Buffy the Vampire Slayer rp discussion
Go Ask Malice: A Slayer's Diary
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I could barely get out of bed this morning, which was really no huge surprise considering how sore I am. I got birthday punches from the Alvedo sisters and that runty little brother of theirs on my way home yesterday. On top of the ones I already got at school , also thanks to that Skank Maria and her fat mouth, So my arms are completely black and blue and Mr. Pomerak asked me what happened, and I had to explain to him that I got pounded on because its like neighborhood good luck or something and he looked at me like I'd made it up on the spot. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to like him now for pretending to look out for me or be pissed at him for not believing me.
Anyway, my birthday pretty much sucked. The only thing I got besides this diary. (thanks, V- all the more for you to shrink) was a wicked pair of motorcycle boots from Tommy. I'm pretty sure they're either used or stolen. I'm rooting for stolen, personally the thought of someone else wearing them before me kind of makes me skeeved.
After hanging out at Tommy's for a while I got home to find a note my mother left me saying she'd be back late, (She never did come home--surprise surprise). So happy birthday to me. Another night in front of the tube with my best friends Mac & Cheese. could be worse I guess. Could just be Mac. I watched an old movie about a bunch of people investigating this haunted house, and at the end of the flick this chick freaks out and drives into a tree. It was pretty good actually. Reminded me I need to start showing up for drivers ed.
The apartment is freezing. I've got this space heater plugged in but I'm worried that the electricity is going to be shut off again. It happened over the summer which wasn't so bad, but if it happens now we're screwed. Its been snowing for days and for some reason the city thinks its a good idea to plow all the snow from the streets right onto the sidewalk so you can't walk on them. Instead , everyone just ends up walking in the streets, which completely stops traffic. Genius. The way everyone acts you'd think it never snowed in Boston before. The apartment is totally freezing. Did I mention that already.
Listen to whoever's reading this. (And if its you mom, I HATE YOU) I should tell you I'm having a hard time writing this down. I really hope you don't expect me to say anything profound or whatever because that's not really who I am. I'm not some deep thinker who's going to solve the worlds problems or have great insight into human nature or even myself. Sorry. I know I'm supposed to be working through my issues or my feelings or whatever V told me to do. But there's really not much to say. Girl in the world, not very smart, not really pretty, kind of a loser. Keep it moving people. There's nothing here to see.
(Oh and excuse my spelling)
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Had the dream again last night.
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Oops, missed a couple of days. V will br \\e pissed. But how's she ever gonna find out? Unless she reads this. I hope she's not planning on it, but you never know, so I'll take this opportunity to give a hearty shout out. and say Hey V what's shakin? Lookin good. Check me out keepin a diary like a good little girl, Aren't you proud of me?
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Had the dream again. Couldn't fall back asleep. Ended up counting sheep until it was time to wake up. Thank god school lets out early for break ---- I'm gonna come straight home and crash.
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Oh my god, tonight was crazy. Two words: FREAK WHARF. Two more words: SOLD OUT. Two more words. (The last two I promise.) BREAKING AND ENTERING.
Tommy and me were hanging out at his place bitching and moaning about not having tickets. (we didn't even hear about it till it was too late.) when he was like "You know what? lets just go anyway. Maybe we can buy a pair from some scalpers or something." So we went. And that's when things got hectic.
There were some people selling tickets outside, but they were asking for, like, fifty bucks a pop. -- Like we had that kind of change to spend on even the Wharf. So Tommy takes me aside and he's like . "You know maybe one of us could make out with one of them."
I look over at the scalpers and then back at Tommy and say "Well none of them looks queer to me, so that makes me think you're trying to pimp me out for some concert tickets." And he goes, "Well it is the Wharf....." And I say, "The next time you say something like that to me you better be wearing a cup." And then I make like I'm going to knee him and he flinches and I slap him just for emphasis. "You got a better idea bitch?" he says rubbing his face. I cross my arms and look up and notice a flashing light coming from the alleyway alongside the club and I say, "Yeah bitch I do."
I make for him to follow me and we stand next to this nasty looking dumpster for a couple of minutes until no one is looking our way, then we sneak down the alley and turn back behind the club. Where I saw the flashing light. Turns out there's this little window high up on the wall, like maybe, I don't know thirty feet up, and you can just make out a stretch of spotlights on the other side of the glass, like stage lightsglowing ice blue and yellow, blinking on and off. "What do you think?" he asks me. I see now that there's an old utility ladder bolted to the brick wall as long as the window's not locked there should be enough room for us to slip through. "Looks dangerous" He says.
Yeah well what's living for if not danger?" I say and Tommy rolls his eyes. He's seen me jump off enough cliffs (Only some of them the non real kind)since he moved to town to know that this is nothing to me. Hey what can I say? I'm a thrill seeker. So I take a look around to make sure no one's watching before I reach up and grab hold of the bottom rung of the ladder, give it a little shake to make sure its secure and pull myself up lifting my body off the ground. About halfway up the cold iron begins to hurt my hands and I wish I'd put on my gloves first. But I keep going. Making my way up to the window. I lean over and holding tight to the ladder look inside and see that the lights are attached on the other side of a catwalk and are pointed away from what I hope is the stage. I don't exactly want to be seen sneaking into the club by approximately five hundred people all staring at me. You know? Anyway, I reach over and sure enough the window is open, Its one of those sliding jimmies with a hinge that opens inward. Like the windows at a school. I give Tommy the thumbs up and then reach up and pull myself through the window I stay low and move out of the way waiting for Tommy to make his way up the ladder, When I turn around and see that I'm directly above the main floor of the club. The catwalk which is wicked narrow and obviously only for the lighting crew or whatever stretches all the way around the perimeter. Tommy sticks his head through the window and I pull him through and we quickly realize that we have a little problem: Except for another ladder right next to the stage there's no way down other then the way we came. "We should have brought some beer." Tommy says, stretching out next to me. His hair falling in his face in a Jhonny Depp kind of way. Okay, so, he's hot, what can I say? Its kind of weird hanging out with a gay guy because you know they're not interested, and its kind of annoying because you don't really know what to do with them. But I make do since he's the only person in the school who's been cool to me in like ever.
So we saw the whole show from up there and it was AMAZING. The Wharf are freaking ridiculous live. (And the hottie drummer Killian took my mind off of Tommy in a snap.) They must have played for like two hours but it felt like two seconds, total blur. They played their entire first album except for "Jordan the barbarian" including an epic ten-minute version of "Headphone Ascot." it was pretty insane. Me and Tommy spent the whole way back home shouting the lyrics to "A Shameful Execution." at the top of our lungs the people on the T looked at us like we were out of our minds. Oh and mom's gone again. I haven't seen her since the weekend.
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Christmas sucked. Mom finally showed up and was all "Well wasn't it nice not to have me around so you could enjoy your summer vacation?" As if she's constantly breathing down my neck and hassling me to do my chores and get a good night's sleep and whatever else moms are supposed to do. I think she was just saying it to make herself look better in front of her scumbag boyfriend Gable, Like she didn't cut out on me for a week. After she passed out, Gable stinking of smoke and whisky came into my room and closed the door behind him and sat down next to me on the bed. I was like "What are you doing?" and he said "I wanted to give you a present." From the inside pocket of his leather bomber jacket he pulled out a small gift wrapped box and handed it to me saying "Merry christmas Faith." Inside was a pair of diamond earrings, they looked real too. "Wow" I said. "Thanks a lot, these are really cool." "Anything for you baby" Then he looked toward the door real quick before he reached over and kissed me on the lips. I pulled away but he grabbed me by the back of my head and pulled me closer to him, sliding along the bed trying to get on top of me. For a second I was kind of in shock but then I started screamingand he put a hand over my mouth, trying to shut me up. "What's wrong?" He kept saying as if it wasn't obvious, like he couldn't understand why I was objecting. I managed to push him off of me and then I jumped off the bed and went to the door.
"You ever touch me again and I'll..." I couldn't finish.
"And you'll what kid?" He leaned back on the pillow and crossed his arms behind his head. Grinning from ear to ear. Just seeing him lying in my bed made me want to puke. "Tell your mom?" he went on. "Get that queer you go out with to rough me up?" I wanted to pick up the lamp up next to my bed and beat the crap out of him, but instead I grabbed my coat off the chair and headed out to spend the night at Tommy's.
The worst part is he's right. There's nothing I can do about it, least of all tell my mother. I mean I'm sure she'd probably believe me about it, deep down, but there's no way she'd do anything about it except blame me for bringing it on myself and messing with "The only good man I've ever had." Which is a total joke. Gable's one of the biggest dealers in Southie and has girlfriends all over town. Mom thinks she's special, but she isn't. She's just deluded. Thinks he's going to make an honest woman out of her, move her out of this dump and into a mansion, "Like those fancy ones in Beacon Hill. Right. How she can have dozens of guys use her up and throw her out and still believe in that fairy tale I'll never understand. And every time, every single goddamn time she gets dumped, she bitches and moans for weeks , drinking herself into a stupor, acting like she's the first woman to ever be wronged by a guy.
Please, I heard about the first woman that happened to. I think her name was Eve
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Went to see V today since she still wanted me to come in over break, even though school's out. Nothing that interesting happened. She wanted to know if I was still keeping a journal, and I told her yeah, I am. Then I asked her if she was going to ask to see it and she said no, that its only for me and my private thoughts. So I said cool, even though I might not write everything down exactly the way it happened just in case. I don't want to have anyone use anything against me.
She asked if I was doing okay, how my home life is. how my mom's treating me, the usual stuff. We talked about the dream and she told me to write it down next time I had it, that it might help. I told her mom was gone a while and now she's back and I watched her face change , like she was waiting to hear something like this and was now digging for more. I almost told her about Gable and how he came on to me, but decided not to--the last thing I need is my social worker thinking she can do anything about it. Its all too hard to explain.
We talked some more about what I'm planning to do next year after graduation. If I should try to get a scholarship for a community college or something. I don't know, I've never exactly thought of myself as the college type, but V seems to think that if I start applying myself and pick up my GPA, I'll have a shot. Still I can't help but feel like that train's already left the station.
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It's dark. I'm naked, standing in the middle of what seems like nothing at first but is actually a field - I can feel the tall blades of grass rubbing against my legs. I'm not sure exactly what's happening, but all of a sudden I'm scared, so I start to run, and soon I can hear something behind me, chasing me, hunting me. Its the sound of a man, I think; I can make out the sound of his heavy breathing, but it's also like growling, animal, scary. I look over my shoulder and I can't see anything, but I can feel somehow that he's advancing on me, and I pick up the pace, my bare feet getting cut up on the hard ground underneath the grass.
Then in front of me I see a high white wall stretched across the horizon, and I can make out a gate cut into it and I go toward it. As I approach I can see that the wall and gate3 are made of skulls and longer stretches of bone, and then I pull at the gate's latch but it won't open. I keep pulling at it but it's stuck. Just as I think I'm starting to get it open a bit I feel a shadow fall over me, and as I turn I'm thrown to the ground, something heavy on top of me attacking me. I try to fight it off but I'm too weak, and just as I realize I'm going to die, that it's going to rip my throat out, I scream.
And then I wake up. Like always.
Same every goddamn time.
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Good-bye, crap year. Hello fabulous new life that magically takes me far, far away from here, away from my alcoholic mother and her lowlife boyfriends, my evil high school that spits out mindless drones like they're right off an assembly line, this dead Puritan town that shuts down after midnight, all of it. I'm done, Next, please.
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Rabbit, rabbit.
I'm in a world of pain. No, a solar system, a galaxy of pain. A Universe of ouch, my head is killing me.
Lets just say that if it's true you spend the way you spent it on New Years Eve, the following twelve months are going to be spent wasted with a bunch of strangers at a house party in.
[Redacted]
Tommy met this guy Ed at a rave last week and he invited us to come to some party on New Years. We didn't have anything better planned, so hey, away we went. When we got there it was pretty boring, but after midnight people finally began to show up. Mostly college guys, fratty types, with their scags in tow, but there was a little potential mixed in there. Tommy went off with Ed somewhere, leaving me by myself, so I hightailed it to the kitchen and sat there for a while. All these girls kept coming in and giving me dirty looks - when they weren't busy ignoring me. (Surprise, surprise) - but eventually this guy named Dwayne came in and sat with me and we played quarters for a while. I guess I must have gotten drunk pretty quickly because the next thing I knew we were making out in one of the bedrooms upstairs.
[Redacted]
I mean, he wasn't the worst I've ever had or anything. It was more like I wasn't really into it. It hurt. Not a good hurt like with Ronnie (I do miss wearing that school girl getup bless me), but a bad hurt, like he was going at an idea of a girl, like I wasn't even there, like he didn't care one way or the other. Once we got started I wished it was over, but I didn't do anything to stop it because.......well, I don't know why. Boredom? Is that a reason? Or just to try to see if I could feel something different for a little while? Sometimes I just feel dead inside.
Happy New Year!
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School started again today and I'm already sick of it. English class was the worst, as usual. We're reading Dracula and Miss Lowell called me out and asked me what I thought about the format of the book, like how it's written in journals and letters (Its called an epistolary novel, she said ten times, like we're all too stupid to remember a word over three syllables) and how that makes a difference in the way the story unfolds. And I was like, "I guess it makes it more personal or whatever," like your looking over someone's shoulder as they're writing, and you get inside their heads, their private thoughts. She kind of made a face and asked me to name the main theme of the book, and I didn't really know what she was looking for, so I said "Vampires suck?" Then she said "It doesn't sound like you read the book" in that stuck-up fake-ass whiny voice of hers and then went off about how anyone who actually finished it (Which I did, last week thank you very much) would know that the actual central moral was that turning away from your belief in the Lord and his greater plan meant that you were sure to fall victim to corruption and sin. "You of all people should keep that in mind," She said, "What with your Christian name being one of the three great virtues." Then everyone in the class laughed, and I wanted to kill them all. No one's had the nerve to make fun of my name since that damn George Michael song came out.
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You're in luck: I got suspended after getting into a fight at school, and now I have all the time in the world to tell you about it while I wait and see if Mom's coming home tonight or not. I was on my way to Spanish and passed by Maria Alvedo and some of her skank friends and caught her giving me a look and then smirking. I stopped and was like, "You got A problem?" And she said, "No but your boyfriend does." and then she and her friends started cracking up. "What's that supposed to mean?" I said and she shrugged and tossed her hair, and then said. "Sam Flynn said he was going to kick the crap out of your boy after gym class. I'd say that's happening, oh, about now." Then they started laughing again.
I didn't want to get into it with Maria (When I do, one of us isn't coming back alive, and I'm betting it's her.), so I just walked away - V, you would have been so proud of me. That is if it had ended there. Instead of heading to class I went up to the gym, which was just emptying out, when I heard some shouting coming from the boy's locker room. I put my bag down under the bleachers and then poked my head inside the entrance to the locker room, and that's when I saw Tommy. He was lying on the rubber floor, grabbing onto his stomach, and for a second I could see his face, all screwed up, his lip busted open, blood dripping from his chin, before Sam Flynn stepped into my line of vision.
"Take a hike," he said blocking me, "This is the men's room, no snatch allowed."
"Excuse me?" I said
"You heard me." I pushed past him and tried to go over to Tommy, where two goons from the football team were busy kicking him in the gut, when Flynn grabbed my arm and twisted it before shoving me over toward the showers. "You coming to save your girlfriend?" he sneered, his boys snickering as they took their attention off Tommy. "Or is this like some porno I saw and we're going to take turns doing you against the lockers?"
"Oh yeah big boy?" I answered back. "Why don't you bring your bad self over and show me what you got?"
"Is that what you want?" He walked over to me, towering over me; I could smell the stink on him. "Is that it?" He grabbed his crotch and leaned into me. "You want some of this?"
I met his gaze and smiled sweetly, and kneed him where it hurts, his eyes going wide with shock. before he doubled over, stumbling into the shower room.
"Not anymore" I said walking past him, into the center of the room.
Needless to say that didn't exactly endear me to his two buddies, one of them grabbing me from behind and pulling me down on a bench. The other one wound back and slapped me, hard, which stung like a mother (But not as much as, oh, say when my own mother does it.) But then he threw himself on top of me and I suddenly couldn't breathe and started to panic, my skin going cold, and I felt like I was drowning in a sea of blood, gasping for air when there was none to be had. And that's the last thing I remember. Next I was sitting in a plastic chair, and its like I was coming out of a fog. I didn't know where I was, but suddenly its like I was waking up from a deep sleep, my limbs heavy, chest tight, my muscles aching. I kind of saw where I was, in the waiting area outside of Principal Martin's office-Should have been familiar, considering the number of times I was sent there in the past year- And that's when I looked down and noticed my hands: The knuckles bruised, my fingernails all cruddy, and the ring on my middle finger which had a few strands of hair, short blondish hair, stuck to my skin underneath it. Thats when my hands started to kill, and I brought them closer to my face to look at them closer up when I realized someone was sitting next to me. I turned to him and it took a few seconds before he came into focus.
"Tommy," I said noticing when I spoke how shallow my breath was, Like I was coming down with something. I took in the sight of him and couldn't help but make a face, as his had been well worked over: bloody nose, black eye, split lip to works. "Wow kid you look how I feel."
"Really?" he said real cold. "You mean totally embarassed and humiliated?"
"Forget about it," I said waving a bruised hand. "Sam Flynn and his goon squad beat on everyone, its like a Southie rite of passage."
"I'm not talking about them," He said then, a look of hate passing over his face. "I'm talking about you."
"What do you mean?"
"What do you think I mean? How would you like it if everyone teased you and called you names and beat you up for being different from all the other mooks here?"
((Continued on Next Post))
Dear Diary,
Today was the best birthday ever! When I woke up and came downstairs, mom had made me a huge surprise breakfast , with Bacon and Scrambled Eggs, a big pile of pancakes covered in syrup and orange juice. Yum! I gobbled it all up and had a few minutes to spare, so I hung out with mom anbd she told me how proud of me she was because I an such a great daughter-- Smart, kind and beautiful to boot! Then I get ready for school. Everyone on the bus sang Happy Birthday to me, which made me blush as I am very shy and do not like the attention. All dayeveryone was coming up to me and saying Happy Birthday Faith and Have a great day and year, abnd Hope all your wishes come true. Even the teachers like Miss Lowell my english teacher who is my favorite and I am hers because I am such a good student. I love school -- I hope college will be as fun and rewarding as high school is!
The best part of the whole day happened after cheerleading practice. (Turns out I won a school spirit award-- I was so surprised) when Sam Flynn, that really cute senior who looks like James Dean asked me out on a date to see Freak Wharf, my favorite band. OH MY GOD. I ALMOST DIED!!! Well I tried to play it cool and almost fainted right then and there. I told him I'd have to think about it. Even though I'm so very excited. I don't want to play hard to get, but as mom says. You never know what a young man might think if you seem too eager. You don't want to send yhe wrong message after all.
After Sam walked me home I immediately started my homework--it's my birthday. but that doesn't mean I am allowed yo ignore my responsibilities. (I don't want to disappoint anyone least of all myself.) Then mom came home and told me to change into my Sunday Best-- We were going out for a special birthday dinner, just the two of us. After I put on one of my favorite dresses, the backless red and black one I bought at Filene's with some of my inheritance money. we went to the nicest restaurant on all of Newbury street, where we were waited on hand and foot and treated like royalty. After dinner mom told me it was time for my real birthday presant and handed me a small box with my name on it. I opened it and inside was a set of keys to a brand new shiny red convertible. that was waiting for me outside!!! Mom said enjoy it sweetheart, you deserve it for being the best daughter in the world. I was so happy I almost cried!!! Anyway goodnight my lovely diary. Its time for me to get some sleep. I have another important day ahead of me what with being on the prom committee and all. Thanks for listening I'll always keep you as my most important confidante even when I grow up and get married and have a family all my own. Sweet dreams. Here's to another great year!
Much Love
Faith.
P.S. Oh and by the way, one more thing, if your reading this and have no Idea who I am: All of the above is complete and utter crap.