What is a better hook?

[Tara]

- A leprechaun loses his rainbow
- The lost gold of Ireland
- A failed changeling finding his place in the world
- A leprechaun doing anything the King asks in order to get his rainbow back
- Landing on a vanishing Island, the Bard must tell a worthy story to the elders or be put to death. They think the story is entertaining, but the Bard must prepare them to wage war (but this happens over 3books)
-

The best way I can think of this is Harry Potter being about a boy wizard, that doesn't know he is a wizard and someone is trying to kill him. Only the book is also about a dark wizard rising from the ashes to seek dominion but one boy gets in the way.

Is there a method for choosing the best hook? Thanks in advance!
-

[Hailey]

Tara wrote: "- A leprechaun loses his rainbow
- The lost gold of Ireland
- A failed changeling finding his place in the world
- A leprechaun doing anything the King asks in order to get his rainbow back
- Landi..."

Hello Tara. When you say "hook", do you mean a hook for the blurb or an opening line in the actual book that'll capture the interest of the reader?

[Tara]

Hi
Yes that one liner hook - elevator pitch.
It is currently leprechaun loses his rainbow but contemplating changing it.

[Socrates Reads]

The lost gold of Ireland stands out more.

[Tara]

Ooooooo interesting!

[Adam]

I personally like Leprechaun loses his rainbow best.

[Tara]

Thank you Ada!

[WJ]

"A leprechaun loses his rainbow" is a good one-liner opening. But whether its for an elevator pitch or a back of book blurb, you need more information about your main character, how their life is upended by the main conflict, and what they must do to overcome it. How far into writing the story are you?

[Tara]

I had feedback from a lady that said no one would be interested in leprechauns and it automatically made it non commercial and that I should just do the self-publishing route since agents wouldn't sell that many copies.

This threw my feelings that I had finished the novel. Wondered if I should change a lot of it, take leprechauns and rainbows out and replace it with something else.

I wondered if the others sounded better.

Thank you for commenting. I still love the original with the leprechauns. Lots of fantasy contain wizarding schools, dragons, courtships, destiny, forgotten bloodlines to royal seats etc etc - plus I don't know anything about all that.

I know leprechauns. And Irish mythology.

[WJ]

Ever read the Artemis Fowl series? That's all about Leprechauns.

[Tara]

Yes I have a few books but only started the first. It’s really cool, and cool way of doing the story. It’s about to be made into a movie - which I thought would work in my favour for being relevant and commercial

[WJ]

The point is that much of commercially successful fiction is more about how the story is told and making a gripping main character than whether you have leprechauns or dwarves (both well worn tropes) in it. Don't let anyone tell you "such and such" is an inherently bad idea. It’s the execution that matters.

[Gifford]

The last one sounds like a completely different story; in the third one, "failed changeling" doesn't interest me as much as "leprechaun".

So I like the first one best, but it's really short. How about combining it with 2 & 4:

A leprechaun loses his rainbow and all the gold in Ireland. He'll do anything the King asks in order to get them back.

I made the assumption that the lost gold has something to do with the lost rainbow(?). If that's not it, maybe you could tie the gold to the King or the quest, just to give the pitch a bit more intrigue.

[Tara]

Oh that’s great.
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
Another person that likes the leprechaun mention!
He actually finds the gold on his way of getting his rainbow there a huge battle ensues when they realise the gold had been hidden by a certain someone.
Thanks again.