Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
>
Query feedback - Upper MG Fantasy Novel
date
newest »
newest »
I don't know how the book reads, but the blurb is quite passive i.e. your main char stumbles into good fortune and is "invited" etc. The blurb and book would be stronger if we see the main char struggling to get something, particularly if their struggle to get X ends up delivering Y which raises more challenges.
Marvin wrote: "I don't know how the book reads, but the blurb is quite passive i.e. your main char stumbles into good fortune and is "invited" etc. The blurb and book would be stronger if we see the main char str..."Got it. Thank you for your feedback! I'm going to try to revise it to make it more active.
Dear _____,
Orange sunsets, pale sand, and cerulean waters—twelve-year-old Idla’s days all look the same in the quiet seaside village of Laya. But in her dreams, she stands on the prow of a mighty ship with her golden cloak aflutter—a hero, alongside the great and spirit-blessed babaylan warriors.
But there is no hope for Idla, who struggles to meet strangers’ gazes and can never seem to do anything right. She certainly hasn’t been deemed by the guardian spirits worthy of elemental magic. Then Idla’s fortune shifts when a shipwreck casts her into an eerie underwater cave, and she discovers a black pearl that grants her the ability to wield shadows.
Soon after, a babaylan warrior arrives at her doorstep with an invitation to train as an apprentice on the mystical island of Manlaon, where spirit-blessed children become legendary babaylan warriors.
Yet life on Manlaon isn’t the grand adventure Idla imagined. She must hide the pearl, pretend the shadow-wielding is her own, and pass the Trials to remain on the island. And when rogue babaylan warriors begin luring apprentices to join their cause, as they hunt down village leaders and proclaim supremacy, Idla is faced with a challenge. To protect her homes—both old and new—she must rise to the hero she’s always dreamed of becoming.
But an even greater crisis looms when Idla stumbles upon a half-forgotten myth—of descending gods and cursed spirits—soon realizing that the black pearl she found might actually be something she’s stolen.
IDLA OF LAYA FINDS THE PEARL OF SHADOWS is an 87k-word upper middle-grade fantasy inspired by pre-colonial Philippine society and folklore. It is a standalone with series potential. It can be described as The Troubled Girls of Dragomir Academy meets Lalani of the Distant Sea.
Thank you!