Ava's Thoughts

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

Let’s just hope I don’t have to go to the er a fifth time this year……… I don’t think I will but like there’s a chance if things get worse……

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

thanks

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

2 more oxygen drops today… fun… only one went to 85 though the other wasn’t as bad

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

So yeah no improvement… and my stupid pediatricion is refusing to see me for anything except adhd testing because that’s what I was referred to her for at first. I’ve also seen her for physical stuff for months now though and she knows way more than my family doctor 😭 he once said he wasn’t qualified to tell me if I should go to the er 💀

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

I had eating disorder clinic today and it went terribly

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

It was ok but like the treatment style has affected me negatively a lot and I only eat not because I’m scared of going back and not because I’m better…

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

And I said that…

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

and the person said “scared of going back to the hospital?”

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

and um I had the worst panic attack I’ve had for a while

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

Basically suddenly I was literally on the ground sorta like huddled on the ground crying and hyperventilating…. I was able to get up about 10 minutes later…. I was having such bad flashbacks and sm anxiety and I felt like I was there again

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

So yeah

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

Fun 😃

[ash ⋆˚꩜｡ (ITS TIIIMMEEEE)]

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I love eating disorders

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

ash ⋆˚꩜｡ (haitus for theater) wrote: "yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I love eating disorders"

the fact that it took me a minute to realize this was sarcasm 💀

[ash ⋆˚꩜｡ (ITS TIIIMMEEEE)]

lmaooo

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

Lost my main safe food today… it just tastes disgusting now

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

That was the main part of my lunch and dinner every day…

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

ok I found a new favorite food (yay!)

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

and uhhh yesterday I had more blood oxygen drops and they were worse and like baddddd lung pain so I think this is progressing… fun

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

BUT THE LIFE OF A SHOWGIRL IS COMING OUT TONIGHTTTTT

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

AHHH IM SO EXCITEDDDD

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

OMG

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

How to have a bad day:
1. Go to an appointment with a doctor who triggers trauma a lot and get reallllly anxious
2. Have your blood oxygen drop to 70 and stay super low for 20 minutes- bonus points if you also have extreme trouble breathing and nausea and feel like you’re gonna pass out or die
3. Have the receptionists at the hospital be so lazy that instead of helping and checking you in, they laugh with their friends
4. Have a severe panic attack and run out of the hospital
5. Realize that was your fifth time in the er this year and laugh about it

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

so yeah that’s how my day went hehe

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

it’s just a little thing called ✨medical trauma✨

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

very fun

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

let’s see how long I survive! my oxygen could drop again aaaaaaany minute but hopefully it’ll,go up when it does (it has soooo manyyyyy times today it’s crazy)

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

and there’s this weird bump on my jaw area and I’m scared but anywayyyyyys

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

I finally finished I hope this doesn’t find you!

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

Should I go back to the er? I’ve only had one oxygen drop to 85 since but like I have weird blue discolouration of my jaw area… and I feel weird and have had neck pain, plus I never saw a doctor while I was there I got there and left immediately

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

I went back because it kept dropping like the oxygen and I’ve had weird blue hand discolouration and stuff…

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

I’m in a room off of the regular er area since they let me wait here (I have severe emetophobia so it’s hard to be in the normal area with the people), and I’ve been waiting for about 10-20 minutes…

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

I love how I’m talking to people on here as if it’s a normal day and I’m not in the hospital

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

But like that’s kinda a normal day for me lmao it’s my 5th time here in the past 8 months

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

Or is it 7 months?

[Sumayyah (hiatus)]

Ophelia ˚࿔ wrote: "I love how I’m talking to people on here as if it’s a normal day and I’m not in the hospital"

wait...ava? 😭

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

yeah

[Sumayyah (hiatus)]

Ophelia ˚࿔ wrote: "Should I go back to the er? I’ve only had one oxygen drop to 85 since but like I have weird blue discolouration of my jaw area… and I feel weird and have had neck pain, plus I never saw a doctor wh..."

Ophelia ˚࿔ wrote: "I’m in a room off of the regular er area since they let me wait here (I have severe emetophobia so it’s hard to be in the normal area with the people), and I’ve been waiting for about 10-20 minutes…"

ohmygosh...im so sorry, i reallllly really hope ur okay and get better 😭

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

I haven’t seen a doctor yet but I’ve been here for about 2 hours so far

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

Sumayyah (hiatus) wrote: "Ophelia ˚࿔ wrote: "Should I go back to the er? I’ve only had one oxygen drop to 85 since but like I have weird blue discolouration of my jaw area… and I feel weird and have had neck pain, plus I ne..."

Thankssss 😭

[Sumayyah (hiatus)]

Ophelia ˚࿔ wrote: "I haven’t seen a doctor yet but I’ve been here for about 2 hours so far"

oh noooooooooooooooo uhhhhhhhh 😭😭😭😭😭

[Sumayyah (hiatus)]

plsss be okay 😭 for like the 4th time i gtg now, i reallllllllly hope everything goes welllllll, byee <333 😭

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

Sumayyah (hiatus) wrote: "plsss be okay 😭 for like the 4th time i gtg now, i reallllllllly hope everything goes welllllll, byee <333 😭"

ok byeeee 😭

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

Still waiting… at least I’ve seen a nurse 😭 I’m so tiredddd

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

I got read a bit, maybe I should catch up on reviews now

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

All of my progress everything is gone because of some doctor

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

Idk what to do…

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

I was feeling a bit better mentally but now? Now I’m back to where I started…

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

hehe my oxygen dropped to 68

[Ophelia ˚࿔]

It’s 80 now