Know My Name - May 2024

[Fiona]

The book of the month May 2024 is Know My Name by Chanel Miller.

Please discuss the book in this thread, making sure to mark spoilers and stay friendly and respectful at all times.

At the end of the month, 10 points will be awarded for everyone who read the book and discussed it here!

[Nistha]

I started reading it today and finished chapter 1. The Chapters are long but I can feel a very emotional read coming up with this one. I quite like the writing also but I think I will pace myself with this book.

(view spoiler)[ It must be so hard for a rape victim. I already feel angry at the legal system and how much trauma a victim has to go through just to prove what they suffered. It must be so hard for the families to go through the legal process, let alone the monumental grief. (hide spoiler)]

[Melissa]

I just started this as well over the weekend. I got it as an audiobook, which I rarely do. It shows as being about 15 hours long and so far I've managed to only get through the first 5 chapters. It has been emotional so far. I thought I was doing good with it until I started talking about what she was going through with my husband and the first thing he mentioned was about her drinking. I may have gotten a little defensive.

[Fiona]

Currently finishing up the Devil's Night series (half a novel + one novella to go) and then I'll start this one :)

[Melissa]

Finally finished this over the weekend. Talk about a powerful message. I wish it was a bit more condensed, there were parts that seemed to go on forever. Over all it was well told. I would recommend this book to others.

[Elena]

I've started it in the beginning of the month, but due to some health issues, it's taken a place in the background. Hopefully I'll manage to finish it before the end of the month, as I'm slowly coming back into a rhythm. What I had read so far was already very emotional, and I'm only in the first quarter of it.

[Fiona]

I'm through with the first 4 chapters. So far I find it emotional but sometimes a bit lengthy.

[Fiona]

Melissa wrote: "I just started this as well over the weekend. I got it as an audiobook, which I rarely do. It shows as being about 15 hours long and so far I've managed to only get through the first 5 chapters. It..."

I haven't read the last 2 sentences of your message before. I find it so infuriating when people do that. Having been in a similar (but also very different) situation, victim blaming makes my blood boil.

[Ayacchi]

I'm listening to the audio and currently on chapter 3.

(view spoiler)[I know that sometimes our mind blocks the unpleasant memories in our defense, but never imagined it would happen to her. I mean, at this point I still don't know whether it was because of the drinks or the incident, but it saddens me. When others looked at you with pity, but you had no clue why they put such a face while you thought you were fine and nothing wrong happened to you.

And then I got irritated because it turns out that victims all around the world are facing the same issue: blaming. People blame them for getting drunk or wearing 'attractive' outfits. Like they voluntarily ask people to assault them. Even the police sometimes make inappropriate comments like, 'but you enjoyed it too, right?' This is the main reason why many victims refuse to report their abuser. Their identity will be exposed, they'll get another yet different kind of abuse, and people will blame them instead of the assailant. Whatever the background story is, getting drunk at a party, wearing some kind of clothing, an assault is an assault. It's their dirty mind and their irresistible lust that should be blamed. I wish these people understood that touching someone without their consent is wrong, regardless of what the situation is. (hide spoiler)]

[Fiona]

Ayacchi wrote: "I'm listening to the audio and currently on chapter 3."

I think you put that really well! Actually made me tear up a bit.

[Nistha]

I am currently on chapter 6 and man this book is so emotional (I also agree with Melissa that some parts feel a bit stretched out). But over anything, I am enraged at what women have to go through during assault.

Aya, I wholeheartedly agree with you and this whole system infuriates me. What is fascinating is that we all are from different parts of the world, yet women face the same issues.

(view spoiler)[

I like her boyfriend Lucas so much and respect the way he stood by her, through her trauma. Even her family was so supportive. It is so disheartening how an assault completely transforms the life of a normal girl. It is funny how people online and on social media can bring so much negativity from behind the screens. If everyone could consider how they would react if something like this happened to their family.

The justice system seems to become a mockery in dealing with these cases. (view spoiler)[ (hide spoiler)] (hide spoiler)]

[Fiona]

I am slowly coming to the end of this book and I must say that I'm really not the biggest fan of non fiction. I'm listening to the audiobook and it is read so boring and flat. The story, of course, is very emotional and maybe there's no other way to tell it, but just saying that it's not my favorite thing to read.

About the verdict:
(view spoiler)[For some reason I was soooo sure that they would find him not guilty and I was already so enraged before I even heard the verdict. But good at least that they found him guilty in all three points. (hide spoiler)]

[Melissa]

I have to say that my first thoughts listening to the audio was that she had already told her story. It made me feel a little dragged through at parts. After sitting on it for a few days, it feels like that was the point of repeating her story. She had to undergo reliving this multiple times to multiple people. Even if she was aware of the trauma that occurred at the time, she was definitely made to reexperience it multiple times. I hope that through her story and actions, she has made an impact on victim treatment and support. All that being said, non fiction is not my favorite either.

[Fiona]

Finished now and rated it 4 stars.
I was inclined to rate it 3 stars but the statement in the end really did it for me. Especially since Chanel Miller narrated the audiobook herself and you could really hear the emotions in that statement.
I find it an important book and good for the author to be able to tell her story. Still - non fiction won't ever be my favorite.

[Ayacchi]

Fiona wrote: "I am slowly coming to the end of this book and I must say that I'm really not the biggest fan of non fiction. I'm listening to the audiobook and it is read so boring and flat. The story, of course,..."

I'm not good with non fiction either, so I speed up my audio and usually listening to it while doing something else.

[Ayacchi]

Nistha wrote: "I am currently on chapter 6 and man this book is so emotional (I also agree with Melissa that some parts feel a bit stretched out). But over anything, I am enraged at what women have to go through ..."

I like (view spoiler)[him and how he handled the situation when she had an emotional breakdown. I'm glad she has so many people who root on her. And it is true that while she was fighting for her own trial, she also fought for others as well, whom had no opportunity to bring justice to court. (hide spoiler)]

You remind me that we are living in tech era, where cyber bullying and sexual harassment is uncontrollable. They made smartphone but many whom use it aren't smart enough. They hide behind anonymity and say anything they like. Even in the most normal and ordinary videos, they can find a loophole to harass people.

[Nistha]

I have finished chapter 8 and heard the verdict. I have to say the part before the case started felt painfully slow. But once the case commenced, I flew threw it. I agree with you on the Verdict point, Fiona, felt the same. I still have 40% left and wonder what it would be about now that everything is over.

I am also not a crazy fan of non-fictions but these days few memoirs have truly touched my heart, so I am opening myself to it more (esp in audiobooks).

[Elena]

I've just started chapter 9. I normally enjoy reading biographies, I love learning more about the challenges a person had gone through and how much they've learned or not from them. This particular one is very triggering for me, as at the moment I am going through a lawsuit. (view spoiler)[Even though the reason for the lawsuit is different, the context around being invalidated, blaming the victim, having your words taken out of context, having to rearrange your life around the court's availability feel terribly similar. (hide spoiler)] I hope I'll be able to finish it before the end of the month, I still have some time

[Nistha]

Fiona wrote: "Finished now and rated it 4 stars.
I was inclined to rate it 3 stars but the statement in the end really did it for me. Especially since Chanel Miller narrated the audiobook herself and you could ..."

I finished and felt the same Fiona. I felt the story was over at 75% and the last bit was too slow for me. But the statement was wow! I was tearing up a bit because this is so common and girls worldwide have to face this.

I did not used to like non-fictions but memoirs/biographies have started becoming more interesting to me recently. They almost read like fiction. Although this one got slow at times.

I have to say the writing is beautiful and I am glad she got to tell her story. I hope it helps victims wordwide.

[Fiona]

Couldn't agree more!

[Elena]

I finished it. I can't rate it yet, there is a lot for me to process. It was an intense read and in some cases it hit too close to home. I felt all the feelings, the frustration, anger, helplessness, the sadness. I am glad that through it all she had the support and the resources she needed and she found her way of making it a growth opportunity.

[Fiona]

Definitely take your time rating it! Sometimes you need to let it sit with you for a while first.

[Elena]

I've rated it 5 stars. It was not an easy read, by all means, and the author did an amazing job of showing what the experience was and how it felt for her. The growth she showed and the way she handled it, owning up to both the negative and the positive aspects of everything that came with the experience, the care and compassion for others while she herself needed care and compassion without actually getting it, for most of the times, was touching. I'll need some easy and fun books for a while after this one though :D

[Nistha]

Elena wrote: "I've rated it 5 stars. It was not an easy read, by all means, and the author did an amazing job of showing what the experience was and how it felt for her. The growth she showed and the way she han..."

This was a tough read Elena, definitely need the cozy mystery BoM next..

[Fiona]

Points have been awarded!