Share Your Story: When Did You Realize You Were Dealing with a Covert Narcissist?

[Amanda]

I wanted to open up this space for anyone who’s felt confused or trapped in a relationship but couldn’t quite put their finger on why. For me, it took a long time to recognize the subtle manipulation and gaslighting. Covert narcissists are masters at hiding their abuse behind false humility and victimhood. When did you realize something wasn’t right? What were the red flags that stood out to you?

[Elizabeth]

I didn't realize that I was dealing with covert narcissist abuse until 6 months after I ended it. I ended it because I knew I was being emotionally abused but I didn't have a name for it. I was with him for almost 3 years and I loved him deeply. Breaking up with him was extremely difficult to do but I had to choose myself. He was so loving but at the same time, he was controlling and manipulative. The silent treatment was his biggest weapon. I was like the frog slowly being boiled. It has been the relationship that has been the most difficult to get over. I have been no contact since I ended it but the trauma bond is strong and I still think of him almost every day. It is because of him that I have thrown my walls up and I don't think I will ever allow myself to fully love another man again.