I'm (mentally) exhausted and I don't know what to do

[☁︎Grace☁︎]

(VENT) I just don't want to do today. I just failed a quiz. I have a chem. test that I'm going to fail tomorrow and I know I'm going to fail bc I know nothing on this unit. We just got back from spring break yesterday, and yet I'm already done. I was done even before spring break. Plus I have this tutoring teacher. She "sees me like family" I don't. I have tutoring today and I don't want to go. "oh but that will be the perfect time to study for your chem test" Yeah it would be. Yeah if my tutoring teacher would actually know how to do chemistry. Yeah it would be if I didn't have to teach myself at tutoring. Yeah it would be if the last time I went to her she put me down so badly I started crying in the public library and she didn't stop for over an hour. NOT WHEN YOUR TUTORING TEACHER OF 6-7 YEARS TELLS YOU WORD FOR WORD, "You're failing in life", "you're not depressed, you may feel depressed but you just need some motivation", "you're going down the wrong path in life", "you're making questionable choices", "you need to stop focusing on your art and actually do something with your life", and SO much more. She has done NOTHING, but put me down since I was little. I AM DONE. Done with her. Done with school. Done with EVERYTHING. I've been under so much pressure bc of her since I was younger. I mean who tells a 6th grader that she should start deciding what she wants to do with my life?? (currently a high schooler) My parents know I hate her. My brother clearly hates her, but nothing changes. I'm trying. I really am. I'm starting to wonder if I deserve this somehow. Maybe she is right. Maybe I'm going nowhere in life.

[Bethany]

Hey :)
So, I'm speaking as a high school English teacher and long-time tutor, but also as a girl who did high school the hard way and really struggled with depression/anxiety in 9th/10th grade (not that long ago for me). High school SUCKS. The biggest thing I learned that helped me to self motivate is to stop seeing this as a deal you've made with your parents/society/anyone else. You should be succeeding for you. To me it sounds like a struggle to get focused, so start making games out of focus. Tell yourself you will study for 30 minutes, and then for 5 minutes do something that brings you joy (maybe read for 5 minutes, or work on a craft), whatever you do, avoid your phone. Throw it away from you, set the timer on your computer. It's so easy to get distracted with it right in front of you. Additionally, it always worked for me to study/do homework somewhere that wasn't my house. It always helped for me to be at a coffee shop, the ambient noise was stimulating for me. Sit your parents down and talk to them rationally, tell them you do not think your tutor is helping you in ways you need and ask if they would consider helping you to find a different tutor. I also highly recommend Khan Academy for chemistry/math, it has a lot of great resources.

At the end of the day, struggling with school DOES NOT make you a bad person. However, suffering in silence only hurts yourself <3 You can do this!

[☆ 尺ﾉ丂 ☆ (I eat crayons *mwah*)]

YOU ARE ENOUGH and no mothafucking old aah lady, who prolly looks like shit, is going to tell you such things, most people who tell you such things feel those things so if that bitch aah tutor told you that you're going nowhere in life, she's most likely thinking this about herself and venting it on you (i know it sounds hard for you to do but IGNORE THAT BITCH) sometimes I feel the same as you but with my parents telling me that I have no direction in life and I took it very badly (iykyk) ... so if you need somebody to talk to I'm here for you anytime <3

[paula]

First of all, don't believe a word this woman tells you. You're not going nowhere in life, you still need to figure some things out and it's totally ok. Second of all, if you hate her that much, maybe it's time to stop working with her if that brings you nowhere and don't even help you with anything. I don't know if that's so easy in your situation but I'd just quit. You don't need this tutor. It's hard for me also at school and in life but I try to motivate myself, I watch many self-care videos, for example about how to deal with social anxiety because that's something I can feel slowly takes over my life. I want to get rid of all these negative thoughts. If you haven't already, try to talk to someone. Parents, family, teachers, friends, anyone you feel comfortable with, maybe even therapist. I don't know what more I can say to you and I also don't feel like I helped you with this, but just know that it may seem like you can't to it anymore, you're tired, you feel like you're going nowhere in life, but it's going to get better, I promise. It's such a privilege to be alive, it's such a beautiful thing!! It may seem big now but it won't effect your whole life. You WILL get better someday, you WILL feel better. Let others help you and don't push yourself also, it's actually really important. If you feel like you can't study anymore or do something else, then don't. Go take a nap, do something you love to do. such a small decision won't. affect. your life. I'm sorry if my grammar is a little bit bad but english isn't my first language. I hope you will soon get better :)

[ella]

is there anyway you can get rid of her if your parents know you hate her why aren't they doing anything. I feel ya with the chemistry. 10th grade in highschool was my worst year bc who the hell puts geometry and chemistry in one year also I was not doing well mentally. my teacher did not teach well (everybody disliked her) I only passed bc this student teacher started helping me. but I failed so much and I dreaded tutoring. you should try to talk to your parents about the tutor bc if she gone it will be a weight off your chest. and the mental part it may last till school ends at that's okay but do things you enjoy after school take a breather. also I started doing art in chemistry. 8 would always do my art in my classes bc I didn't know how to start assignments.