Deepak's Stuff

[Deepak]

I know that I have been inactive for quite sometime. It was mostly because I was a bit hassled with being an exchange student and now I'm in Seoul and I hope these following months would be better.

[Deepak]

Addiction:
Deepak Charles.

I look at you; I don’t feel complete with you.
I know I can live without you.
But why can’t I?
I come back to you.

You’re my crutch; my false leg; my pick-me-up.
Guilt, self-loathing, a bad taste in my mouth.
I keep trying to push you away,
Never quite succeeding,
I feel better when I have you with me.
Never complete, just satisfied.
I always come back to you.

A dependence on you; an addiction,
Without you, I feel as if I cannot continue,
The world moves slowly, and quickly;
It’s disorienting,
I am disenchanted,
I try to stop myself from coming to you,
Never succeeding.

With you, for that span of time,
Be it a few minutes or be it an hour,
I don’t feel complete. But I feel satisfaction,
Feeling I won’t need anything else,
Or anyone else.
Do I have to come back for you now?

Now that I am satisfied?
Can I push you away now?
Can I be free?

Then, I crash, I stumble, I fall.
Back to normalcy, back to the real world.
Guilt, self-loathing, a bad taste in my mouth.
I want to push you far away,
But I will end up waiting for you again,
And you wait for me. Knowing that I will come back.

[Deepak]

THE LADY IN RED
Deepak Charles

I search for her in my dreams
The one who can’t be found
Regret fills me as I remember that day
The day I first saw her
The day I saw her last
That smile
Those eyes
Her face
I can never forget
But never can remember fully
I prod my memory
To come up with more detail
So that I can be sated
But impossible it is
To remember more than I can do now
Then one day
One fateful dream
I find her
We run towards each other
I gently hold her head in my hands
She says, “I know you searched for me”
“Searched for me high and low.”
“You’re dreaming now.”
“But as long as you’re here I’ll never go”
“We’ll be here forever.”
I smile.
I don’t know how long it was
Days? Months? Years?
Anything would have been short.
I wake up all of a sudden
Loss hits me hard
A single tear rolls down my cheek as
I know until fate deems it right,
I will never find
The Lady in Red.

[Deepak]

The Eternal Question (previously: A Home)
by Deepak Charles

“Am I he or a she?” it thought as it looked at the young planet in front of it. “Would I need to define my gender? Will it be fine I interact with life like this?”

It then remembered that time flowed differently for it. A moment for it meant more than a lifetime for the planet. The life that it had seen before had already been replaced. Sighing, it decided to remain without gender. “I might have to slow down or else I will miss a lot,” it thought.

Swooping down in one fluid motion, it entered the planet’s atmosphere and accelerated down to the surface. The rush of air in its face sent a thrill through it. “Oh, how I have missed this,” it thought. As it approached the surface, it slowed down and it looked to see life all around.

“Intelligent life?” it thought as it tried to connect to them. But the life however, was primitive, their thoughts only about food and reproduction. All life had their biological cycles relating to the star that the planet revolved about and so it decided to adapt to the time of the planet.

“I can wait patiently, but do I want to?” it asked itself. A moment later it decided to speed up the flow of time. "Benefits of being immortal,” it thought. Time sped past and thousands of revolutions of the planet around the star was just the time it took for a blink of its eye. Life changed right in front of its eyes. As the lifeforms evolved, it noticed that some of the lifeforms were displaying a more intelligent thought process than the other beings. “Wonderful. This is most wonderful.”

It decided to communicate with the intelligent beings and found that their intelligence was not as advanced as it had hoped. The beings feared natural occurrences, and thought that some omnipotent being was controlling them.

“I can’t have a meaningful conversation now. I still have to wait,” it thought. It sped up time again, at a slower pace than before.

“They are settling down and building homes. No more of a nomadic lifestyle.”

It tried communicating to them now. “They think I am the omnipotent being. Goodness me! That is not good,” it thought. It left the beings to whom it had communicated. “I think I should wait till they realise I am not the being that they are looking for.”

It rose up into the air, “I want to see how far they move from their previous bestial roots.” And then it decided to speed up time again. This time a revolution around the planet’s star was a blink of its eye.

War and mayhem. Sadness and death. Peace and love. Happiness and Joy. It saw all. Life on the planet flashed before its eyes.

“The emergent intelligence is not moving from its bestial roots. Still they fight amongst themselves for supremacy. Peace is not a priority for them. But it does look as if they have moved from wanting food, shelter and reproduction to wanting other things. This is a slightly good sign,” it thought.

It decided to see how the new wants were prioritised. A moment later it observed, “This is disappointing. Only very few want to understand the universe. Most crave fulfilment from this monetary commodity and they seek fleeting happiness.”

“Their thoughts have become messy and unorganised, complicated,” it thought. “I need to talk to someone who is not like that.” It started scanning the minds of the beings and it sped towards the first mind whose thoughts weren’t about unnecessary things. It stood in front of the being, who looked to be the male of the species. He was sitting against a wall, with his legs crossed.

“Hello. I understand that you speak this language called English. My name is Aeternum. What is yours?”

The male jumped in shock at the voice. He looked up to see a being which he could only describe as ethereal. The voice was like nothing he had heard before, breathy, yet so full of wisdom. He was so overcome with shock that he sat in place slack jawed.

“Are you God? Are you here to finally take me home?” he finally shouted, his voice raspy.

“Still they believe that I am this omnipotent being,” it thought. “No I am not your God,” it replied, hoping that the male had enough intelligence to understand that.

“Then what are you?” he asked. He paused as shock registered on his face. “Why are people walking through you? How? What are you?” he asked, his voice increasing in volume.

“I think I should let you connect to my thoughts so that you can understand me,” it said to him as it connected to him.

The male flinched at the mind melding. “Oh my God!” he exclaimed, finally understanding. “You’re Time! Why are you here? Talking to me?”

“You were the first mind with only necessary thoughts. I am here to see if I can let your species understand me. So I needed to talk to someone first. ”

"With all due respect, Mr. Aeternum, I don’t think that we humans are ready for you,” said the male, whose name was Dave.

“Why do you say that Dave?” it asked.

Dave leaned towards Aeternum and started, impassioned, “I know from your mind that you have seen how the minds of all the people on Earth work. I’ve been without a roof over my head for years now. All this time, I’ve only seen very few people who are true humans. Everyone else is just a hollow shell in search of things that they think will fill them up. They just don’t realise that what we all need is just food, shelter and love.”

“I see. How much of humanity do you think is ready for me?” it asked.

“I don’t think the number is high enough that you should bother now,” Dave responded, sighing in dejection.

Empathy had never been Aeternum’s strong suit but something about Dave made it feel concerned. It noticed then that his hair was turning grey. It realised that he was growing older, because of its presence.

“Dave,” Aeturnum said, pausing, unsure of how to break it to him. “I think I’m making you grow old faster than you should,” it finally said.

A sigh escaped Dave’s lips. “It’s alright Mr. Aeternum. I don’t mind. All I wanted was a home, food, and most of all love. I wanted a meaningful connection. I kind of feel like I have had that with you.”

Aeternum decided to say goodbye the only way it could, by telling a story about the universe. “Dave, mankind has many stories about the universe but I found one little boy’s idea to be the best.”

“What is that Mr. Aeternum?” Dave asked as he slumped back against the wall, his voice now a croak.

“The Universe is in a constant state of war, with darkness and light fighting the other, each trying to win. This constant state of turmoil has made the Creator of the Universe put it on top of his tweed hat so that he can take care of it when needed. He carries it around wherever he goes. Do you know what the creator looks like Dave? An old man, who has understood time, just like you have now. The little boy called all such beings as Ancients and apparently I’m the Creator’s best friend. And so together with his creation, he walks down the road that I have created for him, a bright light filled path.”

Aeternum finished the story and looked at Dave with his eyes closed, his face creased with wrinkles but he could see peace in his face. Saddened, it rose up to the sky once again and it saw that people were finally taking notice of Dave. “Too late,” it thought as it started searching again, searching for someone who was simple, someone who was still pure, someone who just wanted to understand the universe.

“Someday,” it thought.

[Deepak]

Excerpts from a Diary
January 7:
I hate to admit it but I am excited about this new job. It seems easy and I get to leave college before graduation for the internship. I kind of feel sad that I won’t be here for the final semester but anyway, the sooner I get out of this damned college the better.

January 23:
The office has been interesting so far. There’s some pretty girls at the office who are also interns. I really hope they’re not annoying prats. The daily commute is hell and I really frigging hate it. I come back to the dorm at 7 and that literally kills my night. Haven’t been able to do anything creative so far. Hoping I get the time to do it. Roomies aren’t as annoying as I thought. There goes my reason to not be polite to them.

February 14:
Finally got some work and I think did it well. When I got selected for the team last week, I wasn’t too sure about it since they didn’t have any fun projects but I get a lot of free time during the week, so that’s good. Only have to work hard on Mondays and Fridays. Valentine’s Day was funny. An “impromptu” play of sorts was started when one of the guys asked a girl on his team to dinner. They probably rehearsed it beforehand but it was pretty hilarious.

February 27:
Roomies have been great so far and I wonder why I didn’t get around to getting to know them better at college. I mean, I know I ended up hating that college because of the professors but I’m an idiot for distancing myself from the college completely. We’ve got dinner plans for this weekend and I’m actually looking forward to that.

March 15:
Well I finally asked that pretty girl out to dinner and she said that she’d think about it. What sort of an answer is that? I mean, tell yes or tell no. There’s no maybe. I’m pretty sure she’ll say no. I wouldn’t blame her, we’ve spoken to each other for like 3 times over this entire internship. Roomies say that she’d say yes. Well, let’s hope that they’re right.

March 17:
She said no but she said that she’d be open to hang out with me. I guess she’s sort of interested. With the time I’m getting I could draw, but not a lot. Since I want to draw a webcomic I don’t think I’m getting enough time.

March 23:
I found a good website where they don’t mock me for trying to draw and they’re helpful about how I can improve. Hung out with Cristina today after work. She is fun to hang out with and is actually a lot more outgoing than I’ve ever been. That is sort of disconcerting since even though this is the first time we hung out, she dragged me all across the mall that she wanted to visit.

April 14:
I seem to be getting better because I don’t want to tear up what I draw anymore. But I started getting extra work since last week. I thought it wouldn’t be too much of a problem but I only have the Wednesdays and Thursdays free now.

April 25:
Graduation day today. Met all classmates and friends. So many people. Mum won’t admit it but I think she cried a bit. When will she understand that I have stopped making fun of her? I’m not too happy but I have to say I’m satisfied and glad that I no longer have to go to that god awful college.

May 13:
I seem to be falling into a routine. I didn’t even realise that I was getting myself to do that. I don’t want to be tied down to a desk. Cristina managed to catch me uploading my art online. She liked it and said that she asked me to bring some of my stuff so that she could see it after work.

May 27:
I asked Cristi if she wanted to go see the new Avengers movie. She’s a bigger nerd than me which comes as such a surprise since I didn’t expect her to know about the actual comics. It seems I have met my superior. Enjoy it while it lasts Cristi! I will show you who the bigger nerd is.

June 26:
After that pseudo date/movie night, I decided that it would be time to ask her out again and I did today. She said that she’d be “delighted” to go out to dinner on Saturday. I’ll admit, I really didn’t expect that. I thought she was becoming too much a friend to say yes. Well, as always we’ll see what happens.

August 1:
I sort of surprised Cristi today with something I drew for her for the one month anniversary. I know it was incredibly corny of me to do but I felt like it would be something she liked. It was a drawing of her favourite cartoon character, Sakura from Cardcaptors. It was the first time she’d hugged me. I should stop being such a romantic because I felt giddy afterwards. Sheesh.

September 23:
Although I joined the company officially months back, I was made to give my report to the clients directly this time. It was just email and so I didn’t have to worry about freaking out. Pseudo office rite of sorts happened when the guys said that “It’s official” in a monotone all the while standing around me. Funny as hell to see Matt be so poker-faced.

December 17:
Steadily getting more work which is quite the irritant since now I have to stay back at work more than usual. I guess it just is like that, the newbies get dumped with the more boring stuff. Matt is cool. I mean, he’s the project lead and manager but he stayed after work to chat as I was finishing stuff up. Christmas break in a few days. Yay!

January 16:
Cristi surprised me with tickets to Linkin Park’s concert. It’s in February and hopefully I don’t get much work before and after. I know it’s over the weekend but work has been quite irregular after Christmas break. I hope it means that I won’t get the regular boring work.

March 28:
Dinner with her parents went well. Her dad was surprised that I drew stuff as a hobby and was interested to see it as much as Cristi had been. And I think her mum and my mum would get along just fine.

July 1:
It’s been over a year and I finally got to talking to the clients and I apparently impressed them for someone who isn’t high up in the hierarchy. Cristi was pleased and said that she wanted to celebrate with a really crappy movie and lots of talking. She sure does know what I like.

November 29:
Cristi finally got tired of my Movember look and made me shave it off. So disappointed in her. That too with just a day left. Me sighs.

May 26:
I can’t keep this up. I have to put on a brave face for everyone but it’s been a week and Cristi’s condition hasn’t changed. If I find that bastard, I’ll rip him apart. Why does it have to be a car crash? I want to cry but I can’t. I won’t. I need to keep everyone around me from breaking down.

July 1:
Cristi’s parents won’t be able to keep her on life support forever. I haven’t saved up enough money to do it myself and my parents are helping out with whatever they can now. I hope that there’s someone up there who is listening to me. Please give me my Cristina.

July 20:
It’s been three weeks. I haven’t gone to work. They have told me that I can take a month off if I need to. My old roomies came to check in. I think mum put them up to it.

May 20:
The first year. I visited her grave. Cried. Raged. I remember what it was like. We never even kissed.

December 24:
Her parents invited me for Christmas. They spoke for some time before I had to leave. It still hurts.

May 20:
Third year.

May 20:
It’s been five years. Mum is pestering me to date again. Her parents have told me that I should move on. I don’t know how.

April 30:
The oldies have agreed for adoption. That should make them quiet. We agreed to do it on her birthday. Her biological parents wanted to name her Mia.

January 23:
Mia is 6 now. She’s growing up faster than I thought she would.

March 27:
Mia found my art in the attic. I was going to yell at her for going into the attic but when I saw the art I couldn’t. Mia knows about her. I ended up sobbing when I saw what I had drawn.

March 28:
Mia is such a good kid. She waited an entire day before she asked me why I cried. I don’t know what to tell her. I just told her that it reminded me of… her. I can’t tell Mia that I had to stop doing everything that reminded me of her. That I had to bury everything deep within. That I had to fight with myself each and every day for years before I could go another day without wanting to read a comic or watch a movie or… draw. I can’t tell her all that. She’s just a kid.

March 30:
I’m starting to think that Mia is growing up really fast. She came up to me and told me that she spoke to her teacher and asked what she should do for me. I don’t want her growing up like this. She should be a kid when she can. She can grow up when she wants to, not because I need her to.

April 7:
Mia had asked dad to come over and bring down all my art stuff down. I swear that kid is getting really worked up over this.

April 9:
Mia had made a mess of the apartment because she wanted to paint and draw as well as me. I can’t stay mad at her. I ended up promising that I’ll teach her.

April 10:
I couldn’t hold the pencil. It took some time before I could and even then I couldn’t even draw a circle.

April 12:
I’ve gotten better but I told Mia that it was going to be sometime before I could teach her.

April 30:
Muscle memory is amazing. I could draw a lot better now but Mia seems to have lost interest in art for the moment when she found her comic stash. Cri… she is helping me still. I should thank the teacher.

May 20:
I took Mia to the grave today for the first time. Told her that I’ll try to move on and be happier. She gave me a note that she found among her comics. I had never seen it before.

“I was thinking one day about life and how chaotic it is. I lost my friend to a car accident when I was a teen. I remember how everything was normal and then it was completely upturned. When I met you the first time, there was something that made me want to say yes, to be with you forever. I chalked it up to hormones. That’s why I waited to see if I still had the same feeling when I saw you after a good night’s sleep. It didn’t change.
With you I am happy. With you I feel safe. And with you I can be myself. I don’t know what the future holds for us. But I know I’m happy I met you. I can rest knowing that I found my One.
And if I’m not here when you read this, know that I loved you with all my heart Cal. And promise me one thing, don’t ever change. Read, draw, explore, and love like I was there by your side.
Well enough of me being emotional. I don’t know what came over me. I guess I should stop watching sad shows. Anyway, I put this among my comics just so that you wouldn’t stumble upon it. I know you wouldn’t look through my stuff.
I will love you forever and always.
Yours,
Cristina”

I smiled through tears and looked up at the cloudy sky as it started to rain.

[Deepak]

A wrote: "Your writing is perfection. :]"


Awww, thanks Alex, you're too sweet. ^_^

[Deepak]

Well, the following is an attempt at Seinfeldian comedy/situation (whatever you want to call it :D)
I couldn't complete it in time for the week and it's still not complete but I thought I'd post it anyway.
Oh and I know that it basically looks like a scene out of Seinfeld with names changed. I looked at it after writing it in the night and it looked like horrible fan-fiction to me.

So here's hoping that I can write a story that doesn't feature one.

[Deepak]

A discussion about the absurdity of some movie tropes

Joe walked in front of his two bickering friends, sighing. They’d started one of the more asinine arguments about movies. “Come on you two, can’t you at least wait till we get to my apartment?” he asked, not bothering to turn back. He managed to hear pieces of their conversation before Kim responded, “Screw that Joe. That movie isn’t worth the wait. Christ! What the hell were they thinking letting a half-baked thing like that be released?”

Harry grunted in approval, something that Joe did not hear. “You’re silent Hare. So you’re agreeing to that at least then, eh? I don’t know what you guys are fighting about though. That movie was a piece of crap.”

Harry shot an incredulous look at Joe who was none the wiser. “Joe, you don’t understand. We’re discussing stupid tropes. Tropes that Hollywood uses so often it’s just frickin’ stupid.”

Joe shot back, “Well, by your use of the word stupid twice so soon, I’m so convinced about this. You don’t have to tell me anything more.”

Kim smirked, “Well, now you know how I feel talking to this dolt.”

Harry muttered, “Serenity now.”

“Still doing that? How’s that working for you Harry?” Joe asked, stifling a laugh.

“If I tell you to shut your face, would that tell you how much it’s working?”

“Yeah… It actually would,” Joe said, smirking.

“Oh come off it. I knew that this load of crap won’t work. I just like saying it now.”

“Okay, we’re almost there. Quit your bickering till we get to my apartment,” Joe said, glancing at the two who weren’t looking at each other. Sighing, he started to fish for the keys inside his pocket as they reached the building.

“Hey Kim?” said Joe as they got into the elevator.

“Yeah?”

“Tell me this. You love those cooking shows don’t you? How can you do it? Every time they cook food on TV, I can't smell it, I can't eat it, and I can't taste it. The end of the show they hold it up to the camera, "Well, here it is. You can't have any. Thanks for watching. Goodbye." You know what I mean?” Joe said as he looked at Kim and Harry who looked absolutely bored.

“No.”

“Is that a new thing for a bit?” Harry asked. “If so, chuck it. It didn’t work on me.”

“Well, for you cooking involves, a microwave and anything you can put in it for 10 minutes. So don’t you talk,” Kim said, smirking at Harry.

“She’s got that right Hare. You don’t cook. You heat.”

“Fine. That’s what you all do anyway, don’t you? Take on the voice of reason!” shouted Harry.

Joe and Kim looked at each other, still smirking at Harry’s rage.

“Fine, calm down Hot Sauce. Now tell me what were you two fighting about?” Joe asked Harry, knowing that the question would calm him down.

“Okay, see,” said Harry, “When Dr. Doom kills Dr. Baxter, he manages to give a last bit of advice to Sue and Jonny before dying. And so Kim was saying that a blast from Doom should have killed Dr. Baxter instantly and that the screenwriters did this only for the impact of the scene and I was saying that since he didn’t say much, it’s justified.”

“So you’re saying that when you get blasted in the face with a green energy bolt that kills everyone instantly you won’t die since you want to say something?” Joe asked.

“See, now you’re being as short-sighted as her!” Harry said emphatically waving his arms about as they got out of the elevator.

“Okay, then tell me why everyone died instantly except Dr. Baxter?” Kim asked with a smirk on her face.

Joe egged on with a smirk on his face as he started the task of unlocking his door, “Yeah, do tell Hare.”

Harry’s face contorted into a grimace and as the three filed inside Joe’s apartment, he heaved a sigh, “Fine, you two win.”

Joe’s smirk grew wider, “So?”

Harry huffed, “Fine, if you want me to say it…”

Joe and Kim turned to face him, their faces expectant.

“FINE! I WAS WRONG!” Harry said, his face reddening.

“That’s all I wanted to hear,” Joe said, grinning. Turning, he walked over to his refrigerator and got out a bottle of water. “Water you two?”

Kim declined while Harry picked up a magazine, “I need to use the bathroom, Joe. I’ll pass.”

As Joe drank, he and Kim heard a crash into the door. “Chris” said Joe, sighing. He walked over to the door and opened it. “The one time I close the bloody door is the time you crash into it. Really?”

Chris replied as he massaged his head, “When have you ever closed the door? It caught me off guard you know?” He flung his hands into the air, “You know van Gaal is driving me mad? He’s making the worst decisions. Man U lost another match. I have no idea what’s going on. You know what he needs don’t you?”

Kim smirked, “Do tell. What does he need?”

To be continued.
dun dun dunnnnn