Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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How to write a good blurb?
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Hi Claire,It may be me, but I don't fully understand abuse as a guest/resident. In my head, I can sorta justify how it might make sense, but there is a thought process that immediately takes me out of the writing. Metaphors need to make easy connections.
A larger issue is that I don't know much about the MC. She's (probably) been abused, she's frayed, but why should I care? And the phrase, "strange things on the street," is so vague, it doesn't give me anything to go on. But then I'm told that she is drawn to it, "like an addict." When I read, "familiar chaos," I can only assume it is referring to the abuse. I'm having trouble connecting the dots. She sees abuse on the street?
If this is suspense, we need to know where that suspense is going to come from. Her goal and issues need to be better defined. Is she trying to make a break or protect her son? "If it's only a matter of time before he will try to take her son," her addiction to the chaos/abuse doesn't much matter. Either way, he's coming. But who is he? The only other character mentioned is Gethin.
"But what she doesn't know..." sounds amateurish as a closing sentence. Make it more definitive. Angela must learn to trust... Hope this helps. Good luck with it.
Scott wrote: "Hi Claire,
It may be me, but I don't fully understand abuse as a guest/resident. In my head, I can sorta justify how it might make sense, but there is a thought process that immediately takes me ou..."
Scott wrote: "Hi Claire,
It may be me, but I don't fully understand abuse as a guest/resident. In my head, I can sorta justify how it might make sense, but there is a thought process that immediately takes me ou..."
Hi Scott, Thankyou so much for taking the time to read my blurb and offer great advice.
This novel has two POV's- Gethin and Angela. Thus, I must admit the blurb is my biggest challenge yet.
Angela has left an abusive relationship to start a new life with her children. However, she fears her husband might try to take her son away from her. She lives in fear and is suspicious of everyone.
Gethin is an investigative journalist. He return to Wales to uncover who killed Penny Hayes. He soon realises there are those who don't want him to uncover the truth.
They both reside on the street. They are both hiding the real reasons they are there.
Angela is the main protagonist. One night she witnesses three women late at night stood on the kerb side outside whispering and passing something around. One of the women witnesses her watching them.
When she's invited into the ladies social circle she doubts their gesture of friendship is genuine. What are they hiding? And how is it linked to Gethin investigation?
I'm still working on the end of the plot. It's all there. It's just pulling it together well enough that all worlds on the street collide in an exciting way for the reader.
Thankyou again and any advice on blurb for a two POV novel would be gratefully received.
It may be me, but I don't fully understand abuse as a guest/resident. In my head, I can sorta justify how it might make sense, but there is a thought process that immediately takes me ou..."
Scott wrote: "Hi Claire,
It may be me, but I don't fully understand abuse as a guest/resident. In my head, I can sorta justify how it might make sense, but there is a thought process that immediately takes me ou..."
Hi Scott, Thankyou so much for taking the time to read my blurb and offer great advice.
This novel has two POV's- Gethin and Angela. Thus, I must admit the blurb is my biggest challenge yet.
Angela has left an abusive relationship to start a new life with her children. However, she fears her husband might try to take her son away from her. She lives in fear and is suspicious of everyone.
Gethin is an investigative journalist. He return to Wales to uncover who killed Penny Hayes. He soon realises there are those who don't want him to uncover the truth.
They both reside on the street. They are both hiding the real reasons they are there.
Angela is the main protagonist. One night she witnesses three women late at night stood on the kerb side outside whispering and passing something around. One of the women witnesses her watching them.
When she's invited into the ladies social circle she doubts their gesture of friendship is genuine. What are they hiding? And how is it linked to Gethin investigation?
I'm still working on the end of the plot. It's all there. It's just pulling it together well enough that all worlds on the street collide in an exciting way for the reader.
Thankyou again and any advice on blurb for a two POV novel would be gratefully received.
Looking at the blurb as is, the coherence kinda falls apart on the last 2-3 lines: She knows it’s only a matter of time before he will try to take her son.
But what she doesn’t know is that she is going to have to trust someone if she is to win the game that is about to play out on the Street.
At first it looks like the blurb is built upon the suspicious activity she witnessed, then it brings up 2 different issues/angles that confused me as a reader. Who is he (bolded)? I'm left to assume it's Gethin but you hinted in a later response that it's her husband. "Win the game" also sounds like an odd phrase to use and brings a different dynamic to the situation more than what witnessing strange activity would entail.
I actually like the abuse metaphor, I think it's creative and specific.
But overall, I think the conflict you portray here is too vague and the reader may need more detail to get interested. Specifically on 2 POVs, you should establish both characters with the same amount of quality/effort. Gethin's introduction is shorter than Angela's and you should close your blurb involving both characters and how their lives may intersect rather than focusing on just Angela.
Dana wrote: "Looking at the blurb as is, the coherence kinda falls apart on the last 2-3 lines:
She knows it’s only a matter of time before he will try to take her son.
But what she doesn’t know is that she..."
Hello Dana,
Thankyou for taking the time to read my blurb.
Everything you have mentioned has helped me to see my blurb through the readers eyes. And yes, I agree with the confusion that the last few lines create.
I'm surprised by how challenging writing a good blurb is and the hours I continue to invest in it.
The advice you've given will help to mold a blurb that will be more coherent. Even if it takes longer than expected.
Best wishes and tons of appreciation,
Claire
She knows it’s only a matter of time before he will try to take her son.
But what she doesn’t know is that she..."
Hello Dana,
Thankyou for taking the time to read my blurb.
Everything you have mentioned has helped me to see my blurb through the readers eyes. And yes, I agree with the confusion that the last few lines create.
I'm surprised by how challenging writing a good blurb is and the hours I continue to invest in it.
The advice you've given will help to mold a blurb that will be more coherent. Even if it takes longer than expected.
Best wishes and tons of appreciation,
Claire
And...Dana thankyou for your lovely comments about the metaphors. It was good to hear that they do make sense to others.
Abuse is rarely invited. However, in time it can take residence within us. Then, there is risk of long term self abuse.
Abuse is rarely invited. However, in time it can take residence within us. Then, there is risk of long term self abuse.
Claire wrote: "And...Dana thankyou for your lovely comments about the metaphors. It was good to hear that they do make sense to others.Abuse is rarely invited. However, in time it can take residence within us. T..."
Hi Claire - You're welcome! Always happy to help. Also, sorry for the late reply -- I've been struggling to manage my influx of Goodread's notifications -_-
Below is also my first attempt, more serious attempt, at a blurb for my Domestic noir/suspense novel.
Any feedback from you would be really appreciated and valued.
Thankyou Claire- a novice at present.
Angela understood abuse to be like an uninvited guest, that outstays its welcome until taking permanent residence within.
Gethin knows abuse is often hidden from sight. And it’s his job to reveal those who conceal it.
When Angela moves onto Daffyd drive, her nerves frayed, she’s determined no one will step across her threshold again. Safer that way. But after witnessing some strange things on the street she soon realizes her new neighbors’ are hiding something. Will she be drawn into a familiar chaos like an addict or try to keep a safe distance to protect her small family?
She knows it’s only a matter of time before he will try to take her son.
But what she doesn’t know is that she is going to have to trust someone if she is to win the game that is about to play out on the Street.