Feedback on amazon page

[J.]

Hello all,
I'm trying to improve my amazon pages, (Blurb, title, about the author, etc,) and I was hoping for a bit of feedback. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Here's a link to the first book, and the series page:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0842GKY7D

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08KS173KT

As I said, any advice or constructive criticism would be much appreciated,

Thanks,

J. Steven Lamperti

[Nick]

Hi Steve,
I had a quick look on amazon.com using "coming of age fantasy" as the search term.

It is obvious there is huge competition, a lot of it with 4 or 5 star reviews.

Using "coming of age fantasy adventure" whittled the results down a bit, but there were still plenty.

My first book which I hope to publish in about 6 weeks time will be adding to the multitude in this sector of the market.

The consensus re authors promoting e-books seems to be that the number one tool is a good mailing list. I don't have one ....

All the best

Nick

[J.]

Hi Nick,
Thanks for your reply. I don't have a mailing list either. I think that this advice is probably right. Aside from giving away my books for free, which works, my best results are from social media things and think that a good mailing list would be like a social media event. The problem is I don't like social media, and it's not a strength. I just want to write.
Welcome to the competition, in six weeks.
All the best,
Steve

[Author56]

I'm not a marketing expert by any means, but one thing I noticed is that the blurb didn't stand out to me at all. The wording feels very passive, like events are happening to the hero rather than him going out and doing them.

Once you get more traffic, you want to prove to people that this book stands out from other things in the fantasy-adventure genre. Why? Most of the plot described seems fairly run-of-the-mill, and it even seems to emphasize being out of a storybook. Finding something that makes it unique will make the book more attractive.

Hope that helps!
-Author56

[Nick]

I've had a good think about A56's comment on the book blurbs.

My opinion is the blurbs are fine up to a point. They set the book in context and give a potential reader some idea of what to expect. To sum up in a few words - more than adequate, but not outstanding.

Continuing in the spirit of being critical, I would say much the same about the book-covers.

I think it is possible to marginally improve both the blurbs and the covers - what I have no idea about is whether that would feed into extra sales, Steve.

As I commented before, I feel the reason the books are not selling as well as you hope is not down to either the blurbs or the covers, but I may well be wrong.

All the best - Nick

[J.]

Thanks, guys.
Those points are actionable. I will try to rewrite the blurb with those thoughts in mind. Both are valid observations, I think. The description does make it sound like the hero is being acted upon, and it does sound like a fable or folk tale. I had thought of those things, certainly the second one, as positives, but I can see how they aren't for the purposes of selling the story.
Thanks again. I will post a new version here if I come up with something that I think is improved.

[J.]

When a power that turns ordinary objects into magical tools transforms his life, a young farmer has to find its source.

Standing on a cow pasture fence, Sebastian reaches up and pulls the moon down from the sky. So begins an adventure that includes battles with monsters, an epic journey, and, ultimately, a confrontation with a channeler of nightmares.

Transformed by the power of magical gifts from his fellow villagers, Sebastian fights a nightmare creature to save his small medieval village and the woman he loves from destruction.

Who is channeling nightmare beasts to attack a simple farming village, and why?

With the guidance of the moon goddess, Luna, Sebastian searches for the source of the deadly creatures that mirror our worst dreams.

Once he reaches and confronts the mage summoning the dark beasts, will Sebastian, the Knight of Moon & Shadow, be able to defeat him?

Winner 2021 Purple Dragonfly Book Awards

[J.]

I tried to make it more active and removed some story tale references. I would appreciate any feedback on whether or not this seems improved.
Thanks,

[J.R.]

I didn't see the prior version, but I think your Amazon page right now looks very solid. Being hypercritical, the only thing I think you could improve upon might be your covers. I don't think your covers are bad. But the fantasy market is very crowded and the covers tend to be really eye-catching. Whether redesigning your covers would actually be worth the considerable investment, however, is a very difficult question.

[Alexis]

Hi Steven

I'm new to this group (and Goodreads) and I agree with everything J.R. said above. I think the covers feel a little bit like a beginning graphic designer made them. I found myself "surprised" it had won so many awards because the cover made me think it was self-published. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it just gives the impression of not being entirely polished.)

Also, and this could be me, but calling yourself Mr. Lamperti in your author bio makes you feel just a tish inaccessible, but that may be intentional. I've added the "Moon and Shadow" book to my "want to read" list!

[J.]

Hi J.R. and Alexis,
Thanks for the comments. I'll keep the cover thing in mind. I think I agree that they aren't as flashy as they could, (or maybe should,) be.
I have to confess I like them, but my liking them hasn't got much to do with whether or not they help sell the books.

Took out Mr. Lamperti from the bio. Thanks for that suggestion as well.
Steve