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message 1801:
by
Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}
(new)
Sep 06, 2016 05:48PM
Deeper breaths, longer drinks, sharper blades, and longer nights.
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Slowly life-ing. I'll be okay... Just hope you will too.
I knew I'd fall asleep before you got home... I'm sorry...
Hey... Don't be. Im really glad you slept.
God I overthink an awful lot. >.<
What a cyanide surprise you have left for my eyes, if I had common sense is cuz myself or curl up and die...
message 1807:
by
Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}
(last edited Sep 10, 2016 12:38AM)
(new)
Now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around itAlready choking on my pride, so there's no use crying about it.
Totally not feeling suicidal, I swear.
Regionals today... Came way too fast... I can't... I can't fucking do anything.
Guess I have some common sense after all.
Tbh I miss the times when I wasn't the only one on my journal. XD
Today's been really lonely. >.<
Really hate getting close to people
Just... Tired.
Starting to back away now... Because I'm the only reason things are complicated. Sorry.
He's closer. Not but much but he is. We haven't even fucking met in person god I'm a dumbass.
Shiv. You need to calm down
Too bad I fucking can't. I'm such a stupid fucking waste.
I fucked up. And I'm gonna have to live with that. The yelling, the fact that I did drugs. All of it. I can't. I can't do this stupid shit anymore. It's all my fault, too.
They're right. They're fucking right and I know they are but fuck man.
Fuck... You already made your choice. And I was never good enough. For you. For them. For my family. For anyone.
I'm not as strong as I used to be.
Why am I like this?
Too many things set me off, too many I can't stand. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Hour left of math. Starting to think this block is really dumb. Cuz just notes. But whatever. It's math. I'll catch up.
When she calls you, crying, saying you can't go see her... But you're not sure what to do...
Sometimes, I wonder, if there are those times when she just doesn't bring up the fact about me being her boyfriend, or if she's ashamed to. Rip. I'm not that great.
I don't want the fact that I screwed up, with drugs, cutting, or anything, to be held against me... But yeah... Kinda feel like cutting... Hiding under a blanket. I'll be good. Have my 3ds and a sandwich. Rip.
These are the things, the things, the things we lost in the fire...
This bed is way too big for just me... And I just wanna cut and I'm trying to watch anime and I don't know if I'm strong enough to not, this time... I feel super lonely for some reason and I just don't know...
Forgot how sad the first episode was....
Breathe.... Don't smoke. Don't cut. You'll be fine. Just... Breathe. Focus. God I miss my cats.... Fuck man...
This place literally hasn't been this empty in like 10 years.... Honey was always here, even if he was hiding in his corner or sleeping on the computer chair or the closet and I just.... Fuck man.... I can't...
I'll be okay...
Just keep breathing.... Silence... Maybe read the Airman, Or Magnus Chase. Just don't stop breathing. Don't cut. Don't move. Maybe get up to eat. Don't shower. Fuck that right now. You shaved yesterday so you don't have to today. You'll be fine. Just... Relax. Don't smoke, either.
When your arms haven't stopped.... Hot pockets are done! :D
Welp. Time to see how many push ups till I pass out? Gonna go on a run.
Hit 30 and got tired a little. XD
Shit.... The whole time we were together, the first time... I hadn't cut... Wow...
Alright. I fucked up. Three days ago. And two days before that it was just bad. No more. Kass doesn't deserve this and neither do I. No more cutting. Tossing every blade that isn't for shaving. I'm done. I did it before. Somehow. I'll do it again.
I.... I don't know....
Once again.... One of the things I hate most is being ignored and yeah... Rip...
Calm down.... Family here... Yelling... Don't get angry. Relax. Breathe. Music. Slight hunger. Hey there Delilah... Sometimes I love Pandora.... Relax... Calm down....
I feel like she's been ignoring me all day, and what if I go see her, and I just get ignored? And I don't know....
Chest tight.... Can't breathe too well.... Relax.... Relax... Work in 40, I tried but I might buy some monster. Whatever it takes not to cut.... To get my mind off everything about today... I miss you...
Freaking... I can't breathe... Not working... Fuck.... Gonna run... Or walk... Anywhere... Need to get away.
God I could use a cigarette.
Really wanna cut but whatever... That's fine.
