Reviews and Constructive Critisisms

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

In the next bit, you could show sort of day-to-day life and how whatever happens affects it. This could sort of be the buildup to the point where we learn what happened and why.

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

Pluto~"GOODBYE MOFOS " wrote: "i'll for sure explain that more, and i'll check it out"

👍:)

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

Pluto~"GOODBYE MOFOS " wrote: "Yayy, i gotta work on the story more tho tbh"

Ok, I'm excited!

[Louis :3, ~Author~]

Ella✨(booktrovert) wrote: "In the next bit, you could show sort of day-to-day life and how whatever happens affects it. This could sort of be the buildup to the point where we learn what happened and why."

ooooo-

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

The first chapter in Coffee Shop Romance feels very unfinished to me. I think you had an idea in mind when you started writing this. To expand on this start (which I think is lovely) you could either introduce the other character or talk more about the main character.

[Louis :3, ~Author~]

Yeah i had an idea and then it slipped so like.....I'm struggling T^T

I kinda want the barista to be the other character or maybe- idk -shrug-

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

Pluto~"GOODBYE MOFOS " wrote: "Yeah i had an idea and then it slipped so like.....I'm struggling T^T

I kinda want the barista to be the other character or maybe- idk -shrug-"

It's alright! I hope it comes back to you! In the meanwhile, I'd focus on the other stories.

[Louis :3, ~Author~]

Ella✨(booktrovert) wrote: "Pluto~"GOODBYE MOFOS " wrote: "Yeah i had an idea and then it slipped so like.....I'm struggling T^T

I kinda want the barista to be the other character or maybe- idk -shrug-"

It's alright! I hop..."

yeah i was gona do that

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

In Moonpaw's Fern, in the second paragraph: "He kept nosing her mewing" there should be a comma after her, and a period at the end of the sentence.

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

For this part: She looked at him hissing,
"Okay I'm up!"

Either change the comma to a period or make them in the same paragraph to indicate that she hissed those words.

[Louis :3, ~Author~]

alright- i'll add that rq

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

I think at the end it feels a little incomplete. Maybe you could add a sentence about them as a sort of segway into the next chapter where they actually play the game?

[Louis :3, ~Author~]

Oh yeee- i'll figure out how to do that

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

There's a period missing in the third paragraph of Camp Hell's Mouth.

[Louis :3, ~Author~]

Alrighty, i'll figure out where and fix it

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

It's developed and interesting. There are a few missed punctuation marks, but aside from that there's nothing to fix.

[Louis :3, ~Author~]

Huzzah :D

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

Again, the end feels a little unfinished. Maybe it could end when they just arrive at wherever they are going?

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

I have to go now! Good luck, and I hope this was helpful.

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

Editor Ella out!

[Louis :3, ~Author~]

Bye!

It was very helpful!

[Ella✨(booktrovert)]

<3

[Louis :3, ~Author~]

<3/plat