like I’ve always found that werid even when I was younger like girl to girl I feel like we should be supporting each other and like it’s ok to be friends with other girls without causing drama or switching up, I feel like even if I think a girl has a better life or is pettier or any of that stuff that would never change how I see them or treat that girl I would still be friends with them and want to hang out with them,
I lowkey miss the good old days of goodreads back when my biggest worry was being away to long from my goodreads group, honestly used to be so fun and take up so much of my time, I feel like a lot of things use to be so much better and I dont even thinks it’s just cause growing up I really think it’s as a society we have changed to be more boring and less exciting and it’s sad
Once you find yourself you can find the one for you
Actually making an effort to be better about reaching out to people, I always put it off but have been making progress
Guys I’ve been trying to take a break from smoking you know the good stuff and now I can’t stop the constant anxiety without my vape so it’s either the other stuff or a vape like ughhh can’t even take a break to be somewhat healthy, why is my body so against me
Why have I been so locked in recently? Like normally this isn’t me I’m so proud of myself I’ve been so consistent with life with work, getting my steps in etc
Life had to throw another hurtle cause things are going so good and now past that hurtle things are going even better so excited for my new apartment right across from a very big park helping reconnect to nature as well as just learn to enjoy life more new work schedule is perfect, relationship keeps growing and getting better honestly I know little me would be so proud of who I have become and what I have worked to get
Social media used to be such an addiction then I took a break and now that I’ve got my life mostly together it’s so fun and so much easier to enjoy in moderation
Signed up for planet fitness today can’t wait to see the progress from here so far it’s only been small progress but progress is progress plus I wanna work on being stronger as well I’m pathetically weak lol
Taking 2 hour naps and only sleeping about 4 hours with working two jobs I can’t wait for a at least a half day off
Listening to some good music literally changes my whole day and mood
Some days I just can’t stop thinking of words people have said or words I have told myself it’s crazy how the mind can be your biggest enemy sometimes
I hate when people complain about problems they caused them selves on purpose it’s like you really need attention that bad
Been running on no sleep with two jobs and errands and keeping the apartment good I think I’m going a little crazy lol
Every friend I have that’s a real friend ofc lives far and everyone near me is so fake I just go home and only hang with my bf it’s honestly kinda sad I do wanna have that deep friendship but it’s not worth it to be around people who are so fake or just plain rude
Welp my car decided to stop working again, this time it won’t even turn on at all, I don’t know how I’m suppose to get back forth to work since I work kinda far it’s gonna be such a waste doing uber and I was on track to move into my apartment this next week and now I have no idea what I’m gonna do I get paid biweekly and no daily pay so super anxious about figuring all of this out
