Nightfall's Records Of Recollection Showing 1,701-1,750 of 2,012

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Just watching tv as tears fall... Nothing wrong here...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I still haven't finished all my pre cal... Put Monica and shyanne to sleep a bit ago.... I wanna eat but I'm sick of being me...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Least I'm not crying? Rip

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Shit man. I didn't cut last night. I didn't sleep, either. But I didn't cut.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Honestly? Still debating regionals.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

If you're standing with your suitcase
But you can't step on the train
Everything's the way that you left it
I still haven't slept yet

And if you're covering your face now
But you just can't hide the pain
Still setting two plates on the counter but eating without you

If the truth is you're a liar
When just say that you're okay
I'm sleeping on your side of the bed
Goin' out of my head now

And if you're out there trying to move on
But something pulls you back again
I'm sitting here trying to persuade you like you're in the same room

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you could still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind

I'll leave the door unlatched
If you ever come back, if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back if you ever come back now
Oh if you ever come back if you ever come back

Now they say I'm wasting my time
'Cause you're never comin' home
But they used to say the world was flat
But how wrong was that now?

And by leavin' my door open
I'm riskin' everything I own
There's nothing I can lose in a break-in that you haven't taken

And I wish you could give me the cold shoulder
And I wish you can still give me a hard time
And I wish I could still wish it was over
But even if wishing is a waste of time
Even if I never cross your mind

I'll leave the door unlatched
If you ever come back, if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now
Oh, if you ever come back, if you ever come back

If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss
I know you're out there somewhere so just remember this
If it's the fighting you remember or the little things you miss
Oh just remember this, oh just remember this

I'll leave the door unlatched
If you ever come back, if you ever come back
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back
There'll be a smile on my face and the kettle on
And it will be just like you were never gone
There'll be a light in the hall and the key under the mat
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now
Oh, if you ever come back, if you ever come back

And it will be just like you were never gone
And it will be just like you were never gone
And it will be just like you were never gone
If you ever come back, if you ever come back now

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I could just take the whole weekend off and take a train there... More spending money for later, but more time during the ride. Taking a deck, spare change of clothes, toothbrush, etc. just basics. Essentials. My journal, a pencil, and a reading book.... NO WORK TODAY BUT I GET PAID. part of the reason I blow my money on cards is to not let myself by a ticket to see you tbh

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I wanna cut... Lunch in 5... Hanging with Joker today too. So sweet. But ugh... I don't think I'm going to regionals.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I feel like so much shit, man... Josh says I think too much. Never would have guessed. I could see her instead of going to regionals.... My paycheck is big enough...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

No drugs.... Reading again.... My book mark is a letter, my heart is the pen.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

The urge... Strong than yesterday and I might give in this time... Rip...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Happiness just doesn't last anymore....

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

If I'm being truthful, she's the only person to make me feel like I was even sort of good enough. But then again, she saw I was a piece of shit and left. So yeah. My life. I'm a shit person and I'm shit at everything. I can't even get a normal body weight, and I've been trying for a good 4 years. And my ass still wants to see her instead of regionals. God I'm a dumbass.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

It's fucking shit cuz sometimes all I want is you. Even now.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Put you to sleep about two hours ago.... It's fine... Monica and shyanne are both asleep, so is Fern... It's okay. They're okay.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I'll protect you... Always. I'll always be here. Nothing will change. But I... I could... I think... I've made up my mind..

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

3 am...

[[deleted user]]

Thank you...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

For?

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Woke up crying from a nightmare last night, maybe only like half an hour but it felt like much longer.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Two pre cal sheets, science hw, speaking in front of the class, and my group did nothing, poster in Econ. Fuck...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Math done... Science, check. Next to work on is law. OH SHIT WAIT. ITS DUE THURSDAY. IM OKAY

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Aw fuck... I'm done. <3 I have soup in my locker and monster in my bag. It's good. I'll be okay. Haven't lost a duel since we hung out yesterday? Lol

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"
She’s reinventing loving me
When we’re resembling cutlery on the sofa
It must have been about 5.01
Like my blue ripped jeans
And my eyes are closed
And I’m way too tired
Hoody still smells of the beach bonfire
On the sofa, where we lay
I wanna stay inside all day
And it’s cold outside, again

And we’re both so high
We could fly to Berlin, Tokyo or Jamaica
We can go where you want
Say the word and I’ll take ya
But I’d rather stay on the sofa
On the sofa, with you

When the morning comes
We’re not watching Formula I
It’s not what we breathe for
So kick off the day with Friends on T4
Two, boiled and brew
Two sugars ain’t too sweet for you
On the sofa, where we lay
I wanna stay inside all day
And it’s cold outside, again
And we’re still so high

We could fly to Berlin, Tokyo or Jamaica
We can go where you want
Say the word and I’ll take ya
But I’d rather stay on the sofa
On the sofa, with you

And it feels like I’m flying
And it feels like
We could go to Berlin, Tokyo or Jamaica
Through the streets of New York
That is where I will take ya
Paris, Rome, to Rio
Passing through Las Vegas
We can go where you want
Say the word, and I’ll take ya
But I’d rather stay on the sofa
On the sofa
On the sofa, with you"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

When your arms randomly flare up?? O.o fuck man... Ugh. >.<

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I don't even know how you feel, man.... I just... I don't know. I wish I did. But I would never ditch regionals, and my whole dueling team, and Joker, for anyone. But now I'm still debating it and I don't know cuz I have no idea how you feel and literally no one even sort of understands what I'm going through. All I know, is that you and shyanne are asleep again. So it's okay. Gonna check in on Fern, and think Monica is dealing with stuff but yeah. I'm up again. Night 3 here we go? I just hate how your breathing still calms me down.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I could do it... I could see you. I'd been waiting at least two years for this... But I don't know... If you want me to, if I want to, if it'll change anything even worse or not... I can't... I just wanna be able to know... Something...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I don't feel like I'm good enough. I know I'm not. I've accepted that now. It's fine. I just wish I'd felt like not everything was my fault. And not just with us. Today I was talking at work about seeing my girlfriend on the tenth instead, and cringed and said ex, and that that got awkward. Either way. I just don't know anymore. I miss putting you to sleep, tbh. Because it didn't just help you sleep it helped me too... I just... I honestly wish my life was just one big nightmare at this point. I don't need to smoke... No matter how much I want to. I'll be okay. Gonna watch psych or listen to music and read or write...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

All I want... All I've ever wanted. Is them to be happy, especially you. I don't know why. Seeing you smile and laugh and everything else is just perfect. But here I am, getting hurt in the process. And yet, I'm okay with it. Because you're worth the pain, as long as you're happy.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Kinda really want you here just to hold my hand or something cuz my cat isn't here for just a check up... Didn't want to worry you... But yeah...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Blood transfusion... I'm scared....

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Debating on when to slide in the fact that josh and I are crossing several state lines.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Um... So... $3,000 for kitty cuz stuff really wrong and that's a lot and I don't know...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Probably euthanizing him.... Damnit...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Fucking done with your shit warnings, life. I'm going, and you can't stop me. Not this time

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Thought I was a total asshole till life and I started going at it lol

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I.... I'm insane, I swear... >.< I just personified life.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

#loner status

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Boys workin' on empty
Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?
I just think about my baby
I'm so full of love I could barely eat
There's nothing sweeter than my baby
I'd never want once from the cherry tree
Cause my baby's sweet as can be
She'd give me toothaches just from kissin' me

[Chorus:]
When, my, time comes around
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth
No grave, can hold my body down
I'll crawl home to her

Boys, when my baby found me
I was three days on a drunken sin
I woke with her walls around me
Nothin' in her room but an empty crib
And I was burnin' up a fever
I didn't care much how long I lived
But I swear I thought I dreamed her
She never asked me once about the wrong I did

[Chorus x2:]
When, my, time comes around
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth
No grave, can hold my body down
I'll crawl home to her

My babe would never fret none
About what my hands and my body done
If the Lord don't forgive me
I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me
When I was kissin' on my baby
And she put her love down soft and sweet
In the low lamp light I was free
Heaven and hell were words to me

[Chorus x2:]
When, my, time comes around
Lay me gently in the cold dark earth
No grave, can hold my body down
I'll crawl home to her

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Just wanna get these dreams to stop... <3

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Catch me if you can
Catch me if you can
I just got my head down
And I'm a little bit scared tonight
I need to run just far enough
So I can smile again, smile again
So I can smile again
Take me by the hand
Take me by the hand
But don't you get too close now
Cause I'm a little bit scared of life
I need someone to try and bring
Me back to innocence, innocence
Me back to innocence

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I'd Tell you how I feel, but it's not worth losing you again.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

When, my, time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Straight confused. Started feeling bad again, just in office waiting for counselor cuz I didn't wanna do band. But yeah...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Should have totally brought a deck in with me... Headache.... Chest tight. >.<

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I'm alright with this dull and numb pain that almost never goes away. It's a lot less than it was and yeah... I just don't know if I should risk it or not. Because if you don't then I don't want things to get weird. But I'll always be here.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Sometimes, I just lose sight of everything. I lose the will to live. I just... Helping people keeps me tethered. To something, to anything. To you. To them. To this world. To every world. To the skies and the stars never been explored, to the land of dragons and unicorns.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

When you read a sign just now... Your counselor is only here Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.... Wow.... I'm a genius. Just gonna chill here though.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Breathe. Focus on breathing. Talking. Life-ing. There's someone next to me, they have been all period. She's pretty chill, he's names Angelica. Senior sunrise is tomorrow, she's going, Jonah passed by, he's most likely not. Mary said hi. Didn't ask her. Just waiting for that Thing that'll never come. My counselor. School out in 5. Almost there. Almost done. Sister waiting outside with Jamba Juice. Almost. So close. Work soon. I should head to my locker to change. 3:18. Almost. Almost. Breathe.... Breathe. Breathe. Breathing. 3:19. So close. Just a little longer now. Hold yourself together, just a little longer. My heart feels like it doesn't fit in my chest, like it's made of a hollow stone, that's too heavy to lift, and maybe not so hollow. Walls are nice to have, the way I can just shrug everyone off at lunch and they walk away. Less contact. 3:20. Almost. Almost. 3 minutes. Eric in the room behind me, I recognize his voice. Elections, freshman, I'm guessing. God I miss you... Fuck. You can't, remember? 3:21... Almost. 2 minutes. Almost. It'll be okay. Almost. Breathe. Breathe.... Monster. Thirsty. Tired. Sleepy. Eyes dropping. Energy. Sugar. Life. 3:22..... Just pass this minute. Headed to locker.