how to get over an ex bf

[Jenna]

heyyy... does anyone have any like tips ig on how to get over an ex? (specifically a first love type of situation) its been months since we broke up and he's hurt me over and over again and I just cant get 100% over him and it still hurts so much to see him w another girl idk what to do anymore.

[annabelle]

oh babe i'm sorry, I wish there was smth that would make it go away. I still think about my first (and only lol) boyfriend and that was literally 5+ years ago haha.

I honestly think it just takes time and you have to just move on and accept it even if it's really hard. and I am in no way qualified to give you advice (see: only ever had 1 real relationship) but what I would say is don't give him space in your life. don't talk to him, don't keep track of his socials. go cold turkey and put him off your mind as much as possible. i'm so sorry he hurt you, don't let him take up all your headspace girly

[Jenna]

annabelle wrote: "oh babe i'm sorry, I wish there was smth that would make it go away. I still think about my first (and only lol) boyfriend and that was literally 5+ years ago haha.

I honestly think it just takes..."

I wish that I could just let him go. I just keep going back to him and just keep talking to him and I don't understand why I cant just move on.

[madi]

hey! i went through a breakup a month and a half ago, with someone who i was with for around three years (we broke up for 8 months and then got back together). this is the first time that i've dealt with a breakup properly though - before this i'd just jump into another relationship so i never really got over my exes. this time i tried focusing more on myself (fixed up my diet, started painting and reading, prioritising my education a bit more, spent more time with my mum etc.) and it worked really well! just do thinks that make you feel alive, or make you feel like yourself. try new things that you've always wanted to do, but that you've never actually made the effort for. after i had started doing all that, i started REALLY thinking about how many times this guy hurt me. like i would ALWAYS go back knowing he'd hurt me again, but i think he was just so familiar and comfortable, and a big part of me just didn't want to see him with someone else. i HATED the idea of him being with someone who wasn't me, but then i realised i was just worried he'd treat someone else better than he treated me. and THEN i realised he never would, bc if he can hurt someone so many times without changing, he never will. he'll only have a 'successful' relationship if he finds someone who lets him treat them like shit. and idec if they're 'happy' together because i'm not gonna be the one that settles for that behaviour. you rly need to think about the long-term. i'm guessing you're young, do you really wanna spend the next few months/years/rest of your life being hurt again and again? no matter what you think, you will find someone better, who isn't going to hurt you over and over. and ik rn you might not want there to be someone else because they're not him. but no matter what you've been through together, or how comfortable you were with each other, or how nice it was when things were good between you, you won't ever be fully happy and you'll be depriving yourself of real, genuine love if you keep dwelling on him!!! sorry for the rant but no one told me any of this when i kept going back to my ex so yeah, hope this helps

[Jenna]

madi wrote: "hey! i went through a breakup a month and a half ago, with someone who i was with for around three years (we broke up for 8 months and then got back together). this is the first time that i've deal..."

I have been trying to focus more on myself because when I was with him he was all I was ever worried about. at this point, I'm just trying to let things happen however they are going to happen with like guys n stuff but like you said, I just keep going back because its so comfortable and familiar. but everything you just said actually made me think sm differently about this.

[Jenna]

and what makes it so much harder is that I just want him to change and stop hurting me and he keeps telling me he will change and then does the same things.

[Grace]

Hey girl, I'm really sorry you're going through that rn! I've definitely had a few rough breakups throughout the years, I found trying hobbies helped, I got really into skateboarding after one of my breakups, and that helped a lot.

I know sometimes it's impossible but avoiding them/hearing about them as much as possible also definitely helped me.

I also noticed you said that he's hurt you over and over again, I know in one of my first relationships my ex also hurt me over and over again and I remember that relationship took me a long time to fully get over because of all the anger and resentment that I was holding onto that had built up throughout the relationship. I found that I was finally able to move on when I was able let go of that anger that I was holding towards them. Obviously, that's easier said than done though. I just started to feel like I was almost letting my ex have more power over me by holding onto all this anger and all these feelings. Like that's a lot of time and energy that's being wasted on someone who never deserved it in the first place. I'm not sure if you can relate to any of this at all or if this helps at all but it's going to be ok!

[madi]

yeah i know exactly how you feel. honestly, i still get sad thinking about how good things would’ve been if he changed, because he always promised he WOULD change. but then, if it would only be good if he changes then it’s not actually our old relationship i want and miss. it’s what COULD’VE been, ideally, in a perfect world where he genuinely cares and makes an actual effort. so basically, it’s not him at all, bc he doesn’t care and doesn’t make that effort, and has the AUDACITY to act he will change. like i just want a good relationship and he happens to be someone i’m used to, who i have experience with. also, sometimes i get bummed thinking about having to meet someone all over again from scratch. but then it’s like, having a crush is SO fun, and having those cute first dates and first experiences together AND having a good relationship afterwards. and tbh, i don’t have the effort for all that rn, but i’m having fun spending time with myself and my family, and then i’ll be in the perfect place to start developing things with other guys. as annoying as it is, even if you get back together, your history AND this other girl he’s been with will haunt your mind. it’ll get to the point where you hate him whilst you’re together, AND he’ll still be hurting you because he still has that opportunity. it won’t take as long as you think to get over him, one day he might cross your mind and you’ll realise you don’t care as much, and a week later you’ll care less until you don’t care at all. be excited that you’re free from worrying all the time and that you’ll have SO MANY opportunities to do new things and meet someone who will make you feel truly happy!!! you’ll look back and realise he wasn’t all that, even if you don’t feel like that rn

[EMKAYE ☆]

the older sister in me wants you to know that the best thing you can do is to remind yourself that you deserve someone who loves you, with no questions asked. love isn’t meant to be something that’s hard or draining!

if you ever have to doubt a relationship, or the connection is affecting your mental health, then it’s not meant for you. give yourself time to grieve what could have been, and then work on loving yourself enough to only tolerate connections that make better. the love you accept from other people is a reflection of the love you think you deserve. ♡ wishing you the best.