Back Blurb Feedback - Would you read this book?

[Lindsey]

I'm looking for a little feedback / critique / suggestions for improvement on my book description. Most importantly- would you read this book? Why / why not? Thanks!

The Patrician
She had everything. Status, beauty, and wealth. Yet she yearned for more – to learn what the world was like beyond the Capitol; to go outside the walls of Alba. Her desire for the forbidden nearly cost her life, but it also brought her closer to what she desired most…

The Reaper
He was a killer. A highly trained man of death responsible for the security of the entire State. Nothing mattered but his job. Until her.

The Technology
As their worlds collide, they must work together to find a way to save everything they hold dear. Because devastation is coming, lured to their shores by the same technology that nearly destroyed the world a century ago. Will history repeat itself, or can this unlikely pair become the saviors their world desperately needs?

[[deleted user]]

This is very dramatic, but it doesn't suggest anything about what might make "this unlikely pair" likely to be able to combine their strengths -- and weaknesses? -- to save the world. It's heavy on emotion and short on information.

[Lindsey]

Thanks Jim, I was beginning to think along those lines myself. When I pick a book to buy from Amazon, I typically read the description and also a review or two that give me more info before I decide. I'll think about how I can elaborate.

[[deleted user]]

Farther down the line, you may want to check me out for editing.

http://its-your-story.weebly.com/

[Lori]

The short, hyper-dramatic sentences would make me a little leery, to be honest. I'd rather have a little more information about the plot and the world of the novel.

Good luck with it.

[Lindsey]

Lori wrote: "The short, hyper-dramatic sentences would make me a little leery, to be honest. I'd rather have a little more information about the plot and the world of the novel.

Good luck with it."

Thanks Lori! That does seem to be the most common feedback I get about the description. I appreciate the feedback!

[K.P.]

i'd maybe buy it (im a sucker for melodrama) but it sounds like a futuristic romance at first glance.

[Lindsey]

K.P. wrote: "i'd maybe buy it (im a sucker for melodrama) but it sounds like a futuristic romance at first glance."

Yes! That is exactly what it is. It seems like many people want more information before they would commit to reading or buying the book, which is very understandable. Thanks for the feedback!