DARING Query Letter Crit

[Samantha]

Any and all feedback welcome. FIRST ATTEMPT

Every five years, the Ordeal comes to test every heart and bone of aspiring mages. Alessia Windbane is no different than any other participant, except for the fact that she is the granddaughter of the world-renowned Arcanist of Arwan. Many arbiters would pay a great deal of gold to watch her bleed, trying to undermine her grandfather’s influence, but she isn’t bothered by the opinions of naysayers; not when success would grant her a coveted spot in the King’s court.

A month before her trials, Alessia attends a lavish soiree with the young, silver-tongued King of Arwan and his haughty guild leaders. She enjoys listening to salacious gossip almost as much as she enjoys drinking fine wine, but the night is interrupted by an intruder holding the King hostage and demanding he break with the tradition of the Ordeal, lest meet the wrath of Sein’s Revolution.

While Alessia escapes with her life, her dreams are scathed by the rebel’s promise of world-shattering retribution. There seems to be only one solution: an alliance with Arwan’s most notorious enemy, Vulgra. The arrival of a handsome emissary upon a bloodcurdling dragon reminds Alessia that their uncanny ally can’t be trusted, even if she is half Vulgran herself. Alessia is a mouse, caught in three different traps, each wanting a part of her soul while she clings on to her own desire for power. As the grueling Ordeal draws near, so does the cliff’s edge, and someone must be thrown over.

DARING THE WIND is a YA fantasy book, completed at 85,000 words. Readers who enjoy the dark elements of ONE DARK WINDOW by Rachel Gillig, but also the adventure and magic of LEGENDBORN by Tracy Deonn, will enjoy the story. Readers of slow burn romances won’t be left behind with the enemies to lovers trope, with a twist of betrayal at the end. Fans of the DRAGON AGE series would appreciate the aspects of world building and court politics. DARING THE WIND can be a standalone, but I wrote it with the intention of a trilogy, and the second book is in its final stages.

*about me paragraph*

Sincerely,

*name*

[Lee]

I use 5 questions when it comes to query letters.
Who is the MC? Alessia
What is it she wants? To be a mage? It isn't clear if she wants it or it being forced on her by her grandfather.
What is stopping her? Rebels and the Vulgra.
What is she willing to do? Form an alliance.
What happens if she fails? Don't know.

I'm not left asking the questions I should be asking like, what happens? I'm wondering why are there rebels, what/who are the Vulgra, and why is she so important that three factions are fighting over her allegiance. And watch the long, possibly runon sentences. Can that second paragraph be broken up better?

The good news, I don't see any major grammar issues which is something I've heard literary agents say is very important in a query letter.

Good luck in the trenches.