vent...

[Teagan]

Not many people know this but I thought I'd finally share a piece of me with someone.

Last year, I was dating this guy. He made me feel really special. He would say Im pretty, that I'm beautiful. I surrounded my entire life around him. His friends were jerks who would constantly body shame me, so hearing him counteract those harsh words made me feel like I was good enough.
Eventually, though, things got weird. He asked me for pictures (iykyk) and, feeling vulnerable and partially unwanted at the time, I went along with it. I deeply regret that now. Anyway, it got worse. He kept asking for...things (once again, iykyk) and I eventually got tired of it. He manipulated my feelings so much. He complimented me to make me feel cared about by him, only to use that against me. My parents found and and advised me to stay away from him. I tried keeping it going with him, but even after my parents found out, he kept pushing for more. I ended it with him. He started dating this other girl who was WAY prettier then me (in my mind) and I saw how happy he was with her. I was broken for months. We eventually got back together after he broke up with her (stupid, ik) and then he broke up with me three days later...only to get back with the other girl.
He made me feel worthless and useless in the end. I felt dirty and ashamed and had a hard time caring about myself. me and the girl are really good friends now and I don't talk to him anymore, but I still feel ashamed and partially hate myself for it.
I'm having a hard time putting trust in guys now. I'm scared it's going to happen again and that I won't ever "get my happy ending".

Sorry for all of that. Just needed to get it out.

[leila ⋆.˚౨ৎ]

hi teagan! wow i'm sorry to hear your story and i'm glad u decided to let it out somewhere and goodreads is such a supportive community! that guy is such a jerk and hella manipulative, it makes me so angry to read this because i am sure u are gorgeous in your own way and he couldn't even be a good boyfriend?? please don't doubt yourself, you have your strengths and self love is more important than anything right now. maybe start journaling to reflect on your life and write down your goals and aspirations to make yourself the best version of yourself! it is hard to trust guys now based on the experience u made but don't rush lovely, love always has a dramatic entrance and you never know when that will come! just focus on yourself for now, time heals all wounds or it at least makes them less harsh, so do give yourself time to take care of yourself! at least now you know better and you know that these typa guys don't deserve your time. i can relate to your feelings about the other girl. i also feel that pang of insecurity and practise unhealthy comparison and tell myself "she's so much prettier than me, why can't i be like her?" and those feelings never really go away and i still feel them now, even with random strangers. however, what i do to kind of cope is journaling, writing, listening to music and giving self-pep-talks. it helps make the feelings less intense and i feel better after, maybe try that too! focus on the good side of yourself and do the things you enjoy to move on from that toxic guy. i wish u all the best moving forward, stay strong! 💞