Nightfall's Records Of Recollection Showing 1,151-1,200 of 2,012

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

The only reason I did any of that shit was to feel good enough for everyone else. Cuz I know I'm worthless as hell. Glad to know I was right all along. Can't do anything for shit.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

No work today... This is good. It's a start.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

League... Feeling good so a good match should help.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I feel like shit, who am I kidding lol

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"If you see my friend, doesn't matter where or when, tell me if you see Kay"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

We can't win without hecarim. :/

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Might try and sleep again... Might try and duel. Can't hang for a bit, go figure, I was out till 2.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I run trying to figure things out. I guess I'll run till my heart gives out.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Yesterday I had cereal for breakfast, the left over in and out I didn't eat, then a pot pie, then about two bites of a burrito and called it good.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Letter check.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

M B M K K E

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Hm. Where's A? O.o

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I've been writing a lot. XD

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Constantly trying to not go insane, at the same time awaiting the feeling. Talking to myself, scared of my shadows. Lolz.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Not taking this jacket off... Till work. Then I'll be safe. But today I'm at home the whole day... :/

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Gonna write in a little. Might not be the best, but editing is a thing. I think I'll have the part one as like... A dream or memory. Cuz I really like that idea.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Yeah, a dream.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Gotten into poems and songs too.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

This jacket smells like cigarettes. Go figure.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"I know you know that I made those mistakes maybe once or twice
And by once or twice I mean maybe a couple of hundred times
So let me, oh, let me redeem, oh, redeem, oh, myself tonight
'Cause I just need one more shot, second chances"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"Oh, the habits of my heart
I can't say no
It's ripping me apart
You get too close
You make it hard to let you go"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"Forget perfect, I'm just trying not to feel worthless."

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"I'm frightened to think if I depend on cider and drink
And lighting a spliff I fall into a spiral and it's
Just hiding my misguiding thoughts that I'm trying to kill
And I'd be writing my will before I'm 27
I'll die from a thrill
Go down in history as just a wasted talent
Can I face the challenge
Or did I make a mistake erasing?
It's only therapy
My thoughts just get ahead of me
Eventually I'll be fine I know that it was never meant to be
Either way I guess I'm not prepared
But I'll say this
These things happen for a reason and you can't change shit
Take my apology
I'm sorry for the honesty
But I had to get this off my chest"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"These are the lies that I tell myself at night.
These are the lies that are keeping me alive.
These are the lies."

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I get paid the 16th. I'll give it a day for the cash to get through. 17th. If I wanted to go to NY, it would be that day, and I'd stay for maybe a night, come back 19th ish. 20th, birthday, 22nd, school starts. That is actually decently well planned out. Huh. XD

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Or Stockton. I'll go see Ilsa or catch some growlithe or something.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Hold up. Is today really Tuesday?? .-.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"I found your hair band on my bedroom floor
The only evidence that you'd been here before
And I don't get waves of missing you anymore
They're more like tsunami tides
In my eyes
Never getting dry,
So I get high,
Smoke away the days, never sleep with the light on
Weeks pass in the blink of an eye
And I'm still drunk at the end of the night

I don't drink like everybody else
I do it to forget things about myself
Stumble and fall
With the head spin I got,
My mind's with you but my heart's just not

So am I close to you anymore if it's over?
And there's no chance that we'll work it out"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

So... Battin kept poking my yesterday and it made me feel kinda bad cuz my ribs. :/

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

So.... Debating on asking Monica to homecoming? Like... As friends.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Just a word of advice. Ask yourself this question. If it hurts, will you be ready for it?

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Stay here... For just a little longer? You can go... Just... Stay a few more minutes. And good luck, with that guy, Monica. Just be careful.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I slept last night... For about 4 hours. More than usual. And I really really hope it's just because I'd asked so much.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I just wanna run away from everything for awhile... Hide away in my room or get a few thousand miles from this dastardly place. Haven't decided.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

>.< >.< >.< >.<

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"Give me a second I,
I need to get my story straight
My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State
My lover she’s waiting for me just across the bar
My seat’s been taken by some sunglasses asking 'bout a scar, and
I know I gave it to you months ago
I know you’re trying to forget
But between the drinks and subtle things
The holes in my apologies, you know
I’m trying hard to take it back
So if by the time the bar closes
And you feel like falling down
I’ll carry you home"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Before school starts... I'd have enough to see her. And I hate myself for it but I kinda still want to.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

*bangs head on wall*

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Kinda just waiting for Monica to get back to see how everything went. XD

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

She's happy. My job is done. I'll just leave unless anything else happens.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"Because if I was gonna go somewhere,
I'd be there by now
And maybe I can let myself down"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

I wanna cut... A lot...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Tbh the only thing I'd want for my birthday is like paint, headphones, or some other stuff that I won't say. XD

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

No matter how many paragraphs, or pages, or letters or books I write none of that matters cuz nothing will help.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

It hurts when adults can't spell

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

"If I had common sense I'd cut myself or curl up and die"

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Talking to Monica still calms me down... It's weird...

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Slept from about 1-6.... No nightmares... Work today, 2:30 - 5:30. And it's junior orientation, kinda hoping a few friends stop by.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

We should totally go Pokemon hunting sometime. Lolz.


It's weird... Cuz she apologized for not texting back for a few hours yesterday, and it made me feel kinda special. XD cuz it's like, I'm used to people not replying for awhile cuz being busy. She wants to go to UC Berkley, and I've debated the place too. Cuz it's like... One of the best in the nation, pretty sure, but I think we could do it. If we really tried.

[Shiv {Two Stones, Trying to Float on Water}]

Deciding between two bad ideas, but taking her to the dance doesn't seem that bad. XD I kinda want to? Lolz.