Tell me what you think? Keep in mind it's unedited! Xx

[Kai's]

4

Ivy

Ivy stilled. The silence was sudden, tense. Her hand rested on her sword hilt. Her heart was pounding. Ivy kept her features unbothered. Calm and collected. Her gaze wandered around the small open space casually. She turned to Mist and walked towards him, whistling Barely a sound, but Ivy heard it. She smirked, got you. Freeing her sword, she spun around, the sword held in a defensive position. Her blade was met with another. The force nearly made her take a step back. Nearly. Ivy threw her weight into her sword, trying to gain some ground. She succeeded. One step. Two. Three steps and she shoved the person further back. She sprang forward, not wasting a second to thrust her sword forward. Only for it to be deflected.

They're good. Guess I'll have to up my game

Ivy ground her teeth and spun to the side. Angling her blade, which was now pointed at the exposed side of her opponent, she drove forward, fully intending to stab it into the person. She was met with nothing but air. What the?

She gasped. Staring up at the sky, gulping in air. How did she end up on the ground? It's not like she tripped on her own feet. Scrambling up, Ivy gripped her sword, willing her hands to not shake. Magic, they're using magic. Did I cut them? Or did they cut themselves? Invisible, the invisibility spirit. Use that against them. The wound couldn't heal so quickly so they'd still be dripping blood wherever they were. Ivy looked to the ground, searching She sharpened her hearing as well. They're invisible but they can still make noise

[Char :)]

Hi!!!

I think it's pretty good!! I like how the short sentences sort of feed into the imagery and make it a lot easier to feel the emotions of the scene. You did a pretty good job of describing the action in a descriptive way, lol, so it's easy for me to actually visualize what's happening. The only thing I would say (I don't know if you already do this) is to put the characters thoughts in italics; that way it's easy to tell what their thoughts are!! Keep writing though; you're already doing great :)

[Doris]

I agree with Char! This brief scene is well done and allows us to build the area in our minds. Using the search for blood is good, shows the character is thinking not just reacting

[Kai's]

Char :) wrote: "Hi!!!

I think it's pretty good!! I like how the short sentences sort of feed into the imagery and make it a lot easier to feel the emotions of the scene. You did a pretty good job of describing th..."

Hi<3 Thanks! I put the character's thoughts in italics, but for some reason, they don't stay like that when I copy and paste them

[Kai's]

Doris wrote: "I agree with Char! This brief scene is well done and allows us to build the area in our minds. Using the search for blood is good, shows the character is thinking not just reacting"

Thank you! I had my doubts writing this scene so you've helped! <3

[Char :)]

Paedyn wrote: "Char :) wrote: "Hi!!!

I think it's pretty good!! I like how the short sentences sort of feed into the imagery and make it a lot easier to feel the emotions of the scene. You did a pretty good job ..."

No problem!! Yeah, I thought that might be it, lol :) Good luck with your writing! Feel free to dm me or something if you want something else looked at

[Kai's]

Will do! thanks! :)