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friendship issue - need advice!’
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wowza that’s really long - sorry guys 😓
I think you should probably report her anonymously and not forgive her, it'll only enable her to keep treating you badly, especially if she's messing up your mental health.ik it's easier said than done, but most schools have resources for anonymous reporting and will make sure H doesn't know you reported her.
Hey lulu, I honestly think you should not forgive her. She treated you so badly and someone like her does not deserve you.
Also, reporting her is a good idea. Maybe you can also talk about it to someone you’re close with (your friend A, a kind teacher, family member…)
Bottom line: I wouldn’t forgive her, but try to move on.
Stay strong 🤍
but basically i had a friend H, and a friend group, but one time over text they all started getting hostile for a reason i didn’t understand. (calling me dense, clueless, fake, autistic, etc.) and basically when i got to school they told me not to sit with them, so i sat alone, and then a girl (A) approached me. well after that H got extremely mad and started yelling at me for ignoring her and moving onto another friend group. i got really confused, and she kept yelling while A defended me. this triggered a sensory overload panic attack and i got really scared, so i ran out and started freaking out. A promised to help me and we just talked and i calmed down and we started talking and had a good time until H ran up to me, basically pinned me against a wall, then yelled in my face ‘WHY DO YOU KEEP SWITCHING FRIEND GROUPS?? YOU DID IT TO ME, YOU DID IT TO J AND YOULL PROBABLY DO IT TO A TOO!’
for reference J and i have been close friends since childhood, but she would constantly make fun of me and put me down and lie and leave me out, so i left and H comforted me through it. H’s parents were going through a bad divorce, so i would often comfort her. but then suddenly, she starts yelling ‘you know my parents divorced. you know they divorced and you still treated me like this.’ (A’s parents are also divorced) and then H started yelling at A saying ‘your parents divorce isn’t half as bad as mine!’ and started yelling about how even though i knew her parents divorced and still treated her like that. i still had no idea what i did.
so days pass, and i think i’ll be okay. then i get an email from my school email from H, saying stuff like wishing i die in a ditch or that i’m a bad person and threatening me. she even sent this to A & J too.
then i ask her over and over what i did to her, and then she said ‘i took you to this pop up and it costed 250$, and then right after you stopped calling me.’ i stopped calling her for ONE day because i had an appt with my ENT doctor, and told her about that. i called her the day after to her hanging up immediately. anyways, we go back and forth over email with me apologizing, and she was saying how me using exclamation points during texting was unnatural and triggered her since she was going through a rough time. i told her she should’ve told me and i didn’t know, then she snapped back saying she didn’t tell me because i was being s (bad person slur) and i should’ve told her about my panic attacks because how was she supposed to know?? well this is kinda hypocritical, because how was i supposed to know what i was doing was hurting her? (also smth to add is before this, we went YEARS without ever fighting.) anyways, she said ‘if you wanna be back in our friend group, then you need to prove yourself.’ and i left her on read because honestly, at this point i didn’t even want to be part of her friend group anymore, especially since CLOSE friends of mine who have always supported me starting graffitiing my locker with rude slurs. then, the next day after telling me to prove myself, she sent me a song (she’s aspiring to be the next taylor swift - her words) then her song was titled ‘i don’t even need you, leave me alone (slur)’ umm i wont list the whole song here, but one lyric that stood out to me was
‘you wouldn’t let me talk’ (slur that sounds like hit with an s) and forced me to be sweet, while all i wanted to do was be mean.
you never deserved me, go jump off a bridge and di-e-eee’
… i didn’t like it when she would talk about girls she never met before based off of their appearance, so that’s maybe what she’s referring to.
then, something switched and we decided to work things out!! great right? everything’s good!!
wrong. three days later i get another long email saying ‘i’m done’ and she sent this to J and A too. she literally js swore towards me the entire email, saying i called her fat, and that i was skipping class in the bathroom like a loser and telling people lies about her. well not only is that not true, but also impossible because over the last three days i took mental health days because i couldn’t go five seconds without an anxiety attack and breaking down. anyways she signed it off with
‘my name is (name), remember it. when i’m rich and famous you’ll regret it and you’ll be homeless because your useless dad can’t rank in anything.’
well, her parents are richer than mine, but i go to a fancy private school so i don’t understand this statement - also she literally told me ‘poor people should just like get one million dollars - it’s not even hard js ask your dad’
i got annoyed by this as i have family members who struggle financially, and told her how wrong it is, now she twisted it and said i was calling her slurs and entitled. also she left me a physical note saying ‘my deadlift is 320, i could smash you to pieces if i wanted too so watch out (slur), hope you d!e. honey, i could rip you to shreds and you’ll regret it when im like taylor swift’ I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I DIDDDD WHAT also the note was accompanied by a pocket knife and another note saying to take my life because i was worthless
this is a long post already, and i know there’s sm more that happened (like her stealing money from the homeless or hitting another girl from our friend group and making fun of a friend and trying to hang her because she had red hair and she thought she was a witch, threatening me more, leaking videos of me in the locker rooms, stealing and smashing my laptop, etc.) but trying to keep this short.
anyway she cooled down a bit and after saying she was done over and over and over, i get an email asking to reconcile. i left her on read. she’s being so nice now and sweet and it reminds me of old times, she wrote me a platonic love poem too.
here’s the thing.. i really miss her friendship when she liked me. she was so nice and empathetic and generous and she swore she’d change. should i forgive her? also she said if i don’t forgive her in five days shes going to make my life hell so should i just forgive her and move on?? the only thing holding me back is that she rly fked (sry for swearing) my mental health. but should i still forgive her?? this entire thing reminds me of immature children fights, and while we are minors, we are way too old to fight like that. i feel so guilty because i didn’t understand how much pain her parents divorce caused her. also i’m scared that the school will check our emails and find it and she’d get in trouble. what do i do?