Gathering Of Dedicated Scribblers discussion
Coursera Reviews
>
Chapter 3, 4 and 5 are up for review
date
newest »
newest »
I read chapter 3. I'll read 4 tomorrow if I get some time.
Your chapter 4 link is broken, and your chapter 5 link takes me to chapter 4.
Great chapter 4. I left you my comments on the coursera site just to maintain confidentiality. Sometimes critiques are positive and others can copy that vibe which provides multiple similar feedback. Other times it can be hard criticism which doesn't need to be displayed for everyone.
Sorry about that, I thought I fixed it last night.I just finished reading your feedback - thank you!! I wasn't too happy with the shadow thing either, but couldn't figure it out at the time and walked away.
His hands were warm and full of comfort as his thumbs gently traced the water lines from her tears. She closed her eyes as his masculine scent of mint and cigar smoke wafted itself into her soul.Finally she felt herself release. She had been a caregiver for so long it was nice to feel someone care for her. Refreshing.
She felt his lips gingerly press themselves against her flesh calming her as a parent would to their child. But then, they came again and again lower.
She knew she would resist, push him away, tell him to stop but it felt so good. Her heart raced. She could feel her pulse pounding against the side of her neck. And then he kiss her lips.
It was something she hadn't wanted to happen, or maybe she had. No. It shouldn't have happened, not tonight on her anniversary. But, now that it had, she didn't want it to stop either. It was so confusing she couldn't help but giggle when he jerked away.
Sorry, I get wrapped up in everyone's story I sometimes practice to myself... How would I have wrote that scene? But I'm glad you agree the shadow thing was weird. It was either going to go dark in a bad direction or was a trigger like when a great white smells blood. To me, it felt sinister. Scary.
He could have a dark aspect to him, we see a peek of it in chapters 5 and 6 and I've toyed with the idea of pulling that out more later when he's dealing with the Feds, but until I figure that part out everything is a toss up.
Ahh, a little supernatural slipping in. Very nice.
Read chapter 5. Very good chapter, I enjoyed it very much.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, the end of this one and the whole of 6 are on my nerves and may endure an entire rewrite. I'm discovering the most difficult part of the process is keeping things understandable to the reader without getting too wordy or dragging out descriptions.
I'm living in their world. I know all the intentions, thoughts etc and so everything they do makes sense because I know the motivations behind it all. Translating that into a few short sentences is making me crazy.
It probably doesn't help that I survived H.S. english grammar like Hiroshima survived the bomb. Stupid passive voice past participle phrase notification BS. I don't even know what all that means... haha!
Is it weird if I cry? Your suggestion is GOLD! I was up until well after 3am last night arguing with these chapters. Celebratory fireball in your honor - total rewrite underway! *squee!
I completely understand where you're coming from. A few months back my daughter was trying to do one of those word games where you fill in nouns/verbs to create a story. As she was going through it my wife would look at me for an example and I was speechless. I told her, "I don't what those are." She responded with, "How did you write two book but can't tell your daughter what adjectives are." I just shrugged. So I know how you feel. No, not weird at all. You can't yet imagine how refreshing it is to be attempting at helping people tell their story and to make someone happy with my suggestions. Thank you for the fireball, I do look forward to the next scene. Susan is such a lady I can't wait to see her lose a bit of that composure because of her anger. It's something relatable or at least should be, to us all.
Read chapter 3 -https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...
Chapter 4 - https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...
Read chapter 5 - https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...