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Across A Thousand Minds by A.J.
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Across A Thousand Minds
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Title: FeelsBeen overthinking like shit,
My mind’s been a mess
Don't do drugs but I’m not sane anymore
I now see the world in a whole different frame
The sunrise doesn’t glorify my day
The dark is just another prey
Oh dear god! Good heavens or whatever
If you really there, then why you gotta let me suffer
I’m one of those many souls,
I am stressed got issues plus more
I try a lot to conceive my anger in,
But it bursts out like flames from within
I try to let go, bury the past,
But it comes back chasing me,
Like a bull whose shown a red flag
I meet the wrong people and make the wrong choices
Oh God if you really there then why don’t you let me see the real faces?
Got a mask on, yeah the conditions aren’t good,
But even after taking it off, I feel like I’m not myself anymore
My friends worry ‘bout me, they’re the sweetest, can't live without them
Like I fool I push them away and then cry my eyes out to talk them
No, I can’t start a good conversation, I’m sorry, I’m a socially awkward person
I got major issues, fears many but I still put on a face ever so happy
I never show how much I cry, maybe to a few but those are different times
3 a.m. is the time when my inner demons bleed out and make me rethink everything about my life
I got a lot going on in my head but I could never express it
Writing is the only form of art I’m actually good in
Listening to music soothes my soul but that’s another form of “distraction”
Bitch I give myself therapy and that again is a problem?
I can’t rage on, it’ll be a bad impact on my health
Then what should I do about those little brats that make me cut my wrists?
I can’t always be calm like the others are,
If you wanted a perfect me then why you gotta push off your limits too far?
I can’t sleep, I lost my appetite,
Don’t feel like laughing but oh boy, every night, do I cry.
No, I’m not depressed nor am I an emo girl
I’m just one misunderstood soul who wants some peace in its world
My situation is scary,
I wanna push you off but then hold your hand and cuddle to sleep,
I say I’m fine but I’m not, you know that, so just stay and sit in silence right by my side
I’m ungrateful,
Yes I know, I’ll shove you away in annoyance,
But please just have the patience to stay… I do get unexpected mood swings
It isn’t easy to be a teenager you learn a hard truth every day
But why can’t some days be like those where I can just sit back and have a happy day?
You torment my days, ruin my mood
And still expect me to be the obedient little girl for you
You burn my flesh, talk shit ‘bout my friends,
And still expect me to be with you at the end
I got no choice, I’m still quite small to live on my own
And the thought of being separated from you eats my mind all alone
But I can’t help it, you unknowingly destroy all my dreams,
Just be patient and try to understand me, please
Overshadowed by the failures of the past,
I try hard to achieve success and cope with the competition around.
It’s hard, sacrifices are a lot to be made,
But what’s a story without pain?
I’m a silent patient, can’t open my mouth to stand up for myself
But I sure can write a whole essay on how bad my day went
No, I’m not weak, I’ll stand high and strong,
I so wish I had the time to prove y’all wrong.
I can control my anger, my emotions, and pain,
I do have the will to struggle and find peace at the end of the day
I can set my mind to the right path even if that God doesn’t show me enough light,
And I’m not just a woman of words,
Mark my words, and I’ll prove them right.
STAYPlease don’t let go
Hold my hand and stay
Stare in my eyes and extinguish the flame that burns within me
Kiss me on the lips and melt my soul
Embrace me and stop me from giving up,
Please don’t let go
Hold my hand and stay
I need your warmth, it’s too cold outside
The expecting stares increase every single day
I need a break, I’m sorry but I can’t let go
You told me to ignore, I can’t, save me I’m drowning
Please don’t let go
Hold my hand and stay
I’m selfish and I’m possessive
I hold on to my problems when I know I should have let them go
I’m sorry, don’t speak just hold on to me
I’m not okay, I’m shattered
I just need someone
Someone to be there and hold on
Please don’t let go
Hold my hand and stay
Anger and angst builds within me
I need to let that out but I can’t
You asked me to give in but I didn’t
I regret all of that, and this
I’m sorry that you had to suffer with me
But please for the last time,
Please don’t let go
Hold my hand and stay
DEAR MEI can’t feel
I can’t write
I can’t think
I lost a friend
Empty headed, no silence no sound
A blacked out mind
I can’t even make sense with my rhyme
I wanna scream
I wanna cry
I wanna sit down and be myself
I feel choked in these surroundings
Everything seems a formality
Half of these laughing faces
They’re annoying me
Headaches from those sweet talks
I need a painkiller
I wanna numb my heart, lock myself
Stay inside all by myself
Imagine the things, I wish were true
To be alone, to be in peace
People always bring down those tears on me
I can’t help it
I’m suffering but no one sees it
I don’t blame anyone
I am one heartless
But all I need for once is some caring and longing
I’ve been in this disguise for too long, it’s bad
Now people have assumed this to be my real self
How do I tell them?
How do I tell them, that’s it not me, I’m much worse
I don’t always stay in peace,
I got a wild side
I isolate myself, never ask for help
I’m doomed in my own hell
Self-harm, self-destruction, self-doubt
I’m in trouble
But I seek no friend, and I can handle it on my own
That’s what I think and I know I’m here at fault
But I’m too afraid to risk it
What if they call me weak, shit I can’t risk it
I overthink, overcare, overworry,
I’m in despair
No band-aid can repair,
This burning anxiety inside me,
I’m my one own’s enemy
These days I trust nobody
Everybody be laughing and smiling
Everybody be all blissful and cheery
Everybody be wanting me to be merry
But I can’t and I won’t
I apologise but this isn’t my home
I’m in another frame of colours,
When all I see is the world in monochrome
Just leave me you’re bugging me
You feel like you’re helping me,
I’m sorry but this is reality
I don’t want your help just keep a distance
And try to understand me when I finally let you in
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Far across and skies beyond,
There lived a little girl, in a huge castle of her own.
She’d play with swords and talk to the walls,
The place would brighten up with the sound of her laugh.
A delicate little mouth and hair so long,
Innocent eyes and a cute, red mouth.
She’d defeat the dragons and conquer the lands,
And still, show up for the royal ball.
She’d run around in her pretty little dresses,
But could ride a horse, just as efficiently.
Far across the skies and beyond,
There lived a little girl, in a huge castle of her own.
She’d ask the birds to sing her a melody,
Just as special was her own beauty.
Her expeditions were known to all, far and wide,
And her eyes so dark and full of wonder,
It’s as if the whole universe resides inside.
Far across the skies and beyond,
There lived a little girl, in a huge castle of her own.
She closed the book and smiled at her own girl,
Whose eyes were glittering, in wish of something more.
“Mother, I wish to know what happened to her”
Mother smiled, a smile so charming,
And shook her head in disapproval saying,
“The rest is a mystery”
Her innocent eyes were still the same,
Seems like nothing really had changed.
Across the lands and skies beyond,
The little girl now had a family of her own.