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Different, Not Less
August 2024: 5 Stars
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Different, Not Less by Chloé Hayden
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Great review! This sounds like very worthwhile reading. I’m adding it to my tbr.
You write great reviews, Teodora. I just added this to my massive TBR and am looking forward to meeting Chloe.
I first met Chloe (metaphorically) while watching Heartbreak High. Yes, I did pick that show specifically because of the autism representation, and because the reviewers mentioned how it was one of the best portrayals of an autistic character. In the end, I loved the show for much more than that, but obviously, Qunni quickly became one of my favorite characters. My own autism (and personality) are different than hers, but I found myself in the small things: the stimming, the reaction to sensory overload, many of her problems with her peers, or the difficulty to understand and follow social rules; even the meltdowns. So it's just natural I wanted to know more about the actress behind the character.
I began to Google her. I read her bio, read about her. I listened to some of the interviews I found online. Obviously, the next step was reading her book. Now I am obsessed with her. Admire her, love her, want to be like her (not an actress, but just as unapologetically me as she is unapologetically herself). I still have to learn more about myself to do that, but I'm heading there. I'm all packed and walking on my discovery journey.
But let's go back to the review of this book. As I've said, I found Chloe to be a great writer. The book is both easy to read and informative (usually, I found most books that are informative are also harder to digest - I have to read them slowly and stop frequently to give me time to process the information). My autism is not like Chloe's. She always had the more obvious signs of autism. My main focus, my eye sparkles (the way Chloe names it) had always been the stories I make in my mind, which are a lot harder to observe as an intense interest than animals (as it had been for Chloe). I also have always been a lot better at masking, even as a small child, and I think I have less difficulty with reading tone of voice and body language. So if it took her 14 years to get diagnosed with such a typical presenting autism, it's no wonder it took me 34. Even if we're not the same, I had a lot to learn from her, and even had I learned nothing, the book was worth reading for the way she writes alone. So anyone interested in the living experience of an autistic person, please pick this book. It's worth the read. I loved her connection to fairytales because I, too, love them (although not necessarily the same ones or the same parts, I still do; fairytales are one of my special interests, and I think that's why I love romantasy - those books are basically fairytales).
If I had to give this book one critique (and this is tiny) is that Chloe Hayden grew up with money. Poor parents of autistic children or autistic people who have to work to survive might not be able to follow all her advice. That is a part of living she doesn't understand. I would love nothing more than to hop on the next plane to see my favorite band like she did, but I can't afford it. I would love to fully unmask without the fear that I would lose my job, which I need to take care of my two children. But each of us only knows our lived experience so one cannot hold these things against her. Even when you eliminate all the things that cannot apply to your current life, you still have a lot to take from this book. The greatest thing this book does is teach people that autistic people have value. All we have to do is change the way we look at them.