When You Read In Public, How Do You Feel About Strangers Striking Up Conversation About The Book You're Reading? (7/17/22)

[Marc]

If you've ever read in public (the train, the bus, at the café, etc.), it's not uncommon that a stranger will strike up conversation about what you're reading... How do you react to such conversations? Do you find them generally enjoyable, annoying, etc.? Do you yourself start up conversations with others you see reading in public?

[RJ - Slayer of Trolls]

I hate it, generally, unless the person asking is a reader. Otherwise the conversation goes like "hey, why you readin'? You like readin'?" Fortunately, I'm a big enough guy that I don't have to hear them say: "nerd!" followed by giving me a wedgie.

When a reader asks though, it's usually more like "oh cool, you're reading The Collector! I've been wanting to check that out! How is that?"

I will comment or ask about a book someone is reading only if I know enough about the book or the author to have a meaningful conversation. If they are reading some best-seller trash I usually don't say anything.

[Whitney]

This pushes some serious buttons. I am with RJ, I generally hate it. The answer to "what are you reading" is usually me ignoring the person, because I don't have a polite response that conveys "a book you've probably never heard of, let alone read, and if I answer I know your next question is 'what's it about' and because it's more complex than 'The Cat in the Hat' I'm not going to give you an in-depth answer because, let's face it, you nether actually care nor have any interest in actually reading it now shut up and let me read in peace."

Also, like RJ, I am fine with strangers responding to the actual book I'm reading because they have read it or other similar books and have an actual interest in it. This is the biggest downside of reading on a kindle where no one can tell what you're reading. I may be loosing to opportunity to bond with someone over the mutual love of a particular writer.

[LindaJ^]

I do not mind people asking what I am reading as it usually leads to a discussion about books and an exchange of titles. I like to encourage reading, even if their tastes are not mine. Cannot ever remember any “smart” or nasty comments from anyone who asks what I am reading.

[Cheryl]

It depends on my mood. If I am tired or really just need to be ignored and left to myself, It is irritating. I might ignore. Or I might just give the title and turn away to keep reading. I have never had anyone be rude to me about what I am reading or call me a name about it. Thankfully. That is horrible and why do people do those things?

If I am relaxed and feeling social, I enjoy it. In my experience, a good percentage of people who ask are readers and really interested in talking about books. And even if we find out we have very different tastes, it is still a kind of comraderie.

[Natalie]

I am a hypocrite. I will contort myself crazily so I can spot the book titles of total strangers but would wring my hands desperately were somebody to look too closely at me.

[Robert]

I love it! I live in a country where people don't really read so if someone asks me what I'm reading that means they are genuinely interested. I have this romantic fantasy that I meet a woman this way - kind of like Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy in Before Sunrise ( I've watched that film too many times for my own good)

However this is reality and I live on an island with a history of low literacy The only time someone asked about a book was in 2000 when a Mormon excused himself for reading over my shoulder and asked me why I liked the book so much.

The novel was Brett Easton Ellis' American Psycho

We did speak about controversial literature for the duration of the bus ride though

The only time I have approached someone reading a book was in 2002 and he was reading Kingsley Amis' Lucky Jim - which lead to a very good chat. That guy is also a book blogger and we follow each other.

[Whitney]

Natalie wrote: "I am a hypocrite. I will contort myself crazily so I can spot the book titles of total strangers but would wring my hands desperately were somebody to look too closely at me."

I resemble this remark!

[Peter]

I remember around eight years ago I noticed a fellow university student with a book of the best short Australian stories in his hands. I couldn’t help approach him as I was interested in buying this book. I enquired as to what the book was like and if he was enjoying the stories. He replied emotionlessly, “I’ve just bought the book!” I thanked him for his reply and told him how enthusiastic I was about purchasing a future copy for myself.

During this encounter I observed he seemed quite annoyed I had approached him. In future, I will be more respectful and won’t ask people about their books unless invited to. It was clear in retrospect, he was enjoying the quiet bus ride with an engaging read, and perhaps this might have been his only quality time, and I had interrupted something that was sacred and precious to him!

[Peter]

My pet hate in book discussions is when people say “You will have to lend me your book when you finish.” Sorry I don’t lend books. It is my pet hate they expect you have been chatty about a book, they think they have the right to borrow it off you.

[Robert]

Peter wrote: "My pet hate in book discussions is when people say “You will have to lend me your book when you finish.” Sorry I don’t lend books. It is my pet hate they expect you have been chatty about a book, t..."

Yeah that annoys me as well.

[Hugh]

I read in public quite a lot, but I don't think a complete stranger has ever asked me what I am reading. Maybe I don’t look approachable enough...

[Kathleen]

My favorite interaction was when a guy sat down next to me on the bus while I happened to be reading War and Peace. (I had a long enough bus commute to read most of that book over time on the bus!) He says, "What are you reading?" and when I close the book to expose the cover, he starts laughing hysterically. When he recovered, he apologized, and said "I didn't think anyone actually read that! I just heard it used more as a joke!" I sighed, and tried to tell him it was actually a page-turner, but he just looked at me funny, and stopped talking to me after that. (Okay by me!)

Now when I ride the bus, and people see a print book in my hand, they don't say anything but look at me confused. Some of them may have never seen such a thing. I'm starting to feel like a time-travel visitor.

[Vesna]

Strangely enough, I experience it as an intrusion into my and someone else's privacy, and it makes me uncomfortable to talk to a stranger about what we read. But a reader in me can't resist the temptation to quickly and discreetly eye-scan the title they are reading. Now I feel guilty... look, Marc, what you did with this question! :-)

[Jennifer]

The only public reading I do is while traveling on the plane. I do not recall anyine askng me about the book I am reading, but I will ask people about the book they are reading, but only if they aren't actually reading it.

I do think I freaked out a fellow passenger one time as I was reading , it was late and most everyone was sleeping, but I was doing that sobbing quietly while reading in public thing... He kept looking over at me.

[Marc]

I will compulsively try to figure out what others are reading. I rarely engage them in discussion. Doesn't bother me too much if someone interrupts me and asks about what I'm reading if they seem genuinely interested in either the book or reading in general. I do tend to bristle at the "what's it about?" question because many novels sound stupid when you summarize them; or, if you're in the early stages of the book, you may not know what it's about.

I would probably be more closed/defensive about being approached if I were female but no one has ever used my reading as an excuse to hit on me. :D

[Susan]

I think when I read in public I am sending a message that I do not wish to engage in conversation). I don't know if I've ever had anyone ask what I was reading except for a psychology professor who saw me reading Crime and Punishment before class and thought it must be for another class...no...just for fun! If someone did I think I would answer and go back to reading. I don't think I would ever ask someone what they were reading unless they kept laughing outloud and seemed to be inviting conversation by body language.

[Lark]

mostly these days I notice there is no one reading in public, unless you count thumb-scrolling as reading, so when I see someone with an actual book in their hands I feel like one of the remaining survivors at the end of The Invasion of the Body Snatchers, where I want so badly to make contact, but to do so will put us both in danger of being discovered and becoming pod people.

[Lyn]

I'm with Linda. Unless it's an obviously insincere pickup line, I like the question. Even if our tastes differ, there is usually a book I can think of to recommend to them that they would like. I also sometimes get told about books I might not otherwise have heard of.

[Tracy]

If I read in public these days, it’s on my iPad, so no one asks me anymore.

However, when I bump into reading friends, they always ask what I’ve read that’s good lately. Which leads to a conversation that leads to melted ice cream in my grocery cart and new additions to both our TBRs.

[Nadine in California]

This is as close as I've gotten in a long time...... I was reading a print copy of The Atlantic magazine while waiting for my new, as yet unmet doctor to come into the exam room for my annual checkup. She asked what I was reading and said she reads it too but does the '10 free articles a month' thing ;) I liked her as a doctor too :)

[Jennifer]

lark wrote: "mostly these days I notice there is no one reading in public, unless you count thumb-scrolling as reading, so when I see someone with an actual book in their hands I feel like one of the remaining ..."

This.

[Bretnie]

This is fascinating! I love talking to people about what they are reading, so now I'll be a little more sensitive when I ask others! I've never had a conversation that was so general to ask what they are reading - usually just if I/they see the specific book and have a reason to ask about it. I've loved those interactions!

Reading more audiobooks in the last few years has definitely decreased these interactions, which is a bummer for me.

[Marc]

Jennifer wrote: "lark wrote: "mostly these days I notice there is no one reading in public, unless you count thumb-scrolling as reading, so when I see someone with an actual book in their hands I feel like one of t..."

I've had (mostly) older folks stop and say how nice it is to see me reading an actual book. I find this somewhat funny since I'm not exactly young (it happened a few times in my mid-forties a couple years ago).

[Joy D]

I don't mind at all if someone asks me about the book I am reading. It does not happen frequently, but if it does, it's usually a fellow reader and we end up having a nice chat.

I tend to bring my e-reader on airline trips, so it does not happen as much anymore.

[Bill]

Marc wrote: "I've had (mostly) older folks stop and say how nice it is to see me reading an actual book. "

I don't mind people approaching me about the book I'm reading, if they know something about it. I was reading Martin Vaughan-James' recently reissued graphic novels, and someone came up claiming to like his work.

At the opposite extreme, awhile back I was reading a paperback on the subway, and this guy said "A paper book. I didn't know they made those anymore." I respond icily "Yes they do".

He was actually kind of my type and not unattractive. But after an opening line like that, there was no hope.

[Sarah]

An opportunity to discuss a book I'm reading...........anytime....anywhere! I have recommended books to strangers based on t-shirts they're wearing. Maybe I'll try to restrain myself and be less impulsively intrusive. I'm constantly searching the universe for connections, books to people being the best.

[Marc]

Bill wrote: "He was actually kind of my type and not unattractive. But after an opening line like that, there was no hope...."

Reminds me of that John Waters quote:
"If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em."

[Erika]

I like it and love to talk about reading with people. My tastes are catholic enough (and I read everything from 18th century philosophers to fluffy paranormal romances) (and I used to work in a bookstore) so I can usually find something the person has read or something the person might like.

[RJ - Slayer of Trolls]

Peter wrote: "My pet hate in book discussions is when people say “You will have to lend me your book when you finish.” Sorry I don’t lend books. It is my pet hate they expect you have been chatty about a book, t..."

Amen to that. You'll never see those books again, and the person who borrows them never reads them. I will GIVE a book away when I'm done with it - then there's no weirdness when I don't get it back.

[Lesley]

It depends on my mood, what I’m reading, how interesting the person seems, how enthusiastic they are in their questioning and how easily I feel I can escape from the conversation if I choose to. I’m often hiding behind the book to begin with & if I want to converse, I’ll set it aside.
Often, people aren’t particularly interested in the book per se, it’s just an ‘in’ for starting a conversation.
I do, however, always try to see what someone else is reading. Rarely initiate a discussion on it though.

[Lesley]

Susan wrote: "I think when I read in public I am sending a message that I do not wish to engage in conversation). I don't know if I've ever had anyone ask what I was reading except for a psychology professor who..."

I’m with you on using reading as a signal I do not wish to converse.

[Franky]

I love these posts and some of them had me chuckle. I had one older person see me reading a few years ago and just commented that he was appreciative I was reading and not "playing on my phone." If I take my Kindle to read places, then it doesn't really look like reading to people (it looks like I'm on my phone), so they won't comment at all. I used to go to restaurants and just chill and read a book and order a coffee and breakfast or whatever, and sometimes the waitress or waiter would ask if the book was good and I would give a quick synopsis of what the book was about. I didn't mind that at all. I notice today that generally people do not strike up much conversation to public readers. At least in my experience.

[Janet]

Speaking of reading in public, if you haven't seen this NYT photo essay, it's lovely:

For Instant Happiness, Grab a Book and Head Outside
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/06/bo...

Love how engrossed the readers are, and they are all reading print books.

[Wendy]

It's no problem for me. I love taking about books.