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Weekly Poetry Stuffage
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Week 574 (April 30-May 14) Poems Topic: Unexpected Guest
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POET: Garrison KellyTITLE: Try That in a Comedy Club
GENRE: Satirical Rap Song
RATING: PG-13 for language, violence, drug references, sex references, and bigotry
VERSE 1: CHEESY COMEDIAN
“Rabbits going back is a receding hare line
That chick’s a parking ticket, ‘cause damn, she’s fine
There’s only one way to catch a unique rabbit
Unique up on it, gob-less the sabbath
I did a line of coke and I wrote down the joke
Rolled a joint full of green and I gave it a smoke
I can make a lot of pennies off the number 420
And the number 69, yo, I got to get mine”
CHORUS 1
Try that in a comedy club
You can go to the Apollo, but you’ll get no love
You can call it cancel culture, but I call it fate
Maybe there’s a reason why you get all the hate
VERSE 2: EDGY COMEDIAN
“I like to slap bitches, I like to slap hoes
Take a pair of brass knucks across her perfect nose
I identify as the guy who pulls out a knife
Carves the N-word on your head, watch that shit bleed red
You can’t cancel me, ‘cause I’ve got all the money
I’m the only one who decides what’s funny
Not my audience or the world wide web
I’ll be triggering you all ‘til the day I’m dead”
CHORUS 1
Try that in a comedy club
You can go to the Apollo, but you’ll get no love
You can call it cancel culture, but I call it fate
Maybe there’s a reason why you get all the hate
VERSE 3: ME
You could never measure up to George Carlin’s legend
You say you speak the truth, but he’s the only one who said it
Context is important, but to you it doesn’t matter
‘Cause a list of racial slurs is your ticket to laughter
If a million people laugh, then that’s a million idiots
If a million defend you, then that’s a million hypocrites
At your own funeral, you ain’t an unexpected guest
But nobody showed up to lay your ass to rest
CHORUS 2
Try that in the Hall of Fame
All you mediocre men sound about the same
You’d never laugh at a woman on stage
Unless of course she shared your bigoted rage
Try that at the Kennedy Center
Even if you blew the owner, he wouldn’t let you enter
Try that on your Nazi bird app
You’re not triggering the libs, ‘cause no one gives a crap
OUTRO: REAL COMEDIAN
“Of course Elon Musk likes to call Twitter X. He’s racked up a lot of exes, because he couldn’t give them O’s on his best day.”
(Audience laughter)
Thanks for posting Garrison!
Want to give a special mention: Happy Mother's Day to all the moms who happen to be on here and related to you guys!
The family and I took Mom out to lunch at a Mexican restaurant called La Palapa for her special day. The day before, I gave her her present early, which was a $50 gift card to Red Lobster. She's had a rough 2025, so I wanted to give her this little bit of joy and it seemed to have worked. :)
That's great Garrison. While I was bummed out about having to work most of it, my mom for Mother's Day was happy to be up later and celebrated at the house with some family and a friend who's like family (my mom's best friend)!
I am extending this contest, at least until another post is made. If you have a poem you hope to share, the thread is still open!
I want to be myself, I want to feel freeI crave the caresses of the winter breeze
I want attention, its like no one hears my pleas
I want true love, just give it to me please
Where's my bless you after I sneeze?
I’m imprisoned with no escape
I can't be myself, I have only been given one shape
I want to be like smoke in a vape
Gone, evaporated, and no longer awake
Please post directly into the topic and do not use a link. Please don’t use a poem previously used in this group. Note: Only one submission per person is allowed.
Your poem can be of any length, structure, or style.
This week’s topic is: Unexpected Guest
The rules are pretty loose. You could write a poem about anything that has to do with the subject/photo but it must relate to the topic somehow. Note: It can be a loose interpretation for example.
Most of all have fun!