Nov: The Mango Tree by Annabelle Tometich

[Carol]

Our Open Choice nonfiction read for November is The Mango Tree: A Memoir of Fruit, Florida, and Felony by Annabelle Tometich, who spent 18 years as a food writer, editor and restaurant critic before penning this "poignant and deceptively entertaining memoir of growing up as a mixed-race Filipina nobody in suburban Florida," quoting the inside cover. The Mango Tree is her debut book.

Access her website here: https://annabelletometich.com/

I started it last night and was immediately taken by it.

Who plans to join?

[GailW]

I've started it!

[Carol]

Excellent, Gail. I checked the physical copy out of the library, but it’s on Spotify and I started listening to the audio version. It’s so well done.

[Carol]

This quote from the beginning of Chapter 1 struck me as a fresh way of expressing an especially common experience:

Some people achieve nobodiness, stumbling through wholly unexceptional lives, until it engulfs them. Other people, people like me, are born nobodies. Born into bodies that can’t be neatly categorized, into skins that aren’t quite Black or brown or white, into shapes that aren’t Asian, with features that are.
I am a nobody by virtue of birthright and birthplace. A nobody, squared.

[Carol]

It’s interesting that Tometich understands her story as one in which her dad was “somebody.” She even refers to his upbringing and roots as WASPy. But his dad (her grandfather) was a Yugoslavian war refugee who arrived in the 1960s. They lived in Southwest Cape Cod, which is not where anyone would hobknob with old money. You can’t earn your way into WASP-iness. His surname is the opposite of WASPy. I don’t believe that anyone would have mistaken the author’s dad in 1978 for a WASP. Except perhaps the author’s mom, who saw his relative whiteness and resources as aligning with her understanding of Northeastern privilege. But we all make sense of our history in interesting ways.

[GailW]

Even as a young girl, Annabelle related much around her to being white or not white. One example that really hit me is when her Dad's mother is very ill and Annabelle explains it: "Gramma looks weak and powerless. But Gramma is white."

[Carol]

Gail W wrote: "Even as a young girl, Annabelle related much around her to being white or not white. One example that really hit me is when her Dad's mother is very ill and Annabelle explains it: "Gramma looks wea..."

I agree. I’m at page 60. They’ve just moved into the neighborhood and Annabelle meets the girl across the street, and says she’s never made a friend in her own before. All her friends are kids of her parents friends and relatives. She’s so lonely and isolated.

The extent of her grandma’s ugliness to her mom. Wow. Just abhorrent in the first place, and then to be transparent about it with her grandchild? What a black soul that woman has.

The last memoir we read that captivated me like this was Viola Davis’. I don’t want to put it down.

[Mj]

Glad to read that participants are enjoying this month's non-fiction book choice. Am a big fan of memoirs, I am definitely interested. Unfortunately, because the release is so recent, while I've tried, I haven't found availability at any of the several libraries I use, including ILL (inter library loans). If something changes, I will definitely join in. Unfortunately after having spent thousands of dollars on books over the years while working, after my retirement, I made the decision not to buy any book "unless I plans to read it again or use it as a reference.)

I have put a want to read request into the Internet Free Library website. Hopefully a book might become available in time to participate.

[Carol]

Mj wrote: "Glad to read that participants are enjoying this month's non-fiction book choice. Am a big fan of memoirs, I am definitely interested. Unfortunately, because the release is so recent, while I've tr..."

I hope it comes in soon, mj. I hear ya. Was glad my library had it; it’s the sort of book about quick I submit suggestions for purchases to my system from time to time, but they were ahead of me for a change.

[Carol]

Spoiler alert for dog people: (view spoiler)[there’s a family dog, Bo, that dies in chapter 11. We don’t know how or when. In a prior chapter we are told that a neighbor hits him on the head. Our author finds the body outdoors. It’s awful for her in the moment, but not particularly disturbing for a reader, and you can skip past most of it if you know it’s coming up. I wouldn’t avoid this book over this incident. (hide spoiler)]

[Anita]

Just picked this one up. Trying to alternate the two group reads this month instead of doing one at a time so we’ll see how that goes 😂

[Carol]

Glad you were able to add this one to your juggle, Anita. I realized you're leading the Trickster discussion, so ...

This one's more serious, or probably more accurate to say, dealing with some tough subjects, including domestic violence (her mom initiates the bulk of it), the details of home healthcare for a senior family member, than I anticipated, but it's grip on me is definitely tight. The narrator of the audiobook is strong, too, if that's your choice of media.

I'd love to hear anyone's initial impressions on this, whenever you're ready to discuss.

[GailW]

I have finished the book so I'm going to put my more detailed comments in the spoiler.

It is quite amazing that this young woman is even relatively normal! (view spoiler)[ With the experience of her grandmother's blatant racism, her mother's extensive physical abuse (surely there was a medical issue there), and the suicides of her father and uncle, I'm not sure how she did that. (hide spoiler)] There were times I was a bit skeptical of how she handled all the family issues as a child and pre-teen. But I set those aside and simply concentrated on the story as a whole.

[Anita]

I’m only about a quarter through, so I won’t read your spoiler yet Gail. The grandma was awful. I hate the racist words she threw at the mom and even Annabelle. I hated her memory of her mom cooking that food in the house while dad was gone because dad didn’t like the way it smelled. Imagine having your own food banned from your own home because it offends your partner’s nose. It made me sad.

This seems like such a toxic environment, I’m hoping something good comes of this memoir and it isn’t just a story of hate and abuse. Gail’s rating gives me hope…

[Anita]

Just read the part about her deciding that what she wanted to be when she grew up was a doctor. The many factors that led her to this revelation: peer suggestion, need for approval, money, and most humorously that 1. her mother hates doctors and 2. doctors are the only people her mother has to listen to, had me feeling all kinds of ways. The interesting part is that we happily know her younger self’s desire to be a writer seems to be working out for her.

[Anita]

I’m wondering, for anyone who has finished this, does she ever address her mom’s mental health? It also seems like she might have some neuro-divergence with her numbers needing to add up or ‘make sense.’ Just curious if either of them get diagnosed or help. Her mom seems to be spiraling into hoarding once she leaves and stops running their household.

[Carol]

Anita wrote: "Just read the part about her deciding that what she wanted to be when she grew up was a doctor. The many factors that led her to this revelation: peer suggestion, need for approval, money, and most..."

I found this to be just really odd. In some ways she seems so thoughtful and serious, and then in others - the endless labeling of herself as a nobody, and then this, "I'll be a doctor because then people have to do what I say," section is so immature. And it lasts until she has graduated from undergrad! It's only when she gets her MCAT score and realizes that she likes all of her econ and journalism and non-science major friends that she reconsiders. I wanted to smack her, but then, she'd had enough of that (lame joke).

I'm about fifty pages from the end. She's finally in her restaurant reviewer gig.

I like her very much, but this book - while really well-written - was not what I had anticipated when I read the blurb and friends' reviews. It's much gloomier and relentlessly so, with only the occasional moments of amusement.

[Carol]

Anita wrote: "I’m wondering, for anyone who has finished this, does she ever address her mom’s mental health? It also seems like she might have some neuro-divergence with her numbers needing to add up or ‘make s..."

You've raised my fave topic of the last 24 hours. I saw this shelved as "mental health" and have been looking closely since page 1 for content supporting that shelving. Lo and behold, on maybe page 250, our author at some point refers to her mom as "manic-depressive". But not only is that term one that's been out of favor for a long minute, but there's no point where she tells us her mom was diagnosed bipolar (or anything else), and her mom's behavior doesn't easily align with bipolar, whether 1 or 2. We see the anger and hoarding, perhaps signs of OCD (not definitive), but I don't see the cycles of bipolar, and there's specifically none of the conduct typically associated with a manic phase - no gambling, over-spending, random sexual behavior, violence associated with the cycle vs. violence associated all month/quarter/year/life-long with specific, predictable triggers. If she were bipolar, I doubt her workplace would be as complimentary of her as a responsible, gifted, colleague. Just my 2 cents - realizing I'm quite close to this topic and invested in its being portrayed accurately.

I'm not persuaded that mom has mental health issues at all. What she has is a martyr complex and unhealthy relationship behaviors.

And her mom's failure to love and parent Arthur took me by surprise.

Different topic: I became bewildered in the period after Cristina and her kids leave by the mixed messages about her families finances. Mom remains a nurse and would have topped out at a salary along with maybe COL increases, at most. She doesn't change hospitals or take on a new role that would have given her a more substantial increase in pay, and Ft. Myer isn't cheap. Yet she gives each daughter a brand new (not lightly used?) car for their 16th birthdays? We couldn't have touched buying each of our kids new cars. Moreover, buying teens new cars just doesn't seem consistent with her mom's values and priorities. So again - I'm confused.

[Carol]

Page 273.
Wait! Wait wait wait! She’s letting her mom take care of her 3 month old? Without supervision?

[GailW]

Carol wrote: "Page 273.
Wait! Wait wait wait! She’s letting her mom take care of her 3 month old? Without supervision?"

Yes, I have to admit. It was at that point that I became incredulous, after glossing over the previous points. That made no sense at all and quite frankly seemed incredibly stupid of her.

[Carol]

Gail W wrote: "Carol wrote: "Page 273.
Wait! Wait wait wait! She’s letting her mom take care of her 3 month old? Without supervision?"

Yes, I have to admit. It was at that point that I became incredulous, after..."

I am still aghast.

I rated this book 5 stars. I never stopped rooting for the author, her siblings and her mom to have things turn in a better direction. That also doesn’t mean that I cheered the author’s every thought, decision or conclusion. The leaving their infant with mom choice suggested to me two things: she doesn’t really believe her mom is bipolar, or she doesn’t know what that disorder means and how it exhibits itself, and the filth and roaches etc described earlier were a concluded phase. If she told Buddy everything in this book, he’d have fought tooth and nail to oppose that call. But then, we never get to know Buddy. He’s in the party scene but otherwise isn’t revealed to readers at all.

I’m glad the author’s in a better place today than she was for most of this memoir. I hope Arthur gets to a healthy place, too.

[Anita]

I just finished this tonight and have to agree. I did feel like some things stretched my ability to accept as choices of a ‘reasonable’ person. I was shocked when she left her so. With her mom. It immediately followed a section on how manic and angry her mother was towards her when she was at school. I also don’t believe it was sudden and shocking when she went to pick up Logan one day and found the house in a cockroach infested state. That doesn’t happen overnight. Her mom’s sentencing was crud though! In the end I rated it 4 stars. A very good read.

[Anita]

Carol wrote: "I became bewildered in the period after Cristina and her kids leave by the mixed messages about her families finances..."

Oh my goodness Carol I was also stretching trying to think how she made those financial miracles. New cars, international trips, and annual visits to Disney?! If anything screams inflation is real it’s this. I can’t even imagine.

I don’t know if anyone else did or will read this or the other group read, but I read them together and found them surprisingly compatible as companion reads. That doesn’t happen often! What linked them, for me, was their sense of place or belonging in their world, and the difficult family situations they’re both in. They both have pretty messed up mothers and communities. Either way, it was really easy for me to switch from one to the other. They seemed to share the same vibe and atmosphere even though one is non-fiction and the other contains elements of magical realism.

[Carol]

Anita wrote: "Carol wrote: "I became bewildered in the period after Cristina and her kids leave by the mixed messages about her families finances..."

Oh my goodness Carol I was also stretching trying to think h..."

That’s very cool about the ways in which Trickster and this read compliment one another. I couldn’t get ahold of trickster in a timely manner but will get ahold of it soon.