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Gender as a Construct - A conversation (Dudes welcomed)
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message 1:
by
Seth
(new)
Apr 27, 2023 12:16PM
I made this group because the girls have their own chat soooo... Anybody like any traditionally masculine things like sports, cars, or sportscars? lol.
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I would guess that guys make up around 20% of this club or less, so let this be a safe haven for the guys of this club.
this is an oxymoronguys almost have nothing to talk about lol
Yeah sure! I don't want to restrict this chat for only biological guys, If you feel in between, or if you're a guy, but you don't like traditionally masculine things, that's ok too! Feel free to join Psychii! Also, sexism is not cool. lol. We're all equal and we each have different strengths and weaknesses. So lets celebrate what makes us different. :)
@psychii, it's all fine. And where have all the guys gone? (I'm NOT a guy, lol) They seem to all be missing. Probably more people will see this soon though, It's probably because the group just looks quite girly. I know there is some boys on here though.
Starz wrote: "this is an oxymoronguys almost have nothing to talk about lol"
This is not true. guys have a lot to talk about. That is an unfounded stereotype. :(
Seth wrote: "Starz wrote: "this is an oxymoron
guys almost have nothing to talk about lol"
This is not true. guys have a lot to talk about. That is an unfounded stereotype. :("
yeah I guess it kind of depends on the guys, idk where this stereotype comes from but it's not true 😂 My brother never stops talking
guys almost have nothing to talk about lol"
This is not true. guys have a lot to talk about. That is an unfounded stereotype. :("
yeah I guess it kind of depends on the guys, idk where this stereotype comes from but it's not true 😂 My brother never stops talking
This is just my opinion, but I think that there is a slightly larger amount of women who use Goodreads and maybe more women who read in general? Kinda like how there are typicly more guys who play video games. This definitely was not a thing decades or centuries ago. I wonder why this type of thing happened more recently? I don't know.
Seth wrote: "This is just my opinion, but I think that there is a slightly larger amount of women who use Goodreads and maybe more women who read in general? Kinda like how there are typicly more guys who play ..."
FACTS
FACTS
Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "sorry for intruding tho, I am a girl so I should probably go to the other chat"The integrity of this chat as a "Dude chat" has been destroyed, but to be honest, I don't quite care that much, it has prompted some
relevant conversations, lol.
Lmfao yeah- genderfluid person here so I might pop in on my masc days
Hi I'm not a guy but some of my best friends (NOT crushes) are guys and I don't like 'girly girl' things (have never worn makeup and would rather play basketball than gossip or giggle about who likes who or whatever)
Ellie wrote: "Hi I'm not a guy but some of my best friends (NOT crushes) are guys and I don't like 'girly girl' things (have never worn makeup and would rather play basketball than gossip or giggle about who lik..."you sound like one of those ‘not like other girls’. just remember hobbies and clothing and stuff dont have a gender, things are just things. guys can wear makeup, or like to gossip. doesnt make them a girly girl. same w girls its just things not part of a gender
hola! might pop in too on masc days!
Also, I don't understand why spas and "wellness" are considered feminine? Like the Old Spice commercials say, "Men have skin too". *^*
It really is.
True. I feel like if things and activities like skin care or video games (or anything in between for that matter) were just things, instead of being bound to a gender; Life would be so much easier.
I personally like the concept of Chivalry but there are a lot of problems with it. Before I get into it let me give a brief example. I'll use the classic example of some woman wanting to cross the street but she does not want to get her feet wet so the guy puts his jacket on the puddle so she can walk on it without getting wet. Now there are a lot of problems with this.
First, I have never understood why a man would drench a perfectly good jacket (no matter how much he liked this woman) Lmao.
Second, this starts to fade into the Doormat philosophy where this guy will let this woman walk all over him without standing up for himself.
Third, what if this makes the woman frustrated at him for undermining her independence. She could solve that problem herself couldn't she?!
Fourth, why is this limited to guys? Like, I know that in romance novels it's really romantic, but would it be just as romantic if the woman did it, and if not why?
I think that relationships work best when both partners make romantic gestures so that both partners know they are loved and appreciated.
Anyway, do you think Chivalry is dead? Do you like the concept but disagree with the implications? I would really like to know what you think!
Mod
Sorry, I have been busy with school and have not had much time for reading or goodreads in general, I was not avoiding your comment! Brilliantly put! I think that being in control of your own autonomy is a great point, and something everyone deserves the right to. I also think that respecting someones boundaries is a great way to exercise chivalry. Also, I knew that example was archaic when I included it, lol.
Am I able to join this? I was born.. female I just decided to be a male that acts feminine once in a while. ="3..
(Don't hate me, I'm on the furry side mate's. I'm overly to kindT.T)
˜”*°•.⋆ꕤ⋆ᧁׁꪱׁׅꫀׁׅܻᨵׁׅ⋆ꕤ⋆.•°*”˜•.Haitus.• wrote: "Am I able to join this? I was born.. female I just decided to be a male that acts feminine once in a while. ="3..
(Don't hate me, I'm on the furry side mate's. I'm overly to kindT.T)"
Ofc you are!!
Carmen ~ you'll remain my secret forever wrote: "˜”*°•.⋆ꕤ⋆ᧁׁꪱׁׅꫀׁׅܻᨵׁׅ⋆ꕤ⋆.•°*”˜•.Haitus.• wrote: "Am I able to join this? I was born.. female I just decided to be a male that acts feminine once in a while. ="3..
(Don't hate me, I'm on the furry ..."
Okay, yayayay!! I feel way more welcomed than I thought. Thank you!="D
˜”*°•.⋆ꕤ⋆ᧁׁꪱׁׅꫀׁׅܻᨵׁׅ⋆ꕤ⋆.•°*”˜•.Haitus.• wrote: "Am I able to join this? I was born.. female I just decided to be a male that acts feminine once in a while. ="3..
(Don't hate me, I'm on the furry side mate's. I'm overly to kindT.T)"
ofc u can join!! we accept everyone :)
Seth wrote: "I personally like the concept of Chivalry but there are a lot of problems with it. Before I get into it let me give a brief example. I'll use the classic example of some woman wanting to cross th..."
The google definition of chivalry is : the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.
I think another word for that is being an amazing human being, and I personally think that's a great quality in a guy or girl (cause I swing both ways). Now, do I expect someone to be courageous, courteous, and ready to help people who need it all the time? No, we have our off days, no one is perfect one hundred percent of the time. But I think chivalry is a good standard to work for, regardless of what gender you are.
Now, for the modern interpretation of chivalry. That is usually defined as a man doing something abnormally nice for a woman that isn't expected in modern times (thank you Urban Dictionary). I love the idea of someone who likes me going out of there way to express affection, because that's what I do when I like someone. But expression affection is no guarantee that the other person will like you back. If you hold a door open for them, they are under no obligation to do something for you. If you are being chivalrous, please do it because you like them and not because you want something from them. And that's a gender neutral thing, it doesn't matter if you're a boy or girl. Do nice things to make them happy, not so they pay you back.
Elisia wrote: "Seth wrote: "I personally like the concept of Chivalry but there are a lot of problems with it. Before I get into it let me give a brief example. I'll use the classic example of some woman wantin..."
i love this
chilvary should just be smt you do in general (regardless of anyone’s gender) because you appreciate them like this can be for someone u like, or just ANYONE like r u saying u dont wanna open the door for ur dad or smt? idk just be nice ig
Mod
shay ~ wrote: "I love how respectful and honest this is. Thank you guys for having a conversation like decent human beings, we need more of this these days, I love it <33"fr everyone here is so respectful <3
Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "Elisia wrote: "Seth wrote: "I personally like the concept of Chivalry but there are a lot of problems with it. Before I get into it let me give a brief example.
I'll use the classic example of so..."
yeah, I automatically think of a man protecting a woman
I'll use the classic example of so..."
yeah, I automatically think of a man protecting a woman
Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "Okay so I didn’t have much time earlier to answer your question so here ya go:So (I don’t mean to sound rude by this but) your example may have been applicable like a century ago but nowadays thi..."
I love this chef’s kiss 💋
Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "Okay, I want to see if you guys have any different opinions on this but we need take gender out of mental health. I’ve seen different views on getting help with mental health issues from men and wo..."i agree w all of this!!! gender has nooo affect on mental health whatsoever, tho your gender CAN be a cause for ur mental health (like gender norms can be harmful for someone’s mental health, etc)
. * ꙳ ✦ ⊹ qibli ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * wrote: "Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "Okay, I want to see if you guys have any different opinions on this but we need take gender out of mental health. I’ve seen different views o..."YES! I’ve heard stories of people with gender dysphoria and they went to doctor for hormone switchers and the doc said no cause there depressed and whatnot and they were like THATS BECAUSE IM THE WRONG GENDER BRUH
The local chaotic gremlin (Updated bio plz look) wrote: " . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹ qibli ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * wrote: "Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "Okay, I want to see if you guys have any different opinions on this but we need take gender out of mental ..."FR :/
Im not sure if anyone responded to what I said becuase I can’t see lol
Yes, men and women should get equal sympathy + help when it comes to mental health
Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "The local chaotic gremlin (Updated bio plz look) wrote: "Im not sure if anyone responded to what I said becuase I can’t see lol"Oop, hmmmm……… it doesn’t look like it on my end
You made some very ..."
you and i responded! idk why mine wont show.
As a guy, I am terrified to approach girls for this reason. Sure, there may be a bunch of narcissistic jerks, but a lot of guys just want to approach a girl to ask her out or to tell her, shes pretty but they don't want to come off as a creep. Like, I understand the eY swEEtHeARt thing, but a lot of guys don't want to come off like a self-important butt, and know that's not how you treat someone.
Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "I know not all guys do this but there are a lot that do but does anyone else, even other guys too, find it annoying when a random guy walks u..."I know what you mean and think that's called cat calling..? (correct me if I'm wrong). I feel like guys who do this have egos that are (idk how to say this without sounding rude but) very large ego in a sense of "oh I'm so good-looking so I speak to them anyway I want bc they're gonna want me" way.
Perhaps an alternative perspective would say that they're appealing to the outdated untruth that girls love sweet things (not saying they don't but not from strangers).
I feel like there are other ways to approach someone that you have interest in. Maybe start with hello??? "Hi you look nice/ can I buy your coffee?" Not exactly like that but anything that is less... entitled.
Seth wrote: "As a guy, I am terrified to approach girls for this reason. Sure, there may be a bunch of narcissistic jerks, but a lot of guys just want to approach a girl to ask her out or to tell her, shes pret..."Honestly, and my opinion may be unpopular but I feel like people should just say that. Like it might be a hit to the pride, sharing something so hushed by society but say "I'm not trying to eY swEEtHeARt you, but I think you look nice" or something
And I get that's not something men usually do but I mean why not? It doesn't matter a gender to give someone a piece of heart and say they don't mean to offend. I apply this to female and male both :)
Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "I’m gonna correct myself here. Whether those people who make nasty comments are guys or not, they are creeps. I don’t want to make all guys feel bad because there is still a majority of good guys o..."Yes! I mean the same, because truthfully guys aren't the only people who do it! Just a bit more known.
Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "Jai ♡ jaii wrote: "Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "I’m gonna correct myself here. Whether those people who make nasty comments are guys or not, they are creeps. I don’t want..."Wow! That's incredibly true; I've never thought about it that way! Boys are taught to act that way which leads to the full circle of the "more manly, more confident, more masculine." And the reason it continues today is because that these lessons are still being taught and no one is saying it's not okay. I feel like this leads to a situation where the guy gets turned down and is like "ugh it was only that female" and the cycle continues.
I also think that it still goes on because no one knows what to teach instead. This.. need, if you will, to be masculine is back when you needed to have a wife and children to be successful, which no longer applies to this day and age.
Also, what the heck even is "feminine" and "masculine"? Why are we as humans limited to what we can do or else seen as different?
I MEAN NO HARM. and I am certainly not trying to attack men bc its obviously not everyone. I can clarify what I mean and I'd love to hear other perspectives :)
Raven✨The Chaotic Gremlin✨{Stole Chan’s Laptop} wrote: "If anyone sees this and wants to add to this feel free to or if you have questions then maybe I could further explain.So I think “masculinity” and “ femininity” are ideas that society should not ..."
i agree w this
