Nightfall's Records Of Recollection Showing 1,401-1,450 of 2,012

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

*rubs scars on my arms* never again, but never fading.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Carrdddsssssss. I haven't eaten today, just no time. >.< Kendra saw me during my lunch break!!!! Have a monster, and phone is 71%. Today has been a good day. XD

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I. Am going to win regionals. And no one is gonna stand in my way.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Aw shit.... Tomorrow I'm 17.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I miss my hair. XD

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Cuz ya gotta keep ya head up oh-oh

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Please don't be falling again. >.< >.< >.<

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I need sleep first. XD come on now.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

My body is kinda sorta riddled with stretch marks and scars, but if you really loved me then you'd take them as they are.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Don't. Ever. Make me choose. Cuz you will definitely regret my decision.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"Oh, we're on the right side of rock bottom
And I hope that we keep falling
We're on the good side of bad karma
'Cause we keep on coming back for more
We're on the right side of rock bottom
And to you I just keep crawling
You're the best kind of bad something
'Cause we keep on coming back for more"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I could smoke tonight... And get drunk... And I want to... Badly. But I won't. Not worth it.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

>.< sister not here yet....

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I want... No... I do though... Smoke shop just next door.... >.<

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

She said it helps... And at this point, I'd try anything...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Feeling not good enough again...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Hanging out... Not with cards... Fuck....

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Nevermind.... So conflicted.... Someone help... >.<

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"You make your way through the fire
I stand inside and I get burned
You make your love a liar
I'm hanging on to every word
I can't quit you
And I'm fine with being used
Lead on, lead on and I'll follow
Lead on, lead on"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I can't.... I can't fucking do this anymore.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I feel really used tbh, pretty much by everyone. But that's my fault.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

No drugs... No alch. No cards. Just... Live. Just a few more days, school will start. It'll get easier. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

My arms burn and my chest is tight but I guess I'll try and make it through the night.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I really wanna cut oh shit.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

>.< I'm chill with saying stuff like that on here cuz no one reads this. XD

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I don't have a will to live, just living paycheck to paycheck to find secondhand release.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I'm so stupid.... Always have been, always will be.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I miss the way a cigarette feels on my lips....

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Been in the car alone for about half an hour... I don't wanna go upstairs...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Please don't go.... Please don't... Not again...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

And once again.... Guess who isn't getting any sleep tonight. This guy. As always...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

You have to go... Sleep... It's okay... I'll be fine... I don't wanna bother you and keep you up....

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Talking to her about my dad....

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I get to see her tomorrow.... Not sure if I'm going to tourney or not....

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

When the only thing keeping you going is the light of the moon...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

My mood. "
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

It's really hard to stay sober when the times you feel the best are when you're not.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Holy shit.... I was at battin's all night.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

When the only thing you got for your birthday was a bracelet. Rip me. Kinda glad she ran out of paracord tbh xD I don't need another one of those lol. So many bracelets. O.O

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Battin helped me get sleep last night.... Just kinda... On her couch for a little...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I'm hungryyyyyy

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Tomorrow school starts.... Let's fucking do this.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I haven't really not wanted to die in the past few days.... Always on my mind, arms constantly burning.... Last night was really fun but it's kinda sorta back...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

*pulls you super duper close and just holds* I need hugs. >.< and cuddles. And everything. XD

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

My social awkward has been acting weird the past month. XD cuz I have to answer the phone at work a bunch, and it started out like... I only could stutter. XD but now I'm really chill with it, but at the store today this guy moved his cart where I was trying to go so I just awkwardly looked at toothbrushes for about 10 minutes and pretended I wasn't there. XD

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Holding people and being held. <3 but I kinda wanna date either Monica or Kendra... As an actual, substantial relationship. I just don't know. Cuz Kendra and I don't talk much anymore, but she's really amazing and holding her outside of Mel's and in Starbucks was... Really great... And then we'd kissed... And kissed... And kissed. XD till her mom got off work. Which was oh yeah. Like a two minute walk away. XD so for the last five minutes we had to control ourselves. XD which was a lot harder than expected. But then... A few days after... We'd decided it was best to wait a little more, for both of us. I remember Kendra putting me to sleep.... And me only wanting her kisses and holds for like... Two weeks straight. XD and then we took a break... And I was tired of trying.... And I'd found drugs. And the old blades. And a few other... Things, I hadn't in awhile. But I'm almost a month clean from those. So hopefully, just maybe, I'll be alright. Monica's brother, on the night of the 19th. Had gotten arrested, and put in prison. And I don't know how it is now, but my sophomore year, in Spanish class, we were texting and she kinda told me something you don't tell people, ever? Like.... Other than myself her best friend was the only one that knew, but yeah. She told me she was undocumented. And since her brother isn't a minor, he probably got that settled? But being an addict and all, well being isn't always on your mind. And if he isn't, and if no one in the immediate family is, life is gonna get a bit more complicated. So a bit of the money and stuff I had for traveling, a car, and cards are just gonna be stashed away for a little, just in case. Kendra's mom is getting a job again, so that's chill. Oh. And Miki, at like two, when I was at battin's had started like... Hard core prying and that was annoying? She kept making it seem like battin and I were gonna have sex or something. But yeah. Oh... So... A good friend of mine gets over people by having sex... And I was... Contemplating, it. To say the least. And like.... I didn't feel too great, but not too bad either? I mean if it was casual and stuff then... Yeah... Cuz... I get the need for human comfort, a lot more than I used to. I get the strain in your arms when all you want is to have them around someone. Sex is one thing, but yeah... I dunno, anymore. I just need to get rid of this over all lack of happiness.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Oh shit that was a lot. XD

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Life is so weirrrdddddd. Cuz I'm hesitant on relationships cuz what's gonna happen when senior year ends??? I don't wanna leave you but we might have to?? And what if I get dependent again and you leave and I'm just kinda fucked??? But like. I wanna focus on school and grades and stuff too.... And regionals on the tenth... Battin wants to come too, so that's chill. And starting yugioh club up again, so fundraising for community decks and like, tournaments. XD

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Like. I kinda dread having feeling again but crave it at the same time like, I don't wanna keep messing up??? And it's like.... I'm me. Not super great. I've always been like out of my league for this shit, I swear. XD but ugh. I just want... Someone special. I guess. I don't know when I catch feeling, till after the fact. I just don't know anymore. And then there's the whole wanting a cigarette or to cut all the time. But I won't. Whatever.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

When someone calls me darling or babe or love or bae or anything tbh I kinda melt a little.