This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel - 5 stars

[Barbara M]

I've been away and haven't posted my most recent reads. This is me, catching up!

This book meant more to me than the average reader as I have a friend in almost the exact same situation. She has/had four boys but one of the twins was obviously transgender from a very, very young age. His parents were very understanding about letting him set the pace as he grew from the point of wanting My Pretty Pony for Christmas to wanting to be a princess when s/he grew up. Right now she wears "girls" clothes and keeps her hair long. I don't know if she's chosen a new name as we have lost touch since I retired.

This gave me great insight into the choices that parents of transgender children have to make. The parents (Rosie and Penn) face a great deal of distrust and prejudice in the town they love. They decide to move to someplace more tolerant, San Francisco. This causes a great deal of upheaval among their other sons. They have decided not to tell people that their youngest child was born male because he has completely embraced his feminine side and chosen a new name. She is accepted as a friend by several of the girls and they even have their own little club with sleepovers at each other's houses. Another can of worms that they have to hurdle. Is the secret becoming too much?

These are wonderful parents who disagree about different ways to deal with the future of their daughter but never have terrible, painful, fights. That is almost unrealistic but I loved how they handled things. Penn has a wonderful imagination and is an aspiring writer. He creates faiytales that become part of the story. He's a real gentle person and Rosie loves him. They do separate for a little while but it isn't with anger, it's for their daughter and their other sons.

I wouldn't mind meeting up with this family again but I don't think there's a sequel. So I will happily read more by Frankel.

[NancyJ]

I really enjoyed this book too. The situation with the best friend was very poignant. Lying about something so big is bound to create a sense of betrayal.

[Ellen]

I believe I gave this one 5 stars too. Such a good story.

[Robin P]

I thought the ending was a bit too tidy, how they happen to go to one place abroad that is relevant to their situation. But overall it does give a sense of what this could be like. It also shows how the siblings react. This was written a few years ago, now the family might have to move not just to be accepted but so as not to be legally threatened in certain states.

In another thread on books about passing as white, I just noted what an arbitrary distinction race is, and this kind of story is useful to show that gender is somewhat the same thing.