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girl failures > Please help!! boy problems :(

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message 1: by Mariam (new)

Mariam  Wills | 4 comments Hey girlies, so I have a problem. I have a crush on this boy but he's a little weird. It started a few months ago when this guy, let's call him J, asked me out over Snap. I already knew J casually from school and he was fairly attractive, so I said yes. In the next few weeks, we started hanging out and going on various dates. We both liked the same things—it literally felt like fate. Like, who else liked the same niche horror movies I liked or my favourite books, and if you're Australian, then you know how rare it is to find someone from the male species that has picked up a book more than once since year 3.

At first, everything felt perfect. He was funny and super sweet. But after about a month, I started noticing small things that didn’t sit right with me. It wasn’t anything huge at first. He’d get weirdly quiet if I didn’t respond to his snaps right away, or he’d make these passive aggressive jokes about me hanging out with my friends. I thought he was just insecure, which I could deal with. But then it continued.

This one time he casually mentioned that he had checked my location on snap earlier to "make sure I got home safe." I shrugged it off, thinking he was just being protective. But then it started happening more often. He woulld bring up places I had been or restaurants I went to with my family, without me ever telling him. He never asked me where I was, he just knew. I turned off my location but he literally still knew where I was which seriously creeped the heck outta me. Actually, I won't even lie, after having to deal with a bunch of nonchalant guys, I liked having a guy who cared, even if it was a little excessive.

Keep in mind we aren't even dating while all this is happening. I know it's gonna get worse if we get together but I literally cannot deal with another nonchalant guy again, the last one broke me. I'm scared I won't find a guy as perfect as him ever again. Maybe I can fix him lol anyways, any advice helps.


message 2: by Mahnoor (new)

Mahnoor Alam | 1 comments this is rubbuish get your pov straight do you think hes hot or not? you cant say hes perfect thenthink hes weird later on.
.


message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

yeah I agree..


message 4: by tilly (new)

tilly | 13 comments i feel like you need to bring it up with him because in the past some guys has been cheated on which causes them to act like this but if my boyfriend ever did that even in the talking stage i’d bring it up with him immediately and tell him that it makes me uncomfortable and if he gets mad or aggressive about it that’s is a massive red flag and that will cause bigger issues in the future so if he does something like that i suggest leave him because it will be better for your mental health and it will save you heartache


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

btw I'm jk, like why is he stalking u..


message 6: by Mariam (new)

Mariam  Wills | 4 comments Mahnoor wrote: "this is rubbuish get your pov straight do you think hes hot or not? you cant say hes perfect thenthink hes weird later on.
."

He's gen nice tho like he bought me dvds of my fav movies, he goes thrifting with me, he made a playlist of our fav songs. I don't think you guys understand how rare of a guy this man is like he lit makes me lunch everyday because he knows I hate the school lunch ..lol


message 7: by Mariam (new)

Mariam  Wills | 4 comments tilly wrote: "i feel like you need to bring it up with him because in the past some guys has been cheated on which causes them to act like this but if my boyfriend ever did that even in the talking stage i’d bri..."

U guys are gonna hate me but I kind of encourage that behaviour like I would start blushing and shii and would flirt with him more because it was a little exciting in the moment but I think I am slowly coming to my senses.


Heer ☽ (inactive era due to uni)  | 354 comments 1. Don't take the I think I can fix him attitude. Most men deserve our efforts and they'll only change if they really want to.
2. Imo he's a major 🚩
3. If I knew a man was actively stalking me, I would end whatever we have, block him and tell my friends who go to my school about his tendencies if he goes to the same as school as me.
4. Try talking to him and if something concrete comes out of that conversation and he's willing to take your hesitations and problems into consideration, congratulations.

This is just my take on your thing but pls remember I'm paranoid and an occasional man-hater so ?


 humna حمنہ (j. lynch's version) (h_humna) | 378 comments uh so i think you should talk to him about it and tell him you feel uncomfortable, unless you just said you like it??? if he keeps doing this and you believe it is bothering you then tell him that. This seems stalkerish behav kinda, and like i agree he seems like a catch but...idk its rlly up to you, but i would think you should be a bit careful and talk 2 him abt it, noticing his reaction and if there are any other red flags


•̩̩͙˚⋆Sohani✧・゚:  | 86 comments girl, you might enjoy the attention now and feel all giddy but trust me after a while this WILL start annoying you. He sounds like a control freak and trust me you can NEVER change a man until he wants to change himself. And do not settle for him just because "it's hard to find boys who genuinely care" You'll just end up hurting yourself more.


Cassandra 🍁☕️📚 (blondie2611) | 567 comments You need to tell him how following your location makes you feel uncomfortable. He should be texting you saying let me know when you get home safely. It still shows that he cares without knowing your exact location at all times. There is no fixing men, you can be supportive of him, but he has to want to make those changes himself. Communication is really important in a relationship. Definitely let him know what’s making you feel uncomfortable and then go from there. If he has a poor reaction to your feelings then I would let him go.


message 12: by Fae (new)

Fae Groves (faegroves) | 1 comments hey girl! I have been an interpersonal violence educator for the past 4-5 years, and this behavior is extremely concerning. Stalking and other forms of violence rarely ever begin at the extreme levels that we associate them with— rather, it entails the perpetrator testing what they can get away with, in this case using Snapchat to monitor your location under the guise of making sure you’re home safe. After all, if he truly wanted to know, wouldn’t he just text you? The mentioning of a negative reaction to you hanging out with other people is also concerning and is textbook abuser behavior.

Based on what you’re saying, this has progressed into more obsessive behavior. While this may be done under the guise of attraction or “love,” this is INCREDIBLY dangerous. The right person for you will not feel the need to know where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing 24/7. The right person won’t try to isolate you from your loved ones or alter your behavior for their comfortability and satisfaction.

Most of all, please please PLEASE listen to your intuition. It has already spoken to you about him— please listen.


message 13: by dyanna ୨୧ (new)

dyanna ୨୧ | 125 comments girl this ain't no dark romance, talk to him and make your boundaries clear. If he continues drop him please you don't want his behavior to escalate


message 14: by Circelles (new)

Circelles | 93 comments Mariam wrote: "Mahnoor wrote: "this is rubbuish get your pov straight do you think hes hot or not? you cant say hes perfect thenthink hes weird later on.
."
He's gen nice tho like he bought me dvds of my fav movi..."


you know talking things out always helps so maybe you should just tell him straight up so you dont feel weird or creeped out yk?


message 15: by Circelles (new)

Circelles | 93 comments •̩̩͙˚⋆Sohani✧・゚: wrote: "girl, you might enjoy the attention now and feel all giddy but trust me after a while this WILL start annoying you. He sounds like a control freak and trust me you can NEVER change a man until he w..."

i agree


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