[Subdue] Who Put This Song On? by Morgan Parker ★★★★

[Tien]

"Being bad, doing wrong, it's just my impulse. That's how depression feels, too. I'm not in control of myself."

This was not an easy book to read. At least, not the first half. I paced myself with a few chapters at a time so I don't fall into the same rabbit hole. I don't actually suffer depression but the protagonist's struggles with depression relates to a myriad of things, mostly about herself, that I can identify with. And therein lies my skittishness. After about halfway, as the protagonist is 'better', it's pretty much single sitting read.

It's tough enough being a teen, trying to discover oneself while experiencing hormonal fluctuations but having to add to that mix, depression and anxiety, this pot is boiling over. This novel is told from the perspective of 17 years old Morgan Parker (protagonist is named after author) who is basically trying to put herself back together while trying to find her place in society. It is gut wrenching, heart warming and oft times, inspirational.

"I want her quiet confidence, her self-determination. Like other freaks, my mantra is I don't care what people think. But like most other freaks, I care desperately about what people think, how they see me, what makes my existence so different from theirs."